WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT !!!!!!! PABOOOOOOOM !!!!!


[mALX's head just exploded in front of her PC]


The lastest chapter is mysterious and intriguing, especially regarding the Glenmoril witches and Hircine! GAAAAH! You have my attention, can't wait to find out what it all means !!!!


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This post has been edited by mALX: May 26 2011, 03:06 AM

Four Interludes -

- Rules of the honorable challenge was fascinating.

- How wonderful to see Athynae and Baria. And equally wonderful to see Athynae acting so, well, Athynae!

- Letter near Glenmoril - Nope. Not a clue what this is about. Must be witchcraft.

- Oooh! And an appearance by Serene! How neat is that?!?

I am sure we will see someone wearing a black armband soon. But who?

And certainly disturbing news in that letter. There is no doubt who the god-slayer's son is. Or the Hunter. But who are these Sister's working for? This does not bode well for Athlain. I fear that his trials on Solstheim have only just begun, rather than seen their fruition.

So, with each post I have gone back and read through again from where Athlain left Falco under his favorite tree. Athlain has been on such a journey, I find I want to stay with the story at one reading farther than a practical post length allows. Also longer than one cup of tea will stay hot, but it’s the time of year for cold tea anyway.

I failed to mention it before, but Julian’s presence has been a delight. What a relief that Athlain chose to unburden himself to her, fully aware of the possible consequences. Her parting salute is an image that will stay with me.

Garnas is a treasure, from when he first steps out of the crowd in the bar fight to Athlain’s most recent thought of him lying dead in Khuul. You have made us weep over a character who appears for part of one chapter. You see why we threaten you with rhymes and depilation!!

From the Interlude:
“I mean, I can understand how some people might think it would be a good match, and I suppose he’s handsome enough, in his way… but, EWWW! I just can’t do it. So, I request sanctuary.”

She smiles brightly, as if everything should now be crystal clear.

This is how she explains starting what I’m sure will be a storm of imp chips. I love this girl!

I'm with Grits in that I love this girl! The "Like, ewwww!" followed by a charmingly innocent smile made me chuckle at the vivid image it inspired.

I liked the first part about the challenge. Heh heh. For some reason I was thinking about Ivanhoe.

Then we have a scrap of a note that says just enough to catch my interest but not enough where I know what will happen next. Ooooh, cooool!

And an appearance by Serene! Yay! Even if it's not her own story (are you reading this minque?).

A very interesting snippet of information before the 14th chapter kicks off. Intriguing, but all in all making one ask more questions than it does answer. This has me really looking forward to what will happen next, as the time must soon come when Hircine enacts his Great Hunt.

The Blood Tide rises, and soon the icy island of Solstheim shall be bathed in His gruesome glory. And Athlain is irreversibly caught in the middle of it. I don't think things are going to go quite well when he eventually returns from his homeland venture.

Hmmm intriguing...


Sounds ominous, but who? That's the question.

It's nice to see Indarys manner again and keep up with what's happening there. So Athynae has started what Grits aptly describes as a imp chip storm, Baria is confused and then Serene visits... Frankly I think they'll manage to sort it out, but I could be wrong.

The letter is also intreguing. I know who the covern is (roughly), but I've no idea where Glenmoril is. Looks like they might get a bigger part which is something I look forward to. You certainly manage to lay hooks in these interludes.

And as for a character ending up in jail in Cyrodiil... well... looks like we have squirrel brain to clean of the ceiling.

Well, now isn't that just lovely? Is Mother here to take me home so she can pawn me off on the Duke of Dread, um I mean Dren? Or is she here for something else???? And I have Aunt Baria pretending she doesn't know why I asked for sanctuary. It may be time for me to take my leave again, soon!

I do love it Trey, inspiration.....well you know.

And all I can do is wait.

A

Psst... I think it all might be a misunderstanding. I think it is Athlain you are to be wedded to, and the letter went to the Duke because he is the senior civil authority, so he can make it legal. Consider this:



But I could be wrong...

Duke Dread huh..hilarious!

Thyna dear, don't you DARE to take off again....I can hear you darling, but you haven't the faintest clue what I really want!

Ohhh this is going to be ....well awesome!

Hautie! yessss I have read it all and let's put it this way, I'm working!!!!

Well done once again, Treydog! The conclusion to the previous chapter, and the Interlude that followed it, were superb!



If there was one thing that DIDN'T sit well with me, though, it was this quote. The "...but, EWWW!" part of it, specifically. I know some people have already mentioned how they liked it, but I personally felt it was out of place for Athynae. Given her own adventures on Solstheim, and the fact that she saved Athlain's life and cured him of his skooma addiction, I viewed her as a very strong woman. The "EWWWW!" part, to me, reeks of a sheltered teenage girl, and so I thought it out-of-character for a person who possesses as strong of a will as Athynae.

Of course, I realize she was most likely saying it in a joking manner. Still, I can't help but feel that the point could have been conveyed just as easily, and perhaps even more strongly, had she just said something along the lines of, "I suppose he's handsome enough, in his way...but, I do not love him. I just can't do it."

Like I said, just my personal outlook on the subject; I know others disagree. And really, it's so minor of a thing that it barely rates a mention at all. Just file that under "food for thought," I suppose.

I can't wait for the next chapter! Bring it on!

@mALX- The Glenmoril bit is something that is in-game- I plan to add my own “twist” to it.

Oh noes! Exploded squirrel! Of course, that is considered a delicacy in some parts of the American South…..



@Acadian- The Interludes are always fun for me, because they allow me to step out of “first-person” and throw in some things the narrator would not know. And there will be a bit more of that within the body of this chapter, so that we can see more of some other characters and what they are doing. In fact, there will be more of Baria and Athynae- immediately. And Serene is not too far away, either!


