I agree, very powerful. I am really growing to admire the way that you are able to give the sense of elongated time through Firen’s description. When he is hiding from the dunmer the seconds seem to stretch which heightens the suspense. That is not an easy thing to do well, but it seems like you pull it off effortlessly. Well done.

This one line stays with me the most, due to it power:
for all the guilt I felt my hatred of the Dres burned bright enough to illuminate that dark place.

A good bit of showing rather than telling in your description of Firen's fear as they tried to sneak past the FG woodcutter. You really turned up the tension with that part, as Firen broke the branch and sweated it out as it seemed the Dunmer would see him.

One of the things I particularly liked about that entire scene was that it put the spotlight on one of Firen's weaknesses - not being very sneaky. Likewise his internal musings that he was not as good a fighter as he used to be. One of the hardest things for many writers to do is show the limitations of their protagonist. But the more we see of them, the more believable and real the characters become.


nits:
I wandered how many of the dead he'd known.
I think you meant wondered here.

"If you think we can get through then the run to the marshes is open."
I am thinking that is them?

The argonians saw it as a gift from god,
Did you mean the gods? I did not think anyone in Tamriel was monotheistic.

I tensed, my nerves taught as a crossbow string
I am thinking you want taut here.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Apr 7 2010, 09:17 PM

Loved it, the sneaking part was exceptionally well written! very tense.

I"m still reading and enjoying this.

This last chapter has been very tense, and brought back memories of my own sneaking around (in Oblivion, true, but-), especially at lower levels. It's such a challenge to master it, and quite dangerous, too, if you only do it when you need to do it.

Those darned pesky dry branches! Only thing worse is the leaf litter in the fall!

The tension and suspense during this portion of the chapter is heavily palpable. Believe me, I was holding my breath the entire time!

Thanks for the comments all, I appriciate them. I'm glad the tension worked, the last part was sort of an excersise in writing it so it appears I managed well enough - thanks for rating.

SubRosa - agreed on all those points, homonyms will be the end of me, I never seem to see them on redrafts. The 'then' was meant to be then but with a comma before it. Thanks for pointing them out, I had a good look though the next chapter and saw a few so hopefully I got them all.

Due to a failure to plan chapter lengths properly this is quite a short one.


30. An Old Friend

As dawn bled rose into the eastern sky we approached the river Kithen. The following evening I would be convincing them to attack Tear. The most audacious strike made in a generation, and a grave risk, but one I had to take. I allowed my mind to wander, the night had been long and we would make camp on the other side. I pondered how best to cross the river, the map showed a ford and a bridge. The former was a bad sign, to mark a ford suggested that the river was too swift and deep to simply swim across. It was a dilemma, though not a terrible one, I weighed the danger and unreliability of the ford against the indiscretion of the bridge before raising the subject.

"We will camp on the other side of the Kithen," I said.

"Yes," Grey-tail agreed.

"I think it may be hard to cross, there is a bridge three miles west, but we are more likely to cross a ford slightly to the east unseen."

"Fords are bad places," said Keel-ha, "The middle is a bad place to be when people are hunting you."

"With luck it won't be a difficult one," I replied.

"I prefer more than luck."

I nodded, it was wise, "Hides, could you scout west and look at the bridge. We'll make for the ford and if it looks difficult await you there."

"Yes, take my pack," she passed it to Okun who swung it onto his back.

"I will accompany you," said Keel-ha.

"You'll only slow me down."

"It would be safer."

"Firen says there is no Fighter's Guild here. Is there?"

"I doubt it," it was as good as saying no and meant I didn't have to lie. Alusan might have left a patrol to look west, but they should be well away from here.

"I still should," he repeated.

"No," she looked to me for support.

I didn't really want to get involved, but she didn't want his worry. He did himself no favours with it, "Stay with us." I said.

Keel-ha looked to Grey-tail who nodded, "We may need an archer." He slunk to the back of the group as Hides ran away to the right of our path.


When we reached it the river was in spate. The turgid waters churned and boiled like a stirred cauldron, folding under themselves and rearing up over rocks before thundering back down. I had my doubts about the ford and beyond the next group of trees they were confirmed. The map had been generous, the ford would barely be a crossing if the river was low. I looked at it and wanted to curse the waters. I was tired, and I didn't appreciate them proving me wrong.

We looked at the swollen river in silence until Okun cried out. He cut himself off and crouched, "Down," he said, "There are men on the other side." I looked across, he was right. Five figures walked by the rocky side of the river, it was hard to make out in the weak light but two looked more of the stature of orcs. Certainly they weren't dunmer.

