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> Blood on the Moon, A Journey of Discovery
Olen
post Sep 7 2010, 11:51 AM
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I echo Acadian's comments. That the time's (and indeed worlds) don't mesh really doesn't matter for this crossover. Events with Sethas and Serene don't fit either but they undoubtably inhabit the same world, such liberties are part of the whole crossover thing which adds great depth.

Your version of Julian's past is excellent too. She is very definatly the Julian we know but with some changes which fit well with it being a younger version. I'm impressed how well you've handled her. I was also unaware that she had green eyes.

Athlian is great as ever, it's when he's streached and with another character to be mirrored against that he shows just how much there is to him. Telling (as I suspect is your intention) the test of wisdom (and maybe strength) as a flashback in the report to Julian is quite a good idea. It should keep things fresh.

QUOTE
The second note was written by Athlain

I can see that now, I hadn't expected him to return to Frostmoth so couldn't see how he'd send it. As to the meaning, well I have suspictions (which is another way of saying you've laid another hook...).


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SubRosa
post Sep 7 2010, 05:07 PM
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Yaay more Julian! Skipping ahead to Fort Frostmoth like this is an interesting choice. I presume you will use Athlain's deposition to show us what happened after the test of loyalty. It makes me wonder how far ahead we have gone? Just to post-test? Or to the very end of all the events on Solstheim? I will just have to wait and see when you write more!


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haute ecole rider
post Sep 8 2010, 05:39 PM
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I've waited to comment because I don't want to brag . . .

Trey, you've done a wonderful job portraying Julian in her prime, before skooma and alcoholism destroyed her self-esteem. I have enjoyed this collaboration in portraying her during her Skyrim years, before that fateful Goblin skirmish ended her career.

I have often thought about what she was like in those days, and am glad that you chose to portray her at this point in her life, when she feels she is in her rightful place as a Legion pilus, and has no idea of the trials and tribulations that lie ahead . . .

Thanks again for the tribute to a character that has become such a good friend to me . . .


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treydog
post Sep 9 2010, 05:01 PM
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@hazmick- Thank you. I think you caught a significant point- to Athlain, Julian is the ideal Legion soldier- something he himself longs to be. If she “rings true” in my prose, it is because her creator has done such a wonderful job of imbuing Julian with a personality and life that extends beyond the page.

@mALX- As ever, your wish is my command. I still don’t see a way to bring Athynae and Julian together in my story- I think it would be rather like putting Maxical and Adryn in the same room… And, truth be told, whether or not Tamriel would survive the epic struggle, I am not certain that it is within my capability to write a scene that would do justice to two such vivid characters.

@Acadian- Thank you for your reassurance as far as the discontinuity… It fits with my belief that the characters and the story are what matter- so long as the writer does not do complete violence to the setting or other established Lore. Athlain is going to need your compassion soon- he is about to make fairly serious admission. (Not this episode, but the next).

@Black Hand- Once the idea of Julian of Anvil, LCIS (Legion Criminal Investigative Service) got into my head, I had to write it. As to how much of a role she will have, that remains to be seen…

@Remko- Athlain has not been charged with anything- yet. But there are certain… questions… that need to be answered.

@Olen- Thank you for those kind words- I want the characters to work so well that the issue of time and place fades into the background. If this younger Julian works, it is because haute has given me so much material to work with, as well as excellent guidance. And I am glad Athlain comes through, as well. He has been tested- and will be again. Adversity will reveal strength (or weakness) of character.

@SubRosa- The flashback/deposition occurred to me when I decided to see if I could fit Julian into the story. And her talent for investigations seemed to be a useful hook. The scope of the investigation- plus the back-story and outcome- will be revealed…eventually.

@haute- “It’s only bragging if it ain’t true.” If “my” Julian fits your picture of her, it is because you made it easy to envision the Pilus Prior that was. And again, my thanks for allowing me to borrow her- with your assistance, she will make several more appearances throughout this chapter…

All- No Julian in this episode, at least not directly. But she is a silent presence watching Athlain and listening to his story-and taking the occasional note. Be aware of that- and be very sure that he is aware of it!

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My heart was lighter, and I seemed to be more aware of the land as I made my way back north to the village. Sometime during my visits to the Standing Stones, Frostfall had arrived, heralding the harvest on Vvardenfell and in Cyrodiil. On Solstheim, though, it simply meant that the cold days were even colder and the chance of snow was even greater. Nevertheless, I was content. With the Test of Loyalty completed, I was sure that Tharsten would tell me what he knew about Captain Carius and the attack on the fort. But that was not what happened.

