Printable Version of Topic

Click here to view this topic in its original format

Chorrol.com _ Fan Fiction _ Aftermath

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 1 2012, 06:47 AM

No smile.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 1 2012, 07:06 AM

Nuh uh smile.gif

Posted by: mALX Dec 1 2012, 07:10 AM

WOO HOO! I love this! Westley was truly impressed by Martin's heroism, but in the repeated retellings was even finding his own self bored with it - that means he's probably going to bust free and do something to shake up his existance, can't wait to see what he finds to do! Awesome beginning KOB! Love it!



Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 1 2012, 07:14 AM

QUOTE(mALX @ Nov 30 2012, 10:10 PM) *

WOO HOO! I love this! Westley was truly impressed by Martin's heroism, but in the repeated retellings was even finding his own self bored with it - that means he's probably going to bust free and do something to shake up his existance, can't wait to see what he finds to do! Awesome beginning KOB! Love it!


Thanks! I enjoy writing a lot and I'm glad you like the first chapter.

Posted by: mALX Dec 1 2012, 07:19 AM

GAAAAH! You added to it - a werewolf! MORE !!!!! MORE !!!!!!


Nice screens!

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 1 2012, 10:29 PM

Can't delete a thread so gonna yeet this out of existence smile.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 1 2012, 10:39 PM

Adios smile.gif

Posted by: Acadian Dec 3 2012, 01:14 AM

Welcome to Westley the Werewolf and I'm glad to see you bring his story to chorrol. I wonder if his condition aided him in his battles to become Champion of Cyrodiil. It’s very interesting to have his perspective on being a moon doggie though. I enjoyed the tension between him and the vampires. I wonder also if Rex has bit the vampire dust. tongue.gif

Posted by: mALX Dec 3 2012, 04:14 AM

Oooh, nice transformation scene! Awesome descriptions there! Bye Bye Rex the vampire! HoHoHo - Vokun! WOO HOO !!! And Ben and that werewolf shot too - Awesome shots to go along with your story! In case I forgot to say it before, Welcome to the Fic Forum!!!!! Awesome story so far, and I love the screens backing the story up!!! goodjob.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 6 2012, 01:52 AM

Acadian: Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoy the story so far. This is my first fanfic, so it probably isnt very interesting right now, but it should get better as the story goes on. The chapters should get longer too.

mALX: Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I'm glad that you enjoy the story. I think it's alright, considering that it's my first fanfic, and it should get more interesting soon.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 6 2012, 03:23 AM

Running out of things to say!

Posted by: Acadian Dec 8 2012, 01:12 AM

Betrayed by Rex and rescued from a desperate fight by a pair of mysterious Bretonic vampires. ohmy.gif How ironic to be both betrayed by and rescued by vampires! I loved the welcome touch of humor as the voracious rabbit charged out of the forest! tongue.gif

Let me offer some thoughts that I hope you will find constructive and helpful –

Your paragraphs are rather large. In the forum’s format, this can present a bit of a ‘wall of text’. Most of us here try to break our prose into smaller paragraphs so they are easier to read.

Also, I highly recommend you google ‘Dialogue Punctuation’ and study up on a few of the sites that cover this rather arcane aspect of fiction writing. For now, suffice it to say that a golden rule in fiction is that every time you change speakers, start a new paragraph. Happily, this can also result in much shorter paragraphs.

Regarding lengthening your episodes, actually this current one is probably about perfect, as it is just under 1500 words. I shoot for 800 – 1800 words; much longer and you begin to lose some of your impact. The reason your episodes appear kind of short is simply that, as I mentioned, your paragraphs are too long. smile.gif

Posted by: mALX Dec 8 2012, 01:12 PM

I'm coming to read this tomorrow KOB, too tired and almost cross-eyed from driving!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Dec 8 2012, 09:01 PM

QUOTE(Acadian @ Dec 7 2012, 06:12 PM) *

Betrayed by Rex and rescued from a desperate fight by a pair of mysterious Bretonic vampires. ohmy.gif How ironic to be both betrayed by and rescued by vampires! I loved the welcome touch of humor as the voracious rabbit charged out of the forest! tongue.gif

Let me offer some thoughts that I hope you will find constructive and helpful –

Your paragraphs are rather large. In the forum’s format, this can present a bit of a ‘wall of text’. Most of us here try to break our prose into smaller paragraphs so they are easier to read.

Also, I highly recommend you google ‘Dialogue Punctuation’ and study up on a few of the sites that cover this rather arcane aspect of fiction writing. For now, suffice it to say that a golden rule in fiction is that every time you change speakers, start a new paragraph. Happily, this can also result in much shorter paragraphs.

Regarding lengthening your episodes, actually this current one is probably about perfect, as it is just under 1500 words. I shoot for 800 – 1800 words; much longer and you begin to lose some of your impact. The reason your episodes appear kind of short is simply that, as I mentioned, your paragraphs are too long. smile.gif

You beat me to it. I get distracted by the wall of text and can't read it. Maybe I'm a snob for that but it makes me itchy.

What I COULD read of it seemed interesting, however. :]

Posted by: mALX Dec 8 2012, 10:38 PM

*

LOVE the title of this chapter!! Woo, Rex is alive and seeking revenge! What a battle! Love how Westley lost his sword right off in the fight, makes it more exciting! Very exciting battle!

You didn't ask for tips, but I'll give one that may help the readers: When different characters are speaking, put a blank line between each different character's speech so the reader can quickly decipher that someone else is speaking. Doing that will also break up the "wall of words" effect that Elisabeth spoke of.

Your story is too good to have something like that keep others from taking the extra effort to read through it (because some may stop reading when they come across several different character's dialogues in one paragraph).

I am loving this story!!!! You write an Awesome fight scene!!!


*

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 9 2012, 01:35 AM

I fixed the format so it's easier to read! Thanks for the advice guys!

Posted by: mALX Dec 9 2012, 01:56 AM

QUOTE(King Of Beasts @ Dec 8 2012, 07:35 PM) *

I fixed the format so it's easier to read! Thanks for the advice guys!


Awesome! Thank you, that is easier on the eyes and really helps know who is talking! You ROCK !!!

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 9 2012, 04:57 PM

Acadian: I really want to thank you for the constructive criticism. It helped a lot biggrin.gif

Elisabeth Hollow: Thank you for checking my story out! I'm also glad for your criticism too. It was quite useful

mALX: I'm glad you enjoy the story so far and thanks for the tip!

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 9 2012, 04:58 PM

���������� no

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 9 2012, 05:32 PM

Gosh diddly darn emojis are censored now

Posted by: Fiach Dec 9 2012, 08:27 PM

Ooo I like how this story is starting to turn out, some interesting intrigue between the sons of Hircine and Bal :3
I wonder what they're fighting over...
You have a pretty solid standard in your prose, and your dialogue does lend a lot to the characters, the only fault I can see is that I find who is saying what a bit confusing.. adding something as simple as 'whispered Rex' or 'said the Breton' would lend itself great to enhancing the story biggrin.gif
Great work with this! Kudos with the regular updates, shall be following this smile.gif

Posted by: Lycanthropic-Legend Dec 9 2012, 09:19 PM

As a big fan of werewolves, I have to say I am loving this story. It has action and humor written all over it! And a good interesting, story, too. All of the nits were practically said and mentioned by other members, so I can't comment on those. But I love it. If you need any help on lore regarding Elder Scrolls werewolves, I am most happy to help. wink.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 9 2012, 10:37 PM

QUOTE(Fiach @ Dec 9 2012, 11:27 AM) *

the only fault I can see is that I find who is saying what a bit confusing.. adding something as simple as 'whispered Rex' or 'said the Breton' would lend itself great to enhancing the story biggrin.gif
Great work with this! Kudos with the regular updates, shall be following this smile.gif


The thing is about saying he said, or she said after every sentence someone says can get repetitive, but I will try to find a way to make it less confusing to understand, and if you have questions feel free to ask. I'm glad you're enjoying the story biggrin.gif

Posted by: Acadian Dec 10 2012, 01:18 AM

" No. You're not my boss, I'm not listening, I can't hear you!"
" Hastrel, stop acting like petulant child!"

You’re not the boss of me! biggrin.gif This whole exchange was very funny!

You did a good job developing the squabbling vampires. And it was fun to see Jensine giving Westley an interrogation to buy a blanket!

Posted by: mALX Dec 10 2012, 07:08 AM

Loved the dialogue in this chapter, had me rolling! Great Write!

** I am really loving the screenshots you post to go along with your story! Thumbs up on Hastrel, WOO HOO!

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 11 2012, 05:41 AM

Fiach: thanks for reading. I'm Glad to know you are enjoying the story biggrin.gif It's my first fanfic, so it's probably going to start out a bit confusing, but it should be easier to understand as I move along in the chapters. Also, I'll work on making the dialogue less confusing, while not being to repetitive.

Lycanthropic-Legend: Thanks for reading my story and glad you are enjoying it. Honestly, I like weaving my own lore into the story, but I would appreciate some of the lore you know on the werewolves of the elder scrolls universe, it would be quite helpful. biggrin.gif

Acadian: I gotta say, I really enjoyed writing the argument between the vampires. Hastrel can be a real pain in the neck. He disagrees with everything anyone says, unless it's the same opinion as his. He's also quite immature, and tends to whine excessively. Everyone who is involved in being around him will most likely have an extreme migraine by the time he is out of there life.

mALX: thanks for the kind words! And about the screenshots: sometimes it's hard finding them, especially when the character is one that I made up and I can't use an in-game screenshot. It's fun looking for them though, and for some reason, I feel every new character introduced into the story should have a screenshot to go along with them. ( I'm horrible at describing people)

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 11 2012, 08:10 AM

We out here taking out the trash cool.gif

Posted by: mALX Dec 11 2012, 11:14 PM

*

Cattle prod ...SPEW!!!! ROFL !!!! Hastrel and Jakben over the wine had me dying laughing! LOVED this !!!! Once again your dialogue has rocked this chapter! Now Seridur and Vicente ... I am LOVING this story!!! Awesome Write!


*

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 13 2012, 12:15 AM

QUOTE(mALX @ Dec 11 2012, 02:14 PM) *

*

Cattle prod ...SPEW!!!! ROFL !!!! Hastrel and Jakben over the wine had me dying laughing! LOVED this !!!! Once again your dialogue has rocked this chapter! Now Seridur and Vicente ... I am LOVING this story!!! Awesome Write!


*


Thanks! I enjoy writing the story, and I'm glad you like it. If you have any advice you want to share feel free to share it, because I need it, and it would be a big help.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 14 2012, 05:41 AM

mALX: Thanks for reading! I wonder where everyone went, in guessing to visit other family members because of Christmas. I'm glad you like my story, I'm not the best writer though.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 14 2012, 07:49 AM

No smile.gif

Posted by: mALX Dec 14 2012, 06:59 PM

QUOTE

" Stop dying on the floor lad! One of us has to climb up there to get the key."


ROFL!!! I will try to keep up with your story while I am out of town, but all depends on what is going on here whether I can or not - just know I will catch up when I get home or whenever possible before then.

If your readership is dropping, you may think about slowing down posting a bit and give people time to read before posting the next chapter. I usually post 1 chapter every 4 -5 days (about once per week), and a good chapter length is between 1,000-2,000 words per chapter. That keeps readers from getting burned out, it is important to keep your reader's comfort in mind with your posting schedule.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 16 2012, 01:19 AM

I've rewritten the ending of this chapter because I hated the original one.

Posted by: Acadian Dec 17 2012, 01:19 AM

What a pair the two vampires make with all their arguing! The plan to get Westley out of the city didn’t pan out too well. You really cranked up the tension as we learn that Ben has been turned to the dark side and Westley learns to control his inner wolf.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 18 2012, 01:07 AM

mALX: Thanks for the advice! I hadn't thought about that. Been a bit busy lately but I enjoy writing my fanfic, and when I enjoy something I tend to rush through it.

Acadian: Thanks for reading. The forums seem somewhat....dead. I don't often see many users online so it's nice to actually have someone read my story ( I hate and like my story at the same time so I'm a bit surprised when people actually read it.)

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 18 2012, 02:48 AM

Absolute disgust cool.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 18 2012, 03:02 AM

Wish I could delete threads I started

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Dec 18 2012, 05:46 PM

SWEEEET, they're gonna go kick Vokun's butt!

Posted by: mALX Dec 18 2012, 06:02 PM

I loved both the Hircine screens/pictures - especially the one of Hircine himself - Awesome job! The drawing of the wolf pack was grossly well done, lol. Awesome chapter update !!!

Posted by: Acadian Dec 18 2012, 07:58 PM

That was a well-done meeting with Hircine. I’m glad Westley didn’t kill a unicorn as an offering. tongue.gif So, Westley’s small army is off to take on Wolfsbane Castle to help out poor Ben.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 21 2012, 11:55 AM

Elisabeth Hollow: Thanks for reading and congrats on starting your own fanfic! It's a bit difficult to get readers now, because nobody ever seems to be on so I appreciate it when someone takes the time to read my first fanfic.

mALX: I thought the one of Hircine was pretty cool too. The only problem when finding it was that there were a lot of awesome pics of Hircine to choose from, and if you like every single picture of the choice, the decision isn't necessarily easy...

Acadian: Dont remind me about Hircine's quest! I died about fifty times before realizing you need an enchanted or silver weapon to kill the damn unicorn, and then I died about another 50 trying to get away from the minotaurs! I gotta say though, the reward was worth it.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 21 2012, 01:39 PM

Why is this so long

Posted by: Acadian Dec 22 2012, 12:37 AM

" Please don't snap animals in half, I'm never gonna be able to unsee what I have seen." The Earl looked disgusted.’
This was hilarious! Perhaps they need some ‘Do not feed break the bears’ signs.

Despite their valiant efforts, poor Ben didn’t make it. kvright.gif

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Dec 22 2012, 06:21 AM

Poor ben D:

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 25 2012, 11:00 PM

Acadian: a 'Do Not Break The Bears sign'? ROFL rollinglaugh.gif Maybe the bears should be less breakable. They tried to save Ben, but he was too wounded. He bled to death, but Vokun is in an ungodly amount of danger now. Westley is real mad, and is out to get him.

Elisabeth Hollow: Ben was already dying when they found him. I'll tell you this though, Vokun killed Ben for a very specific reason. It wasn't intended to be a warning. You'll find out why later on in the story.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 26 2012, 02:05 AM

Hope this thread gets locked tbh

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Dec 26 2012, 03:41 AM

Punch Vokun in the MOUTH.

Posted by: Acadian Dec 26 2012, 07:53 PM

‘I was so busy watching everyone else that I didn't notice the tree in front of me. I walked straight into it and fell to the ground from the impact. I stopped and began to plot the tree's demise. I was so pre-occupied plotting my revenge on a plant that I nearly jumped out of my skin when Jakben approached me.’
RazzlefrazzleGrrrPeskyTrees! laugh.gif

" I hate nature" Imbel began to scowl
" At least we're away from Hastrel's complaints and nagging."
" I bet the werewolves killed him by now." Jakben sniggered before tripping over a large rock. He started a tirade.’

This was just fun to read! And threats of Kynareth’s revenge were just as entertaining!

Only one thing left to say:

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Dec 25 2012, 06:41 PM) *

Punch Vokun in the MOUTH.


Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Dec 26 2012, 11:48 PM

LOL Acadian! That's my solution to everything. Mean boss? Punch him in the mouth. Irritating friend? Punch them in the mouth. Bad kidney? Punch it in the mouth. Don't like that hurricane? Punch it in its MOUTH XD

Posted by: Grits Dec 27 2012, 03:24 PM

Yep, Vokun is due for a thorough mouth-punching. goodjob.gif

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Dec 28 2012, 03:01 AM

QUOTE(Grits @ Dec 27 2012, 08:24 AM) *

Yep, Vokun is due for a thorough mouth-punching. goodjob.gif

I thought so too.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 28 2012, 08:58 PM

Elisabeth Hollow: Evil vampire lord obsessed with killing you and all of your kind? punch him in the mouth rollinglaugh.gif At one point my solution to everything was hot glue. My sister chased me out of the kitchen once with a broom for suggesting using hot glue to fix the broken coffee machine with hot glue.

Acadian: I had a hell lot of fun writing those parts laugh.gif I had actually walked into a tree once while hiking with a friend and I got so mad I punched the tree (and learned my lesson on why you shouldn't punch trees the hard way)

Grits: Thanks for reading biggrin.gif I don't get many new readers often, and I hope you enjoy the story.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 28 2012, 10:31 PM

Adios post

Posted by: Acadian Dec 29 2012, 03:11 PM

Ah, the quest for a shirt. tongue.gif

I imagine it was very difficult for Westley to return to The Imperial City in ruins. After all, as the Champion of Cyrodiil, he had not that long ago saved the Empire. And it seems Vokun has now exploited the vacumn to take control of the White Gold Tower.

‘I needed a new tactic. Throwing random stuff at the window obviously wasn't going to work.’
Yup. Good thinkin’. laugh.gif

’My fur was spiked straight up.’
After that wild escape and slide for life down the tower, I can imagine! This gave me a fleeting image of mALX's dear Maxical with her fur similarly spiked after a similar fright. happy.gif

So Vokun still lives – with his mouth unpunched even. And now Hjalfi’s missing as well!

I did have a writing question for you. Why do you begin almost every bit of dialogue by putting a blank space between the opening quotation mark and the first word of dialogue? It would seem both easier and more correct to forego that convention. Just sayin’ wink.gif

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Dec 29 2012, 06:27 PM

There better be some gods-damned mouth punching soon XD

Posted by: King Of Beasts Dec 31 2012, 11:04 PM

Get rid of this

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 1 2013, 07:09 AM

Pls no ban idk how else to dispose of this

Posted by: mALX Jan 1 2013, 10:21 PM




** Reread from beginning to get back on track with your story.

Chapter 6 - Re-commenting Chapter 6, the first time I read it was at my mom’s with a LOT going on to distract me.

Your tongue-in-cheek humor rolls through this chapter (and the whole story) with such subtlety - the werewolf traveling with vampires and worried about assassins - that had me rolling, as did the “don’t call me boy” line (and Imbel’s response, “should I call you ’lad’ then?” - loved that!).

Also loved this little scene:

QUOTE

" Stop dying on the floor lad! One of us has to climb up there to get the key."

" Who will do it?!"

" We'll flip a Septim for it." Jakben pulled a Septim out of the pouch strapped to his waist.

" I call heads lad."


Then this had me rolling on the floor:

QUOTE

It had landed on heads.

"Er...best out of three lad"

Jakben flipped the coin for the second time. It landed on heads again.

" Gaah! We have one more flip lad! Wait!"