"Two orcs, and three men," said Keel-ha, "I think you may have been wrong Firen."

"So it would appear. Have they seen us?" It looked like luck was with us, they were not reacting as I would have expected, rather they walked up the bank of the river on the other side, drawing level with our position. As they passed out of the trees where the light was better I caught a glimpse of their leader. An orc with a dreugh shield and glass hatchet. I knew an orc who carried those tools, and though the distance was too great for me to see his face I could not believe there was another. Loghash Gro-Ogdub, we had shared a few drinks in our time, when I wasn't feeling picky about company. The guild was, the past tense felt strange, but somehow good, a strange group; there were the half retired drunkards, like myself, waiting for an unlucky blow or bad dose to snuff our problems. Others were just greedy and wanted to get rich quick, at least initially. Then there was Loghash's sort who did it because they enjoyed it. Perhaps they were the purest fighters: it wasn't money that drove him, it was the power of smashing the life out of those weaker than him. For that type it was the guild or jail. I had killed enough people in my career, but it didn't mean I enjoyed it, not like that madman. Even the argonians served a purpose higher than blind destruction. But that he was unexpected fitted, he was the very antithesis of Arusan; impulsive, aggressive, a doer, not a thinker. His solution to any problem was a headlong charge. "I know that orsimer," I said, "They're fighters' guild."

"Great," said Grey-tail, "I don't fancy this ford."

"Which would be why they're continuing to the bridge," said Okun.

"Correct I'd say, we'll have to use the ford to avoid them," I replied.

"If they're heading for the bridge we have to warn Hides," said Keel-ha. He crouched up as if to run west.

"Why?" I replied, "She'll be coming back before they get there. And she can handle herself."

He glared at me.

"There's no point," said Grey-tail, "How would you find her?"

He looked annoyed for a moment then settled, "We should wait for her here then."

Kieras glared at him, "Why?" he moved into argonian, "Let her be, you'd do better if you gave her some space."

Keel-ha glared at him.

"He's right," I said in argonian.

We broke into silence and gave time for the fighters to get far enough away.


The ford was hard. The bottom was shallower and had been flattened but that just made the current stronger. Not even the argonians fancied being washed away. Drowning might not worry them, but being smashed to pieces still could. I waded into the waters pull and braced against it, we had nothing to anchor ourselves with so we were each on our own. Perhaps it was best that way. Fortunately it stayed only a little more than knee deep right across. Still I couldn't help but wonder what might have happened had we been a few minutes earlier, or later. I had been too confident I knew my enemy. The chance had been forced into their leader's plan by those higher up, my old and unreliable friend was that chance element which had so nearly brought it all down.

My foot slipped on a rounded pebble and I dropped a little. The water grabbed at the extra leg and for an instant I teetered. Then I regained myself. The rapid washed away my thoughts along with the piss running down my leg. That had kissed the lip of disaster. After my slip my progress was painstakingly slow. I was at the three quarter mark and still just ahead of the others when Hides appeared on the other side. "You've started... Good," she called, "The bridge has washed away... But how did you know?"

Excellent description of the ford. You vividly capture how dangerous the water is. Likewise with Firen recognizing the leader of the FG contingent there, and his reminisces of the guild.

The ending gave me a laugh, with Hides commenting on the bridge being washed away! I think that is the first laugh for me in this series!

I think the post length was fine though. I know you tend to go for longer chapters. When I write I simply make them as long as I need to be, and this was long enough to do what it needed to.

nits:
As dawn bled rose into the eastern sky we approached the river Kithen.
I am thinking rose is a leftover from a previous edit? "As dawn bled" is an outstanding metaphor, and very suited to the grim mood you have.

Awesome! The description of the river, the reminiscence about the Orc fighter, and the actual crossing itself are all beautifully written!

i didn't see any nits this time. Looks like you're doing great in that regard as well.

I see I have been ninja'd by SubRosa.

Good job!

The last paragraph is HUGE! Very powerful write!

Well seeing as the last piece was short as I wanted to break where I did and this piece is short because it cuts before a long scene I'll post a bit sooner than I usually do.

Thanks for the comments, I think you have flagged a problem in the last bit. The bridge line wasn't really meant to be a laugh... as becomes clear.

SubRosa - rose was meant to be there (as a colour rather than a plant), now you mention it the sentence does read better without it though.

Haute - no nits?! Thanks for looking

mALX - thanks, I'm gald you liked the cut there.


31. Glitter

I stopped and slowly turned. "The bridge..." I paused not wanting to know the answer, "It's completely uncrossable?"

"Yes," Hides sounded slightly confused, "It's pretty much gone. The flow..." she broke off under our looks.

The first fingernail of the red sun broke the horizon and silence was master. Even the rushing waters seemed muted in my ears. The dawn light turned the river to blood.

The moment broke, "Hurry," I shouted, "Keel-ha get back and help her. Hides get moving now. The Fighters' mercenaries will come back here when they see the bridge. Move!"

"Fighters?" said Hides.

"We saw them across the ford and hid. They were making for the bridge so we started crossing here," said Keel-ha as he forged back through the torrent.

I didn't understand the tirade of argonian which emerged from Hides, but the look it evoked on Okun's face would have been priceless in other circumstances. I turned back to the opposite shore and strode for it as fast as I dared. How long would it take the Guild party? Would they stop? No, they needed to be across the river. But Loghash was unknowable. He enjoyed his work too much, even when friends I had wondered about his sanity. I knew what would happen if they caught us in the water. I needed to push on, the danger of tarrying was greater than that of hurry. But the filthy river held its own terror. Under any other circumstances I would have taken half an hour, maybe more, over the ford. Instead I found myself on the other side in a few minutes and blessedly alive. I muttered a quick prayer to any gods who might care to listen before Hassde and Okun emerged.

"Upstream a little," I said, "Try to hide a bit and engage the party before they can hit Hides and Keel-ha in the ford." I cursed my stupidity at allowing both archers to be incapacitated.

I made my way up the bank. The guild party shouldn't get here before we cleared the ford. With luck. I glanced round, the land on the southern bank was dotted with small groves of trees. We would sleep in one. There was little to choose between them so the one closest to the ford would do. Maybe we could get there before the fighters saw us. I turned back to see Grey-tail leading Tehei and Kieras to where Hassde stood a short way upstream. Hides and Keel-ha were two thirds of the way across and moving fast. I sat on the bank and watched and prayed, my glance fluttering between the pair on the ford and the fear to the west.

I sighed relief as Hides and Keel-ha made it to the shallows. I signalled the rest to join me. "How close are they?" asked Okun.

"How the hell should I know?"

"We need a place to hide," said Keel-ha, "And soon, they could be here any time."

"There's trees," said Hassde, "They'll have to do."

"We'll lie low in a grove and hope," I said.

"If its our best hope..." said Grey-tail, "Fine."

"It's our only hope," I said, "We must trust luck a final time."

"Never name the lady," muttered Okun. I was already running for the cover of the trees.

The grass grew near head high in places on the flatlands away from the riverbanks. I let my pace fall and trudged between the high stems, my legs were bone weary after the day's walk but there was at least some cover. With only my thoughts for company I felt strangely relaxed, our course was decided. I was comfortable it was the best chance and I would follow it. The result rested now in the fall of the dice. I could do no more. As we neared the grove I began to feel better. It had been close, perhaps as close a run as I'd ever had. We had won through and slipped the net drawn about us. The welcoming trees rose and the tall grass died back in favour of low woodland plants. I glanced back at Hides who walked behind me. She gave me a grin. I nodded back but even as I did the grin fell away in black dismay.

"No..." she whispered. Looking wide eyed into the trees.

I followed her gaze. A breaking branch lead mine and in the dawn's sanguine light my hope withered. "Form up." I called. My voice a knell.

There was a harsh shout from in front and I saw death in a pink shield and the glitter of glass.

This post has been edited by Olen: Apr 15 2010, 08:05 PM

Chapter 30:
I stand in full agreement with the others. The description of the river and the ford gave the crossing a sense of danger that was almost palpable. I really like the way that you are subtly showing us Keel-ha’s growing infatuation with Hides. At first I thought he was simply looking out for a fellow argonian, but lately his desire to be with her begins to border on the reckless. Hopefully Kieras’ words of wisdom will hit home, but somehow I doubt that they will.

Chapter 31:
More vivid, suspenseful narration. Firen’s tactical thinking rings true throughout the story, but never more so than here in my opinion. Using the fighter’s guild party as a time lock is a great touch!

I did find a few nits to bring to your attention. Again, these are born more from the limitations of the spell-checker than from errors in the actual storytelling:



This sentence:

was great. Terrific ending, I can't wait to see what happens next, and I look forward to the assault on Tear.

An exciting entry, made so by the palpable tension you create as Firen & company work under the constraints of time. Ending in a cliffhanger! Like Destri, I cannot wait to see more!

nits:

He enjoyed his work too much, even when friends I had wandered about his sanity.
You will be wanting wondered there.

Loved chapters 30 and 31 forreasons mentioned above. More please

Yes, more more!!! You always seem to warm up to a peak in your chapters - the whole thing is a crescendo and the last paragraph is earth shaking !!! Really powerful writing Olen!

