I'm glad to see all the old regulars around here and the new people as well, I dunno I just never realised how hard life can be when I was younger, things are just very difficult but they seem to be getting better. I hope that when the next ES game gets announced that the forum gets alot more active but we'll see I guess.

I don't think Dantrag stops by much anymore but I'm not for sure, he doesn't post much these days though.

I'm alive and well, and I hope everybody else is too. I still stop by from time to time, even if I don't post or even log in. Good to 'see' you guys!

CATAHOULA NEWS - DOG DAYS DIARY

Day 1. On The Eve Of The Surgery


That snowstorm spreading across the southeast - we've been snowed in for two days, and my puppy is due for surgery first thing tomorrow AM. - The Vet never called to confirm the surgery.

When they didn‘t call to confirm the surgery, I tried calling them (still during their regular hours of business) - and got a recorded message to call back during regular business hours.

Of course, by this I ASSUMED they were closed because of the snow/icy roads.

NOW: I am supposed to have her there before the vet's office opens for business in the morning - in other words, before they begin taking phone calls - (but surgery patients are accepted early). - which means no way to phone first and see if they will be open.

They have no web site, nor did they post a closing on the local media sites. - I spent hours that night searching for an email address, web site, reading local media lists of closings - home phone numbers of the Vet by name, etc. NOTHING.




Day 2. The Day Of The Surgery


The alarm goes off at 6 AM. I fumble for the remote and turn to the weather channel. It is 13 degrees out, guaranteed icy roads. I have no way to call the Vet and ask if they’ll be open.

Do I drag my little girl out on icy roads and skid my way down there only to find they are closed with a sign that says, "Are you a total idiot?"

- or do I risk missing the appointment and wait till office hours to call in and ask if they'll be open? This is what I do. It is 13 degrees out, I live in the boonies. I'm not driving on icy roads till I know they'll be there.

So I don't leave the house till I can get someone there on the phone. I call repeatedly (you know the drill, redial, send. redial, send. etc.) and keep getting their recorded message that says to call back during regular business hours - but they should have opened over 30 minutes ago !!!

Meanwhile, I was supposed to keep her from eating anything since 8 PM last night, no drinks past midnight. I had everything under control till I need to use the bathroom. It looks like Frosty the Snowman exploded in there. Dixie had shredded a full roll of toilet paper.

The living room also looks oddly white…almost as if it had snowed in there. The lazy boy easy chair is no longer overstuffed; a sad, pathetic skeleton frame of wood and metal covered with ragged blue cloth is all that is left of my husband‘s favorite easy chair.



***


Finally, someone answers at the Vet’s office - over 30 minutes after their regular business hours (during which whole time I kept getting the recording telling me to call back during regular business hours). They tell me, "bring her in" - so I do.

I stop trying to piece the chair together and grab Dixie. We head out the door.

So…then I am driving on icy streets, sliding and skidding. Halfway to the Vets office she takes a giant cow-sized hunky dunk all over the back CLOTH seat of my car. She proceeds to roll in it with each skidding of the car, walk through it then stand up all over the back of the seat, the doors, etc - all CLOTH.

The smell - you get the idea.

Her leash has been dragged through it as well. I go to get her out of the car at the vets, and her leash is covered in it. I have to touch it with my HANDS!

I go into the vets and happen to mention that she shredded toilet paper and one Lazy Boy chair - you guessed it. Surgery cancelled. GAAAAH !!!

So then, I have to drive back home - it has warmed up to 15 degrees now - Slide, skid, swerve, etc.

I get home and (once again have to touch the leash with my HAND) - she is so happy to be home, that she runs THROUGH the feces and jumps all over me.

Am I having a bad day? Should I have read my horoscope before leaving bed this morning?




The Aftermath


They have some TV show out (my husband watches it) that is about people who work in the crappiest professions - stinky, dirty, fish-gutty, dog-pooey, etc.

You know, careers where they do something disgusting every day and get paid for it.

I would love to contact one of them and have them clean my back seat - the back seat of my car, that is - out for me - I would be willing to pay just about anything to not have to do this myself.

No amount of big eyes and hints (or bribes) swayed my husband to volunteer his services.

My idea is to open all the windows and let the (now 20 degrees) cold air freeze the crap so it doesn't stink so bad. And throw clumping cat litter all over it. Then tomorrow, approach it with a 4" putty knife, several "Food City" plastic bags, etc.

Add another layer of clumping cat litter to absorb my puke, come back the next day : repeat.

If the time comes that I don't puke when I do it, then I need to bring a gallon jug of vinegar, a pound of Oxy-clean, a pound of Baking soda - dump them all in there and mix .

I considered going to one of those car washes you put the quarters in and spraying the living crap out of my back seat area with that high pressure hose.





Actions Taken


I dumped 34 pounds of Fresh Step (with anti-bacterial odor reducing carbon crystals) scoopable cat litter in my back seat and rolled all the windows down to air the car out.

So…I‘m looking out my window, and see my outdoor cats climbing into the back seat of my car! They obviously thought I had created a giant free-form litter box just for them!

Well, now my windows are only open a crack, still trying to freeze the stuff. So, er…anyone have any suggestions on how to clean it?










True story, happened today. So Dixie’s surgery has been rescheduled for this Friday, December 17.





This post has been edited by mALX: Dec 14 2010, 08:31 PM

*whisper*

Remember what Foxy told you about your self described production of the .... "World's biggest...."

I wonder...did that have anything to do with your getting covered in doggy doo-doo???

