 The Storm, Who knows what will happen on Orvis' fortieth birthday? |
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| wasnteventrying |
 Apr 6 2008, 12:51 PM
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#1
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 Associate Joined: 5-April 08 From: Khuul, Vvardenfel  |
The Storm It was storming outside, but it wasn't your normal brand of everyday storm, this storm was an evil storm. This storm was the kind of storm that un-rooted trees and threw them across all of tamriel, it was the kind of storm that made you want to grab a mess-load of pillows and lay down in front of the furnace until the morning came. This was an evil storm. Orvis Hlaalu sat in his basement-level study. The storm outside was raging, the fire in his furnace the same. He tried his hardest to concentrate on his novel. His mind kept wandering to the storm. I've never seen a storm like this in my life. Orvis thought to himself. I hope they make it here alright. Orvis' friends were supposed to visit him today. Today was Orvis' birthday, his fortieth birthday. Orvis had invited his four closest friends. He knew his lesser friends wouldn't even consider traveling all the way out to his shack in the Sheogorad Region. The reason Orvis lived alone out in the middle of the desolate Sheogorad Region was so that he could keep focused on his writing and also to give him un-interrupted inspiration. He found city living to hard of an environment for a novelist. Orvis decided to stretch his legs for awhile. He got up out of his desk and began to stretch. Crack!, Orvis' back had popped. He sat back down in his chair. "I have only just turned forty and already the side-effects of old age are kicking in." Orvis cursed out loud to himself. "Lets give this another go shall we." Orvis began to ease himself out of the chair, slowly this time. When he was standing fully erect he let go of the desk. "There we go, second times the charm." A strange sound started eminating out of Orvis' bowels. "Better put some tea on." Orvis began to leave the confines of his study when, CRACK!, a lighting bolt struck nearby. "Oh my god!" Orvis screamed. He ran to the front door to inspect the damage. He opened the door and three figures were staring at him as if in disbelief. Orvis immediately recognized them. "Khajar, Maximus, Elna do please come in." Not one of them moved. "Whats the matter, you all look like you've seen a ghost." The imperial, Maximus began to speak. "It's Whispers-to-Trees he was struck by that lighting bolt, the poor scaly fellow never saw it coming." Orvis looked at them with the same expression that they all held. "He died just now?" Orvis asked, still in disbelief. "Yah, he's right over there." Maximus pointed to an indistinguishable pile of ash. "Oh my god!" Orvis said, staring at his former friend the ash pile. CRACK!, another lightning bolt his the same spot, the pile of ash was gone. "Everybody inside quick." Orvis said, moving aside so his remaining friends could enter. He led them to his living room. "Everyone have a seat." He ordered, while sliding in to one of his softer chairs. "Khajar cannot believe what he has just seen." said Orvis', furry friend. "One minute he was there and one minute he was ash." Orvis looked towards Elna, she still hadn't said a word. "Elna do you want to talk about it" Orvis asked. She said nothing, she just gazed at the wall opposite her. "Whispers-to-Trees was a good man, or lizard, or whatever you want to call him." Maximus said. "I for one say we break out a bottle of mead and celebrate his life." Maximus added. "Khajar agrees with Maximus, Khajar think we should honor his death with a toast." The Khajiit replied, while simultaneously licking his tail. "I guess I'll go pour us a couple glasses then." Orvis said, while pulling himself out of the chair. "What is wrong with your people?" Elna asked, finally speaking. "One of your dearest friends just died and all you can think about is alcohol, you all disgust me." Everyone grew quiet. "She's right." Orvis said while sliding back down into his chair. "We shouldn't be thinking abou..." Just then all of the candles in the shack blew out. "What the hell is going on?" Maximus asked his friend. "I don't know" replied Orvis. "The wind must have blew them out." Orvis added. "Khajar does not like this, Khajar does not like this at..." Khajar stopped in mid-sentence. "HSSSSSSSSHHHAHAAHH" Khajar screamed. "What Khajar?" Orvis asked. The candles relit, the room instantly lit up again. "This is getting stranger and stranger every minute." Maximus said. "Khajar what happened when the lights were out, what did your feline eyes see?" Orvis asked, wondering what could cause a Khajiit to scream like that. "Damnit Khajar, answer him!" Maximus yelled across the room. "What did you see!" Maximus was becoming angered. The Khajiit started