Regardless of my new-found connection with Solstheim itself, the village Skaal were still wary and doubtful. They stopped their conversations when I came near and watched me sidelong as I approached the Great Hall. When I entered, Tharsten Heart-Fang gave me a look that I could not interpret. Although he smiled, it was a rather pinched and sour sort of smile, as though his heart was not really in it. Nevertheless, he stood when I approached and boomed:

“Ye have completed the Ritual of the Gifts. I am impressed with your efforts, outlander. But there is more to be done. Ye have shown a certain loyalty to the Skaal, and it surprises me.”

That last I certainly believed, and I also wondered how he knew I had reactivated all of the Stones. But he was the leader of the Skaal; no doubt he had ways of knowing things. And how he knew did not matter- so long as he would honor his side of the bargain. Before I could ask him about Captain Carius, though, he turned to the wall and lifted down a mace crafted of Nordic silver. He cradled the weapon in both hands and looked at it rather than me as he reluctantly murmured:

“Tradition dictates that ye now hold this, the Mace of Aevar Stonesinger. It is a treasure of the Skaal that I do not relish giving to an outsider. Still, ye have earned it. For now.”

With that, he thrust the mace at me, the sour look on his face even more pronounced than before.

His motion was so abrupt that I nearly dropped the massive thing, which accident the Skaal chieftain had perhaps intended. But many hours of drill with Carbo ensured that I never let a weapon in my care touch the ground. Whatever symbolic worth Aevar’s mace had, it lacked in utility. It was crafted entirely of metal, which may have explained why it still survived after so many years. It carried a minor frost damage enchantment- and it weighed three times as much as Athynae’s Gift- more than the rest of my equipment combined. One probably did not “wield” it so much as simply drop it on an enemy and let gravity do the rest.

I muttered some polite fiction about taking pride in the mace and honoring the memory of Aevar, but Tharsten spoke over my faint dissembling:

“Ye have completed one test, but it is not enough. Ye still be not Skaal. So now I would test your wisdom. Engar Ice-Mane stands accused of stealing furs from the house of Rikolfr Halfhand. The furs were, indeed, found in Ice-Mane’s home.”

He seated himself and folded his hands in front of him before adding:

“Theft is a serious offense amongst our folk, for we do not have so much as the people of the warm lands. All that we do have, we share freely, giving to each according to his need- with no one taking more than is required. It is our way. One who steals throws everything out of balance. And a thief amongst us harms all, for he robs all. Anyone proved to be a thief is given the choice of death or of exile from the Skaal. Investigate this crime; find out what you can. Then, report your findings to me, so the truth may be found- and the guilty punished appropriately.”

He turned his brooding eyes away from me, a clear dismissal. While I was annoyed at this further delay, I could do nothing except obey. Tharsten would tell me when he felt like it- which meant that I must complete this new test, if I could. Most of the Skaal would answer because Tharsten had told them to, but they would only give only the barest information to an outsider. If I was going to find the truth, I would have to speak with those who trusted me.

Therefore, I went to Lassnr’s house and knocked on the door. The old Nord welcomed me and poured cider for both of us as we sat in front of the fire. I told him a bit about my recent adventures and then explained,

“Lassnr, your chieftain has asked me to look into this business with Engar Ice-Mane and the stolen furs. I am a stranger and know nothing of your people. I am not certain whether Heart-Fang wants me to find the truth, or expects me to fall flat on my face. But- a man’s life and honor are at stake here. So I cannot afford to fail. What can you tell me of the two men involved in this crime?”

Lassnr looked into the flames for a long moment before he answered:

“Engar is a valiant warrior, and no thief. Any of the Skaal can tell ye that. Anyone who would say different is a liar. He has always proven to be brave and true, and it is impossible to think he would steal.”

He paused before continuing in a quieter voice, “As to Rikolfr Halfhand, he is a smart man, but there is something not right about him. He spends too much time at Ice-Mane's home while Engar is away on a hunt. This is not appropriate.”

He had little more to add, except that I should speak with the shaman, which I had already planned to do. I thanked him for his honesty and left.