@SubRosa- One black armband, coming up! But not just yet. And as to the Glenmoril letter, I plan on drawing upon our conversation many months previous for my take on this bit of the Bloodmoon plot. Your surmise about Athlain’s trials is spot-on- sadly for him, but (I hope) to the benefit of the tale.


@Grits- Please, continue reading at a pace that is enjoyable. I have a plan to catch up on my own reading, including Jerric’s Story. And I am quite happy that I will be able to ingest long passages at a sitting, as opposed to having to wait…

One of the (accidental) themes in this story is how Athlain is surrounded by strong women. Julian most definitely is one of them. As soon as I was bitten by the idea of her appearing at Fort Frostmoth, the entire “Official Inquiry” became absolutely essential to the story.

Garnas, on the other hand, surprised me. He surprised me with the way he came to Athlain’s attention, and with the way he exited the stage. I treasure those surprises- they tell me that I am doing something right.

Athynae’s “explanation” will be elaborated further below, but that scene has been a “picture in my head” for some time. It was a joy to finally get to post it, knowing how much her fans would appreciate the moment.


@Haute- Yes, as Acadian said, “Athynae being, well Athynae.” And, along with watching too much John Ford and Akira Kurosawa, I have imbibed deep from the well of Sir Walter Scott and his heirs. The Glenmoril note will prove to be one of the more significant points of this chapter, assuming I get myself together enough to write those pivotal scenes…. Serene will be as essential to this chapter as Julian was to the previous one. That said, I fully expect one of her most significant scenes will take place in someone else’s story (hint hint).


@Thomas Kaira- That is another reason I enjoy writing the Interludes- they allow me to be cryptic- and give the readers a chance to go back and say “Aha!” as SubRosa did above. And you are quite right, the Great Hunt is about to begin and Athlain will be tested in ways he does not expect.


@Olen- I must admit to rather stealing a page from Rachel the Breton for the “Rules.” I love her chapter-opening quotes from such famous works as “The Sayings of Old, Dead People.”

The question of the “marriage contract” kerfuffle will be resolved in short order, although there will likely be some fallout even so.

I am geographically challenged about Glenmoril, too. In fact, it may not actually be an Elder Scrolls location…. Oops. But, in any event, I plan to use the appearance of a certain group to my own ends. Stay tuned…. Squirrel brains on the ceiling again- get out the Formula 409.


@Athynae- This old doggie is wise enough to know better than to get between a young woman and her mother, especially this particular pair. I believe I will step out the side door and allow the two of you to work it out….

Duke of Dread? ROFL

As for Baria, do try to be nice to her- she is under quite a strain. Her son seems bound and determined to get himself maimed or killed, and she can’t even be sure he is wearing clean undergarments. Meanwhile, her husband seems to suspiciously absent a great deal of the time. And finally, she has the pair of “red tornadoes” to contend with. Well- now plus a third…

The wait is over- at least for this part.


@Minque- Yes, the line about the Duke got me, too. Fortunately, I had set aside my tea. Getting whacked in the back of the skull with a mouthful of beverage is an experience that stays with you….

And I sense a long-delayed mother-daughter conversation in the near future. Having laid the groundwork for it, I believe I will smartly (and also wisely) nip out to take the air. The Gold Coast is nice this time of the year….


@Khajiit_Thief01- Thank you so much. Your criticism of that part is valid, so I will be even more long-winded than I usually am in response.

The reasons for the “EWWW” are several. First, I wrote the scene quite some time ago, and have not changed it in the intervening months- so… inertia. From a narrative point of view, this is a case of Athynae being a bit disingenuous. She is “playing the dumb redhead card” in hopes of fooling Baria. (We will see how well that works shortly.) Finally, it has been my experience that the ONE thing that CAN reduce even the most poised and mature of women to adolescent incoherence is her mother. Although Baria is not Athynae’s mother, she is a surrogate- and Athynae suspects that Serene is in this up to her eyebrows, as well.

All that said, I appreciate the question- it is a valuable reminder to keep in mind who the characters are and how they are likely to act and speak.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Baria felt her heart give a little lurch. She certainly understood that love and attraction were unpredictable, but she had still hoped…. However, Athynae’s words and expression made her wishes rather plain, so best to face it squarely.

"Well- of course, dear. You do not have get married if you don't want to. But- why did you feel the need to come here? And what is this nonsense about “sanctuary?”

Athynae’s mouth set in a determined line. “It isn’t nonsense, Aunt Baria. You know how Mama is once she makes up her mind about something. And besides, it was Athlain’s idea that I come to you.” Her luminous eyes blinked, “Are you saying you will not let me stay? There is nowhere else for me to go…. The mainland I suppose, but Mama would just set the Blades after me, I know she would! And I just will not do it- not even for the honor of House Redoran! I will NOT marry--- HIM!”

Baria’s anger began to rise at the vehemence of that last statement, but she tried to sound reasonable:

“Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh? I know he can be stubborn and difficult, even moody at times. But he does have many good qualities.”

The prospect of marriage to Duke Dren now loomed before Athynae like an open lava pool in the Foyada Mamea. Despite her brave words, she could not defy her parents openly- not if they truly wished for her to do this. She felt her own temper slipping at Baria’s apparent betrayal; Athlain’s mother had been her last hope.

“Well, so does a pack-guar, but I wouldn’t want to marry one!”

“Now that is enough, young lady! You have made your wishes quite clear; there is no need to be insulting! And besides, how does it look? You chased after him without a word to anyone, helped him in his greatest need, and now- you decide you do not care for him any longer?”

The half-elven girl was completely lost. What was Aunt Baria talking about? