Well done mALX! Plenty of twists and turns here. I like the depth you are giving to Fathis. Agronak? Oh my! What an unexpected mystery! WooHoo!

You really are going to town with this newer version! I'm half expecting the Emperor to walk into Maxical's cell. . . . (not, lol).

Nicely written and loads of fun to read!

Oh-- I thought you realized that the "paintings" are all gifts freely given to enhance your wonderful story? That is- they belong to you, to do with as you will. As to cameo appearances of Mrs. Treydog, Artist to the Stars- we would be honored.

@ Olen - He has been portrayed as a little toooooo too good in the game, it was unbelievable, lol. I hate to step on toes because everyone likes him...but...lol. Thank you so much Olen!

***
@ Acadian - ROFL - that would cut the story really short, lol. Oh, but I couldn't stand to not take on the DB with Eyja, or cut out Foxy or Janus, lol. Thank you so much Acadian! You are so appreciated!

***

@ Treydog - Thank you so very much Treydog! I would really like Mrs. Treydog to make an appearance at the Best Defense and paint that Golden Armor...then WHO would buy that portrait? Hmmmm! Let's see, Treydog is a smithy at the palace when he first makes an appearance...hmmmmm.

Both you and Mrs. Treydog are so appreciated! Thank you both!

***




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Chapter 17: Fathis, Gossip, And The Golden Armor


Maro Rufus saw the door opening and hurried over to jab Varnado in the ribs. After years of not getting along they found themselves suddenly as tight as brothers over the situation that had arisen over their acquisition of the Golden Armor.

At first just their celebrity in the Market District, the armor was better than any currency for a meal or drink. The amusement it afforded was a compelling reason to keep it as well. But the biggest draw of all was that it gave them power over Fathis Aren. They agreed on something for the first time in years, they would not sell that armor.

Fathis Aren stepped in, and walked up to the counter. Varnado and Maro grinned like cats with canaries in their mouths. "May we help you?" they asked in unison.

"That gold armor, I wish to purchase it." Fathis Aren said.

Maro jabbed Varnado, and they looked at each other with unmasked amusement. "I think we have another party interested in that particular armor." Maro said, jabbing Varnado again.

"Who!" Fathis demanded.

Maro and Varnado exchanged glances of unholy glee. "Did you write down HER name?" Maro asked, putting too much emphasis on the "HER."

Fathis face had taken on a distinctly purple hue.

As they stared at him, the purple shade deepened till his appearance was that of a ripe plum with hair. They both stared fascinated at this metamorphosis till Fathis’s temper seemed to hit a breaking point.

"I want that armor!" he demanded. "What is with you two, you are acting like you have lost all your senses!"

Maro jabbed Varnado again, and they both tried to stiffen up and act businesslike, but their laughing eyes and twisting mouths gave this little credence.

"I told you, I have another interested buyer, I would have to find out if SHE is willing to give up HER claim to it." Varnado said, following Maro's lead in over-emphasizing the pronouns.

With a sound like an explosion escaping his taut lips, Fathis Aren stormed out of the shop, slamming the door as he left. The windows rattled noisily from the impact.

Varnado doubled over, and Maro clutched his stomach and staggered in circles laughing. They would dine well tonight on this tidbit.





***


Varnado and Maro had developed somewhat of a celebrity status among the other merchants and guards since their acquisition of the golden armor. Almost since the first day Fathis had stormed out of the Best Defense on finding the armor there people had been talking. As each new actor was added to the play that was stretching out before them the discussions took on a whole new life, as did the armor itself.

With Fathis it was his hauteur that was to blame. He gave the impression of conceit, looking down his nose at them. He continuously gave to charities as if to make a show of his wealth before those with less. It rankled that he thought himself their better.

To suddenly see Fathis losing that rigid control he seemed to have was an instant hit among them. To Varnado and Maro they found themselves suddenly in a position of power over him as long as they held that armor.

The subsequent entrance into the shop of the white Khajiit, in a rumpled state and obvious emotional agitation and her connection to the armor had an overwhelming effect. Fathis with one of the beast species? It was unheard of. Speculation over the connection was rampant in the Market District and became the main topic of conversation in the guards barracks.

The Khajiit joined the Arena with little notice till suddenly she was seen everywhere with the Gray Prince and then an explosion seemed to occur. Fathis, who barely came to the Imperial City monthly before was suddenly found to be there constantly, haunting the streets nights seeking her…stalking her. His sudden eccentric behavior was exaggerated and inspected carefully in each conversation, tales were told in the most descriptive way possible to garner the most free ale from them.

“That Fathis Aren near trampled me with his horse, I swear on Akatosh that he was putting his horse at the city wall to jump!” One guard declared, tipping up his free pint.

Mounted road patrols had seen him riding at breakneck speeds between the Imperial City and Bravil at all hours of the day and night. Gate guards noticed his purple face as he stormed in or out. He was seen lurking behind buildings, skulking in bushes, every curse that fell from his lips was repeated with gusto and emphasis.