OMG, I was screaming at this line:

QUOTE

" What if you fall?"

" By the gods, don't say that lad! It'll happen if you say that!"


This has to be the greatest dungeon crawl ever, with all these powerful characters (yet still so normal in their dialogue) - I am Loving this story, and the subtle humor in your writing!

BWAAAHAA! I’ll bet I know who that Bosmer is, too!


Chapter 7 -

QUOTE

Hell no, if you need to make a sacrifice Hastrel will be easier to tie to a tree! I'll put up a fight, and I'm far stronger than Hastrel! He's weak! He punches like a five year old girl!"


ROFL !! The whole verbal fight between them here had me dying laughing!

Absolutely Awesome scene with Hircine, LOVED that!

QUOTE

" The dark haired one is Jakben and the short red haired one is Hastrel."

Hastrel began to fume " I'm not short!"


SPEW !!!

I love this chant, did you write that yourself or is it in game? Awesome Write on it if you did it !!!!


Chapter 8 - I am loving this werewolf lore you add into this chapter, this gave me a lot of background info on the Wolfsebane vampires (and Vokun) - very good touch! Love the continued digs into Hastrel, makes him a very visible character even when he isn’t on set!

LOVED these lines:

QUOTE

You're a Wolfsebane vampire! No wonder why you're so mean!"

" I'm not mean Hastrel, you're just annoying and I have a temper!"


And:

QUOTE

Please don't snap animals in half, I'm never gonna be able to unsee what I have seen." The Earl looked disgusted.



Very sad and powerful scene when Ben dies, Awesome Write!


Chapter 9 - Very much liking the friendship developing between Imbel and Wes, and LOVED Jakben‘s little fit of anger, lol.

Also loving this pegging order you have laid out in this chapter. Now we know who the most powerful are and who secretly desires to be alpha - you are doing a great job with this! And now Hindaril - this is going to be great! I was disappointed in game that Hindaril was such an easy kill, as much as he was touted by Melisande to be the most powerful vampire.


Chapter 10 - Starts off great with some more of your well thought out name-calling of these beasts! Love your imagination for these rolls!

This war was inspired, and a very well done surprise! Loved the touch of the scene with the child, in the midst of everything going on it seemed almost surreal!

Hastrel redeemed himself in this chapter, especially with this line:

QUOTE

"Gee, you werewolves have real bad tempers."



I loved your drawing of Westley sliding down the tower! Better than I could have done, and your illustrations really show how deeply imbedded you are into your characters and story - that makes it that much better on top of its other merits! Loving this story!


Chapter 11 - So Rex is still up Vokun’s butt, huh?

The Imbel, Hastrel, and Westley all arguing about WHO was going to get the dead mouse - this had me in hysterics !!!! The addition of Fjola is a very interesting one, I wonder what will come of that? Awesome Write, you are doing great with this story !!!











Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 2 2013, 06:46 AM

The dead mouse bit made me laugh so hard...reminds me of the video of the little girl playing with a dead squirrel XD

Posted by: Acadian Jan 2 2013, 03:34 PM

It was a great idea, and perfectly timed, to give us a glimpse into what Vokun is thinking and plotting.

I loved the whole dead mouse pet scene!
‘Jakben fell to the ground when the little girl punched him in the crotch.‘
Now, when she gets a little bigger, she’ll be able to punch him in the mouth! wink.gif

'He had the creepiest smile on his face.
"Hello little girl, what's your name?"

Her frantic reaction confirms Hastrel has quite the way with children – not! This was well-written, conjuring just the creepy impression you intended.

Finally, you used this whole scene with the girl to show that Westley the Werewolf has a good way with kids – and that speaks well of him.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 3 2013, 02:45 PM

mALX: Welcome back, and I hope 2013 will be a better year for you.

QUOTE
So Rex is still up Vokun’s butt, huh?


For now he is, but he's not as loyal as Vokun believes.

QUOTE
I love this chant, did you write that yourself or is it in game? Awesome Write on it if you did it !!!!


I wrote everything in the chant myself but the parts in Latin. The Latin parts are from a song called werewolves of Armenia from a metal band named powerwolf. I thought those lines were pretty coo, so I added them into the chant.

QUOTE
BWAAAHAA! I’ll bet I know who that Bosmer is, too!
He's going to cause a bit of trouble at one point in the story. I remember fleeing Skingrad when I saw I'm following me. I didn't go back to Skingrad either until the mages guild quest sent me there. Well, the pest caught up to me, and I had to do his quest.

Acadian:
QUOTE
It was a great idea, and perfectly timed, to give us a glimpse into what Vokun is thinking and plotting.
Thanks! I'm a bit better at writing from a villain's PoV. I'm not sure why, but I find it easier.

Elisabeth Hollow: The squirrel video was hilarious. It wasn't my inspiration though. When I was real young, I found a dead mouse in the backyard(I think it was a mouse I can't remember) anyway, I had walked into the house and asked "can I keep it?" rollinglaugh.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 3 2013, 04:25 PM

Whys there 9 pages

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 4 2013, 05:45 AM

QUOTE

"Because YOU are a threat to my dominance, and now I have to kill you too."


Really, Hjalfi? REALLY?? Westley don't want your stinkin' Alpha position.

And Rex is stupid, lol

Posted by: mALX Jan 4 2013, 09:22 AM




** I hope you nabbed Glathir's keys and broke into his secret wastebasket vault in his house - I got 600 or 800 gold out of it, can’t remember which.

QUOTE

"Sometimes doors are locked, and you don't have the key...."


SPEW! I absolutely LOVE the dialogue and personality you write for Jakben Imbel!!!!

QUOTE

Hastrel grunted in frustration before heading upstairs to bother Jakben's manservant.


You know, I’ve left the side off on my PC in order to access the wires frequently to fix them when they jar loose. You keep making me spew Pepsi and you’ll fry my PC! I am LOVING this story!

QUOTE

"What are we gonna' do, bag and drag the count?!"


ROFL! You did it again! I need to send my bill for cleaning my keyboard to you!

QUOTE

Hastrel's jaw dropped. He put his hands on his head, and began to pull his hair out and laughing like a madman. Jakben looked shocked.

"What in oblivion are you doing!"

"What does it look like?! In pulling my hair out in frustration!"


OMG, I LOVE the humor you weave through this story !!! Awesome Write !!!!
















Posted by: Acadian Jan 4 2013, 02:07 PM

I had to laugh at Imbel trying to groom Fjola for the Thieves Guild. tongue.gif

A tense battle with Rex. Now Westley is right to be concerned that Rex’s escape means Vokun is likely to learn of Westley and Imbel’s plans.

Well the vampires may not be anxious to help but those werewolves. . . yikes! Kill your way to the top!

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 7 2013, 09:12 PM

Elisabeth Hollow: Hjalfi actually knows that Westley doesn't cae to be alpha, but since Westley quite strong, and getting stronger every day, Hjalfi consideres him a threat. it has more to do with proving strength and dominance that wanting to be alpha.

mALX:

QUOTE
** I hope you nabbed Glathir's keys and broke into his secret wastebasket vault in his house - I got 600 or 800 gold out of it, can’t remember which.


Thanks for telling me about this. I found 800 gold in the basket, but I think the guards took it back when I got arrested for assaulting glarthir kvleft.gif

QUOTE
You know, I’ve left the side off on my PC in order to access the wires frequently to fix them when they jar loose. You keep making me spew Pepsi and you’ll fry my PC! I am LOVING this story!


Yes, this story is all part of my plan to destroy your PC evillol.gif

But you might want to cover that up with something. I remember I dropped my phone in a bucket of water at the beach, and it didn't have a case so it broke for a few days. Someone might come along with a glass of water and accidentally spill it all over your PC, and since the side isn't on the damage could be worse than if it was.

Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoy the story smile.gif

Acadian:
QUOTE
Well the vampires may not be anxious to help but those werewolves. . . yikes! Kill your way to the top!


That's the thing. The vampire's intentions aren't 100% good (With the exception of Imbel and Hastrel), but they're not too aggressive, unless they're on Vokun's side. I'm not telling you what the goals of the werewolves are yet, but they are far more aggressive than the vampires, and like you said, they'll kill to get the highest position in the pack, even in the middle of a battle.


Posted by: mALX Jan 7 2013, 10:28 PM

QUOTE(King Of Beasts @ Jan 7 2013, 03:12 PM) *

Yes, this story is all part of my plan to destroy your PC evillol.gif

But you might want to cover that up with something. I remember I dropped my phone in a bucket of water at the beach, and it didn't have a case so it broke for a few days. Someone might come along with a glass of water and accidentally spill it all over your PC, and since the side isn't on the damage could be worse than if it was.



The old "tripping with a glass of water trick," huh? Now that you said that I am keeping a close eye on my husband and his beer can when he wanders near my desk !!!!!


** EDIT: WOO HOO! Linkin Park!



*

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 7 2013, 10:51 PM

2013 was a cursed time period

Posted by: Acadian Jan 8 2013, 01:25 AM

That was quite the tooth and claw fight, but I’m glad that Westley prevailed.

“Perhaps I should have went to the Arcane University to buy a healing spell instead of Edgar's Discount spells."
laugh.gif "Edgar Vautrine. You don't want the very best. You want cheap. And I got cheap."

The interaction between Imbel and Hastrel continues to be priceless. You’ve done a fine job crafting them as the odd couple. It seems their bickering will make it a long trek to Skingrad!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 8 2013, 02:35 AM

QUOTE
Hastrel clutched his eye and screamed as if he was wounded. Jakben looked extremely annoyed.


Drama queen.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 10 2013, 02:51 AM

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Jan 7 2013, 05:35 PM) *

QUOTE
Hastrel clutched his eye and screamed as if he was wounded. Jakben looked extremely annoyed.


Drama queen.


Lol. He's actually more like a petulant child than a drama queen, especially when he doesn't get his way. In simpler words: He's very immature.

Posted by: mALX Jan 10 2013, 03:04 AM

I loved the discussion about Hunting for Hircine! What a great fight!

QUOTE

"What are you, my wife? I don't have to take this nagging from you,


Haha! Love this line! Another great chapter, lots of action in this one! Great Write!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 10 2013, 05:12 AM

QUOTE(mALX @ Jan 9 2013, 08:04 PM) *

I loved the discussion about Hunting for Hircine! What a great fight!

QUOTE

"What are you, my wife? I don't have to take this nagging from you,


Haha! Love this line!

Me too XD And I'm a wife!

Like a few hours after we got married and were on our honeymoon, I asked my husband if he brought his toothbrush. He said no, and I said "Ew." And he goes "WE JUST GOT MARRIED, STOP NAGGING, WOMAN!"

XDDDDD I love this man.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 11 2013, 12:11 AM

Acadian: It's a pretty bad idea to buy spell's from Edgar Vautrine in-game. They're cheaper than the arcane university, or the other spell shop in the city, but don't plan on running into an oblivion gate while using the spells you bought from Edgar and coming back out....

Elisabeth Hollow : Like a few hours after we got married and were on our honeymoon, I asked my husband if he brought his toothbrush. He said no, and I said "Ew." And he goes "WE JUST GOT MARRIED, STOP NAGGING, WOMAN!"

A few hours into marriage and you were already nagging him? That's a nono.gif

Just kidding. laugh.gif I remember I forgot to bring my toothbrush AND my deodorant on a camping trip once. I was forced to sleep outside....

mALX:

QUOTE
I loved the discussion about Hunting for Hircine! What a great fight!



QUOTE
"What are you, my wife? I don't have to take this nagging from you,



Haha! Love this line! Another great chapter, lots of action in this one! Great Write!


When I was writing this chapter I also happened to be stuck at my sister's house because the heat isn't working for some reason at mine. She began nagging me about putting my feet on the coffee table and the "What are you, my wife?" line was my exact response. I had just started the writing that chapter, so I decided to throw that line in there....

Everyone:Thanks for reading my story guys! Even though there's only three of you, it's nice to know your taking time to read my story.

You probably know about my heart racing problem, well I went to the doctors today. They took a blood test, and I'm still waiting for the results, but the doctor said that it most likely has to do with stress, and that I should watch my blood pressure and diet(looks like I'm going to HAVE to manage to cook.) I should get the results from the test soon, but the doctor said that I should be fine.

Also, thanks for the suggestions on helping with my insomnia and heart racing. My heart isn't racing that much, but my insomnia is still getting the best of me kvleft.gif

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 11 2013, 12:49 AM

Your story is giving me lots of entertainment :] I love it :]

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 11 2013, 01:47 AM

Perhaps I'll do something else in this section smile.gif

Posted by: mALX Jan 11 2013, 02:24 AM

Cut back on salt if your blood pressure is up. Also, panic attacks are very very common, lots of people suffer from them.

I am loving Imbel's role in this story, he is a real take charge guy people around him can rely on to get them through whatever! A good friend to have, really good Westley met him!

Hastrel keeps me in stitches with his whining, arguing, and nagging !!!

QUOTE

"Imbel, wake up! Get us out of these roots! OUCH! STOP KICKING ME WESTLEY!"


SPEW! Don't have to tell me who that was, ROFL !!! Awesome Write!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 11 2013, 04:07 AM

I am beginning to wonder what they're gonna do with Hastrel, lol

Posted by: Acadian Jan 11 2013, 08:55 PM

A road trip! And wow, Westley almost drowned. Neat how you did that ghost thing with Ben. I wonder if there’s more to that and if Westley will be seeing Ben’s ghost again.

Well, after getting the arguing vampires sorted out (somewhat), they made some more progress and pulled into a cave for a nice day’s rest. Uh oh . . . now they’re rooted! blink.gif

*

Hope it's good news on your heart and you can get some help to sleep better. kvright.gif

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 12 2013, 06:25 AM

QUOTE(Acadian @ Jan 11 2013, 01:55 PM) *



Well, after getting the arguing vampires sorted out (somewhat), they made some more progress and pulled into a cave for a nice day’s rest. Uh oh . . . now they’re rooted! blink.gif



I see what you did there. indifferent.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 12 2013, 05:05 PM

mALX:

QUOTE
I am loving Imbel's role in this story, he is a real take charge guy people around him can rely on to get them through whatever! A good friend to have, really good Westley met him!


It's nice to know he actually has a personality. In-game he doesn't seem to have one. in oblivion he's quite rude (unless you bribe him, but ALL of the NPC's in Oblivion are like that laugh.gif ), during his quest he'll act like he's afraid if you, and then he tries to kill you, and dies in the process, unless he glitched like he did in my game blink.gif

I tried use some of his in-game personality (he can be very rude sometimes and is quite a good liar) Honestly though, my favorite character personality in my story is Vokun's. You'll see later in in the story that he's more crazy than he is smart.

He lets nothing stand in his way, but he's been consumed completely by power-hunger, and it's slowly dragging him to his grave. In other words he's a stubborn, self-centered, greedy, insane [censored] that doesn't realize he's destroying himself, and everyone around him in the process.

but at the same time he can Lie his way out of almost any situation, he's extremely discreet when he makes plans, and he makes sure to find a way to eliminate any flaws in his plans. To top that he has an ungodly amount if patience. He could be planning for thousands of hears just to eliminate the flaws in them.

The only problem for him now is he didn't plan everything out as carefully as he normally does. He went straight onto battle, knowing the strength of his breed of vampire could wipe out the entire legion in a matter of weeks, and now he's usin the palace as a mouth-piece to garner control of the Imperial City. The only problem: The werewolves are standing in the way, but I'm not telling you their intentions. I'm usually a villain person so I'm quite proud of his personality.

End of rant laugh.gif

Elisabeth Hollow: Hastrel will learn to pull himself together......someday laugh.gif Until then Poor Westley and Jakben have to deal with his childish behavior.

Acadian:
QUOTE
Uh oh . . . now they’re rooted!


Lol. Literally. Have you ever noticed how tangled those roots are though? I'm surprised nobody can get stuck in them. I'm also surprised they don't break no matter what you do to them.

Everyone: I know that this update is a bit early, but I most likely won't be able to post another chapter until next Saturday. Between school and taking care if my niece and nephew, I just don't have time on weekdays.

EDIT: Oh, and if you see any spelling or grammar mistakes, please tell me. I proofread more than once, but I never catch all of my mistakes.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 12 2013, 07:03 PM

Lock thread pls

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 12 2013, 09:04 PM

Hastrel is such a BABY lol

Posted by: Acadian Jan 13 2013, 01:47 PM

Yes, those cave roots are amazing. Very tough, unyielding and even subject to random spasm attacks. ohmy.gif

I wonder what that bluish light in the cave was? Didn’t we see Ben last time they encountered that? Or maybe it's a ghostly spy sent by Vokun?

‘I also wanted a bath. I smelled like a wet dog.’
I guess this is a real consideration for a werewolf. I wonder if sniffing them in the rain could be a way to tell if someone is a werewolf? Oh my. . . and I completely forgot about fleas!

Snapping bears in half is bad, but snapping off the horns of rampaging minotaur lords is a good thing!

And so they go bumping and bumbling along on the way to Skingrad.

Posted by: mALX Jan 13 2013, 03:45 PM

What a cool twist with thinking Vokun had used spriggan somehow to make himself invincable!

BWAAHAA! Hastrel worried about the others shaving! ROFL !!!

Nice detail about the Will-o-wisp making a high-pitched noise that hurt Westley's ears! Good thinking!

And a cliffhanger for Hastrel, what will the others do without his whining and nagging? ROFL! Loved this chapter, you have some great ideas here!

Posted by: Grits Jan 14 2013, 07:43 PM

QUOTE
Anyone who passed us probably thought we were drunk. We probably did look drunk. That's alright. At least nobody was dying.

laugh.gif I love it! How funny that they got tangled in those creepy roots.

QUOTE
Was he secretly a spriggan?

rollinglaugh.gif Oh, Westley!

Hastrel is very entertaining. There will be no end to the whining if Jakben drops him!

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 16 2013, 03:07 AM

Yay, free time! I can post the next chapter biggrin.gif 

Elisabeth Hollow:

QUOTE
Hastrel is such a BABY lol


That's true, but he'll mature later on in the story. He's a big chicken though, and will flee at the first sight of danger unless someone (usually Jakben) forces him to stay and fight. He's pretty good with destruction spells though, so even though he's not physically strong like Vokun, Jakben, Count Hassildor, Hindaril, etc, etc. he's pretty useful in and after fights because he's also a good healer (and is more that capable of frying someone to a crisp with a fireball laugh.gif )

Acadian:
QUOTE
Yes, those cave roots are amazing. Very tough, unyielding and even subject to random spasm attacks.  ohmy.gif


I remember once I was exploring a cave and the roots just randomly spazzed out and injured Westley. I couldn't see what was "attacking" me so I fled the cave laugh.gif 

Bethesda should have made those roots more.....breakable. Unless they're SUPPOSED to be invincible, I see no reason to have unbreakable roots. (roots can be tough though, especially ones that look like the roots in the caves in oblivion.) 

QUOTE
Snapping bears in half is bad, but snapping off the horns of rampaging minotaur lords is a good thing!


What better way to bring down a Minotaur's is to destroy it's most deadly defense tactic?

mALX: I HATE the noise that those will-o-the-wisps make in-game. It's very annoying, and a noise that high-pitched must be painful to listen to if your right next to the wisp, especially if you're a werewolf.

Grits:
QUOTE
Hastrel is very entertaining. There will be no end to the whining if Jakben drops him!


Lol. The agreement they made to stop arguing would instantly dissolve, Hastrel would whine nonstop 24/7 and nag Jakben to death. He'd also probably try to murder Jakben in his sleep too laugh.gif 

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 16 2013, 03:09 AM

Let's get rid of this illegal story

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 16 2013, 03:25 AM

Oh, and if anyone can get me a screen of count Skingrad I'd be very grateful. The one on the wiki.....scares me. blink.gif

Posted by: mALX Jan 16 2013, 03:59 AM

QUOTE(King Of Beasts @ Jan 15 2013, 09:25 PM) *

Oh, and if anyone can get me a screen of count Skingrad I'd be very grateful. The one on the wiki.....scares me. blink.gif



I'll come back and read in a few hours when things settle down some here. In the meantime, here is a screenshot of Hassildor:




IPB Image

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 16 2013, 04:05 AM

Thanks mALX. Your help is appreciated smile.gif

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 16 2013, 05:39 AM

At least Hassildor is on their side now!

Posted by: mALX Jan 16 2013, 06:12 AM

Oh, I most def see Hassildor decking Hastrel before too many days have passed, ROFL !! I loved some of the little details you've added to your vampire lore in this one, great world-building! Awesome write !!!

Posted by: Acadian Jan 16 2013, 03:46 PM

I enjoyed learning more about the vampires in Westley’s world from Jakben. goodjob.gif Buffy was scratching her big ears over the fact that they all took turns bathing instead of all just doffing their duds and hopping in. Big prudes! But she’s a wood elf of course and water makes her clothes fall off. . . .

Ahem, back on topic here. . . Yikes! Skingrad’s been ransacked as well. I wonder if, when Westley saw the dark skies above the city, it reminded him of all those Oblivion gates he closed to save the Empire. And now Vokun is jeopardizing all his work!

I was pleased to see Janus join them. I’ll bet he’s pretty capable. I had to roll my eyes and smile to see that it only took Hastrel a minute or two to start picking at their new companion. My septims are on Hastrel to get punched in the mouth before Vikun does.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 17 2013, 01:20 AM

QUOTE(Acadian @ Jan 16 2013, 06:46 AM) *

I enjoyed learning more about the vampires in Westley’s world from Jakben. goodjob.gif Buffy was scratching her big ears over the fact that they all took turns bathing instead of all just doffing their duds and hopping in. Big prudes! But she’s a wood elf of course and water makes her clothes fall off. . . .

Ahem, back on topic here. . . Yikes! Skingrad’s been ransacked as well. I wonder if, when Westley saw the dark skies above the city, it reminded him of all those Oblivion gates he closed to save the Empire. And now Vokun is jeopardizing all his work!

I was pleased to see Janus join them. I’ll bet he’s pretty capable. I had to roll my eyes and smile to see that it only took Hastrel a minute or two to start picking at their new companion. My septims are on Hastrel to get punched in the mouth before Vikun does.


wow, I can't believe I forgot to add why they didn't take a bath all at the same time and get it over with. Nobody wanted to deal with the racoon, that's why. I just added that part to the story.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 19 2013, 07:00 AM

Free time! This weekend is solely devoted to homework! At least a large portion of it is mad.gif I have attest next week, and I'm probably going to fail it because it's math....

This chapter I'll make sure not to leave out entire sections  rolleyes.gif 


mALX: thanks for the screen! 

QUOTE
Oh, I most def see Hassildor decking Hastrel before too many days have passed, ROFL !! I loved some of the little details you've added to your vampire lore in this one, great world-building! Awesome write !!!


Imbel has been stuck with him for three months. Usually when the vampire council meets, he's the first one there.(he normally arrives to whoever he's staying with's house about two or three months before the day of the meeting and spends the time annoying the crap out of them. Since he usually does that, nobody else in the council will take him, and he usually runs off to Jakben's house. Hassildor doesn't get along with Hastrel at all. He just can't. Not enough patience.)

Elisabeth Hollow: Hastrel is going to drive the poor guy insane though. He apparently drives everyone insane. Then again, he drives everyone insane....

Acadian: I actually forgot to add why they didn't all just jump in and clean up at the same time. I added that part. I was half sleep when I posted that chapter tongue.gif I'll make sure that won't happen again.

QUOTE
Vokun is jeopardizing all his work!





Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 19 2013, 07:01 AM

Almost done

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 19 2013, 08:09 AM

QUOTE
Before he could finish his sentance, I spun around and punched him in the mouth, then sent him cartwheeling down the hill he was in front of.


I literally threw my arms up in the air and shouted "YESS!!!' XD

It also seems we're on the same schedule for updating, lol. I was about to post an update. I'll let people read your story first, though :]

Posted by: mALX Jan 19 2013, 08:47 AM

This fight with Vokun had me in hysterics! Especially these two lines:

"Stop! I'm not an axe," and "Stop! I'm not a ragdoll!" I absolutely loved this chapter, great write!

Posted by: Acadian Jan 19 2013, 08:05 PM

This continues to be a delightful romp across Cyrodiil! After Westley spent the initial part of his fight with Vokun beating himself up against trees and rocks, it was wonderful to finally see Vokun get that punch in the mouth! I heard Liz shouting all the way out here to my rock pile in the desert. tongue.gif

When Westley picked up Vokun, look him in the eye and roared in his face it was magnificent! Then we were quickly snapped right back to the humorous and quick pace when Vokun complained about the werewolf’s breath! Well done!

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 21 2013, 08:30 PM

Elisabeth Hollow:

QUOTE
It also seems we're on the same schedule for updating, lol. I was about to post an update. I'll let people read your story first, though :]

Thanks biggrin.gif Honestly, lately Ive only been updating when I have free time. I'm having more free-time than I thought I would, so I might be able to keep up with my normal updating schedule, but for now, whenever i'm free, i'll post.

mALX: The fight was funny because Vokun couldn't fight back. That and he's not really a person who enjoys heights, so being flung up into the air made him act a bit....strange to say the least.

Acadian: After Westley spent the initial part of his fight with Vokun beating himself up against trees and rocks, it was wonderful to finally see Vokun get that punch in the mouth!

Westley isn't the best fighter. He has horrible fighting tactics, and was so mad at Vokun, he could't think straight, so he ended up crashing into trees instead of hitting his target. Vokun was able to move out of the way of Westley's attacks in time, though in the end, Vokun got the beating he deserved.




Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 21 2013, 08:31 PM

This is awful

Posted by: mALX Jan 22 2013, 04:13 AM

QUOTE

YOU MANGY MUTT!

SPEW !!! This whole entire fight scene had me in hysterics, but that line nearly choked me to death! I am LOVING this story!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 22 2013, 06:22 AM

QUOTE
Hastrel looked as if he was oblivious to the potential threat that this place posed.


This quote sums up everything needed to know about Hastrel right now, lmfao!

Posted by: Acadian Jan 22 2013, 10:36 PM

The wonderful arguments among Westley’s party continue, even in the thick of fighting. biggrin.gif I wonder who the rogue werewolf was? And darn that Vokun - he got away again with nary a punch in the mouth nor errant arrow to the knee this time.

I had to chuckle at the image of our intrepid band given pause to enter an Ayleid ruin. Who knows what nightmares might lay below? Could be vampires, werewolves or other such horrors in there! wink.gif

You did a great job of quickly establishing a fearful atmosphere inside the dungeon. Ah yes, dancing through blade traps. . . .

One notable distraction throughout this delightfully fun episode was that, although you correctly labeled the werewolf as rogue in the title, you then referred to it as ‘rouge’ (a reddish color) throughout the episode.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 25 2013, 08:00 AM

mALX: I'm glad you're enjoying the story smile.gif  in my own opinion I'm not the best writer though. Im not doing so good in Language Arts, especially with essays, and I remember a particular story called "The Carrot" I wrote in class in first grade or kindergarten. I can't remember when I wrote it. The story went like this:

"There once was a carrot, and then a rabbit ate it, and it died." Everything was spelled wrong though, and and I wrote "THE END" when i finished in big red letters and drew a horrible picture to go along with it.  laugh.gif 

Now that nothing of it, compared to "The Carrot", this story isn't half bad huh.gif 

Anyway, thanks for reading mALX, I appreciate it.

Elisabeth Hollow:

QUOTE
This quote sums up everything needed to know about Hastrel right now, lmfao!


You're not that far from the truth rollinglaugh.gif He's quite oblivious of everything around him, and is pretty self-centered.
He'll eventually learn not to be like that though, though it will most likely be the hard way.

Thanks for reading! 

Acadian:
QUOTE
The wonderful arguments among Westley’s party continue, even in the thick of fighting


If there's an argument, it's best to assume that Hastrel started it laugh.gif 

QUOTE
And darn that Vokun - he got away again with nary a punch in the mouth nor errant arrow to the knee this time.


Hmmm....that arrow wouldn't have gone near his knee. He'd be walking around with an arrow through his face if he hadn't been so lucky whistling.gif 

QUOTE
I wonder who the rogue werewolf was?


I'll tell you this much:

He's/she's an important character, so pay close attention to him/her evillol.gif 

And thanks for reading.


Everyone: Thanks for reading, even though there are only three(on rare occasions four). It means a lot that you're taking the time to read my story  smile.gif 

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jan 25 2013, 08:01 AM

This is longer than I remember

Posted by: mALX Jan 25 2013, 03:23 PM

I love the way you divided this chapter up into segments so we could see what was happening with each. Well now I feel sorry for Vokun, you've really brought a new perspective of him with this chapter! Awesome Write!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jan 25 2013, 05:45 PM

Hastrel is a jerk, lol

Posted by: Acadian Jan 26 2013, 07:04 PM

And even dungeon clearing doesn't focus this group on the task at hand. Great fun!

So, Vokun has his own problems and we learn a bit more about the rogue werewolf.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 2 2013, 06:26 PM

mALX:I love the way you divided this chapter up into segments so we could see what was happening with each. Well now I feel sorry for Vokun, you've really brought a new perspective of him with this chapter! Awesome Write!

Don't feel sorry for Vokun. Yes, he's depressed, but he doesn't think before he acts. He's actually killing other people, just so he feels better. That's just one of his bad habits though.

Like I just said, he acts before thinking. Someone could look at him wrong, and if he gets upset....well let's just say that that person goes missing..... whistling.gif  

He also pretends he doesn't care when something bad happens to him. He did care about his family....but when they died he sort of just tried to shake it off and act like he doesn't care so he wouldn't look weak. If there's one thing you should know about Vokun, it's that he can't stand looking weak.

 If he were to die in a way that he considered cowardly, he'd be turning in his grave laugh.gif 

Elisabeth Hollow:

QUOTE
Hastrel is a jerk, lol


He's very self-centered(even more that Vokun, if that's possible.) If he's in danger, and using someone as a human shield could save him, he'd do it. He doesn't care about the consequences as long as they don't kill him or harm him. So....yea. In other words he's a self-centered a******.


EVERYONE: Ignore the crappiness of this post. I had writers block rollinglaugh.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 2 2013, 06:27 PM

Pls no ban mods I'm sorry

Posted by: mALX Feb 2 2013, 07:37 PM

I love your explanation of Vokun in your comment thanks. That does tell a lot about him that I hadn’t picked up yet, thank you!

I love how they gawked at Janus for breezing past the buttons they were unable to activate, lol. Still, this one passage had me rolling, especially after all their trouble escaping the ruin and worrying about Hastrel throughout:

QUOTE

We made our way through the gall with the swinging blades, and to the main entrance of the ruin. Hastrel was sitting on a small rock, fiddling with a few gold coins. He looked up at us.

"I'm hungry"


Awesome Write!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Feb 2 2013, 09:04 PM

I was giggling this whole chapter! I hated when the buttons didn't work. Good job for someone who has writer's block!

Posted by: Acadian Feb 3 2013, 10:10 PM

Oh, those traps sure sound familiar! Damn confusing buttons. Something tells me that for Westley, ‘patience’ is simply two four letter words glued together. wink.gif

What a loot score! An ancient Ayleid carrot! biggrin.gif

A real chuckle at the end to realize Hastrel was safely outside. laugh.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 14 2013, 02:14 AM

mALX

QUOTE
I love how they gawked at Janus for breezing past the buttons they were unable to activate, lol. Still, this one passage had me rolling, especially after all their trouble escaping the ruin and worrying about Hastrel throughout:


The funny thing about it is Hastrel knows how to use all of thise buttons too. He fled the ruin shortly after everyone split up(he pulled himself out of the water when nobody was lokking and waited for everyone to go away from the entrance. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it  smile.gif 

Elisabeth Hollow: I still haeve wriers block. It's annoying panic.gif 

The butons in the ruin  Westley was exploring got stuck, and he lost his patience with it. He doest have much experiece with Aylied ruins either. The only other Aylied ruin he's been in was Miscarcand, and he wasnt very happy about going there. If you've done the main quest, you'll know why  laugh.gif  Thanks for reading  smile.gif 

Acadian:
QUOTE
What a loot score! An ancient Ayleid carrot!
 

That actually happened to me in game. I walked into an Aylied ruin(I forget the name) with about....100 lockpicks. I found a big Aylied cask, and thought "well there must be something good in here!" the lock was very hard. I only had one lockpick left when I managed to finally open the damn thing. And guess what was in it.

A GODDAMN CARROT! mad.gif

I was so pissed off that I turned off the Xbox and went to watch TV rollinglaugh.gif

Thanks for reading my story  smile.gif 

Everyone: Ive decided it would be interesting if I played my villain for this story on skyrim. I also think its a good way to get into Vokun's head to see what he's thinking, explore his personality more, and see what everything is like from his PoV. If you'd like to see a screen, just ask.

Also, I'm still cursed with writer's block, so I'm sorry if this chapter is confusing and terrible kvleft.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 14 2013, 02:15 AM

Thanks for reading this when it was active guys

Posted by: mALX Feb 15 2013, 01:15 AM

QUOTE

Janus popped up from behind a rock and tried to talk some sense into them "Must an argument become this violent?! Aren't we supposed to be on the same side! Let's just go find-AAAHHH!" The Count ducked behind the rock again when Hastrel shot a fireball at him.


QUOTE

Jakben scowled at him. "Who are you, and how DARE you come over hear and criticize our miserable band of misfits?"


The above two quotes nearly killed me laughing, but the section from Vokun’s point of view was heartbreaking. That is twice you’ve made me feel bad for Vokun, regardless of knowing what he’s done. Awesome Write!


*

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Feb 15 2013, 06:22 AM

So Vokun is just insane Wow.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 15 2013, 06:28 AM

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Feb 14 2013, 09:22 PM) *

So Vokun is just insane Wow.


He's a bit more than just insane. He belongs in sheogoraths realm laugh.gif .

To top they he's extremely bitter and vengeful, so that doesn't help his insanity situation, and he's very violent.

Bad combo panic.gif

He also suffers from Post-Traumatic stress disorder.

Posted by: Acadian Feb 15 2013, 08:53 PM

Lol. Hastrel is such a weenie!

Darn, we still don’t know enough about the mysterious Decimus werewolf.

And some good development of Vokun. I can see why he dislikes werewolves so much. But his underlying nature of being a jerk peeks through in how he treated his wife and son. So he still rates a punch in the mouth. tongue.gif

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Feb 15 2013, 08:56 PM

QUOTE(Acadian @ Feb 15 2013, 01:53 PM) *

And some good development of Vokun. I can see why he dislikes werewolves so much. But his underlying nature of being a jerk peeks through in how he treated his wife and son. So he still rates a punch in the mouth. tongue.gif

He sure does.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 20 2013, 01:44 AM

mALX

QUOTE(mALX @ Feb 14 2013, 04:15 PM) *

QUOTE

Janus popped up from behind a rock and tried to talk some sense into them "Must an argument become this violent?! Aren't we supposed to be on the same side! Let's just go find-AAAHHH!" The Count ducked behind the rock again when Hastrel shot a fireball at him.


QUOTE

Jakben scowled at him. "Who are you, and how DARE you come over hear and criticize our miserable band of misfits?" 


The above two quotes nearly killed me laughing, but the section from Vokun’s point of view was heartbreaking.  That is twice you’ve made me feel bad for Vokun, regardless of knowing what he’s done.  Awesome Write!


*


Don't feel bad for Vokun, it's a bad idea! panic.gif

He had a depressing childhood though, but remember, he's already screwed up in the head to the point where it's not possible to help him, and feeling bad for him will not get you anywhere.

rollinglaugh.gif

Thanks for reading mALX  biggrin.gif 




QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Feb 14 2013, 09:22 PM) *

So Vokun is just insane Wow.


Whatever was holding his mind together is officially broken  laugh.gif 

He'd be thriving in the shivering isles though. I wonder where he'd live  huh.gif 

Thanks for reading 'Liz!



QUOTE(Acadian @ Feb 15 2013, 11:53 AM) *

And some good development of Vokun.   I can see why he dislikes werewolves so much.  But his underlying nature of being a jerk peeks through in how he treated his wife and son.  So he still rates a punch in the mouth.   tongue.gif



Sadly, the fight you witnessed in this chapter between Vokun and his wife wasnt the worst of the fights. You'll find out later on the fights would get quite......violent, and Vokun's son could only stand by and watch  kvleft.gif 

But he definitely deserves to be punched in the mouth still  tongue.gif 

And congrats on your new position Acadian  goodjob.gif 

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 20 2013, 01:45 AM

Not much of a writer though

Posted by: mALX Feb 20 2013, 08:02 AM

I really like how you've given everyone distinct personalities in this story! GAAAAH! Cannibals? URK !!!! Awesome Write !!!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Feb 20 2013, 01:58 PM

So Westley got separated and captures by cannibals? GO WOLF, WESTLEY!!!!

Posted by: Acadian Feb 22 2013, 01:20 AM

‘The horizon was a rich golden-orange with hints of light purple, light blue, and pink. The stars were beginning to invade the sky, and it was starting to get dark.’
KoB, this is a nice description and easy to envision. Well done! goodjob.gif

Little Hastrel takes apologizing to a whole new level. laugh.gif

Captured by cannibals! I’m expecting Westley to wake up sitting in a stewpot of water over a big fire! ohmy.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 27 2013, 03:28 AM

mALX: Cannibals are only one of the many nasty "creatures" that war can bring out. Westley and the gang will have to deal with a lot more trouble later on, lol.

Elisabeth Hollow: The cannibals are in for a hell lotta trouble trying to kidnap and eat a werewolf. It won't go well in thier end. And I hope you cheer up soon  biggrin.gif 

Acadian:  thanks Acadian. I enjoy describing things(sometimes I get to carried away though  blink.gif )

QUOTE
Little Hastrel takes apologizing to a whole new level.


When it comes to apologies, he's more useless than ever rollinglaugh.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Feb 27 2013, 03:29 AM

Glad to end this

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Feb 27 2013, 03:50 AM

WESTLEY, NO!! :'(

Posted by: mALX Feb 28 2013, 07:49 AM

*

First off, I am so sorry it took so long to get here and read - very hectic week.

QUOTE

"Are you two sure that Namira even wants us to commit cannibalism?"

GAAAAAH! Urk!

QUOTE

"WHAT AM I, THE HORSE WHISPERER?!" Smooth-Scales hissed

SPEW!!! LOVE your humorous dialogue, and it always catches me by surprise when you tuck it into a serious situation - I need to stop sipping drinks when reading your story !!



QUOTE

"I'm sorry, this isn't important, but you keep saying ta instead of the"

Afer frowned "Well excuse me for havin' a funny accent! You don't sound normal yourself!"


SPEW!!! ROFL !!!

QUOTE

He laid on the ground, his shirt and pants soaked in crimson blood, his dark brown eyes wide open, and a look of terror was stricken on his face. I threw my head back and let out a blood-curdling howl, and it echoed loudly in the dead of the night.


Oh dear gods Westley, NO !!!!!!! Urk!!! What a cliffhanger, I hope Westley runs away! GAAAAAH! Awesome Write!


*

Posted by: Acadian Feb 28 2013, 04:59 PM

I chuckled to learn that the smartest of the little cannibal band had four legs. Never doubt the judgment of a horse when it comes to sensing danger.

‘I put my hand on his shoulder "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten my name. I'm just not sure I can trust you."
Westley shows much wisdom here, tempering honesty with prudence.

"I'm sorry, this isn't important, but you keep saying ta instead of the"
A delightful technique here. When something may cause the reader pause, addressing it right in the story is a great choice!

‘I realized that The Ring Of Hircine had fallen off my finger when the cart flipped.’
Similarly here, you answered an unspoken question just as it might have occurred to the astute reader.

Afer is likable, but has just made a suicidal error in judgment. Westley’s reaction is terrifying but justified. A very powerful ending to this episode!

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Apr 2 2013, 06:51 PM

STOP BEING LAZY AND CONTINUE THIS DAMN STORY!! XD

Posted by: mALX Apr 3 2013, 09:23 AM



Missing your story, Kobby! Hope you can pick it up again when you get over being sick from those damn pills!






Posted by: King Of Beasts Apr 4 2013, 06:02 AM

Elisabeth Hollow: Westley acted out of self-defense.Like Acadian said, Westley's actions may have been scary(and maybe even a bit harsh), but he had a good reason. Had Afer not attacked him, things would have Hine very differently.

mALX: sorry you were having a crazy week mALX, I hope everything is a bit better now  sad.gif 

QUOTE
SPEW!!! LOVE your humorous dialogue, and it always catches me by surprise when you tuck it into a serious situation - I need to stop sipping drinks when reading your story !!


Yes, please, I don't want to be responsible for paying your repair bill rollinglaugh.gif

QUOTE
Oh dear gods Westley, NO !!!!!!! Urk!!! What a cliffhanger, I hope Westley runs away! GAAAAAH! Awesome Write!


Like I said to Liz, he had a good reason for doing what he did! Afer brought death upon himself!

Acadian:

QUOTE
Afer is likable, but has just made a suicidal error in judgment. Westley’s reaction is terrifying but justified. A very powerful ending to this episode!


Thank you rollinglaugh.gif you said it far better than I could have, lol.

QUOTE
I chuckled to learn that the smartest of the little cannibal band had four legs. Never doubt the judgment of a horse when it comes to sensing danger.


Yup. And the cannibals made the mistake of dismissing the horse's warnings.... 

Everyone: sorry it took so long to post this. I went to Africa and got sick. I was also being a bit lazy, tongue.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Apr 4 2013, 06:03 AM

Removed

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Apr 4 2013, 06:15 AM

QUOTE
"I GO WHERE I PLEASE!"


"I DO WHAT I WANT!!"

rollinglaugh.gif I love their arguments so much XD

Posted by: Acadian Apr 4 2013, 04:45 PM

Yay! Westley lifted that ol’ wagon and freed the horse. happy.gif

"Actually Imbel, I'm pretty sure if you looked hard enough, you could find a building or plant that will attempt to eat you-"
True, this.

“Besides, you'll be less scary if you're dead."
Also quite true. ohmy.gif

Welcome back KoB. Another fun episode, as concern for Westley is rapidly replaced by the neverending bickering of Jakben and Hastrel. I don’t know how long Janus will be willing to continue trying to referee. tongue.gif

Posted by: mALX Apr 4 2013, 07:14 PM

*

GAAAAH! Westley's going to kill Smooth-Scales? Urk!

QUOTE

Hastrel shrieked "STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU BRUTE!"

"We're screwed. He's screwed. We're all going to starve and die out here. Maybe we'll get eaten by a bear or something. If I die I hope it's a quick death. I don't want to stand here and get mauled while I slowly and painfully bleed to death." Jakben scowled

"You're being a bit negative..."

"I actually enjoy making your blood pressure go through the roof, becasue then you have a higher chance of having a heart-attack!"

SPEW !!! ROFL !!! This whole section had me in hysterics! You haven't lost your touch, Kobby! Awesome Write, and I am so happy you are back and writing it again!



*

Posted by: King Of Beasts Apr 29 2013, 12:54 AM

Elisabeth Hollow:

The arguing has barely begun rollinglaugh.gif

Acadian:

Janus will be tearing his hair out pretty soon, lol. Hastrel and Jakben agreed to stop fighting, but that's not going to happen rollinglaugh.gif

mALX:

BLECH. I've been busy lately, lol. Haven't had much time to sit down and write, lol


Posted by: King Of Beasts Apr 29 2013, 12:55 AM

Wow this is so much longer than I thought

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Apr 29 2013, 01:45 AM

MAN Hastrel gets mad! They push each others' buttons a whole lot. And Poor Westley is looooost.

Posted by: mALX Apr 29 2013, 05:39 AM

QUOTE

Janus fumed "Has anyone EVER told you about your temperament issues?!"

ROFL !!! Like he doesn't have them too, lol.

QUOTE

Jakben gave The Count an irritated look "I've had several people file complaints about my temper

SPEW!!!! ROFL !!!

The whole fight between Imbel and Hastrel had me in hysterics, then Imbel shouts this:
QUOTE

"THIS ISN'T VIOLENCE, HASTREL AND I HAVE SIMPLY COME TO A DISAGREEMENT!"

I lost coffee everywhere, ROFL !!!

It was so good to see you finally updating again!



Posted by: Acadian Apr 29 2013, 04:14 PM

Nice to learn that Smooth-Scales likely survived.

‘Hastrel shivered "I'm cold! I want a blanket!"’
Ooh, this really nails the little whiner!

Gosh, if I was Westley, I’m not sure I’d want to be found by the three vampiric arguing amigos! tongue.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jul 1 2013, 07:50 AM

Elisabeth Hollow: Yeah, he gets pissed, but a short walk and he'll be all better tongue.gif

mALX: I'll be updating a bit more often now. I've had my break, lol

Acadian: You'd expect Hastrel to be the LAST person complaining about the cold, considering he's form Skyrim, lol

Lol. If I had to deal with all the arguing, I'd take the first carriage to the end of the world rollinglaugh.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jul 1 2013, 07:51 AM

So long

Posted by: Acadian Jul 1 2013, 03:53 PM

Seems like Westley’s having a rather nerve-wracking walk trying to escape the bad vampires and get back to his friends, the good vampires. biggrin.gif

Wow, Jakben sure made short work of those bandits! ohmy.gif

Janus hoarding food making poor Hastrel drink dead bandit blood! laugh.gif

Gosh it’s nice to see you continuing the madcap adventures of Westley and Company! smile.gif

Posted by: mALX Jul 1 2013, 08:15 PM







QUOTE

The echo of my voice resonated quietly in the clamor of the nighttime forest. I sniffed the air. The smell of undeath had vanished into thin air like a ghost in the night. Nothing. I was alone.


What a great paragraph! I love the imagery you conjured with this!

QUOTE

"There's two of you, and five of us. What are you gonna do, Bret-" The bandit chief was cut off when Jakben sunk his blade into the man's neck.


BWAAHAA! I love this !!!

Jakben’s fight with the bandits was Awesome!

You had me screaming laughing at Janus waking up and accusing Jakben of stealing his ring! ROFL!

QUOTE

"Then let me look inside the pack."

The Count's angry expression turned into a nervous one


You’re killing me! ROFL !!!


QUOTE

"YOU HAVE ENOUGH FOOD IN HERE TO LAST A FEW WEEKS!"

"I apologize for my gluttony..."


SPEW !!!


QUOTE

Janus tried to slink away


*mALX choked to death laughing*


AWESOME WRITE! And so good to see you posting again !!! You have been missed!




Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jul 1 2013, 08:19 PM

I've been pestering him to write for three weeks now XD

Posted by: mALX Jul 1 2013, 08:42 PM

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Jul 1 2013, 03:19 PM) *

I've been pestering him to write for three weeks now XD



Good girl, you hounded him back to the front lines! Lol.




Posted by: King Of Beasts Jul 1 2013, 08:45 PM

Liz gets a treat tongue.gif

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Jul 27 2013, 07:37 PM

WRITE.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Jul 27 2013, 07:40 PM

I'm working on it rollinglaugh.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Sep 14 2013, 04:11 AM

Come back later

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Sep 14 2013, 04:14 AM

NO!

Posted by: mALX Sep 14 2013, 04:21 AM



Hey, what happened? I thought Kobby made a chapter post!



Posted by: King Of Beasts Sep 14 2013, 04:22 AM

I did. The chapter isn't done yet. Gimme a minute, I'm almost done, lol.

Posted by: mALX Sep 14 2013, 04:58 AM



Before my PC restarts without my knowledge again I'm getting this up here - already lost one full comment tonight!


Ooh, sounds like Rex is close on Decimus's trail, GAAAAH! He caught him! Uh-Oh, dirty dealings, urk.

Westley, now we're talking! GAAAAH! Where are Jak and Janus to help him? Urk, oh no!

Awesome Write!




Posted by: King Of Beasts Sep 14 2013, 05:05 AM

Almost done

Posted by: mALX Sep 14 2013, 05:23 AM



I wondered who had Westley! Urk! I hope Jak and Janus get there in time to save him - or rather Jak, lol.

QUOTE

"Why are you pestering me?!"

"Because you're currently the muscle of the group."


ROFL !! Exactly what I said above, ROFL !!!

OH CRAP! They are all surrounded! GAAAAH! Jak can't help Westley now, URK !!! AWESOME WRITE! I am so glad you finished adding to the story, it added a LOT !!!




Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Sep 14 2013, 12:27 PM

Poor Westley and Jak XD

Posted by: Acadian Sep 15 2013, 05:54 PM

I am so delighted to see you continuing Westley’s wonderful romp through Cyrodiil!

I hope you will permit me to offer an experienced-based suggestion that I have found very useful. I recommend preceding your story updates with a brief author’s comments section. The primary purpose of this is to express your appreciation to each reader who took the time to read and comment on your last episode – this helps to keep them coming back! tongue.gif The secondary purpose can be to provide just a sentence or two about where we are in the story – sort of like with a TV series ‘in our last episode’. That brings your readers up to speed and ready to jump right in. With a pretty good number of great stories on the forum and sometimes lengthy chunks of time between updates, that is always a good idea.

’Rex walked down a hidden trail leading into the woods. He listened to the rhythmic sounds of the leaves and sticks crunching and snapping beneath his boots, and embraced the feeling of the coolness of the night air blowing against his dark skin.’ - - The opening piece of a new scene or episode is always important, and this one was a gem. Majestic wording here as you use one sentence to set so much of the scene.

’Rex continued to observe the scene "Thats a lot of blood you've wasted. The trees and rocks don't need it. There are hungry vampires out there..." - - Now, Johnny, be a good little vampire and finish your blood. There are unfortunate vampire children who have to live in squalid caves and don’t have enough blood to drink. laugh.gif Seriously, it looks like quite the conspiracy between Rex and Decimus. I can see where you plucked this episode’s title from now!

Uh oh. Westley’s getting waylaid and captured faster than he can get back to his ‘friends’. kvright.gif

And finally, back among the three amigo vampires, they get jumped by a werewolf! Maybe Hastrel’s “I’m dead meat” is prophetic after all? Eeep! ohmy.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Sep 19 2013, 06:01 AM

mALX: Sorry for the confusion. I had accidentally pressed add reply a bit too early, and ended up posting half a chapter, lol! Thanks do your kind words happy.gif


Liz: Westley just isn't having much luck, lol. He's wandering down a trail completely naked and vulnerable to attack. Lucky for him, there are people actually trying to fight the vampires.

Acadian: Im gonna start updating more regularly now, lol. My brain seems to be functioning again, so... laugh.gif




Everyone:

So I'm gonna take Acadian's advice and write a brief catch up on the last chapter.

So we left off with Westley wandering down the trail, aware he was being followed. Of course things go from bad to worse, and he ends up being captured. Meanwhile, Hastrel is pestering Jakben with his paranoid beliefs that they are being watched. His paranoia seems to be true, as they are under the attack of a werewolf.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Sep 19 2013, 06:02 AM

Almost done

Posted by: mALX Sep 19 2013, 10:11 AM

QUOTE

A man with short dark hair and steel gray eyes surveyed the area. He had a cold, hard expression on his broad face. His mouth curled downward into a frown as one of his allies was struck down and drained by one of the vampires. He rolled the hilt of the sword between his hand, and let out a battle cry as he lunged forward and cut clean through the neck of a vampire.


This is a spectacular line! Holy Cow, Kobby; what a great descriptive and visual you gave here! Awesome!

What a neat storyline, that he would have been eaten and was rescued - very cool that !!!

QUOTE

It angrily swiped at him, managing to miss the small Breton every time.


SPEW!!! Figures Hastrel, the little weasel! ROFL !!!

You had me in hysterics with the werewolf's swipes missing Hastrel every time, ROFL !!!

Then to sit and watch Jak die when he jumped in to save Hastrel !!! Grrrrr!

Oooh, Hastrel better be looking over his shoulder if he leaves Jak to be werewolf meat! Grrr!

AWESOME WRITE !!!



Posted by: Acadian Sep 20 2013, 02:38 PM

Oh thanks for the perfect little summary of where we are before this update. goodjob.gif

What a great job you did as the Legion came to Westley’s rescue! mALX was surely right about how good your description of the Legion contingent's leader was. I wanted to stand up and cheer as they set about the task of carving vampires - very well done. Now, get that young man some pants. laugh.gif

And on to the shrieking but nimble antics of Hastrel as he dances with an angry werewolf! Whew, that’s a handy paralysis spell Hastrel’s got. Uh oh, he better heal Jakben or he won’t have anyone to listen to his whining!



Posted by: King Of Beasts Oct 29 2013, 07:24 AM

What was I thinking

Posted by: mALX Oct 29 2013, 05:38 PM


Holy Cow, you have really painted a scary version of what is going on in Cyrodiil! I was so wrapped up in what was happening to Westley, Imbel, Hassildor, etc - that I didn't even think about the rest of the war going on !!!

This whole chapter was amazing, the descriptions of the aftermath - huge write !!!

Thank the gods, Jakben was saved! Nice twist !!! Awesome Write !!!








Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Oct 29 2013, 05:55 PM

Ooooooh, sexy wolf lady!

Posted by: Acadian Oct 30 2013, 03:05 PM

I'm so glad to see you updating and continuing Westley's story!

‘I started to wonder if they had any medical supplies to help heal wounds and illnesses. If they didn't, it would be best to avoid being hurt. Perhaps that included staying out of fights?’ - - Good thinkin’ Wes! biggrin.gif

‘All I want is one normal day. No wars, no being noticed, just a normal, relaxing day where I could just walk through the arboretum in the imperial city without being pestered. One normal day.’ - - Aww, Westley needs a vacation! I hear the Shivering Isles is lovely this time of year? Uh, nevermind. wink.gif

What a surprise for Jakben that, when the werewolf recovered fully from that spell, she transformed into someone who didn’t want to eat him! Being dragged through the woods by a nekked woman? Well, I suppose things could be worse. goodjob.gif

Posted by: King Of Beasts Nov 9 2013, 03:51 AM

Lock this thread please mods

Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Nov 9 2013, 02:11 PM

Hey, you accidentally called Athena Aphrodite in there somewhere.

And nice! I hope everyone meets up in Bruma safely.

Posted by: King Of Beasts Nov 9 2013, 03:07 PM

Took me like ten minutes to find it rollinglaugh.gif

Thanks for pointing that out

Posted by: Acadian Nov 9 2013, 07:00 PM

Looks like Westley’s getting warmed up, fed, some sleep and will be heading for Bruma. You did a nice job around the fire and with the Legion Commander.

Then we get a name for the nekkid woman and meet her brother. Gosh, Jakben could argue with anyone! laugh.gif


Posted by: Elisabeth Hollow Nov 9 2013, 07:14 PM

He DOES argue with anyone XD

Posted by: mALX Sep 13 2014, 02:20 AM

QUOTE

"I wasn't gonna eat you! I was going to dismember you and leave your body for wild animals."

“Oh, well in that case…” - ROFL! Love that line! In fact the whole scene between Jakben and the woman had me in hysterics – the silent treatment! Bwaahaaahaaa!!!!!

QUOTE
"YOU TRIED TO EAT ME!" Jakben turned red with anger

SPEW!

@ Acadian - You had me dying laughing with your comment, lol.

Posted by: Acadian Sep 13 2014, 02:23 AM

Thanks, mALX! This is a great time, methinks, to remind dear Kobby that we'd love to hear more of Westley's adventures. tongue.gif

Powered by Invision Power Board (http://www.invisionboard.com)
© Invision Power Services (http://www.invisionpower.com)