No
Nuh uh
WOO HOO! I love this! Westley was truly impressed by Martin's heroism, but in the repeated retellings was even finding his own self bored with it - that means he's probably going to bust free and do something to shake up his existance, can't wait to see what he finds to do! Awesome beginning KOB! Love it!
GAAAAH! You added to it - a werewolf! MORE !!!!! MORE !!!!!!
Nice screens!
Can't delete a thread so gonna yeet this out of existence
Adios
Welcome to Westley the Werewolf and I'm glad to see you bring his story to chorrol. I wonder if his condition aided him in his battles to become Champion of Cyrodiil. It’s very interesting to have his perspective on being a moon doggie though. I enjoyed the tension between him and the vampires. I wonder also if Rex has bit the vampire dust.
Oooh, nice transformation scene! Awesome descriptions there! Bye Bye Rex the vampire! HoHoHo - Vokun! WOO HOO !!! And Ben and that werewolf shot too - Awesome shots to go along with your story! In case I forgot to say it before, Welcome to the Fic Forum!!!!! Awesome story so far, and I love the screens backing the story up!!!
Acadian: Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoy the story so far. This is my first fanfic, so it probably isnt very interesting right now, but it should get better as the story goes on. The chapters should get longer too.
mALX: Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I'm glad that you enjoy the story. I think it's alright, considering that it's my first fanfic, and it should get more interesting soon.
Running out of things to say!
Betrayed by Rex and rescued from a desperate fight by a pair of mysterious Bretonic vampires.
How ironic to be both betrayed by and rescued by vampires! I loved the welcome touch of humor as the voracious rabbit charged out of the forest!
Let me offer some thoughts that I hope you will find constructive and helpful –
Your paragraphs are rather large. In the forum’s format, this can present a bit of a ‘wall of text’. Most of us here try to break our prose into smaller paragraphs so they are easier to read.
Also, I highly recommend you google ‘Dialogue Punctuation’ and study up on a few of the sites that cover this rather arcane aspect of fiction writing. For now, suffice it to say that a golden rule in fiction is that every time you change speakers, start a new paragraph. Happily, this can also result in much shorter paragraphs.
Regarding lengthening your episodes, actually this current one is probably about perfect, as it is just under 1500 words. I shoot for 800 – 1800 words; much longer and you begin to lose some of your impact. The reason your episodes appear kind of short is simply that, as I mentioned, your paragraphs are too long.
I'm coming to read this tomorrow KOB, too tired and almost cross-eyed from driving!
*
LOVE the title of this chapter!! Woo, Rex is alive and seeking revenge! What a battle! Love how Westley lost his sword right off in the fight, makes it more exciting! Very exciting battle!
You didn't ask for tips, but I'll give one that may help the readers: When different characters are speaking, put a blank line between each different character's speech so the reader can quickly decipher that someone else is speaking. Doing that will also break up the "wall of words" effect that Elisabeth spoke of.
Your story is too good to have something like that keep others from taking the extra effort to read through it (because some may stop reading when they come across several different character's dialogues in one paragraph).
I am loving this story!!!! You write an Awesome fight scene!!!
*
I fixed the format so it's easier to read! Thanks for the advice guys!
Acadian: I really want to thank you for the constructive criticism. It helped a lot
Elisabeth Hollow: Thank you for checking my story out! I'm also glad for your criticism too. It was quite useful
mALX: I'm glad you enjoy the story so far and thanks for the tip!
no
Gosh diddly darn emojis are censored now
Ooo I like how this story is starting to turn out, some interesting intrigue between the sons of Hircine and Bal :3
I wonder what they're fighting over...
You have a pretty solid standard in your prose, and your dialogue does lend a lot to the characters, the only fault I can see is that I find who is saying what a bit confusing.. adding something as simple as 'whispered Rex' or 'said the Breton' would lend itself great to enhancing the story ![]()
Great work with this! Kudos with the regular updates, shall be following this
As a big fan of werewolves, I have to say I am loving this story. It has action and humor written all over it! And a good interesting, story, too. All of the nits were practically said and mentioned by other members, so I can't comment on those. But I love it. If you need any help on lore regarding Elder Scrolls werewolves, I am most happy to help.