“He nearly run up the back of my horse down at the Old Bridge. I saw him squeeze his legs on that horse like he was going to try and jump over us! I barely got my horse to the side and he blew by me, curses floating back on the wind created by him!“

The conjecture of how the armor came into the picture no one knew, but any one of the scenarios dreamed up by the gossipers could have been made into a play even before the Gray Prince was thrown into it. After he entered the mix, the Golden Armor took on a whole new depth of mystery and intrigue.

Varnado began keeping his ears perked when the Pit Dogs hung out in the Feed Bag, gathering any tidbit he could. The Gray Prince was meeting the Khajiit daily inside the Bloodworks, he brought her treats and held her hand, he sat on her bed and talked well into the night. None of the bloods dared go near her, the Orc was very jealous of her.

Varnado made the mistake of trying to join in their conversation then, but the Pit Dogs closed ranks against him. They clammed up and Varnado felt threatened after he voiced some of his own gossip about the Khajiit. The Arena fighters are a clannish bunch and the Khajiit was one of their own. Merchants and guards were outsiders. Varnado was relieved to make his escape that night and lock himself in at his shop. After that he merely listened when they came in and never tried to draw their notice to him again.

The shopkeepers, however were all ears. Within short order, Maro and Varnado had spread their version of the Orc and that white Khajiit into the gossip at their respective haunts.

“She lives in the Bloodworks. Need they have said more?” Maro said later, wiping the white foam mustache from a free ale onto his sleeve.

Then came the interview where the Khajiit obviously described the Orc. “I guess we know whose sword she has been skewered with.”

Every detail of each action of all the players in the little scenario was dissected and pored over. Amongst those that knew how to use these tidbits it was as good as currency when presented with embellished details, accompanying stories, and especially innuendo.

The Arena matches that featured the white Khajiit were packed with the gossipers hoping to see some drama unfold before their very eyes. They were not disappointed. Fathis was seen in all his travel filth walking in to the Arena Box Seat section, then at the sight of Alix Lencolia had sneaked back out like a thief in the night.

The funeral had been attended by all, where they were treated to the site of the Gray Prince clutching the Khajiit’s hand and Fathis storming out before the funeral had even begun.

On several occasions Fathis was seen skulking around the door to the Bloodworks, even pounding on it. The imminent expectation was at first just the kidnapping of the young Khajiit, but as the gossip spread the possible murder of the Gray Prince in his sleep was added to that conjecture.

Everyone fully expected to hear of the death of either Fathis or the Gray Prince the day Fathis was witnessed sneaking into the Bloodworks. Early the next morning when Fathis was seen entering the Best Defense the word spread that he had killed the Gray Prince and buried his body under one of the houses in the Waterfront District.

Fathis drastic change in appearance also fed the gossipers. A lifetime of reputation for being immaculate and fastidious in his dress, his perfumed and rotund appearance gave way to the rumpled dusty attire hanging off his suddenly overly-thin frame. “Pining away for that Khajiit he is!”

Fathis had always been controlled publicly, but lately had been seen grabbing his sword hilt at the sight of the Orc on several occasions, including the day he challenged the Orc over the marriage proposal.

“Fathis’s eyes lit on the Gray Prince, fire burning out of them! Then he reaches down and grabs the hilt O’ his sword just like this here!”

On numerous occasions Fathis had left the Arena forfeiting his Box Office and bets. Just as many times he abandoned his paid room and wine at the Merchants Inn and was seen galloping away, sometimes leaping his horse over the rails of the corral.

“What you gonna do with that there wine now? Fathis has left the building! How ‘bout sellin‘ it to us at half price?”

“The stables said they are going to start leaving the gate open for him, he nearly impaled himself leaping over it yesterday.”

“That will give the Orc the lead for sure!”

The story of Fathis creeping about the Waterfront District in the middle of the night lost nothing in the telling, nor did the tale of him lurking behind bushes at the entrance to the Bloodworks in the middle of the night.

“He looked up and seen us, then went right back to inspecting the foundation of the house! Just like it wasn’t three in the morning!”

“What would he want with a house on the Waterfront anyway?”

“He don’t! I seen him earlier hiding in the bushes outside the Bloodworks! Then when all was quiet he sneaked in, creeping like any assassin. He is looking for a place to bury that Gray Prince when he does away with him!”





***

The interest in the Golden Armor grew to the point that what had begun as a trickle of gossipers became crowds of tourists drawn to the Imperial City solely to stand and gawk at it. The gossip broke the bounds of the city via letters to relatives and eventually the Black Horse Courier, which began running a blurb each time the price was raised on the armor.

A prominent display was set up along the back wall of the shop between the two counters that consisted of a raised platform and a crimson velvet rope that blocked viewers from getting close enough to touch the armor. It was polished to a high sheen and hung on a tall manikin so it appeared to be descending from the skies as it caught the light from windows on either side and flashed dancing light as far away as the entry to the store.

Entering the store one was immediately struck by the magnificent sight and it was not unusual to see people step in and stop right there starry-eyed, blocking the doorway.

Varnado found a beautifully decorated wooden plaque and purchased it, burning the words “The Golden Armor” on it.

“What about a price?” Maro asked.

“We aren’t selling it.” Varnado said, blowing across the wood to cool it.

“But wouldn’t it be better to put a very high price on it so people think it’s worth their time to come see it?” Maro suggested.