When I met with Korst Wind-Eye, I first complained about being given another task instead of the answers I sought. The shaman did not offer an alternative, but explained:

“Heart-Fang is testing you, as is his nature. He is distrustful of all those beyond the Skaal village, and he is slow to accept others into his confidence. Expect him to continue testing you. Heart-Fang is a hard man, and his challenges may be dangerous. I will help you whenever I can. You may trust in me.”

He stood by a window, looking out at the snow-covered village as he continued:

“As for the two men, Engar has been a valiant warrior of the Skaal for as long as I can remember. Both his father and his father's father were known to be brave and honest men as well. His wife, Risi Ice-Mane, will be heartbroken if he is found to be guilty. Rikolfr is a clever one. He is wise and crafty, and perhaps for this, he is not well-liked. Still, he is of the Skaal, and we must take his accusation seriously.”

He turned to face me and said seriously:

“You will have to use your judgment in this matter, for the consequences will be severe. Speak with Engar and Rikolfr. You should also speak to Risi Ice-Mane, for she knows her husband better than anyone. Listen carefully, and keep a sharp eye out, for these are matters that affect us all. May the wisdom of the All-Maker guide you.”

Engar Ice-Mane was easy to find; unable to rest or sit still with the cloud of suspicion hanging over him, he paced through the village with a worried frown. When I approached the warrior, he turned his face to me, showing an elaborate clan tattoo covering one side. Before I could speak, he waved a large hand and said,

“Ye are to be my judge; what would ye ask?”

He was a bit intimidating in his wolf-hide armor, so I began cautiously, “Ah- you have been accused….”

I got no further. He growled: “I know what I am accused of, and I know that it is a lie! I have no need for the furs of Rikolfr Halfhand. I am a Skaal warrior. My honor and the honor of the Skaal are my life. But I will bear this injustice as any warrior should--with dignity.”

Then his frown faded and he simply looked confused, as he added:

“I had no quarrel with Halfhand until this day. I thought him a friend to my family, to my wife, Risi Ice-Mane, especially. While I was out hunting, he was known to keep counsel with her and others who remained in the village. And now this from him!”

He shook his head in dismay and turned away to continue his restless circuit of the village.

And then it was time to speak with the accuser. Rikolfr’s house was small, but relatively well-kept. He answered my knock and invited me in with a look of sadness that somehow did not seem to reach his eyes.

“I understand Tharsten has sent you to investigate Ice-Mane’s crime. Ask your questions and I will answer, outlander.”

I glanced around the sparsely-furnished single room and asked, “Why do you think he did it?”

Rikolfr shrugged elaborately and responded: “He has always been a valuable member of the Skaal. But he is not a caring man. He leaves his lovely wife for weeks at a time while hunting. He probably stole my furs because he wasn't able to provide enough for his family. Such a sad story.”

He glanced at my face from under lowered lids, as if to gauge my reaction. I thought of what Lassnr had said about Ice-Mane’s wife, along with some other clues, and a suspicion began to grow. Casually, as if simply making small talk, I inquired,

“And what of his wife? How does she fit into all this?”

His face took on the look of a greedy child eying the largest pastry on the plate as he told me:

“She is a beautiful woman, deserving better than her husband. Were I her mate, she would lead a much better life.”

He stopped suddenly and his gaze sharpened. Reflexively, he raised a hand to cover his mouth, as if to keep the words inside. But they had already escaped, and I knew with whom I would speak next.

The Ice-Mane house was large and filled with well-made furniture and thick rugs. Risi spoke in a low, definite voice as she told me:

“Engar would never do a thing such as this. He is a man of honor, and we want for nothing.”

Wringing her hands, she went on: “I cannot imagine what would drive Rikolfr to make such an accusation. Perhaps he is jealous of my husband, and these charges are meant to disgrace him.”

Since she had raised the issue, I asked, “What do you think of Rikolfr? How did things stand between you before this?”

She colored a bit and said slowly, “He had been a good friend to me until this accusation. We had spent...some time together. But now, he has decided to ruin my family.”

Something had caught my eye, so I asked Risi if I could trouble her for some water. When she turned to fetch it, I moved down the room, acting as if I was admiring the wall-hangings. But my goal was one of the beds, where I had seen a bit of parchment peeking from beneath the pillow.

