I like Kud-Ei’s desperate defense of Henantier’s actions, despite the obvious difficulty he has caused both of them. It shows how much she cares for him even more than the recently separated beds. Leaving the clothes behind is one thing, but the Kissing Mares blade might have come in handy!

ROFL !!!!


This chapter was GREAT !!! Your combination of humor and depiction of Kud-Ei kept me in stitches !!! Awesome Write !!!

And off we go . . .

This is one of the more bizarre quests I've ever participated in. Not even Shivering Isles could beat this one for sheer weirdness. It'll be interesting to see how Dere handles the challenges ahead of him.

Enjoyed Kud-Ei's squirming while trying to convince Dere to go for it. He's smart enough to know she's hiding something! And it seems to me he's smart enough to know what it is!

I agree with ghastley on the sentence he singled out. Do take another look at it. Anytime this speed reader needs to read the same sentence more than once means it's not that well crafted. Lucky you, it's the only one I faltered over in the entire chapter, and it's something that's rare in the entire story!

and for a time after that horse mishap
The horse mishap? What did Maxical do now?

so on her own green scaly head be it
A wonderful setting-friendly phrase!

So Derelas is off to dreamy-dream land! With nothing but his birthday suit no less! Too bad Faith is not there to see it!

nits:
The is the Bravil branch
Looks like Henantier's unconstrained id switched your This with a The.

“unlocks your fears.”
Just an observation, but you might consider using 'single' quotations here instead of "double", to make it more clear that this is not dialogue.

“Would that be in any way dangerous?” I inquired{.}
The pirates from Henantier's black pearl pillaged your period.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Mar 19 2011, 12:44 AM

My goodness. It was BB (before Buffy) that last I did this quest, so I am so looking forward to having Dere show it to me.

I agree with mALX (always a wise decision) that your use of humor in Dere's observations was a welcome treat. Oh, and I'll bet SubRosa is right; Maxical could tell you about that horse mishap.

'but there was still a white guar in the room needing addressing.'
What a cleverly effective and TES-ie picture this suggests!

“This is the Bravil branch, and we are known for being rather clever."



Nit:
'He was quite ambitious during out tenure together at the University,'
I'm sure you meant 'our' vs 'out' here.

@Gastley Graves: Thank you, both for your comment and your nit.

@Grits: Kud-Ei definitely cares for Henantier, I'm glad that came off with a clear meaning for you.

@mALX: But do I have to go to bed, mommy? I keep having nightmares.

@rider: Yes, Kud-Ei's excuses do seem rather transparent, don't they? That's because they are, and we will find out why very soon. I never liked how easily she seemed to get you involved in all this, so at the same time as giving you all a neat adventure, I am also giving my responses to how she handled this. This theme will continue throughout the chapter.
That brain-collapsingly complex sentence has now been simplified.

@SubRosa: Well, she certainly didn't do anything like blow up the arena or give Irlav Jarol an aneurysm, and perhaps a unibrow. Indeed, too bad for Sera, though Dere might not share that opinion.
Nits be picked.

@Acadian: Guars remind me a lot of elephants, and they do tend to stand out. It's a lot of fun TES-ifying modern slang.
Nit be picked.

@all: Sorry for the brief absence, I had to deal with a few RL matters. Namely getting back onto my school schedule with Spring Break being over, along with some spring cleaning. Most of that is finished now, so I shall be continuing onwards.

next: The trials of a semi-clueless wood elf begin. (Cookie for anyone who gets the reference)






I tried and failed to repress a shiver that was only half-triggered by the sudden chill. I was completely disrobed; I could see every little detail of my farmer-tanned body, now glowing with a subtle green tint. I could view everything from my flat, not very prominent male breasts down to the tuft of black hair hiding that one part no one ever wanted to see. I wished I could have been warned about this, even if it were impossible to predict this would happen. It’s never any fun to lose your clothes.

I then drew my eyes to the room I was inhabiting. It looked similar to the room Henantier was sleeping in, but it had been altered and twisted almost beyond recognition. The entire room was bathed in a blood-red light, making me recall a number of strange dreams. Immediately in front of me, a giant cavern had grown from the wall. Numerous baseboards from the floor and ceiling had been splintered and torn asunder, and the bed I had been sleeping on was turned on its end. This lent a voracious viciousness to the scene before me, causing me to shudder with uncertainty and vulnerability.