Thanks for the comments, I've taken a lot more time checking through this one. The second half of the story (from about the last part) was written in about ten days so is rather more error filled but I think I've caught them all. As ever it's my reliance on spellcheck haunting me because my spelling is dreadful.

Thanks for all the positive feedback, it's good to know this is enjoyed.

mALX's comment does raise a question for me - would I be better including the cresendo/ cliffhanger in a single part and making the cut after it's resolved sometimes?

This part is longer but I'd go as far as to say I'm pleased with it


32. Just Luck

Chaos reigned. We were spread in a line for walking not fighting. But so were our opponents. I think they must have been making camp for they were in no way ready. There was no time for tactics. I saw the dreugh shield and ran for it. Loghash was the leader. He was also good and I was our best. He charged when he saw me. Our eyes met but there was no camaraderie, no mutual respect. I saw hatred and burning madness in him and felt disgust that I had ever worked for the Guild.

At the final second I danced aside behind a tree. Bark flew as his wild swing met wood. I stepped behind him and slashed at his side. The tip of the blade met skin before it was turned aside by the hard shell of the shield. He was tough and the wound didn't even slow him. I sidestepped an obvious feint of his axe. I could see it was meant to direct me into a swing of the shield even before it moved and capitalised on the gap in his defence. His armour turned my sword but I severed a strap and it fell open on his right. We drew apart. A scream cut the forest. Neither of us was stupid enough to give it heed. I had never trained with him but already I knew his tactic. It was typically orcish: he knew he was tougher than almost anything else and he played to that. In a simple slogging match I would lose, and that was exactly what he was turning it into. I darted forward and parried a swing before drawing back. His loose armour was the key but it was behind a wickedly sharp glass axe. I fell back a little under a branch of an old pine. He followed, keeping to my left. I glanced pointedly over his head.

"Okun," I shouted. He wasn't there but I wanted him close.

Loghash had no choice. I didn't doubt that he knew there would be no one behind him, but who would risk it? He stepped right, exactly where I needed him and glanced back.

"Made you look greeny," I said in the most annoying voice I could muster. He howled and charged. I bent the branch down and his face met a cloud of pine needles. His roar was cut short as I pushed my sword though the gap in his armour. It wasn't noble, but fair fights are for idiots, and the dead.

I took a deep breath but there was no rest, I turned and ran for the nearest sounds. Grey-tail was fighting a massive nord who wielded a warhammer. The argonian was being pressed hard. I ran to aid him but before I got there he made a maddened series of lunges with his spear. Perhaps he'd realised he couldn't win and hoped to get lucky, perhaps it was just lack of knowledge. It left him too open though. The hammer made a sickening noise as it lifted him from the ground. The nord lifted it for a killing blow. I called a battle-cry. He swung bringing the hammer round to meet my lunge. The shock of it left my hand ringing. I backed a short way and he followed making tentative swings, testing my strength and reflexes. Then I saw Okun through the trees running towards us. I cursed. Two on one would be useful but the nord had skill, and enough sense to use more than brute force.

His eyes widened as I attacked. I offered no warning: just a sudden switch from backing away to as rapid a series of thrusts, lunges, slashes and parries as I could muster. Some were a little clumsy but anything they may have lacked in finesse or power was made up in speed. Even with simple blocks I could see the nord struggled with his heavy weapon. I had his full attention. After a few moments the nord stopped trying to counterattack and settled for just defending, no doubt content that I would tire soon. He was right, my arms already burned with the exertion. Okun was almost on him when he smelt the trap and tried to back away. I redoubled my efforts but must have given away where Okun was as the nord started to turn us. I tried to prevent it but couldn't do it without giving him an instant to look at anything but my sword.

He gave a sudden parry to try to break free. I attempted a counter parry. It was like flicking a tree trunk and knocked my grip squint. The stupidity of the technique obviously confused the nord though, and I managed to slip right in close to him. His pauldron turned a downward stroke and my already compromised grip broke and my sword fell. I grabbed one arm under his oxter and the other over his shoulder an tried to grapple him. I tucked my head in close where he couldn't hit. I and smelt the stale beer-sweat which poured from him. I tried to trip him backwards but might as well have wrestled a bear, he tried bringing the handle of the hammer down on my back but couldn't get the force to do more than bruise me. I sunk my teeth into any flesh I could find desperate to hold on, to keep him distracted. The rank salt taste of unwashed flesh filled my mouth then I was rewarded with a tang of blood. I brought my knee into his groin but found only armour. He dropped that hammer and tried to crush me with his vast strength while I tried to drive my shoulder into his throat and rake his eyes. He coughed phlegm down the side of my face. Stars danced in my vision, I craned my neck trying to bite his throat. Sweat soaked us like a mattress in a brothel. Then suddenly he stiffened and his grip lessened. Warm dampness soaked me down my right side. I felt another blow through him and he fell back from me.