" No. You're not my boss, I'm not listening, I can't hear you!"
" Hastrel, stop acting like petulant child!"
You’re not the boss of me!
This whole exchange was very funny!
You did a good job developing the squabbling vampires. And it was fun to see Jensine giving Westley an interrogation to buy a blanket!
Loved the dialogue in this chapter, had me rolling! Great Write!
** I am really loving the screenshots you post to go along with your story! Thumbs up on Hastrel, WOO HOO!
Fiach: thanks for reading. I'm Glad to know you are enjoying the story
It's my first fanfic, so it's probably going to start out a bit confusing, but it should be easier to understand as I move along in the chapters. Also, I'll work on making the dialogue less confusing, while not being to repetitive.
Lycanthropic-Legend: Thanks for reading my story and glad you are enjoying it. Honestly, I like weaving my own lore into the story, but I would appreciate some of the lore you know on the werewolves of the elder scrolls universe, it would be quite helpful.
Acadian: I gotta say, I really enjoyed writing the argument between the vampires. Hastrel can be a real pain in the neck. He disagrees with everything anyone says, unless it's the same opinion as his. He's also quite immature, and tends to whine excessively. Everyone who is involved in being around him will most likely have an extreme migraine by the time he is out of there life.
mALX: thanks for the kind words! And about the screenshots: sometimes it's hard finding them, especially when the character is one that I made up and I can't use an in-game screenshot. It's fun looking for them though, and for some reason, I feel every new character introduced into the story should have a screenshot to go along with them. ( I'm horrible at describing people)
We out here taking out the trash
*
Cattle prod ...SPEW!!!! ROFL !!!! Hastrel and Jakben over the wine had me dying laughing! LOVED this !!!! Once again your dialogue has rocked this chapter! Now Seridur and Vicente ... I am LOVING this story!!! Awesome Write!
*
mALX: Thanks for reading! I wonder where everyone went, in guessing to visit other family members because of Christmas. I'm glad you like my story, I'm not the best writer though.
No
I've rewritten the ending of this chapter because I hated the original one.
What a pair the two vampires make with all their arguing! The plan to get Westley out of the city didn’t pan out too well. You really cranked up the tension as we learn that Ben has been turned to the dark side and Westley learns to control his inner wolf.
mALX: Thanks for the advice! I hadn't thought about that. Been a bit busy lately but I enjoy writing my fanfic, and when I enjoy something I tend to rush through it.
Acadian: Thanks for reading. The forums seem somewhat....dead. I don't often see many users online so it's nice to actually have someone read my story ( I hate and like my story at the same time so I'm a bit surprised when people actually read it.)
Absolute disgust
Wish I could delete threads I started
SWEEEET, they're gonna go kick Vokun's butt!
I loved both the Hircine screens/pictures - especially the one of Hircine himself - Awesome job! The drawing of the wolf pack was grossly well done, lol. Awesome chapter update !!!
That was a well-done meeting with Hircine. I’m glad Westley didn’t kill a unicorn as an offering.
So, Westley’s small army is off to take on Wolfsbane Castle to help out poor Ben.
Elisabeth Hollow: Thanks for reading and congrats on starting your own fanfic! It's a bit difficult to get readers now, because nobody ever seems to be on so I appreciate it when someone takes the time to read my first fanfic.
mALX: I thought the one of Hircine was pretty cool too. The only problem when finding it was that there were a lot of awesome pics of Hircine to choose from, and if you like every single picture of the choice, the decision isn't necessarily easy...
Acadian: Dont remind me about Hircine's quest! I died about fifty times before realizing you need an enchanted or silver weapon to kill the damn unicorn, and then I died about another 50 trying to get away from the minotaurs! I gotta say though, the reward was worth it.