Varnado scribbled an amount on a piece of paper and slid it under Maro’s hand. Maro crossed it out and scribbled another that made Varnado’s eyes pop. He picked up his iron and burned the astronomical figure into the wood below the words.

“Put that sign right here in the center at the base of the Manikin.“ Maro instructed.

The shop was filled with people daily that came in just to stare at the armor. People hung out in the shop hoping to be a witness the next time Fathis or the Khajiit came in to buy it. Even the Imperial guards were seen lingering in the shop. Then it became a draw for collectors wanting to add it to their collections.

They began adding 100,000 Septims each time someone was able to meet the purchase price. Pretty soon the rumor went around that it was for sale to the highest bidder and that the price burned on the plaque was the current high bid.

Maro and Varnado made a pact with each other not to sell the armor. The higher they raised the price the fewer came with the ability to pay that ridiculous amount. Fathis Aren was one that could. Anyone of enough wealth that enquired was told that the armor was being held for a certain customer and SHE would have to release them from holding it before they could contract with anyone else.

The Market District had come alive suddenly. With the influx of tourist trade stores were cleaned up and better displays hung in the windows. The streets were filled with people wanting to ogle the armor or catch a glimpse of the white Khajiit, the great Orc, or the infamous Fathis doing something eccentric.


*






*

This post has been edited by mALX: May 4 2010, 12:39 AM

This is one of my favorite parts of Maxical's fiction - the rumor mongering and the display of the golden armor, along with Fathis's obsessive behavior.

Wonder if that's why he's so gaunt in my game? And so sour-tempered to boot? Hmm, it does explain a lot!

Your description of the rumour mill is very good, and of people making a living off it. That part was brilliant, it shows Fathis's decline from moderatly influential mage to wreak well. It's also a refreshing use of points of view to give a fuller angle on the story.

Good piece.

A fun read mALX! The whole Imperial City in an uproar.

This post has been edited by Acadian: May 3 2010, 08:56 PM

I do enjoy the tail of my furry friend. Get it? Tail!

@ Hauty - I loved it the first time, so just copied it over to save myself some writing. Then I got looking at it after it posted and didn't like it suddenly. About 5 hours after posting I edited it and now I am much happier with this chapter. I always loved that storyline part too, just wasn't happy with my writing in it, lol. Thank you so much Hauty, you are always appreciated!!!

***

@ Olen - Thank you so much Olen! I appreciate your take on it a lot!

***

@ Acadian - Thank you Acadian, lol. Maxical doesn't have to actually be involved in anything for trouble to follow her around, lol. You ROCK!

***

@ Zalphon - Thank you Zalphon, and I love your new story !!!!





********************************








Chapter 18: Secrets Of The Past And The Tail In Jail


Abhuki plopped the Black Horse Courier down in front of Alix then slid his breakfast down next to it. “I never did much thinking when I was skewered on a man’s sword, but I still ended up with better’n an Orc.”

“Too much information over my breakfast Abhuki.” Alix said, picking up the paper. SPEW! “S’Jirra, come here! Have you seen this?”

“Not yet, I don’t touch the paper till you have seen it.”

“Listen to what our daughter told the press! Er, better put your coffee down first, I don‘t want to be wearing it.”

“Let me just read it.” S’Jirra said, grabbing the paper and scanning it. “Well she didn’t mean it like that. You know her.”

“I know. But who else knows her like that?” Alix wiped the coffee he had spat off the table before Abhuki saw it.

“Fathis will take this wrong I’ll bet.” S’Jirra mused aloud.

“You should see him S’Jirra. He has lost so much weight he looks like the wind would blow him over. The last few times I’ve caught sight of him he had road dust poofing from his clothing when he walked or sat. I could see the saddle marks on him still. He has been un-bathed and wearing the same clothes he was in days before. I don’t think he may survive being in love with Maxical. His mind hasn‘t survived it, I heard he was caught sneaking around the Waterfront district acting like he was inspecting property at three in the morning. Fathis is losing it S‘Jirra, loving Maxical has pushed him around the bend!”

S’Jirra tried to picture the fastidious Fathis in dirty clothing and unwashed, mooning around the Waterfront inspecting property at three in the morning and the image caused her to go off in a peal of laughter.

Alix grinned and began giving detailed descriptions of the particular odor that Fathis now sported to replace his scented bathwater, giving names to the smell and mimicking the vendors in the Market District.

“A powerful fragrance to give strength to the weaker man, we call this scent ‘Oh-no a scamp’ it goes well for those of you who work nights as a housing inspector in seedy neighborhoods.”

S’Jirra joined in with “And for the man who can’t find the woman he loves, we have ‘Musk of Dunmer‘ - let her find you!”

Abhuki chimed in “Nothing smells worse than a Dunmer that hasn’t bathed, unless it’s an Orc. - What? Why are you laughing?”


*


The Black Horse Courier arrived late, Alix was already irritated when the horse finally pulled up and the rider handed him the stack of papers for the Inn.

“What took so long?” Alix grumbled.

“They were sold out before I could get out of the city, I had to wait while they ran another printing. It’s over the engagement of your daughter and the Grand Champion.”