Okun stood there hacking the spear into him and dragging it out like a farmer breaking hard earth. The armour had given way and the flesh beneath looked more akin to cheap sausage than the mountain of muscle I'd been near crushed by. I backed away gasping fresh air. I was covered in blood, mainly his, though I bore a few cuts and a nose which felt like it had a new kink. I shook my head clear and glanced round.

I grabbed my sword and said "Where's the rest of them?"

Okun, now kneeling by Grey-tail, inclined his head to listen, "Sounds like it's over. Keel-ha shot an orc before..." a groan from Grey-tail broke the pause, "He lives!" Okun sounded shocked, "Are you a healer?"

I went over and pulled out my belt knife to cut away the straps of Grey-tail's armour. He groaned and muttered something unintelligible. Gingerly I pulled back the front of his cuirass. It wasn't pretty, his chest wasn't the shape it should have been. The hammer blow had broken several ribs, one even poked through the skin. How many more went in to poke through other things I couldn't tell. Just then he retched and vomited. There was fresh blood in it.

"I can patch up basic things but this needs magic. Tehei is pretty good get her," I paused then in argonian shouted, "Tehei, Grey-tail needs you."

"She's dead," said Okun.

I groaned. It meant one thing. "So then, I fear, is Grey-tail." I sat back and looked at the sky. Morning shone down brightly now, the red fallen from the growing day to stain the ground below.

"Keel-ha..." said Okun then stopped.

"What."

"Him... Him too. He went in too fast... There were two of them, we couldn't reach him."

Emptiness. I think only then did I realise how much I liked the argonians. They were a little unbalanced, yes, but they were a thousand times more comradely than the guild had been. There were principals here, not just cash. I lay back and stared blindly at nothing. Was I to blame? Grey-tail was the leader. But it was I who had led them here, who had pushed southward rather than trying to find another way out. And what of the dead Guild members. Some of them might have had families, or at least someone relying on them. More added to the tally. Vaguely I wondered when I had started caring. Maybe always but I never remember regretting much in the past. Now all I wanted was to give up, to be free from the walls of duty and addiction which herded me onward. Another groan from Grey-tail roused me but there was nothing I could do. If I had a potion maybe but I'd never carried them. They encouraged carelessness and ate into profits. How bitter that sentiment seemed now. My failure, others' suffering. I seemed to have a knack for avoiding that, a hard vein of self-interest which let others fall. Or perhaps it was just luck, what more could be done?

In hindsight? Everything.

A branch breaking made me turn. Hassde limped over and crashed down next to me. "He conscious?"

"Almost, you okay?"

"Yes, you know much about patching wounds?"

For a moment I thought he meant Grey-tail but then I saw that he was proffering an arm. A deep gouge ran along it but the blade which had done it had lacked the weight to do massive damage.

"You should be glad the blade was light," I said, "Yes I can stitch simple things, though I've never tried argonian skin. The fighter's guild will have some spirit with them, it cleanses wounds well enough."

"Good, the cut got my side where the armour's thin and my leg as well. He was fast. When you're stitching push the needle though the scales, the stitches hold better and are less uncomfortable in the long run that way. I think Tehei had a needle in her bag."

I got up without a word and walked through the trees to where the other fights had taken place. A gentle wind rustled the leaves. First I came to a pack I didn't recognise, inside there was indeed some mazte. I took it but found no potions and nothing else interested me. What use is money? The sound of harsh sobbing came from my right. Keel-ha lay by the roots of a tree, Hides knelt by him. Blood covered her. I approached quietly and stood for a moment. I would have liked longer but the need of the living is more urgent than that of the dead.

"Are you hurt?" I asked Hides.

"Not physically, not badly... Why did he run on? Why was I so distant? Only now I can't have him do I realise that I did like him, that we could have been..." another set of sobs broke her off. I let my gaze rest on his corpse for a moment but could not bring myself to pray. What god would listen to me? None I would want to commend him to.

Near him the body of Tehei was also laid out, I supposed Hides had tried to stay busy. Her bag was beside her, I took it and after a moment to respect the dead hurried back to Hassde. He'd managed to three quarters struggle out of his armour and was looking at a series of long, but blessedly shallow gashes across his side. "Cut me up a bit didn't he?"

I nodded but couldn't manage to be light so sat in silence and stitched and thought.