Why is this so long
" Please don't snap animals in half, I'm never gonna be able to unsee what I have seen." The Earl looked disgusted.’
This was hilarious! Perhaps they need some ‘Do not feed break the bears’ signs.
Despite their valiant efforts, poor Ben didn’t make it.
Poor ben D:
Acadian: a 'Do Not Break The Bears sign'? ROFL
Maybe the bears should be less breakable. They tried to save Ben, but he was too wounded. He bled to death, but Vokun is in an ungodly amount of danger now. Westley is real mad, and is out to get him.
Elisabeth Hollow: Ben was already dying when they found him. I'll tell you this though, Vokun killed Ben for a very specific reason. It wasn't intended to be a warning. You'll find out why later on in the story.
Hope this thread gets locked tbh
Punch Vokun in the MOUTH.
‘I was so busy watching everyone else that I didn't notice the tree in front of me. I walked straight into it and fell to the ground from the impact. I stopped and began to plot the tree's demise. I was so pre-occupied plotting my revenge on a plant that I nearly jumped out of my skin when Jakben approached me.’
RazzlefrazzleGrrrPeskyTrees!
" I hate nature" Imbel began to scowl
" At least we're away from Hastrel's complaints and nagging."
" I bet the werewolves killed him by now." Jakben sniggered before tripping over a large rock. He started a tirade.’
This was just fun to read! And threats of Kynareth’s revenge were just as entertaining!
Only one thing left to say:
LOL Acadian! That's my solution to everything. Mean boss? Punch him in the mouth. Irritating friend? Punch them in the mouth. Bad kidney? Punch it in the mouth. Don't like that hurricane? Punch it in its MOUTH XD
Yep, Vokun is due for a thorough mouth-punching.
Elisabeth Hollow: Evil vampire lord obsessed with killing you and all of your kind? punch him in the mouth
At one point my solution to everything was hot glue. My sister chased me out of the kitchen once with a broom for suggesting using hot glue to fix the broken coffee machine with hot glue.
Acadian: I had a hell lot of fun writing those parts
I had actually walked into a tree once while hiking with a friend and I got so mad I punched the tree (and learned my lesson on why you shouldn't punch trees the hard way)
Grits: Thanks for reading
I don't get many new readers often, and I hope you enjoy the story.
Adios post
Ah, the quest for a shirt.
I imagine it was very difficult for Westley to return to The Imperial City in ruins. After all, as the Champion of Cyrodiil, he had not that long ago saved the Empire. And it seems Vokun has now exploited the vacumn to take control of the White Gold Tower.
‘I needed a new tactic. Throwing random stuff at the window obviously wasn't going to work.’
Yup. Good thinkin’.
’My fur was spiked straight up.’
After that wild escape and slide for life down the tower, I can imagine! This gave me a fleeting image of mALX's dear Maxical with her fur similarly spiked after a similar fright.
So Vokun still lives – with his mouth unpunched even. And now Hjalfi’s missing as well!
I did have a writing question for you. Why do you begin almost every bit of dialogue by putting a blank space between the opening quotation mark and the first word of dialogue? It would seem both easier and more correct to forego that convention. Just sayin’
There better be some gods-damned mouth punching soon XD
Get rid of this
Pls no ban idk how else to dispose of this
** Reread from beginning to get back on track with your story.
Chapter 6 - Re-commenting Chapter 6, the first time I read it was at my mom’s with a LOT going on to distract me.
Your tongue-in-cheek humor rolls through this chapter (and the whole story) with such subtlety - the werewolf traveling with vampires and worried about assassins - that had me rolling, as did the “don’t call me boy” line (and Imbel’s response, “should I call you ’lad’ then?” - loved that!).
Also loved this little scene:
The dead mouse bit made me laugh so hard...reminds me of the video of the little girl playing with a dead squirrel XD
It was a great idea, and perfectly timed, to give us a glimpse into what Vokun is thinking and plotting.