I reached for the pommel of the artful blade I had belted to my side this morning, only to find it gone. That, along with my missing clothing, led me to the most unfortunate conclusion that I had brought nothing with me but the wretched amulet around my neck. Anger boiled the blood beneath my glowing skin; how could I be so stupid? Why did I ever trust that this would all work out okay? Kud-Ei had swindled me, and I wanted no more of this nonsense.

My left hand flew for the black pearl amulet and tried with all its might to rend it from around my neck. When it didn’t budge, I tried again… and again… and again.

“Why does the frightened lamb flee? There is no way out… no way out but forward.”

I gave pause with my increasingly futile attempts to tear away the jewel. I knew that voice… female, but twisted and terrible.

“The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch…” she continued, maliciousness oozing from every pore of her voice, sending my neck hairs on end and deep, visible shivers down my spine. “So now you know, dear… run and catch.”

Great red eyes flashed into visibility before my own, burning through my flesh with their fiery gaze. But an instant later, they were gone, leaving nothing but a furious glow where they had scorched their visage upon me. My entire body was shivering now, with a familiar ice dripping down my neck. This wasn’t my nightmare -- but it was learning fast.

It was only then that I noticed I was not alone in the room. An Altmer was present as well, cowering in a distant corner and looking like vapor about to be whisked away by the slightest breeze, making me uncertain if I should walk too close. He appeared not to have noticed me, which was good, considering the circumstances. I made my way over to the corner he was hiding in.

“Umm… are you Henantier?” I asked the shivering Altmer. He responded by whimpering quietly and shrinking further away from me than I thought might be possible, eyes wide as dinner plates as they stared unblinkingly at my feet. He was very clearly scared out of his wits, as if he had no courage whatsoever. And why did he look like he was made of wisps of smoke, too? What did this mean? Why didn’t that s’wit Kud-Ei tell me anything about what I was supposed to do? I so wanted to speak to Equine now, ask his assistance, but I was not sure if my thoughts would penetrate the blackened veil of Henantier’s Dreamworld. Nonetheless, it wouldn’t hurt to try.

“Equine, can you hear me?”

Silence. I tried again, but it was fruitless. I was locked away in Henantier’s brain, and none, not even a divine spirit, could penetrate it. Resigned to the fact that I was now completely alone, I began to ponder what exactly I was supposed to do. My mind returned to the riddling voice I heard a few moments ago. No way out but forward. Run and catch. What was she talking about?

My eyes met the tumultuous cavern growing out of the walls. I now noticed the presence of a small wooden door. Unsure if I had any other choice, I made my way over and pushed it.

The door opened with a loud creaking onto total darkness; nothing but a pitch-black void. Unfortunately, before I could so much as scoff in exasperation, a great wind sucked me inside. I was falling… and there was no ground to speak of anywhere I could see. The darkness compressed upon me, forcing my eyes shut. It was over; I was never to leave this place alive.




----




One heart-stopping second later, and I was placed gently upon a hewn stone floor. My knees buckled, completely unable to support my weight after my previous experience. It took many moments, perhaps hours, to steady myself and find my footing once again. I was shivering so badly I could swear I felt the ground quaking beneath my limp body. I then suddenly felt a warm puddle creeping around my loins….

I leapt to my feet with an indignant cry. Okay, I thought, that was it. If I get out of this place alive, Oblivion’s depths would ensnare the soul of that swindling lizard. This was her fault I was in this mess. She should not have ever allowed Henantier to do this to himself. They were living together, after all, did she even try to stop him? Why did she have to treat me like I was some pawn in her little game?

The burning hatred within my heart coursed through my skin, heating every pore in its boiling, corrupting wake. It was all I could do now to leave this place, so I could find that damned lizard and give her just comeuppance. Revitalized and imbibed with renewed vigor, I set forth to brave the horrors ahead.

Immediately before me stood a strange, hexagonal object. It looked like it had a lid, so it was probably a container of some sort. A quick tug on the top confirmed this theory, and I pulled a small scroll from within the bright ethereal blue depths of the chest. Quickly unfurling it, I found an utterly baffling sight before my eyes. None of the words were written in the Cyrodiilic or Valen tongues, they were simply composed of sharply angled glyphs. Distinctly let down by this decidedly un-fascinating discovery, I made my way forward into the compressing darkness, clutching the scroll in my hand. It may have been useless, but at least it was nice to feel something in my hand.