to speak. "Elna." He muttered. "It killed Elna" Orvis was puzzled. "What are you talking about Elna is right..." A feeling of terror overcame Orvis. Elna his friend was nowhere to be seen. "What in the name of Talos!" Maximus yelled." "What took her, and how do you know she is dead!" Orvis asked, his voice shaky. Khajar lifted one of his clawed fingers and pointed to the ceiling. Both Orvis and Maximus followed his finger. "My god." Maximus said, staring at the horrid scene before him. What Orvis saw could not be described in words. Elna, his friend and former girlfriend, was dead, she was stapled to the ceiling by no less than fifty knives. Her eyes and a mouth wide open with terror. "What kind of evil thing would do this!" Orvis shouted to the skys. "What monster would murder without reason" The light of the candles were starting to fade again. "Khajar, Maximus, qet up quickly, follow me." Orvis jumped off of his chair, immediately followed by Maximus and Khajar. He led them down to the basement. Just as the three of them entered the room, the lights went out. Orvis immediately slammed the door shut also locking it. The basement was bright and warm. Orvis silently thanked Azura for that. "Do you think we are all safe in here?" The feline asked. "What, do you think the shadow creature couldn't just break down the door if it wanted to? " Khajar added. "Shut your damn mouth cat." Maximus yelled. "What is the big bad imperial scared." Maximus' eyes filled with rage, as he unsheathed his broadsword and ran towards the Khajiit. "No!" Orvis shouted, but it was too late. Maximus' blade had already sunken into Khajar's chest. Khajar looked up at Maximus, and muttered something in a foreign tongue. Moments later he fell over dead. Maximus' blood drenched sword sliding out of his body. "What have you done?" Orvis screamed. "I... I... I don't know what came over me I was just so mad." Maximus said, still staring at the dead Khajiit. "You stay away from me you... you... you monster." Orvis ran over to his desk, and pulled his steel shortsword out of one of the drawers. "If you get any closer I will kill you." Orvis said to the imperial. "Orvis it wasn't my fault, it was like something made me do it... you have to believe me I would never kill Khajar. "I don' t believe you, now get out of my house!" Maximus looked honestly hurt. "Where will I go, there is no shelter for miles and we're in the middle of a raging storm." Orvis locked eyes with Maximus. " I do not care where you go, just get out of my house!" Maximus' face started to change. "Have it your way friend!" Maximus yelled as he ran towards Orvis. Orvis had never fought anyone before. In a matter of seconds he was on the ground with a sword to his throat. "Any last words Orvis?" Orvis was gripped with terror. There was nothing he could do Maximus was too strong for him. "I guess thats a no." Maximus brought the sword up, and just as he was bringing it down the window snapped open, and an unknown force pulled Maximus off of Orvis. "What is this, some kind of magic?" Maximus was floating five feet above the ground. Orvis didn't know what to think. All of the sudden Maximus was jerked backwards and pulled out of the window, his body was instantly crushed. "AHHHHHHHHH" Orvis could hear his scream slowly fade the farther his body was pulled. Orvis backed himself against the wall farthest from the window. He knew he was helpless against his unseen foe. "Why is this happening to me!" He yelled to no one. He backed up farther into the wall. "What have I done to upset the gods!" He clenched his shortsword in his hand. "What crime could I have commited to make you hate me so!" He brought the sword up to his neck. "I'll save you the trouble of having to kill me yourself." Orvis slid the metal over his throat. His head fall back against the wall. Blood was pouring out of the gaping hole in his neck. He began to choke on his own blood, and then the pain stopped. Orvis was dead. Moments after Orvis' death, the knives in the livingroom ceiling began to fall, with each thud she became more free. When all fifty knives hit the ground Elna gently glided down. She slowly began to walk to the front door, but before she opened the door she spoke eight last words. "Thats what happens when you dump Elna Greysummon." She then opened the door revealing a beautiful sky. There wasn't a rain cloud in sight. The End This post has been edited by wasnteventrying: Apr 7 2008, 12:31 AM -------------------- "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" |
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| The Peacock King |
Apr 6 2008, 04:27 PM
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#2
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 Associate Joined: 1-April 08 From: On my throne in Peacock Land |
No offence, but it's a little hard to read. Not the content, the formatting.