Alix got a sinking feeling. He stomped in and slammed the stack down on the counter in front of Abhuki, grabbing one to read.

“What is it Alix?” S’Jirra asked.

“That damned Orc.” Alix almost spat.

“You mean the gossip is true?” S’Jirra grabbed one of the papers and scanned it. “Oh no! What are you going to do about it?”

“What can I do? She has run away. If I show up throwing my weight around she will think I am spying on her and not letting her make her own decisions.” Alix’s frustration with the situation was evident in his voice.

“Well you can’t let her go through with this! You better get down there and find some way to stop it! Do you think we could be wrong?”

“No. Read this part here. After Maxical chased after Fathis the Grand Champion looked coyly at Hassiri and very deliberately says ‘No comment.’ You know exactly what he is doing. Things have obviously not changed…although it does say down here that he gave her a house. Now that is strange.” Alix looked up at S’Jirra. “Do you think he is up to something or serious?”

“Does it matter?”

“No. I’m heading over there and see what I can do.” Alix started pulling on his boots.

“It says she ran after Fathis, so no matter what his plans are, hers are still where they were when she left here.” S’Jirra continued reading the article.

Alix stopped putting on his boots. “Do you think I should go or let Fathis handle it?”

“Both. I wish Fathis would stop by here and you two go together. Just in case you get arrested or something.”

“Fathis won’t come here. Forester says Fathis was eyeing the house like he was afraid you’d come out with a rolling pin in your hand. You must have jumped all over him…scared him to death…he‘s…”

“All right Alix, unless you want to see what I did you will quit!” S’Jirra pushed him toward the door. “According to the gossip Fathis may gallop past you on the road and you can catch him. Tell him what’s up and the two of you go together. And be sure to invite him here, I’ll apologize and fatten him back up with potato bread.”









******* Maxical (continued from Chapter 16)


A well dressed man was coming down the polished tile corridor with ease and confidence. Even from this distance I could see his pure white hair was styled with elegance. I guessed him to be a lawyer.

My stomach was knotted between fear and anger at my false incarceration. I would know if I had done something wrong. Over all this I was stunned when I found out Agronak was the arresting party. I stood at the entrance to the holding cell looking out so saw the man approaching down the curved corridor long before he arrived.

“Are you Maxical?” His face was inscrutable. I nodded.

“Guards. She is the one.”

I was shackled and brought out of the cell to the sound of Andronicus sobbing and screaming “Don’t leave me in here!”





***

With a guard on either side and shackled I was led into a chamber room. I have never been so humiliated. Agronak was already in there, arguing with a man in a suit that sat next to him, probably the lawyer representing him. His eyes caught mine, a desperate look in them.

The Elders all sat on one side of the round table, separate from both me and Agronak by a large gap in the chair set-up. One glance into their faces was enough to know the separation was intentional, none of them would rub elbows with an Orc or a Khajiit outside the confines of this hearing room, and even in here they crowded together to keep their skins from the taint of us. The disdain on their faces mirrored the expression of those who rejected me as a child. Agronak was safe from their prejudice being the plaintiff, but it was clear they despised him too.

After a short call to order they began firing questions at me. I had to state the order of events that led to me being the one that picked up certain items that were purchased for the funeral using Agronak’s account. My anger was growing with the Elder Councilor’s sneering and patronizing voices and attitudes. It was obvious I presumed to be guilty, a ’sneaky Khajiit’.

“I was given a list of tasks and did it. The items were parceled in brown paper and crates when I arrived to retrieve them, I did not open or inspect them and have no idea what was inside. The list was on me when I was arrested, in the small pocket of the greaves. I have done nothing wrong and respectfully protest this arrest.”

Agronak and his lawyer whispered back and forth and then the lawyer next to me stood up and requested he be allowed to accompany a guard and watch him search my things. The list was found and the questioning resumed.

“Can you tell us who wrote this list?“

“Andronicus did, it was for the funeral of Agronak’s mother.“

Agronak’s lawyer arose. “My client requests charges be dropped against this person as she was following the orders of her superior and had no knowledge of the contents of items she picked up.“

An argument broke out then. because he and Agronak were the ones bringing the charges against me. I looked over at Agronak, he looked miserable.

“Motion denied.”

I was asked whether I had witnessed the new skirting and hardware of all our Battle Raiment, Owyn’s new armor, Andronicus’s new dress, and Haki’s new suit that were all worn at the funeral.

“Did I witness them? Everyone in Cyrodiil did. They were beautiful, it was the most touching send off I’ve ever seen. Agronak would have been humiliated if we had all shown up in the filthy worn out raiment we wear to fight in, especially with all of Cyrodiil there for the funeral. We were all there to represent Agronak and honor his mother, how would it look if we came in filthy shreds?”

“Then you knew these items were ordered using the plaintiffs funds.”

“Not till they arrived and we were given the task of changing out the skirting.”

“By your own testimony you are proving your complicity with the one who misappropriated this man’s funds.” An Elder leaned forward, his robe crackling with stiffness at the movement.

“Allegedly misappropriated. No wrongdoing has been proven. Agronak gave Andronicus carte blanche with his account to make all the arrangements for the funeral. He gave her no instructions nor limits and did it in front of a room full of witnesses. Andronicus did what she knows best, she made a beautiful public display that the people of Cyrodiil will remember for a long time to come, and she did it for Agronak at his request. She miraculously managed to do it in two days time including the PR releases. The Arena closed for the funeral to honor Agronak, which means a huge loss of Box Office receipts as it was held on a weekend. Everything you have asked me about was purchased for that funeral and has not been used for anything since, so I don’t understand what Andronicus has done wrong, nor Owyn, Haki, or myself. I do not understand what any of us were arrested for.”

The man in the suit next to me stood up “I’d like to have formality of this hearing dropped since the defendant is not represented by counsel.”

“So granted.”

I glanced curiously at the obvious lawyer sitting by my side. I thought he was my counsel.

“May I speak freely then?” I asked, and waited for the agreement. I looked over at Agronak. “What is this really about Agronak? What is going on here?”

“She robbed me, Maxical. How could she do that? She’s my manager. My mother’s funeral…”

“Agronak, you cannot press charges over what she purchased for your mother’s funeral. You know that funeral was the most ceremonial event Cyrodiil has seen in ages, you surely didn’t expect something of that magnitude to not cost a fortune. You should have given her a limit and told her not to exceed it if you had concerns, but you did not do that. Now what is this really about?”

“She did a straight transfer of funds directly to her own bank account as well, that is flat out theft.”

“You mean she charged you a fee for acting as a coordinator setting this all up for you?”

“She’s my manager, it is her job to do it.”

“No, Agronak my friend. No it is not. Her only duty is to manage your fights and PR. Anything you ask her to do outside that contracted duty is extraneous and you should expect to be charged separately for it. Nothing is free Agronak. She worked her butt off for two days getting that funeral arranged for you, handled all the press, and she gave up her share of Box Office receipts the day of the funeral. She deserves at least three full days pay for that, as well as a bonus for pulling it off so quickly and doing such a marvelous job with it. I have never seen such a beautiful ceremony - why Ocato himself attended it!”


*

This post has been edited by mALX: Feb 26 2011, 12:17 AM

Your writing is picture card perfect mALX. Such a joy to read. Awesome !!


Ha. Ha. This brought a smile to my face. Bravo.

My new character is heading to the Priory of the Nine at the moment. I took a moment to pass by Faregyl Inn. Everytime I see that place I now think of Maxical. What have you done to my thinking mALX?? You have ruined me forever, the old landscape of Oblivion is forever changed by the crazy stories I read here. Lol.

I enjoyed the poem you gave Destri. Boy was I shocked at the quick response by him. Wow, and I thought Eyja had a way of influencing people.

This line of the story has become so deliciously unpredictable that I am on the edge of my seat. I see the Mistress of Plotweaving is not content to merely republish her story, but to infuse it with new twists and turns and. . . well, just loads of wonderful extra goodness.

I loved this!

Well, well, I don't remember this from the first time around!

You really are rewriting this story, aren't you? At this point, I'm enjoying the twists and turns a little too much.

I did see a couple of typos:
Misappropriated is incorrectly capitalized in this context.

And a very common mixup:

Council refers to a group of people who confer on matters of importance: The Council of Elders, the Mages Council. In this context, I think you mean counsel, a person that gives advice or acts as a lawyer. How common is this mixup? Raminus Polus, in-game, refers to himself as the council to the Council of Mages, when it should be spelled counsel to the Council of Mages! If you have subtitles turned off, you'd never know the difference. Ah, English the patchwork language!

Anyway, Maxical in the end seems surprisingly intelligent! Where did she grow a brain (or common sense, for that matter?)???

Man...it's like reading a whole new story!!!

BTW since i'm too busy to backtrack, are you updating the new sextions (oops) sections into your already punbliss work on the Other Forum as well as on Fanfic??

@ Winter Wolf - Thank you so much Wolf! Lol, Eyja. I wonder how you will feel when you see her next, (?) lol. She has some really good scenes with Lucien coming up soon in the current chapters at that other forum. - er...ARGH! New character? What about Aradroth? Who is this new character, and will they be in Aradroth's story?

***

@ Acadian - Thank you so much Acadian. This came out of the woodwork. I knew I was cutting some future chapters out, so thought I could do just a tad more with the Arena to make up for that. Well, it has taken over. I was trying to make the Maxical saga shorter, but with this storyline stretching out it is not going so well, lol. ARGH!

***

@ Hauty - THANK YOU!!!! I needed that, and I have fixed it. You are def appreciated, I should have known that!

On Maxical's part, I wasn't sure if anyone noticed on her letters when she was twelve years old that she would say things like, "There was no proof I was involved," stuff like that - she would defend herself even then.

- She has an innate cunning in spite of being dumb, which shows up in battle or when she is angry - this hearing is a battle to her, and she is def angry in it.

- Andronicus taught her a lot, which will come out soon.

***

@ Foxy - Yeah! You are back! Thank you so much Foxy, you ROCK!!! (the answer is YES, and I will give more details below)



TO EVERYONE:

I am still writing updates for the original story and posting them on the BGSF forum:


http://forums.bethsoft.com/index.php?/topi...i/page__st__120



And on the FanFiction.net site:


http://www.fanfiction.net/~malx



If anyone is still keeping up with the original (Acadian is, Thank You Acadian!) I just posted a new chapter two days ago on both links above.

This post has been edited by mALX: May 7 2010, 04:38 PM

Oooooo two chapters up since last I was here...my my what a writer you are mALXie! I notced you on fanfic.net, must remember to add you as favourite author there!

What strikes me is the intelligent writing style of yours...it's stunning my dear...I'm impressed, very impressed

Looking forward to learn more about my fav-Kitty!

@ Minque - Thank you very much Minque!!! I appreciate you a lot! Are you on the FanFic? I will have to figure out how to search on there and add you as a fave too! Thank you so much!




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Chapter 19: The Orc In Court


“The bank investigated and discovered Andronicus has been skimming off the top for years. She hasn’t been depositing the full amount I should get.” Agronak’s lip pouted out between the tusks.

“All the managers take their percentage directly off the top so if you die in the Arena they aren‘t left unpaid or having to dun grieving relatives.”

“But she was taking more than her contracted fee.”

“You don’t have a contract, haven’t had one since two years after becoming Grand Champion. Andronicus is a Free Agent. Look at the clause above your signature on the last contract you signed. It states right on it that if it lapses and you continue using her services she becomes a Free Agent.”

“I didn’t keep that, it was expired so I threw it away.” Agronak gave me an inscrutable look.

“I have a copy of that contract.” The lawyer next to me rifled it out of a leather satchel and handed it to the Elders. They passed it amongst them and then back to him.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught Agronak’s brows draw down into a scowl when the lawyer pulled the contract out. It was just for a split second, then it was gone. Was it a trick of the light? It gave me an odd feeling.

“The only reason I let it lapse is because she kept increasing her percentage every year. She was gouging me. I thought Free Agent meant…free.”

Agronak actually looked victimized, which is pretty hard to do when you’re a giant Orc with a reputation for vicious slaughter. I was incredulous, even I am not that dumb.

“Free? You thought she would work for nothing?“ I gaped at Agronak. “Free Agent just means without a contract, she gets paid per-fight at the going rate. No one works for free Agronak.”

“She can’t charge more than our last contract!” Agronak was getting angry, something I had never seen before.

“Yes, she can. Without a contract she is free to charge the current rate. When you negotiate a contract you talk her down below that. Her fee is whatever Haki gets plus an additional percentage because she does much more PR for you. Haki gets raises every year, so obviously her rate would increase.”

I learned that from months of hearing Andronicus moaning about Agronak squeezing every Septim. Until now I had never seen this side of Agronak, and always wondered if Andronicus was just a chronic griper.

“Haki gets raises every year?”

“They all do because the cost of living goes up each year. They are also supposed to get at least one bonus a year when you re-sign with them, more if they do a great job for you.”

“She doesn’t need anything for cost of living, she lives free in the Bloodworks. And she should feel grateful if I re-sign, not get a bonus for it. Bonuses can’t be mandatory, they are like gifts. Besides, she never needed to do PR for me, I earned my fame in the Arena.“

A hot anger rose in me. “Earnings aren’t based on where someone lives, and anytime you need proof of the great job Andronicus has done for you just step out in public. People who have never been to the Arena or seen you fight know you. You have better PR than the Emperor, they never had to tie back the city gates for him like they did at your mother‘s funeral!”

Agronak stared at the table in front of him, obviously angry. “She can’t even get another fighter that will let her represent them! She is lucky to get me!”

“She can only represent you because it would be a conflict of her interest if she had another fighter and they made Champion. She can’t represent two fighters in the same fight.”

How could he not know that? That was basic knowledge, he couldn’t be dumber than me. It had to be an act, but why?

“Agronak, you know that I dislike Andronicus, but she has given you brilliant representation and she is no thief. She believes in you. You expected her to work gratis as your agent and for your mother’s funeral in spite of the fact that she lost her share of the Box Office over it. I’m sorry to say this because you are my friend, but that is unconscionable. Those new skirts and armor were crated till you could pick them up. No one has used them, nor robbed you.”

Agronak glanced over at me his eyes were cold and inscrutable. I felt a shiver go down my back. Something just didn’t feel right about that look. I was angry and upset, was I reading him wrong? I had to be, for on second glance he looked…himself. I must be over-wrought from all this. I spoke more gently, apologetic.

“I’m sorry Agronak, you are my best friend, but if you want my opinion you are still reeling from the loss of your mother. I think the lawyer that pushed you to this action acted unscrupulously and was precipitous because he was over-eager to have his name connected with your fame. In my mind he owes us an apology for the embarrassment of our public arrest.”

The Elders expressions had not changed. I was still a guilty Khajiit, but now I was mouthy too.

The lawyer next to me was scribbling on a pad, not looking up, then suddenly he stopped writing and gracefully and soundlessly stood.