Soon the darkness was complete, and my eyes could not discern even my hand in front of my face. Focusing my will on creating light from the black void ahead of me, I clenched my fist hard to call upon my Magicka, and felt it coursing through me as had my rage. I held my hand high to let loose the new light….

Suddenly the amulet around my neck glowed shockingly red, and my spell fizzled away into nothing. A second attempt yielded the same result. So, the amulet I could only remove by decapitating myself was also blocking any attempt I made to cast even the simplest spells? Gritting my teeth in frustration and anger, my pace quickened as I felt the heat within my skin grow even more intense.

After many moments of plodding through the void, a bright light ahead dazzled my eyes, and I found myself running to meet it. Could this be an exit? I sure hoped it would be. But no, it was not to be; my heart sank as I found myself face to face with what I could only describe to be a gauntlet. Tall pillars rose into the abyss above my head, every inch of them laced with holes, and the tiles on the floor stuck out very prominently and oddly. Gingerly making my way forward into the ring of stone, I stepped carefully onto one of the tiles, and found it give way under my feet.

Next thing I knew, I was diving out of the ring as it was filled with a huge racket of swishing wind. As I dove, sharp, searing pain bit into my left leg. When the howling, biting gale finally stopped, I chanced a glance at the spot where I had been pierced. A large, feathered dart was sticking out of my thigh. Clenching my teeth and closing my eyes, I quickly tore it out, and watched as deep red blood welled up inside the puncture before spilling over my skin. Cursing the amulet for not allowing me to tend to the wound, I made my way inside the ring of stone pillars far more cautiously this time. What was I supposed to do? My first thought was that there was supposed to be some switch here I could step on without setting the traps off, but which one could it be?

I recalled the scroll in my hand. Wrenching it open, I scoured the surface looking for some sort of pattern. I found but one, some of the symbols in the three boxes were identical and linked to each other. The first box was four symbols wide by four symbols deep. Glancing up at the tiles before me, I counted them quickly; four wide by four deep. Tracing a path along the linked symbols, I gingerly and carefully placed my foot down upon the second tile from the left in the row directly in front of me.

Silence greeted my ears. Nothing had happened. I then moved forward and confidently set my weight onto the tile directly in front of me. Again, nothing happened. Glancing back down at the scroll once more, I noted I needed to step left one tile, and then I could simply parade onwards. After accomplishing that, I gazed back at the innocently lit pillars with a grin of triumph upon my face.

After many more moments of wandering in the dark, I found another gauntlet. Opening the scroll once again, I quickly found the pattern of repeating symbols and followed them through to the end. This one was more difficult than the last, though. The field of tiles was much larger and the path more twisted. I had to catch myself several times to avoid treading on the wrong tile and getting myself turned into Skyrim cheese. After several moments, however, I was able to put the second gauntlet behind me. The scroll evidenced one more ahead of me, so I took the time to prepare my mind for the toughest, and for what I hoped was the last, dart gauntlet.

It took a very long time, but eventually, the final gauntlet was behind me. The next sight to catch my eye was that of a circular stone plinth with a glowing purple orb hovering just above it. This must be what I came here for. I slowly made my way forward, choosing my footing carefully least there be any more of those wretched tiles waiting for me to step on them. Fortunately for me, there were none, and I soon found myself within touching distance of the orb. Nothing happened when I got close, though. I supposed you had to touch whatever this thing was supposed to be to finish this… well, I didn’t want to call it a test, though it certainly seemed like one. I gingerly reached out with my arm and closed my hand around the purple orb.

One swishing second later, I was back inside Henantier’s twisted bedroom. The orb had disappeared from my hand completely, but on the same note, I saw that Henantier now looked much more solid. He glanced slowly around the room, but when he caught sight of me, he jumped almost a foot in the air before turning to face the wall again, whimpering feebly.

Fat lot of good that did for him, I thought. Looks like I’m not done yet.

This post has been edited by Thomas Kaira: Mar 22 2011, 09:15 PM

down to the tuft of black hair hiding that one part no one ever wanted to see.
Well, not Teresa at least. Although I suspect that some people like seeing it. I thought Derelas was a blond though?

I liked how you start out the nightmare by making it plain that it was indeed that, a nightmare. With those burning red eyes (Sera's?) and the little song about the lamb.