I'd suggest following the new speaker, new line policy. Let me demonstrate. Now this is how you've done it: QUOTE(wasnteventrying @ Apr 6 2008, 12:51 PM)  "What the hell is going on?" Maximus asked his friend. "I don't know" replied Orvis. "The wind must have blew them out." Orvis added. "Khajar does not like this, Khajar does not like this at..." Khajar stopped in mid-sentence. "HSSSSSSSSHHHAHAAHH" Khajar screamed. "What Khajar?" Orvis asked. The candles relit, the room instantly lit up again. "This is getting stranger and stranger every minute." Maximus said. "Khajar what happened when the lights were out, what did your feline eyes see?" Orvis asked, wondering what could cause a Khajiit to scream like that. "Damnit Khajar, answer him!" Maximus yelled across the room. "What did you see!" Maximus was becoming angered. The Khajiit started to speak. "Elna." He muttered. "It killed Elna" Orvis was puzzled. "What are you talking about Elna is right..." A feeling of terror overcame Orvis. Elna his friend was nowhere to be seen. "What in the name of Talos!" Maximus yelled. "What took her, and how do you know she is dead!" Khajar lifted one of his clawed fingers and pointed to the ceiling. Both Orvis and Maximus followed his finger. "My god." Maximus said, staring at the horrid scene before him. New speaker, new line looks like this: QUOTE(wasnteventrying @ Apr 6 2008, 12:51 PM) "What the hell is going on?" Maximus asked his friend. "I don't know" replied Orvis. "The wind must have blew them out." Orvis added. "Khajar does not like this, Khajar does not like this at..." Khajar stopped in mid-sentence. "HSSSSSSSSHHHAHAAHH" Khajar screamed. "What Khajar?" Orvis asked. The candles relit, the room instantly lit up again. "This is getting stranger and stranger every minute." Maximus said. "Khajar what happened when the lights were out, what did your feline eyes see?" Orvis asked, wondering what could cause a Khajiit to scream like that. "Damnit Khajar, answer him!" Maximus yelled across the room. "What did you see!" Maximus was becoming angered. The Khajiit started to speak. "Elna." He muttered. "It killed Elna" Orvis was puzzled. "What are you talking about Elna is right..." A feeling of terror overcame Orvis. Elna his friend was nowhere to be seen. "What in the name of Talos!" Maximus yelled. "What took her, and how do you know she is dead!" Khajar lifted one of his clawed fingers and pointed to the ceiling. Both Orvis and Maximus followed his finger. "My god." Maximus said, staring at the horrid scene before him. It just makes it easier to read. A solid block of text is quite intimidating to read, especially when it's not easy to see who is saying what. Personally I find the default font setting easier to read as well, but that might be just me  -------------------- I AM THE PEACOCK KING, FEAR MY FEATHERS!
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| wasnteventrying |
Apr 7 2008, 12:14 AM
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#3
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Associate Joined: 5-April 08 From: Khuul, Vvardenfel |
Think you for the advice TPK, I will edit this story and try to fuse this formatting into any future ones.
 -------------------- "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" |
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