“I am asking that all charges be dropped pending a full accounting of the raises and payments for services Ysabel Andronicus should have received since Agronak gro-Malog became the Grand Champion. I respectfully request a subpoena of all banking records that show deposits made by the Arena into the account of Agronak gro-Malog for comparison. I request these arrests be expunged from all records. As the defendant stated, this action was precipitous. I move that any further proceedings in this matter be handled by the attorneys, that we waste no more of the Council‘s valuable time.”

Agronak sent me a worried glance.

I held my hand up in the Arena sign for step back and regroup. Agronak nodded, then spoke.

“I just asked my bank to look into it. Next thing I know the bank’s lawyer filed these charges. Everything happened so fast.”

I looked curiously at Agronak. As he spoke his expression was confused, but his voice sounded defeated; the two were separate and opposite.

I was upset by the arrest, the prejudice of the Elders. Agronak probably was feeling the same tension I was in here. That would explain…but no, he lied. His signature was on the arrest form, not a lawyer’s. What was going on?

Suspicion can hone your instincts. I had always trusted and relied on them. But Agronak was my friend, it is hard to believe he would ever do anything against me, why would he? Maybe I was the one that needed to step back and regroup.





***

The Elders dismissed for a break. When the Council resumed only the lawyers would return to argue it out before the Elders. Then they would be excluded while the Council made its ruling.

Agronak tried to come talk to me but his lawyer stopped him. I was escorted away by the lawyer that sat next to me and two guards.

“You did very well in there.” The lawyer said as we were making our way down to the lower floor. He hesitated, then turned to me. “You had an odd expression at the end of the hearing, would you mind explaining why?”

“Oh, I am sure it was nothing. I am probably just over-wrought.“

“What was probably nothing?” He opened a door into a small room and indicated I go ahead of him into it. “Have a seat.”

There was a round table and two chairs barely squeezed into the tiny room. I looked at him before taking the seat that would put my back to the farthest wall. Khajiit can usually read people through their eyes, his revealed nothing but his aura was of a decent man. The guards stayed outside the room but I heard a key turn in the lock.

“Go ahead.” He said, pulling out a blank parchment.

“I don’t know if you will understand. Khajiit read people through their eyes, facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and the aura they emit. It is an instinct born in us and is rarely wrong. It just seemed that several times in there Agronak’s reactions and facial expressions seemed at odds with things he was saying.”

I described several examples; the lie about who filed charges, Agronak’s anger, his scowling over the contract being produced, the inscrutable expressions.

“And pretending he didn’t know Andronicus could not represent anyone while holding his book. He had to know that. Why pretend not to?”

While I was talking he was taking notes on what I was saying, sometimes asking me to describe in more detail either expressions Agronak had made or what was happening in the hearing at the time.

“Andronicus said he was intimidating in negotiations, but Agronak looked victimized in there as if Andronicus had put the screws to him. It was clear by his own testimony that he was tighter than a mud crab with his Septims.”

“Very clear. Now what happened at the end?”

“His words and expression showed confusion, but his voice held defeat…an error in judgment maybe?“

“A backfired plan?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I felt. I am sure my instincts are off, we are close friends. I must be misreading things.”

“Close friends don’t have you arrested, and I noticed several of these discrepancies myself. Always trust your innate senses. Owyn did well to have you brought in first. He was sure he would lose his temper, and Andronicus was not in any shape.”





***

He finished writing on the pad and then looked up at me as if deciding whether to say something.

“You knew a lot about the contracts and seemed to understand the clauses. How did you learn all that in just the few months you have been at the Arena?”

“Andronicus taught me. I bunk with her at the Bloodworks for protection. She talks almost constantly, complains even in her sleep. But if you listen you can learn a lot from her. She taught me how the financial end works, how the contracts work and what they mean, how to work the press to get the right PR.

“Was she training you to assist her?”

“Not that I know of, I think she just likes to talk and gripe a lot.”

He wrote something on his pad. “Go on.”

“Well, when we were arrested I was locked in the holding cell with her for hours before you came, and she talked the whole time about what possible things Agronak was trying to pull with these charges and how it should be countered. She discussed that clause and where to find it on the contract.

“She is a whiz with the contracts, much better than either Owyn or Haki.” He said as if thinking aloud.

“Sir, she would not steal, I would stake everything I own that she is innocent.”

“You said you dislike her, yet defended her in the hearing and now. Why?”

“Where do I begin…she is offensive in at least a thousand ways; loud, brash, coarse, her odor, she is dirtier than beggars on the streets, her teeth, she drinks till she can‘t find the…” I was counting them off on my fingers when he stopped me.

“No, I meant why did you defend her.”

“Oh. Well, I was forced into bunking with her so she could protect me from the men. Being in close quarters over an extended period I have seen a lot that others may not. She is brilliant and talented. She has integrity, she is near genius with her PR abilities. She is blatantly honest and would go hungry before she would steal a Septim. She has an enormous heart and is dedicated to those she loves, of which Agronak is one. This has hurt her deeply. She is no thief.”

“A thin line between love and hate?”

“It gets to be quite a thick line when she is un-bathed, but you are right. I do care about her. Sometimes you can love what is inside even if you don’t like the outer person.”



*

This post has been edited by mALX: May 8 2010, 01:53 PM

I apologize in advance for the book-length size of this post. I wanted to sit down and try to get caught up with your story and I find that in doing so there are just too many things that I want to comment on. It’s your own fault really.