This post has been edited by treydog: Sep 16 2010, 01:39 AM


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mALX
post Sep 9 2010, 05:24 PM
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WOO HOO !!!! While the cats away, the mice do play !!!! I suspected (if not a love triangle, at the least a jealous wannabe love triangle hopeful) the minute I heard he came while her husband was out hunting !!!!!!

Really great detail and description - personalities come across perfectly clearly and facial expressions can be visualized with ease (always) in your writing !!! What a gift !!!!


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haute ecole rider
post Sep 9 2010, 05:24 PM
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Do I detect a certain - ahm - affair that would be best left alone if Rigmor hadn't decided to stir things up with the stolen furs? Hmm!

I've a feeling Julian will be unsurprised by the outcome of this situation!


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D.Foxy
post Sep 9 2010, 05:29 PM
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QUOTE(mALX @ Sep 9 2010, 05:24 PM) *

I heard he came while her husband was out !!!!!!

What a gift !!!!



Er.... blink.gif

I don't even wanna THINK about that.

biggrin.gif tongue.gif
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mALX
post Sep 9 2010, 05:34 PM
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QUOTE(D.Foxy @ Sep 9 2010, 12:29 PM) *

QUOTE(mALX @ Sep 9 2010, 05:24 PM) *

I heard he came while her husband was out !!!!!!

What a gift !!!!



Er.... blink.gif

I don't even wanna THINK about that.

biggrin.gif tongue.gif



SPEW !!!! ROFL !!!!


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hazmick
post Sep 9 2010, 05:34 PM
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this must be CSI:Solstheim! awesome! A great chapter which shows how important it is to be observant and friendly at all times, especially when you are trying to impress a clan of Nords (Which is a surprisingly frequent occurrence)


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Acadian
post Sep 9 2010, 07:21 PM
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This is an occasion where I am delighted to claim no knowledge of Morrowind quests (as I assume this to be). It is a rich and wonderful mystery to this wide-eyed reader! The technical term I believe - in mALX-speak - would be WooHoo!

This was incredibly immersive as I walked around with Athlain, feeling his frustration at the delay, then interviewing persons of interest. Thanks for the cider, Lassie Lassnr. tongue.gif

And another cliffie! Only treydog could turn a slip of parchment into a cliffie. ohmy.gif

QUOTE
His motion was so abrupt that I nearly dropped the massive thing, which accident the Skaal chieftain had perhaps intended. But many hours of drill with Carbo ensured that I never let a weapon in my care touch the ground. Whatever symbolic worth Aevar’s mace had, it lacked in utility. It was crafted entirely of metal, which may have explained why it still survived after so many years. It carried a minor frost damage enchantment- and it weighed three times as much as Athynae’s Gift- more than the rest of my equipment combined. One probably did not “wield” it so much as simply drop it on an enemy and let gravity do the rest.
I quite loved this. The soldier's ingrained respect for his weapon is evident. I chuckled over 'let gravity do the rest' - such a typical Nord weapon! And finally, a tiny, but desperately relished Athynae fix. Beautiful.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Sep 9 2010, 07:23 PM


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Black Hand
post Sep 9 2010, 07:55 PM
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I always liked this quest, no 'Go here and kill something and return for gold.' Something that actually sparks the intellect if only a little bit. Too bad it didn't carry over into Oblivion, 'follow green arrow, activate quest marker, get GP and XP, congrats! You're a winner!'
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Remko
post Sep 10 2010, 09:55 AM
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Loved the part Acadian quoted too biggrin.gif
I can't help but wondering how they prevent the steel mace from rusting to bits in the Solstheim climate.


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SubRosa
post Sep 10 2010, 06:08 PM
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It looks to me like perhaps Rigmor and Risi were keeping more than just "counsel" together all those days when Egnar as away. My guess is that Rigmor left the furs by accident, and then had to accuse Egnar of theft before being found out.


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treydog
post Sep 11 2010, 03:03 AM
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Everyone- This episode sees the return of LCIS: Skyrim, with (Very Special Agent) Julian of Anvil.

@mALX- Your suspicions (and Foxy-flooring phrasing) will be explored in this episode. Thank you for your compliments on my characterizations- those are somewhat important to what I hope is a character-driven story.

@haute- As will be shown below, sometimes, it is best to just stay quiet. Of course, that same silence can be a useful tool in interrogation, as Julian Gibbs will demonstrate… blink.gif

@hazmick- CSI would work, too…. Yup, it kind of adds to the difficulties involved in being the “new kid,” when the established cliques carry large axes… and aren’t shy about using them.