I loved the whole dead mouse pet scene!
‘Jakben fell to the ground when the little girl punched him in the crotch.‘
Now, when she gets a little bigger, she’ll be able to punch him in the mouth!
'He had the creepiest smile on his face.
"Hello little girl, what's your name?"
Her frantic reaction confirms Hastrel has quite the way with children – not! This was well-written, conjuring just the creepy impression you intended.
Finally, you used this whole scene with the girl to show that Westley the Werewolf has a good way with kids – and that speaks well of him.
mALX: Welcome back, and I hope 2013 will be a better year for you.
Whys there 9 pages
** I hope you nabbed Glathir's keys and broke into his secret wastebasket vault in his house - I got 600 or 800 gold out of it, can’t remember which.
I had to laugh at Imbel trying to groom Fjola for the Thieves Guild.
A tense battle with Rex. Now Westley is right to be concerned that Rex’s escape means Vokun is likely to learn of Westley and Imbel’s plans.
Well the vampires may not be anxious to help but those werewolves. . . yikes! Kill your way to the top!
Elisabeth Hollow: Hjalfi actually knows that Westley doesn't cae to be alpha, but since Westley quite strong, and getting stronger every day, Hjalfi consideres him a threat. it has more to do with proving strength and dominance that wanting to be alpha.
mALX:
2013 was a cursed time period
That was quite the tooth and claw fight, but I’m glad that Westley prevailed.
“Perhaps I should have went to the Arcane University to buy a healing spell instead of Edgar's Discount spells."
"Edgar Vautrine. You don't want the very best. You want cheap. And I got cheap."
The interaction between Imbel and Hastrel continues to be priceless. You’ve done a fine job crafting them as the odd couple. It seems their bickering will make it a long trek to Skingrad!
I loved the discussion about Hunting for Hircine! What a great fight!
Acadian: It's a pretty bad idea to buy spell's from Edgar Vautrine in-game. They're cheaper than the arcane university, or the other spell shop in the city, but don't plan on running into an oblivion gate while using the spells you bought from Edgar and coming back out....
Elisabeth Hollow : Like a few hours after we got married and were on our honeymoon, I asked my husband if he brought his toothbrush. He said no, and I said "Ew." And he goes "WE JUST GOT MARRIED, STOP NAGGING, WOMAN!"
A few hours into marriage and you were already nagging him? That's a
Just kidding.
I remember I forgot to bring my toothbrush AND my deodorant on a camping trip once. I was forced to sleep outside....
mALX:
Your story is giving me lots of entertainment :] I love it :]
Perhaps I'll do something else in this section
Cut back on salt if your blood pressure is up. Also, panic attacks are very very common, lots of people suffer from them.
I am loving Imbel's role in this story, he is a real take charge guy people around him can rely on to get them through whatever! A good friend to have, really good Westley met him!
Hastrel keeps me in stitches with his whining, arguing, and nagging !!!
I am beginning to wonder what they're gonna do with Hastrel, lol
A road trip! And wow, Westley almost drowned. Neat how you did that ghost thing with Ben. I wonder if there’s more to that and if Westley will be seeing Ben’s ghost again.
Well, after getting the arguing vampires sorted out (somewhat), they made some more progress and pulled into a cave for a nice day’s rest. Uh oh . . . now they’re rooted! ![]()
*
Hope it's good news on your heart and you can get some help to sleep better.
mALX:
Lock thread pls
Hastrel is such a BABY lol
Yes, those cave roots are amazing. Very tough, unyielding and even subject to random spasm attacks.
I wonder what that bluish light in the cave was? Didn’t we see Ben last time they encountered that? Or maybe it's a ghostly spy sent by Vokun?
‘I also wanted a bath. I smelled like a wet dog.’
I guess this is a real consideration for a werewolf. I wonder if sniffing them in the rain could be a way to tell if someone is a werewolf? Oh my. . . and I completely forgot about fleas!
Snapping bears in half is bad, but snapping off the horns of rampaging minotaur lords is a good thing!
And so they go bumping and bumbling along on the way to Skingrad.
What a cool twist with thinking Vokun had used spriggan somehow to make himself invincable!
BWAAHAA! Hastrel worried about the others shaving! ROFL !!!
Nice detail about the Will-o-wisp making a high-pitched noise that hurt Westley's ears! Good thinking!
And a cliffhanger for Hastrel, what will the others do without his whining and nagging? ROFL! Loved this chapter, you have some great ideas here!
Yay, free time! I can post the next chapter
Elisabeth Hollow:
Let's get rid of this illegal story
Oh, and if anyone can get me a screen of count Skingrad I'd be very grateful. The one on the wiki.....scares me.
Thanks mALX. Your help is appreciated
At least Hassildor is on their side now!
Oh, I most def see Hassildor decking Hastrel before too many days have passed, ROFL !! I loved some of the little details you've added to your vampire lore in this one, great world-building! Awesome write !!!
I enjoyed learning more about the vampires in Westley’s world from Jakben.
Buffy was scratching her big ears over the fact that they all took turns bathing instead of all just doffing their duds and hopping in. Big prudes! But she’s a wood elf of course and water makes her clothes fall off. . . .
Ahem, back on topic here. . . Yikes! Skingrad’s been ransacked as well. I wonder if, when Westley saw the dark skies above the city, it reminded him of all those Oblivion gates he closed to save the Empire. And now Vokun is jeopardizing all his work!
I was pleased to see Janus join them. I’ll bet he’s pretty capable. I had to roll my eyes and smile to see that it only took Hastrel a minute or two to start picking at their new companion. My septims are on Hastrel to get punched in the mouth before Vikun does.
Free time! This weekend is solely devoted to homework! At least a large portion of it is
I have attest next week, and I'm probably going to fail it because it's math....
This chapter I'll make sure not to leave out entire sections
mALX: thanks for the screen!
Almost done
This fight with Vokun had me in hysterics! Especially these two lines:
"Stop! I'm not an axe," and "Stop! I'm not a ragdoll!" I absolutely loved this chapter, great write!
This continues to be a delightful romp across Cyrodiil! After Westley spent the initial part of his fight with Vokun beating himself up against trees and rocks, it was wonderful to finally see Vokun get that punch in the mouth! I heard Liz shouting all the way out here to my rock pile in the desert.
When Westley picked up Vokun, look him in the eye and roared in his face it was magnificent! Then we were quickly snapped right back to the humorous and quick pace when Vokun complained about the werewolf’s breath! Well done!
Elisabeth Hollow:
This is awful
The wonderful arguments among Westley’s party continue, even in the thick of fighting.
I wonder who the rogue werewolf was? And darn that Vokun - he got away again with nary a punch in the mouth nor errant arrow to the knee this time.
I had to chuckle at the image of our intrepid band given pause to enter an Ayleid ruin. Who knows what nightmares might lay below? Could be vampires, werewolves or other such horrors in there!
You did a great job of quickly establishing a fearful atmosphere inside the dungeon. Ah yes, dancing through blade traps. . . .
One notable distraction throughout this delightfully fun episode was that, although you correctly labeled the werewolf as rogue in the title, you then referred to it as ‘rouge’ (a reddish color) throughout the episode.
mALX: I'm glad you're enjoying the story
in my own opinion I'm not the best writer though. Im not doing so good in Language Arts, especially with essays, and I remember a particular story called "The Carrot" I wrote in class in first grade or kindergarten. I can't remember when I wrote it. The story went like this:
"There once was a carrot, and then a rabbit ate it, and it died." Everything was spelled wrong though, and and I wrote "THE END" when i finished in big red letters and drew a horrible picture to go along with it.
Now that nothing of it, compared to "The Carrot", this story isn't half bad
Anyway, thanks for reading mALX, I appreciate it.
Elisabeth Hollow:
This is longer than I remember
I love the way you divided this chapter up into segments so we could see what was happening with each. Well now I feel sorry for Vokun, you've really brought a new perspective of him with this chapter! Awesome Write!
Hastrel is a jerk, lol
And even dungeon clearing doesn't focus this group on the task at hand. Great fun!
So, Vokun has his own problems and we learn a bit more about the rogue werewolf.
mALX:I love the way you divided this chapter up into segments so we could see what was happening with each. Well now I feel sorry for Vokun, you've really brought a new perspective of him with this chapter! Awesome Write!
Don't feel sorry for Vokun. Yes, he's depressed, but he doesn't think before he acts. He's actually killing other people, just so he feels better. That's just one of his bad habits though.
Like I just said, he acts before thinking. Someone could look at him wrong, and if he gets upset....well let's just say that that person goes missing.....
He also pretends he doesn't care when something bad happens to him. He did care about his family....but when they died he sort of just tried to shake it off and act like he doesn't care so he wouldn't look weak. If there's one thing you should know about Vokun, it's that he can't stand looking weak.
If he were to die in a way that he considered cowardly, he'd be turning in his grave
Elisabeth Hollow:
Pls no ban mods I'm sorry
I love your explanation of Vokun in your comment thanks. That does tell a lot about him that I hadn’t picked up yet, thank you!
I love how they gawked at Janus for breezing past the buttons they were unable to activate, lol. Still, this one passage had me rolling, especially after all their trouble escaping the ruin and worrying about Hastrel throughout:
I was giggling this whole chapter! I hated when the buttons didn't work. Good job for someone who has writer's block!
Oh, those traps sure sound familiar! Damn confusing buttons. Something tells me that for Westley, ‘patience’ is simply two four letter words glued together.
What a loot score! An ancient Ayleid carrot!
A real chuckle at the end to realize Hastrel was safely outside.
mALX:
Thanks for reading this when it was active guys
So Vokun is just insane Wow.
Lol. Hastrel is such a weenie!
Darn, we still don’t know enough about the mysterious Decimus werewolf.
And some good development of Vokun. I can see why he dislikes werewolves so much. But his underlying nature of being a jerk peeks through in how he treated his wife and son. So he still rates a punch in the mouth.
mALX:
Not much of a writer though
I really like how you've given everyone distinct personalities in this story! GAAAAH! Cannibals? URK !!!! Awesome Write !!!
So Westley got separated and captures by cannibals? GO WOLF, WESTLEY!!!!
‘The horizon was a rich golden-orange with hints of light purple, light blue, and pink. The stars were beginning to invade the sky, and it was starting to get dark.’
KoB, this is a nice description and easy to envision. Well done!
Little Hastrel takes apologizing to a whole new level.
Captured by cannibals! I’m expecting Westley to wake up sitting in a stewpot of water over a big fire!
mALX: Cannibals are only one of the many nasty "creatures" that war can bring out. Westley and the gang will have to deal with a lot more trouble later on, lol.
Elisabeth Hollow: The cannibals are in for a hell lotta trouble trying to kidnap and eat a werewolf. It won't go well in thier end. And I hope you cheer up soon
Acadian: thanks Acadian. I enjoy describing things(sometimes I get to carried away though
)
Glad to end this
WESTLEY, NO!! :'(
*
First off, I am so sorry it took so long to get here and read - very hectic week.
I chuckled to learn that the smartest of the little cannibal band had four legs. Never doubt the judgment of a horse when it comes to sensing danger.
‘I put my hand on his shoulder "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten my name. I'm just not sure I can trust you."
Westley shows much wisdom here, tempering honesty with prudence.
"I'm sorry, this isn't important, but you keep saying ta instead of the"
A delightful technique here. When something may cause the reader pause, addressing it right in the story is a great choice!
‘I realized that The Ring Of Hircine had fallen off my finger when the cart flipped.’
Similarly here, you answered an unspoken question just as it might have occurred to the astute reader.
Afer is likable, but has just made a suicidal error in judgment. Westley’s reaction is terrifying but justified. A very powerful ending to this episode!
STOP BEING LAZY AND CONTINUE THIS DAMN STORY!! XD
Missing your story, Kobby! Hope you can pick it up again when you get over being sick from those damn pills!
Elisabeth Hollow: Westley acted out of self-defense.Like Acadian said, Westley's actions may have been scary(and maybe even a bit harsh), but he had a good reason. Had Afer not attacked him, things would have Hine very differently.
mALX: sorry you were having a crazy week mALX, I hope everything is a bit better now
Removed
Yay! Westley lifted that ol’ wagon and freed the horse.
"Actually Imbel, I'm pretty sure if you looked hard enough, you could find a building or plant that will attempt to eat you-"
True, this.
“Besides, you'll be less scary if you're dead."
Also quite true.
Welcome back KoB. Another fun episode, as concern for Westley is rapidly replaced by the neverending bickering of Jakben and Hastrel. I don’t know how long Janus will be willing to continue trying to referee.
*
GAAAAH! Westley's going to kill Smooth-Scales? Urk!
Elisabeth Hollow:
The arguing has barely begun ![]()
Acadian:
Janus will be tearing his hair out pretty soon, lol. Hastrel and Jakben agreed to stop fighting, but that's not going to happen ![]()
mALX:
BLECH. I've been busy lately, lol. Haven't had much time to sit down and write, lol
Wow this is so much longer than I thought
MAN Hastrel gets mad! They push each others' buttons a whole lot. And Poor Westley is looooost.
Nice to learn that Smooth-Scales likely survived.
‘Hastrel shivered "I'm cold! I want a blanket!"’
Ooh, this really nails the little whiner!
Gosh, if I was Westley, I’m not sure I’d want to be found by the three vampiric arguing amigos!
Elisabeth Hollow: Yeah, he gets pissed, but a short walk and he'll be all better ![]()
mALX: I'll be updating a bit more often now. I've had my break, lol
Acadian: You'd expect Hastrel to be the LAST person complaining about the cold, considering he's form Skyrim, lol
Lol. If I had to deal with all the arguing, I'd take the first carriage to the end of the world
So long
Seems like Westley’s having a rather nerve-wracking walk trying to escape the bad vampires and get back to his friends, the good vampires.
Wow, Jakben sure made short work of those bandits!
Janus hoarding food making poor Hastrel drink dead bandit blood!
Gosh it’s nice to see you continuing the madcap adventures of Westley and Company!
I've been pestering him to write for three weeks now XD
Liz gets a treat
WRITE.
I'm working on it
Come back later
NO!
Hey, what happened? I thought Kobby made a chapter post!
I did. The chapter isn't done yet. Gimme a minute, I'm almost done, lol.
Before my PC restarts without my knowledge again I'm getting this up here - already lost one full comment tonight!
Ooh, sounds like Rex is close on Decimus's trail, GAAAAH! He caught him! Uh-Oh, dirty dealings, urk.
Westley, now we're talking! GAAAAH! Where are Jak and Janus to help him? Urk, oh no!
Awesome Write!
Almost done
I wondered who had Westley! Urk! I hope Jak and Janus get there in time to save him - or rather Jak, lol.
Poor Westley and Jak XD
I am so delighted to see you continuing Westley’s wonderful romp through Cyrodiil!
I hope you will permit me to offer an experienced-based suggestion that I have found very useful. I recommend preceding your story updates with a brief author’s comments section. The primary purpose of this is to express your appreciation to each reader who took the time to read and comment on your last episode – this helps to keep them coming back!
The secondary purpose can be to provide just a sentence or two about where we are in the story – sort of like with a TV series ‘in our last episode’. That brings your readers up to speed and ready to jump right in. With a pretty good number of great stories on the forum and sometimes lengthy chunks of time between updates, that is always a good idea.