With no clothes, no magic, and only his hatred for Kud Ei for her foul treachery, Derelas must brave the horrors of Henantier's nightmare!

and getting myself turned into Skyrim cheese
A wonderful setting-friendly phrase again. A tasty one too. I will have a wheel of that please, and a bottle of Tamika's.


nits:
The wasn’t my nightmare
I think you meant This?

ROFL !!! Great little inset of Dere's thoughts there!





Huge addition to the quest !!! I am awestruck by your idea here !!!




Loved every one of Dere's nicknames for Kud-Ei in his anger at her - but this has to be my favorite !!


I am loving everything you are doing with this quest - totally making it your own !! Great Write !!

'Rosa: I refer you to the character screenshot thread on that one. I changed his appearance when the story began. He is brown-haired now, and I actually referred to that in Chapter 6-1.

This post has been edited by Thomas Kaira: Mar 22 2011, 09:18 PM

How to tell a real blonde from a dye ??? Er ...

Trials of a Semi-Clueless Wood Elf is the delightful invention of the inspirational Arwen of course! A chocolate chip cookie would be divine!

Oh this is gonna get complicated for Kud-Ei. Even if she gets her Henantier back intact, she's gonna have one mighty pissed off wood elf to deal with! Something tells me that even a University recommendation is not going to cut it for Dere! Surely she could have told him a little more than she did.

No clothes. No weapons. No spells. No worries, I'm sure there won't be any more danger ahead.

You are creating some nice haunting atmosphere here.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Mar 23 2011, 02:34 AM

For some reason I'm thinking of Alice and the rabbit hole. In certain hands, that delightful child's tale can become quite nightmarish. I recall a computer game called American McGee's Alice that was unbelievably twisted. Your treatment of a familiar quest reminds me of this.

Well done, I'd say!

@Wise Sage Rosa: I love nightmares. They give me such pleasure to write, as they allow me to exercise a lot of creativity and conflict. You do need to be careful with them to avoid cliche, but I work hard to ensure that nightmares only get inserted where they might be proper and understandable.
Nit be picked.

@mALX: And that's just the tip of the iceberg there.

@Acadian: *hands over two chocolate chip cookies* Make sure Buffy gets one of those!
More danger? Never! This is a nightmare, what bad could possibly happen? (Famous last words)

@ haute ecole kitty: A most excellent comparison! I'm glad you are enjoying what I have done to the quest.

@all: Thank you all for your continued support. Sometimes, I feel I can get a bit sadistic in my writing. Take for example, my combat scenes, which tend to be rather brutal. I don't know what to say, maybe I'm more masochistic than I thought?

next: The nightmares continue....






For the third time in this venture, I now found myself back in Henantier’s morphed bedroom. He was almost completely solid now, though still in no state to talk. As for me, my nude figure was now caked in blood, after having been sopping wet and horribly shivering not too long ago. My second task was to dive into the black depths of a water-filled cavern, with nothing but a weak water-breathing potion and my hands to guide me. I was horridly close to drowning when I finally found the door, but thankfully for me, it opened to cool, crisp air in an oddly blazing hot room. Within laid the second orb, and the second task was done.

From where I had just returned was a battle like no other: me against two massive man-bulls wielding huge hammers and sharp horns. Twice I found myself nearly gored, and by the time they were both dead, the chainmail armor the Dreamworld had supplied me was falling apart at the seams. Also, my roughly forged blade had been bent in three places. My body ached where I had been slammed into the stone walls of the arena I had fought in. A large bruise was also welling up on my stomach where one of their hammers had met me, sending me crashing into said wall. By the time the final foe fell, my strength had nearly evaporated, and three deep cuts where their horns had caught me were gushing blood upon the stained dirt floor. I was most thankful that they had disappeared once I touched the third orb.

The final door caught my eye. This one was built not into a roughly hewn boulder, or a blood-stained archway, but into an ornately carved marble wall. Two handles were carved into the center, forming a complete circle when the doors stood shut. I had seen this design before… in my dreams – the terrors of my dreams. I wanted to shrink away from them; to flee and cower in a corner like the pitiful Altmer I was here to rescue. I never wanted to discover what was behind them, and nothing could ever prepare me for entering the cavernous depths beyond.

I could not stop myself; I was drawn toward the doors like a bee to a flower. My mind screamed in protest with every step I took forward; every step closer to a place I never again wished to see. But it was too late, I was already there. The doors required no touch, not even the whisper of my breath to respond. They slid open with a silence so loud I was sure it would deafen me with its sheer nothingness, revealing the blackness within. There was no screaming this time as I was sucked to my next destination; I knew what awaited me.