@Acadian- Yes, this is a fairly “off-the-shelf” Bloodmoon quest, with some dialogue and stage-directions added. As to the Mace of Aevar, it weighs 90 pounds in the game. For comparison purposes, an iron or steel cuirass weighs 30 pounds. Dropping on an opponent’s head (or foot) seems to be the best use for it. The bit about the sudden hand-off of a weapon from DI to troop is just one of those things that is part and parcel of Basic Training- I figured Athlain had “been there, done that, got the arming doublet.”

@Black Hand- Yes, I also appreciated the fact that this was one where the player character was actually allowed to go talk to people and it accomplished something.

@Remko- Thank you. I dodged the corrosion issue by making it silver- although that oxidizes, too…

@SubRosa- The truth of things is revealed in this part, including the nature of Rigmor’s “counsel.”

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Chapter 13, Part 3

While Risi was turned away, I pulled the parchment from under the pillow and glanced at it. I was not proud of my deception, but a man’s life was at stake, so I hoped the impropriety could be forgiven. The scrawled text confirmed my earlier suspicions- in it, the writer begged Risi to consent to speak with him, insulted Engar, and threatened to “resort to something drastic.” Most significantly, it was signed “RH.”

When Engar’s wife saw me with the note, the clay mug she held fell to the floor unheeded and she slumped onto a bench. Burying her face in her hands, she sobbed:

“At least it is over. Rikolfr and I had an affair, but I ended it. He won’t let me go, though. He must have done this to get rid of Engar. You must see that- my husband is a good man. He has already said he will die rather than accept exile. Please- make Rikolfr tell the truth!”

I left her there, needing the cold air outside to clear my mind. I was convinced of Engar’s innocence, but did not know if I had enough proof. It was natural for a wife to defend her husband- and while the note was evidence, it only confirmed the affair. Risi was right- I must get Rikolfr to withdraw the charge or admit his scheme. I tucked the note inside my journal and went back to Halfhand’s house. When he answered my knock, I explained that I had one more question and flipped through the journal as if looking for a particular passage, stopping at the note. I called Rigmor over and asked,

“What do you make of this?”

His face went red and then white as he stared at the note. Finally, in a shaken voice, he said,

“I only wanted the woman. Why did that fool have to choose death instead of exile? He could have simply left, and she and I could have been together forever!”

He lowered his head in resignation and continued,

“You know my crime, and I know you must tell Heart-Fang. Let us go to him, and I will accept my fate.”

In that, at least, he finally showed himself to be a man of the Skaal.

When we entered the Great Hall, Tharsten sat back in his throne and eyed me keenly.

“I sent ye to investigate a crime. Have ye done so?”

“Yes,” I answered, “But what I found was something else.”

Then I proceeded to explain that Rigmor had admitted to lying, but I left out his reason for doing so. If Risi wanted to tell Engar the truth, that was between them. It did not need to be proclaimed to the whole village- although many of the Skaal probably suspected. Tharsten’s expression turned thunderous and he looked to Rikolfr for confirmation of my words. When the warrior nodded, the chieftain leapt up and roared:

“So, Halfhand invented this tale of theft? By the All-Maker, this will not go unpunished! By Skaal tradition, making a false accusation carries the same penalty as the crime that is charged. In this case, that means exile or death.”

Then he stopped and stared at me with an expression I did not like. In a voice as hard and cold as mountain ice he said:

“Ye have cleared Engar of the false charge, and that is well. But your task is not finished. Ye showed wisdom in discovering the truth; I am minded to see if that wisdom extends to your judgment of this matter. It is for ye to decide Rikolfr’s punishment and to see that it is carried out.”

Tharsten spoke with a finality that told me he would not be swayed. All I could think of was to turn to Korst Wind-Eye for guidance.

Leaving Rikolfr with the Skaal guards, I trudged to the shaman’s house. When I explained the situation, he looked troubled, and finally said:

“Tharsten has put this burden on your shoulders, and you must carry it. I do not say he is right or wrong, only that he has the authority to make the decision and that you are bound by it, just as Rikolfr will be bound by yours.”

I looked at him and said slowly, “I understand that I must decide- but Tharsten also said it would be up to me to see that the punishment is carried out. Before I can do that, I need to know some things. First, why are the penalties so different? Why was Engar so determined to die rather than face exile? And, if I choose the death sentence- will I be required to- execute Halfhand… personally?”