I was halfway done when Hassde said, "Has anyone seen Kieras?"

No one had, "I'll go and look," said Okun, "Try to stop Grey-tail choking on his blood." As he stood I saw blood ran from his tail.

"You're wounded,"

"I've had a lot worse."

"Still worth stitching."

"Maybe later. What's it going to save?" his tone was black, "My tail's beauty?"

Okun returned with Hides shortly after I'd finished tending to Hassde. "Kieras?"

"Dead. Any change in Grey-tail?"

"He coughs more, and there's more blood. Where's the nearest healer?"

"None would touch him."

"I could buy a potion," I said.

"It's half a day to the nearest town. He'll die if we move him so a day there and back. He won't last that long, even now I doubt potions would be enough." Hassde was right.

"Then we are four," said Hides, "Tehei had a potion that ends pain. To drink it is death, but a better death. Sometimes it can even wake the almost dead, if briefly."

"Aye," said Hassde.

I looked at Grey-tail. Where was his mind now? Would we drag him from his final peace or revive him from the darkest pit? I left such to the philosophers, in the situation I know what I'd want. "Aye."

"Aye," said Okun.

Hides raked through the bag and pulled out a small vial. Her hand trembled as she broke the seal and poured it between Grey-tail's blood flecked lips. We sat in silence while it acted.

A few moments passed then Grey-tail stirred and looked at us with eye freed from the clamours of pain. Then he coughed and looked at the phlegm, "It was mortal then," he said and sighed, "Very well." How does one talk to someone who will die in mere minutes? What do you speak of? Love lost and morbid death already lay like a smothering blanket but the gravity of the moment crushed light words. Grey-tail answered the question, "Where ever you go now you go without me. But I should like to know where that will be."

Another silence. Okun looked to me. Hassde stared into the distance. Hides looked lost. We could escape. The way west was open, maybe. A few days could see us into the swamp, or at the western border. But that option had been open before, to take it was defeat. And I had my goal. So it was both for Varnan and for the dead that I spoke, "We must strike Tear."

Hassde looked at me as if I were mad, "With four of us, and two injured. Impossible. Suicide even."

"What else is there? Slink away to new lives elsewhere and know forever that we failed, that the audacity of our plans frightened us at the last and the dead died for nothing? Remember the Edril Plantation, at very least we shall strike vengeance and fear."

"To go to Tear," croaked Grey-tail, "Is to go to your deaths. But it was always likely to end that way. Now you've seen death a little closer you may reconsider. I always wanted to see the swamps again..."

"Put it to vote," said Hassde.

"No," I replied, "I will not have democracy. We need a single firm leader who will decide our path. What would you advise?" I addressed the final bit to Grey-tail.

"I know not. Is death so bad? Now it is so close I am nervous but also intrigued. There is no use worrying. In memory you could live forever. But in the flesh Tear is death. Much death, but to an end."

I stood, "I go to Tear, to finish what I began and in honour of the dead."

"I go with you," said Okun. I frowned. It pained me that he would follow my lead even to his death. Could I accept that? Yes, I did not intend to die in Tear, it was merely a possibility. The same chance of life existed for him. Perhaps.

"I to go to Tear, though I shall not return. With my name so to will live Keel-ha. Forever in our legends," Hides said.

"Then I follow," said Hassde, "And hope you plan is a good one."

Grey-tail grinned, "This is a strange day, a man as leader of the Argonian Defence Front. Intent on striking Tear. I would wish you better fortune than I lead us to but it would be ill said so I say this only: good luck." I nodded and for a few moments we sat in silence. The argonian's breathing became ragged then began to falter, "This is it," he gasped, "I wonder-"

He gave two shallow breaths then breathed no more. We were four, and our mission madness.

This post has been edited by Olen: Apr 18 2010, 09:56 AM

That was a very exciting battle! You showed the FG members to be skilled and professional, especially that Nord with the hammer. We also see Firen once again winning not because he is simply better, but rather he wins via being crafty.

What really impressed me however was the aftermath. I was struck by the tragedy of the deaths of the Argonians. Which is really something after what they did at the plantation. Like Firen, I found myself wondering when I started caring about them. But care I did. You have really made them seem very real and human (lizard?).


Some excellent metaphors here:
Sweat soaked us like a mattress in a brothel.
dragging it out like a farmer breaking hard earth.


nits:
He eyes widened as I attacked.
That ought to be His.


He gave a sudden parry to tried to break free.
I am thinking you want try here?


Vaguely I wandered when I had started caring.
This ought to be wondered.

NOOOOO! This is so exciting the way you are doing it! It builds the reader up, drawing them in and taking them on a ride that doesn't end when the chapter does - please keep doing it exactly as you are, this ROCKS!