My feet met the stone floor of the darkened halls, lit only by the dim twinkling of sky-blue crystals. My heart and gut were gripped tight in fear, but I knew that to go back now would be impossible. It was time to face my dreams; time to conquer the deepest bowels of the Oblivion born inside my head. For that is where it felt like I had traveled. This was no Dreamworld, I was trapped in the sphere of Vaermina. I so wish that Henantier realizes what a fool he is, few ever venture forth into the realm of nightmares and return to freely tell of it; Vaermina is quite protective of her secrets.

Every step I took echoed loudly throughout the halls. I was shivering once again, but this time not from cold or weakness. Fear filled my heart like nothing I had ever known before. I knew the road down which I walked, and it never led me anywhere good.

My foot then met a raised tile, lowering it into the ground with an ominous rumbling. The next thing I heard was a loud crackling sound of which stones would make when hit together, and I was deluged in a rain of dust. Without a single thought, I leapt backward as the ceiling crashed to the ground all around me. A large stone hit my hand, and I felt a searing pain alongside a gruesome cracking noise I knew was not made by the rock. I laid sprawled upon the ground, arms protecting my head until many moments after the collapse had ceased. My hand was already swelling and throbbing horribly, and a great purple bruise began to well up on the outside of my palm. I was wondering if the injuries I sustained here would be carried back to the real world as I rose up to continue on.

I now stood facing a grand doorway inscribed with serenely twisting vines, which glowed bright despite the compressing darkness all around me. My goal lay beyond. Placing my unhurt palm to the door, it opened to the lightest brush of my fingertips, as if it were waiting for me. The room beyond was a terrifyingly familiar sight. It was bathed in blood red light, and the crystals here were black and corrupted. The raised stone platform bearing the dark throne was all too familiar to me, as was the lone figure sitting in the grand chair. Slowly, I made my way forward, blood pounding in my ears with every step I took closer. Two lesser figures cloaked in black stood at the base of the stairs wielding halberds. The moment my feet touched the first step, they swung their halberds down, barring my path with the resounding clang of metal-on-metal.

At this sound, the figure in the throne took his feet. His eyes grew red with malice, and I was certain I now stared into the blank, featureless face of death.

“Welcome, Child of Dawn,” came his commanding, deep voice that made my neck hairs stand on end. “Welcome to the halls of destiny.”

He began to descend the stairs.

“Do you wonder to see me here? I am certain you do. The answer is simple. You have been chosen.”

He began to slowly draw his blade, beautiful and terrible alike. I saw the familiar glinting blackness stained upon the blade. There was no escape this time; I stood rooted to the ground, waiting for the inevitable to strike.

“I am your inveterate foe, and I hold all that is dear to you in my grasp. We shall meet soon, you and I; far sooner than you may think.”

His unblinking red eyes blazed.

“Struggle not with yourself. We, of all people know… there is no escaping the Light of Dawn.”

His blade flashed deeply red as he raised it, tip pointed straight to my heart. In one swift motion, he thrust forward.

The expected pain never came, all I felt was ice. The frigidness of the corrupted metal spread throughout my body, numbing my fingers and deadening my limbs. The shadow-cloaked figure did not bother to retrieve his weapon, he simply turned away and proceeded back up the stairs. A dark pool was building beneath my unprotected feet, and my body had become the effigy of a crimson fountain. The strength of my legs left me, and soon my knees collided noiselessly with the stone beneath me. The scene dissolved into blackness as a singsong voice rang through my pointed ears….

“With artifacts four restored once more,
The hero shall rise to evil’s demise.”

“Wake up,” a calm, endearing voice spoke through the blackness. But how could I wake up? I was just stabbed through the heart and glimpsed in horror at my blood spilling over the cold stone floor. How could I wake up when I was dead?

“Wake up, Dere!” The voice spoke again, this time more urgently than before. I then became aware of the fact I was holding my eyes tightly closed. I could also feel a warm hand gently shaking me. If this was death, why did it feel so good?

My eyes flew open. I was no longer lying on unyielding stone, but on soft warm grass greener than I had ever seen before. Color blossomed all around from the large number of sprightly flowers decorating the scene. I felt a cool breeze upon my unclothed back, and heard nearby trees dancing with joy. The small grove was surrounded with great oaks and poplars, their broad leaves gently shading the world from the harshness of summer Magnus, who blazed down upon me with all the intensity of a volcano. The hem of cream-white robes then swished past my eyes, and I looked up to see who it was.