Korst motioned me to a chair and studied my face in silence. At last he said,

“You are not of the people, so this may be difficult for you to understand. But it is important that you try. Exile is the most terrible punishment that may be handed down by the Skaal. To be banished is to be dead to the community. The exiled one receives neither food, nor hearth, nor even words of comfort or greeting. He will never again find joy in the company of our brothers and sisters. He will never feel the Spirit flow through his body while on a hunt. His name is never spoken; his deeds are not sung.”

He stopped and looked long into the fire before continuing,

“I want you to be aware of the consequences of exile, lest you consider it a merciful alternative. A true warrior prefers an honorable death. Before I tell you the manner of that death, I would ask you something. You are troubled by your role in this, to hold a man’s life in your hands, yet you are an Agent of the Imperial Legion. Have you not slain men before?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “But that was in the heat of battle, when they attacked me or someone who was with me. I did not set out with the intent of killing them.”

“What of the duel with Erich at Thirsk? Did you not ‘intend’ his death, even though you let him issue the challenge?”

Honesty compelled me, so I answered quietly, “Yes. I knew the probable outcome, and I was prepared to kill Erich.” A thought occurred to me and I protested, “But he had already attacked Mirisa, so I was defending her.”

The shaman’s look was very much like that of my father when I tried to wriggle out of something on a technicality.

“But he did not attack her in your presence, did he? You could hardly call it ‘the heat of battle’.”

“No,” I agreed, “I had sent her away before Erich returned. He never attacked her in my presence.”

Korst turned his hand palm upward in a gesture that suggested I draw my own conclusions.

“Just a moment, sir,” Julian’s quiet tone brought me back from the shaman’s cabin to the stuffy interview room. “Let me be sure I understand what you are saying. You fought a duel- to the death- with someone named ‘Erich’ over a woman named ‘Mirisa’? Was this Legion business- or a… personal matter?”

She raised an interrogative eyebrow, inviting a response. That must be something all women were taught at an early age, I decided. Aware that she was still waiting, I answered carefully:

“It was… neither. Mirisa is an Imperial Cult missionary who was kidnapped by Erich the Unworthy, a Skaal hunter. After I sent her and Athynae to the fort, Erich challenged me and we fought.”

I should have left it at that, but the Redguard’s impassive silence was like a goad to my traitorous tongue:

“It was not a Legion assignment, even though the Cult priest, Jeleen, had asked me to look for Mirisa. In any event, I was not wearing my uniform when I killed Erich.”

The silence that followed the slip seemed to stretch for an eternity as I mentally kicked myself. Somehow, I managed to keep quiet as I waited for the inevitable follow up question, but it did not come. Julian simply glanced at the height of the candles on the side-table and said briskly:

"Very well, sir. We will resume in the morning. Please don't leave the Fort."

As I went to the door, the only sound was the slow scratch of her quill on parchment.


This post has been edited by treydog: Sep 16 2010, 01:42 AM


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The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...

The best-dressed newt in Mournhold.
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Acadian
post Sep 11 2010, 03:43 AM
Post #615


Paladin
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Joined: 14-March 10
From: Las Vegas



Wonderful, as always!
So Athlain capably handles a heavy task, and is rewarded by one of thrice the weight. Gulp. ohmy.gif
I am so looking forward to seeing how he proceeds.

QUOTE
“Yes,” I admitted. “But that was in the heat of battle, when they attacked me or someone who was with me. I did not set out with the intent of killing them.”

“What of the duel with Erich at Thirsk? Did you not ‘intend’ his death, even though you let him issue the challenge?”

Honesty compelled me, so I answered quietly, “Yes. I knew the probable outcome, and I was prepared to kill Erich.” A thought occurred to me and I protested, “But he had already attacked Mirisa, so I was defending her.”

The shaman’s look was very much like that of my father when I tried to wriggle out of something on a technicality.
Ooooh! Buffy is busily taking notes on how to rationalize stuff! tongue.gif

QUOTE
She raised an interrogative eyebrow, inviting a response. That must be something all women were taught at an early age, I decided.
Perfect! And what a joy to see Julian again!


Nits:
QUOTE
When Engar’s wife saw me with the note, she the clay mug she held fell to the floor unheeded and she slumped onto a bench.
I would simply delete the bolded 'she'.