Uh...are you saying ... you did this to me? GAAAAAH !!!!

mALX, I feel terrible! Part of it is indeed over your misfortune. . . but I must confess that part of it is also over that fact that I am laughing my butt off at the morning you have had! Am I a bad person? I think perhaps it is your fault that I am laughing at your misfortune. After all, who else could describe her oderifically misadventures as well as you? I see indeed where Maxical gets her unique ability to, um. . . get into things.

They have some TV show out (my husb watches it) that is about people who work in the crappiest professions - stinky, dirty, fish-gutty, dog-pooey, etc. - careers where they do something disgusting every day and get paid for it.

I would love to contact one of them and have them clean my back seat - the back seat of my car, that is - out for me - I would be willing to pay just about anything to not have to do this myself.

No amount of big eyes and hints (or bribes, Foxy, lol) swayed my husb to volunteer his services.

My idea is to open all the windows and let the (now 20 degrees) freeze the crap so it doesn't stink so bad. Throw clumping cat litter all over it. Then tomorrow, approach it with a 4" putty knife, several "Food City" plastic bags, etc.

Add another layer of clumping cat litter to absorb my puke, come back the next day : repeat.

If the time comes that I don't puke when I do it, then I need to bring a gallon jug of vinegar, a pound of Oxy-clean, a pound of Baking soda - dump them all in there and mix .

I considered going to one of those car washes you put the quarters in and spraying the living crap out of my back seat area with that high pressure hose.


Anyone have any suggestions on how to clean it?

This post has been edited by mALX: Dec 14 2010, 06:24 PM

If you are friends with the fire department, get one of their protective suits with the mask and the breathing gear. Guaranteed to keep out all the stink.

Then get puh len tee of cleaning liquid AND a high pressure hose!

I dumped 34 pounds of Fresh Step (with anti-bacterial odor reducing carbon crystals) scoopable cat litter in my back seat and left the windows cracked.

I had the windows down, but my outdoor cats thought I had created a giant free-form litter box just for them.

That sounds like one of those days where the best option is to go back to bed with a cup of coffee (if only to pour it over yourself).

As far as cleaning goes the student in me would suggest fabreeze to kill the smell then put a blanket over the seats... what you can't see can't hurt you and all that.

Still on a more positive note I'm finished exams for this semester so can start feeling christmassy now

SPEW !!! ROFL !!!

Carpooling:

"These seats feel kind of lumpy."

"I think there is something under this blanket..."

"Reach under and see what it is..."

Lmao.

Every other scenario I thought of wouldn't pass the censors, ROFL !!!

Quick question, now that the next Elderscrolls has been officially announced, will this site become Waiting4Skyrim?

mALX, I am SO SORRY about how hard I laughed at what happened to your seat. No amount of tears and drool on my keyboard can make me feel less guilty, but the cats! Oh my god, the CATS!!! Nooooooooooooooo here I go again!!

Cleaning: soak it and then wet vac? One of those wet carpet extractor thingys? Let the dog back in the car to, er, "pick up" the cat stuff?

Still laughing!!

I was thinking about parking it with the windows down and the key on the front seat - and then reporting it stolen and claiming the insurance for it, ROFL !!! (just kidding, of course)

She has to ride in it again tomorrow, so the deadline is looming before me ... yet I can't make myself go tackle ... I have never seen such a huge amount of ... it looked like a cow patty till it started soaking into the seat ...

Oddly enough, there is a clear stain (of wet area) that starts at the top of the seatback and runs down in an ever-widening pattern as well. Since she is a girl, I know she isn't lifting her leg to pee...what she did to cause that, I can't even begin to imagine.

This post has been edited by mALX: Dec 15 2010, 10:13 PM

Ode ( r ) de mALX

'Twas two weeks before Christmas and starting to sleet.
The back of her car was all covered with. . . sheet.

Cool weather meant that the odor was mild,
And helped with the fact that her dog had gone wild.

The dog's role had been expertly played.
For she could be heard laughing, "I'll never be spayed!"

Indeed, when asked about the stink,
She replied, "Next time you want to get me spayed, perhaps you'll think."

This post has been edited by Acadian: Dec 16 2010, 04:30 AM

SPEW !!!!!! ROFL !!!!!! UH...SPEW !!!! ROFL !!!! [CHOKE! GASP!] KA!

OMG, I don't know when I've laughed so hard !!! I fell out of my chair, ruined my keyboard and monitor !!! ROFL !!!!! Hilarious !!!! You absolutely ROCK !!! This poem makes up for two days of hell, thank you !!!!

This post has been edited by mALX: Dec 16 2010, 04:52 AM

ACADIAN!!!


I D.E.M.A.N.D. THAT "BOBO" MAKE A CAMEO APPEARANCE TO COMMENT ON THE MALX DOGGY POO SITUATION!!!

*tis all part of my fiendish plan to make mALX expire with laughter and thus inheirit the book royalties which I'm sure she has willed to me...*

ROFL !!! How did you know? Here, I'll get it started:


BOBO saw BOO-BOO in mALX's backseat...
"Puppy made fudge dragon!" BOBO shrieked...
"This ain't no mud monkey!" BOBO yelled...
"I've seen cows do less...it's coming my way! HELP!!!"


Oh Acadian, I can't do BOBO !!! This doesn't even sound like him! So you PM ONE line, just one line - and it is more BOBO then all my lines above !!! Not only did I have too many words, but I had the punctuation off as well !!!!!! It should have read :

BOBO saw boo boo?


No one can do BOBO like you, Acadian !!!

This post has been edited by mALX: Dec 16 2010, 02:10 PM