Auburn trusses of curled hair fell in waves beside her eyes, which shared the same deep brown as my own. Her lips were full and lightly pouting, and her high cheekbones imparted the shape of a heart across her face. Her figure was slender, though it did not carry the curves many men had eyes for. She turned to look at me; the serenity in her gaze might have melted even the most iron-hearted man on Nirn.

“Mother,” I whispered. My voice was gone, and my eyes were burning.

“Time runs short, my son,” she spoke. Her brisk tone did not match her calm visage. “The enemy moves, and Oblivion opens. They use the confusion to enact their plans in secret. What their ultimate goal is cannot be known, but remember this: they will be stopped.”

“I don’t understand,” I began, utterly perplexed by her uncharacteristic words. “What do you mean? Who will be stopped?”

“The final foe of all mortal races,” she replied, her skin practically glittering in the sunlight; she was so pale. “You know of whom I speak. The Vampire Lord.”

Great black clouds boiled forth with such speed I was momentarily blinded by the loss of light. The wind was building to a howl.

“He is feared by all, and only few dare to stand against him.”

“The Children of Dawn?” I asked, practically shouting now as the wind reached the force of a hurricane. Mother nodded in assent.

“He must not be allowed to succeed, and it is within you alone that power dwells,” she continued, her voice racing as if she had only seconds left to speak.

“Why me?” I asked incredulously, my eyes wide and my heart beating a gong upon my ribs. “How am I special in all this?”

“Because it is you he wants,” Mother replied as fiery streaks of red appeared in the sky. “You are tied to his fate, and his will cannot be escaped.”

She then stood calmly, refusing to answer any more of my questions as thunder broke the sky overhead. Not one second later, a slender black blade stabbed through her chest.

“NO!” I cried out, holding my hand toward my mother’s dying figure. Every tree around me erupted into flame as I watched her slowly dissolve into ash. The shadowed figure with gleaming red eyes now stood in her place. I fell to my knees, my body having gone numb with shock, loss and fear. Then the same singsong voice I heard before rang through my ears once again.

“So shall be heard, say Light of Dawn,
From ashes of death shall life be drawn.”

The scene dissolved again.

I was on the ground again, shaking as though the ground quaked beneath me and my eyes burning with the same anguish that tore into my soul. I neither knew nor cared how long I lay upon the cold, dark stone. All I knew at this point was this: I was through with this journey. I wanted nothing more than to leave and run; run as far away as I could and never look back. The images I had just been forced to live through I would now take to my grave; they would haunt me forevermore.

I slowly rose from the ground… a familiar plinth stood before me, and suspended above it was a small, glowing orb. This was it, I thought, taking my unsteady feet. This is the last piece of Henantier’s fractured mind. How I knew this I could not tell, I simply knew that touching this orb would end it all.

I reached out with shivering fingers and grasped the orb in a weak grip.

This post has been edited by Thomas Kaira: Mar 29 2011, 04:03 PM

That last one was the Test of Perception, wasn't it?

Quite the twist on it, if you ask me. Well done!

And seeing Mother again, and under such circumstances, has got to be absolutely shattering for Dere. No wonder he wanted this journey over! Period!

Still no pics of Derelas? Here I thought this would be the perfect place to start busting out some of his Adnois-like form, glistening wetly from water and strain...

Poor Derelas, he is certainly getting worked over in dreamy-dream land. He better never visit Elm Street...

As Haute said, quite a twist you put on the end of this quest! Excellent writing on your part, throwing out the test we see in the game, and instead giving us something not only entirely original, but specifically directed at Derelas. You have changed this quest from just another fetch and carry MG recommendation to an important stepping stone in the Derelas Main Quest (or DMQ).


nits:
As for me, blood caked my nude figure that had not too long ago been sopping wet and horribly shivering.
This looks like a fragment. Did you mean something like:
My nude figure was now blood caked, after having been sopping wet and horribly shivering not long ago.

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Mar 25 2011, 11:59 PM

*sigh*

Oh, but he's wearing clothing there!

Oh, I see! You mean a picture in a more Freudian sense!

Naughty, naughty!

*perks up ears*

What? What? Who? Me? Me naughty? What'd I miss this time?

The dream sequence and last couple paragraphs - both powerful imagery !! You have taken this quest and made it totally your own, Great Write !!