QUOTE
It was natural for a wife to defend her husband- and the while the note was evidence, it only confirmed the affair.
Similarly, I recommend losing the bolded 'the'.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Sep 11 2010, 03:49 AM


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SubRosa
post Sep 11 2010, 06:15 PM
Post #616


Ancient
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Joined: 14-March 10
From: Between The Worlds



So Athlain not only has to be investigator, but also judge, jury, and executioner as well! Quite the tough box Tharsten is forcing him into. But I can see the reason why. Athlain's response will vividly display his character. Not to mention force him to define it in the first place! Given the circumstances, I suspect that Athlain will go with the more merciful option - death.


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mALX
post Sep 12 2010, 04:45 AM
Post #617


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From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



This was a very powerful chapter before Julian of Anvil's inset at the bottom - that blew it over the top!!! WHEW !!!!!


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D.Foxy
post Sep 12 2010, 04:53 AM
Post #618


Knower
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Joined: 23-March 10



This was a very powerful chapter before Julian of Anvil's inset at the bottom - that blew it over the top!!!


Malx...


MALX...

M.A.L.X...

*foxy died laughing in front of his computer*
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mALX
post Sep 12 2010, 05:03 AM
Post #619


Ancient
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Joined: 14-March 10
From: Cyrodiil, the Wastelands, and BFE TN



QUOTE(D.Foxy @ Sep 11 2010, 11:53 PM) *

This was a very powerful chapter before Julian of Anvil's inset at the bottom - that blew it over the top!!!


Malx...


MALX...

M.A.L.X...

*foxy died laughing in front of his computer*



ROFL !!!! Fooooxxxy's Baaaaack !!!!!


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Destri Melarg
post Sep 14 2010, 10:22 AM
Post #620


Mouth
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Joined: 16-March 10
From: Rihad, Hammerfell



The only advantage I can see in coming back to this story after such a long absence? I get to read on where others must wait. tongue.gif The problem is that all too soon I read myself current again and am forced to wait for the next chapter. wacko.gif

I am left dumbfounded, trey! I have retrieved my jaw from the floor, but I still can’t wipe the smile from my face.

Where to begin to comment:

First, the atmosphere! Everything already said about your ability to immerse your reader finds new proof in the Test of Loyalty. Every dank, dark cave, every visible breath, every gouge, cut, and scrape sustained in the heat of battle, and every plaintive rumble of Athlain’s stomach was shared by this reader. First it was the wonderfully described battles with the draugr (I certainly hope that is the correct plural form). Then I was riveted by the long-awaited discovery of the airship, and the grisly fate of her crew. Finally there was the epic confrontation with the rieklings, who were as effectively chilling on their wild boars as children riding bicycles while singing nursery rhymes.

Second, your amazingly indelible characters: Much has already been said of Athlain and his wonderful believability. I am equally blown away by several of your ‘supporting’ characters. I won’t list them all because this post is long enough as it is. But Skjoldr, for the depth of sage advice delivered in the warmth of a fire in the Thirsk mead hall (for where else would one expect to receive sage advice from a Nord?) must be mentioned. I must also congratulate you on Brynjolfr, for selfless toil that speaks of friendship far more eloquently than mere words. And in these last few chapters Tharsten Heart-Fang has emerged as a singular piece of work (‘Now that you have completed the impossible task I set before you, could you clear up this business about the stolen furs before I tell you what you want to know?!’).

Third, the return of Athynae!! Her reappearance more than made up for her absence. And now this new revelation about political marriages and proposed sanctuary that brings to mind a half-remembered bit of dialogue shared between two concerned parents. Athlain’s letter from Fort Frostmouth is a clear indication that this situation is ready to turn upon itself in a way that is reminiscent of the works of Aeschylus, Sophocles, or Euripides. I do not know if I am correct in my presumption, but I suspect that all is not as it appears.

And, of course, Julian’s cameo . . . it is not surprising to see that even at this age she still seems to have the pole of the Legion standard shoved firmly up her backside! I can just see the Pilus Prior in all of her spit-shined, upright, judgmental, heroic, loveable glory! The inconsistency of the timeline means absolutely nothing in the face of such an expertly handled crossover. It just seems right that two such wonderfully indelible characters should meet, and I look forward to discovering where you take them (and us) from here.



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