’Rex walked down a hidden trail leading into the woods. He listened to the rhythmic sounds of the leaves and sticks crunching and snapping beneath his boots, and embraced the feeling of the coolness of the night air blowing against his dark skin.’ - - The opening piece of a new scene or episode is always important, and this one was a gem. Majestic wording here as you use one sentence to set so much of the scene.
’Rex continued to observe the scene "Thats a lot of blood you've wasted. The trees and rocks don't need it. There are hungry vampires out there..." - - Now, Johnny, be a good little vampire and finish your blood. There are unfortunate vampire children who have to live in squalid caves and don’t have enough blood to drink.
Seriously, it looks like quite the conspiracy between Rex and Decimus. I can see where you plucked this episode’s title from now!
Uh oh. Westley’s getting waylaid and captured faster than he can get back to his ‘friends’.
And finally, back among the three amigo vampires, they get jumped by a werewolf! Maybe Hastrel’s “I’m dead meat” is prophetic after all? Eeep!
mALX: Sorry for the confusion. I had accidentally pressed add reply a bit too early, and ended up posting half a chapter, lol! Thanks do your kind words ![]()
Liz: Westley just isn't having much luck, lol. He's wandering down a trail completely naked and vulnerable to attack. Lucky for him, there are people actually trying to fight the vampires.
Acadian: Im gonna start updating more regularly now, lol. My brain seems to be functioning again, so...
Everyone:
So I'm gonna take Acadian's advice and write a brief catch up on the last chapter.
So we left off with Westley wandering down the trail, aware he was being followed. Of course things go from bad to worse, and he ends up being captured. Meanwhile, Hastrel is pestering Jakben with his paranoid beliefs that they are being watched. His paranoia seems to be true, as they are under the attack of a werewolf.
Almost done
Oh thanks for the perfect little summary of where we are before this update.
What a great job you did as the Legion came to Westley’s rescue! mALX was surely right about how good your description of the Legion contingent's leader was. I wanted to stand up and cheer as they set about the task of carving vampires - very well done. Now, get that young man some pants.
And on to the shrieking but nimble antics of Hastrel as he dances with an angry werewolf! Whew, that’s a handy paralysis spell Hastrel’s got. Uh oh, he better heal Jakben or he won’t have anyone to listen to his whining!
What was I thinking
Holy Cow, you have really painted a scary version of what is going on in Cyrodiil! I was so wrapped up in what was happening to Westley, Imbel, Hassildor, etc - that I didn't even think about the rest of the war going on !!!
This whole chapter was amazing, the descriptions of the aftermath - huge write !!!
Thank the gods, Jakben was saved! Nice twist !!! Awesome Write !!!
Ooooooh, sexy wolf lady!
I'm so glad to see you updating and continuing Westley's story!
‘I started to wonder if they had any medical supplies to help heal wounds and illnesses. If they didn't, it would be best to avoid being hurt. Perhaps that included staying out of fights?’ - - Good thinkin’ Wes!
‘All I want is one normal day. No wars, no being noticed, just a normal, relaxing day where I could just walk through the arboretum in the imperial city without being pestered. One normal day.’ - - Aww, Westley needs a vacation! I hear the Shivering Isles is lovely this time of year? Uh, nevermind.
What a surprise for Jakben that, when the werewolf recovered fully from that spell, she transformed into someone who didn’t want to eat him! Being dragged through the woods by a nekked woman? Well, I suppose things could be worse.
Lock this thread please mods
Hey, you accidentally called Athena Aphrodite in there somewhere.
And nice! I hope everyone meets up in Bruma safely.
Took me like ten minutes to find it ![]()
Thanks for pointing that out
Looks like Westley’s getting warmed up, fed, some sleep and will be heading for Bruma. You did a nice job around the fire and with the Legion Commander.
Then we get a name for the nekkid woman and meet her brother. Gosh, Jakben could argue with anyone!
He DOES argue with anyone XD
Thanks, mALX! This is a great time, methinks, to remind dear Kobby that we'd love to hear more of Westley's adventures.
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