The battle sequence was excellent. I was hoping that Keel-ha survived so that I could see how you developed the romantic relationship between him and Hides. Her grief over his corpse gives a tantalizing image of what might have been, and I guess that is going to have to suffice.


QFT!


I don't think this could be said any better. Firen continues to emerge before us as that most illusive of all protagonists to write well, the self-aware anti-hero.

Powerful.

I'm not sure what else I can say.

Sorry for not posting sooner.

I have read this twice, it's that good. You have done well showing the realities of combat, the individuals that make up the Fighters Guild, the variation in combat style, and the challenges of thinking on your feet while ducking your opponent's weapon.

What I really liked about it, though, is what you showed after the fighting was done. You showed the cost in lives and souls. It's a very realistic representation of what happens when an untrained group encounters an opposing force that is well-trained and well-seasoned in combat. The cost to the raw group is always high. Friendships (and romances, sometimes) are shattered, futures are lost, and dreams disappear in the spray of blood and in the death gasps at the end. The devastation here is realistic, and after getting to know these Argonians over the past several posts, I'm very saddened to see so many have lost this gamble.

The end, where Firen decides to make these deaths mean something by carrying their fight to Tear, captures well the reasons we go on in the face of insurmountable odds.

Overall, well done, and with great heart and spirit.

Thanks for the comments, so many have inspired me to start writing again...

SubRosa - correct as ever, I only wish I could see mistakes so well. Part of what I was playing with in this piece was having morally (dark) gray 'heros' but from a sympathetic point of view. I'm glad you like the argonians.

mALX - thanks, chapters will continue as before then.

Destri - I'm glad you like Firen, he's a fairly easy character to write. I somewhat agree keeping Keel-Ha could have added another dimension but...

canis - now that is praise...

haute - twice?! High praise indeed. The section after the fighting is done is the part I enjoy writing far more, it's when the characters are laid bare and you can really get at them. The fight is more a means to that than the point in itself.

Again thanks all


33. Enemy of My Enemy

We left four graves behind the following evening. A darkness hung over our souls that night and silence held sway. I pondered what could be done in Tear. The only sane option would be to attack something undefended but therefore unimportant on the outskirts. But that would not rescue Varnan. That ruled out sanity. The shadow of a plan was forming, but even though it looked as though it could work I did my best to think of other things. It was black work and would muddy my name, and many others, for all time. Could it serve a greater end? As ever my mind circled the mist between wrong and right and picked at the plan like a scab.

At midnight it was well enough formed that I suspected it could not work. Not because of any flaw but because of the resources it required. "Is there anyone who might help us this far south?" I asked. It was almost the first speech of the night.

"For basics some outlanders might. Others wouldn't, but we can steal food and other necessities," said Hides.

Problem solved, "Very well."

"There was one," said Hassde, "A breton enchantress named Mabrel. She lived a long way south, near the marshes, and would sometimes help us. But she moved close to Tear, away from us. We didn't follow."

Something in his tone made me ask, "Why?"

"We weren't sure why she helped us. She was against slavery but much in the way most humans are. They give only words. It was a hatred for the dunmer which drove her, she would only lend if it helped to kill."

"She may be of use," it was a lie. She would be ideal, "Where did she move?"

"A small town northwest of Tear, we could be there today. But that was many years ago, she may have moved again, or have died even."

"We shall try."

"What is your plan?"

"As yet? Nothing, merely ideas. Possibilities. I shall see what she says." I wasn't going to tell my plan. Not yet. Once I had the pieces they would less likely object.


We didn't make it far that night and were still two miles from the town of Nelmora when we stopped in amongst some rocks. While the others set about making camp I took off my armour and, using the reflection in my sword, set about shaving and cutting my hair which had become long in my travels.

"What are you doing?" asked Hides.

"Smartening myself up. I don't want to wait until this evening to go into town so I shall do it by day."

"But you'll be seen."

"Yes, but not recognised. They won't expect that we are so far south for a few days yet. Loghash was unreliable, he won't be missed for a while. I shall simply walk in as a traveller and look for this Mabrel. I could even ask for her if necessary."

"It's too much of a risk," said Hassde.

"It's not going to be safer with one of you accompanying me is it?"

They made no reply. In truth I didn't like it much but the nerve required would be good practice for what I had in mind for Tear.