Chapter 11: Bad things Come in Threes

I swear mALX, there are times when Maxical reminds me so much of Lucy Ricardo that it’s scary. I keep waiting for Ricky to show up and tell her that she has some ‘splaining to do!

And I for one love this version of the story. Your writing is far more refined. Whereas before it seemed that you were discovering your character along with your reader, now it seems like you know exactly who this character is, and where you want her to take us.

Chapter 12: In the Mind of Fathis Aren

My first thought when I read the chapter heading was . . . uh oh!



This is a magnificent paragraph! Imagery, emotion, and action mingle seamlessly with one another to provide a classic example of jealousy. If I might make a suggestion, I would substitute ‘unsatisfying’ for ‘unsatisfactory’. ‘Unsatisfactory’ is a temporary condition and seems to suggest that Fathis might find satisfaction in another’s touch, but we know from the preceding paragraphs that this isn’t the case.

Chapter 13: Of Fathis and Orc Diapers

First of all, GREAT chapter heading!



I think you mean ‘of spouse’ here, ‘as spouse implies that Maxical is already someone’s wife.



SPEW! Ha ha ha ha ha! Is it any wonder that the citizens of Bravil hold the Count in such esteem?

Chapter 14: The Secret And The Suicide

Ahh, intrigue! Agronak’s mother speaks of her imminent death, and then years later poisons herself? You have taken what is generally a straight forward quest in the game and wrapped it up in a mystery that adds new depth to the character of the Gray Prince.

I am beginning to wonder if you are going to deal with Agronak’s demise in a similar fashion as you did in the last version. I have to say that part of me hopes you find a way to keep him around; I’ve grown quite fond of the Orc.

As a side note: Thanks a lot, mALX! Now I can’t look at chocolate pudding again!

Chapter 15: Doctors, Lawyers, and Thieves

It’s interesting, I find myself comparing this version of Traven with the version on the other site and I have to say that I like this version better. In the other story there didn’t seem to be the incentive for him to want to help Maxical that there seems to be here. Reading their interaction I can almost feel the affection that he has for her, even with all the headaches (or perhaps because of all the headaches).

The missing money in Agronak’s bank account makes one wonder how many of Andronicus’ benders are being financed by the Gray Prince.

Chapter 16: The Friendship And The Friendship



And more raucous laughter from my side of the keyboard!

Given the frequency in which Andronicus tends to soil herself it makes one wonder how she came to be a ‘battle matron’ in the first place. *voice dripping with sarcasm* I can’t imagine why Fathis never chose to get with her!

WHAT!!!!!! Just read the part where Fathis overhears Agronak and Gils. What in the Nine Divines is going on here?! You had me at the point that I was really starting to like Agronak, now I don’t know anymore. Talk about cliff hangers, ARGGHHH!!!!!

Chapter 17: Fathis, Gossip, And The Golden Armor

I am in full agreement with everything already said about this chapter. It seems that the merchants in the Imperial City have quite the grapevine, doesn’t it?

I have to confess that as much as I enjoyed this chapter my mind is still racing and my concentration is broken over the fate of Maxical and the details behind this ‘tag’ of Agronak’s.

Chapter 18 Secrets Of The Past And The Tail In Jail





You already know how I feel about a courtroom setting as a kind of battlefield. I am actually giddy over the potential situations that can be explored putting Maxical on trial! I hope you take your time with this, because at some point Irlav Jarol must be called in to give damning testimony!

I’m not sure about the word ‘lawyer’, it kind of clunks in this chapter for me. I don’t think that there is anything strictly wrong with it, I just think that ‘advocate’ or ‘arbiter’ might work better given the setting.

Postscript: Now I see that you have posted yet again! I will attempt to read your latest update over the weekend. Right now I need to wipe the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard!

Now this sounds more like the cunning kitty who happens to be very observant of the people around her!

Well done! Did I ever mention that I love courtroom dramas?

Not so Maxical! You are not dumb. You are just sometimes awkward. And maybe a touch naive.

Another fun read! So, it seems Agronak is not as good as we may have thought and Andronicus not as bad. Veerry interesting!

Destri hit the nail on the head. Your writing is far more refined. Whereas before it seemed that you were discovering your character along with your reader, now it seems like you know exactly who this character is, and where you want her to take us.

That is exactly how I feel about your writing also. In the old days I would spin in crazy circles as I tried futilely to bite the end of my tail, now I just collapse in shock at the maturity and command of the english language that you use. A shame really, kind of makes it hard to read the computer screen from the floor.


See here? The writing you use is absolutely perfect. Thoughts, action and dialogue flow seemlessly into one and it makes it a delight to read. Wow!!

As for my new character, will they make the Aradroth story you ask? Hell Yeah !!
The new build is to complete MQ and KOTN, something I havent done in 4 years of playing Oblivion. Hopeless I am. I keep getting sidetracked by dungeon diving. "Hey look, there is another one, I haven't been there!"

This post has been edited by Winter Wolf: May 8 2010, 09:08 AM

Stand aside Perry Mason, here comes the Berry Sundae.