By full light as the others rested I made my way towards the road looking, I thought, smart enough, or at least not too filthy, to pass unnoticed. The road was quiet so early and it was only close to Nelmora that I came across the first strangers. By the look of their tools they were joiners. My heart beat faster as I approached. How well had my appearance been circulated? Did all humans look somewhat alike to the dunmer just as they to humans? I hoped so. I swallowed nervously but I forced my pace to remain steady and breathing even. I made myself not to look at them, but not to appear to be doing so. Perhaps it wouldn't have fooled someone suspicious but neither dunmer gave me a second glance. Past them I breathed relief, there was a slight urge to run but I was far from the worst of it yet.

Nelmora was small and barely warranted the title of town. It had no walls and no guard watched the road. Indeed the only two I saw were stood smoking Hackle-lo in the square and seemed more interested in whatever gossip they shared than watching the populace. I had little doubt that everyone knew everyone's business here. There was no magic shop on the square but I saw a sign down a narrow side street which might once have shown a soul gem and lightning bolt. On arriving I was met with a worn door covered in peeling paint. From the outside it looked derelict, but then how many people in a village can afford enchantments? I doubt if she'd ever sold anything except the occasional intervention scroll to worried parents.

I tried the rusty handle. It turned but the door was stiff. I put my shoulder to it and with a crunch it opened. There was a tinkle of small metal bits hitting the floor. I stepped in to see fragments of a cheap lock scattered around. Good way to start. I shut the door behind me and looked about the shop. Dust lay thick on mounds of scrolls piled against the walls. A long cabinet stood against one wall, though its grimy glass front I saw some cheaply enchanted weapons and armour. Rubbish all of it. Prone to fail exactly when it's most needed.

Even the counter was filthy. It was covered in clutter with varying thicknesses of grime. There was a less dusty patch where the dark wood showed around a glittering bracer. A slave bracer no less. That was an ominous sign. Of Mabrel there was no sign, I assumed she would be upstairs asleep, and I intended to let her stay that way while I had a poke around. Everything in the shop was dusty, so where did she spend her time? The cellar, I thought, typical eccentric mage. One look at the doorhandle, gleaming through use, confirmed this. I fingered my sword making sure it was loose in its sheath before trying the door. It was unlocked. I pushed it open and stepped onto a stone stairway. Candles burned in alcoves, their jaundiced glow only highlighted the gloom and sent shadows chasing each other like nightmares cast on the dank walls. There was an odour in the basement, like old earth newly turned and the harsh tang of magic. The smell brought memories I'd thought buried by my excesses in Firewatch. The vaulted madness of the ruin and the creature. Renera. I pushed them aside, for the stench here was a breath in a storm compared to that place. I descended.

As I rounded a corner in the stair I caught my first glimpse of Mabrel. She sat at a desk working with a great tome open before her and many candles. I froze but she appeared not to have noticed me to I let my gaze wander. In one corner was a forge, the fire low but burning. A few desks lay scattered around with soul gems on them. They were unlike any soul gems I'd seen though, to say they were black in an understatement. They sucked in light so they sat in their own pool of darkness. I'd heard the stories, human souls are strong. In the corner by the forge lay the corpse of a dunmer.

"Good morning," I said.

The witch's head whirled round, "Who are you? You must die." She stood.

"I seek help for a certain group you used sometimes to aid. Our need is desperate, and what you choose to do," I glanced at the corpse, "Is between you and the law."

She lowered her hands slightly, "What group? If you're from the Twin Lamps then Dagon take you fetcher. Weak. Useless. Be gone before I get myself a decent soul to work with. It is odd that I must use these black soul gems for dunmer because they barely count as thinking beings."

"Your reputation proceeds you," I said, "I wondered why you chose to live here."

"The filthy creatures provide satisfactory souls and no more. I do my bit for Tamriel by killing a few, it's just a shame more don't follow suit. Now what's your business."

I wondered what the dunmer had done to drive her quite so mad. Still it could use it, "You will have heard of certain events at the Edril Plantation?"

"Yes," she laughed, "I wonder which splinter group did that - excellent work anyway. The Twin Lamps would be far to weak willed to try such a novelty."

"The Argonian Defence Front, were responsible. I planned it, my name is Firen Varian, perhaps you have heard of me." She went absolutely still and, I was surprised to see, the colour left her face slightly. "Clearly I too have a reputation, but I assure you there will be inaccuracies in the stories spirit, if perhaps not their detail." The look on her face chilled me, was I really that feared and hated? Though after all I'd done it was hardly surprising.

"I see, and now you seek my aid. It seems we share a passion," I tried to hide a grimace, "I will listen."

I told her of my plan for Tear. The smile that grew on her face didn't help me convince myself that I did the correct thing. But it would be for a greater good. Probably.

This post has been edited by Olen: Apr 22 2010, 09:17 PM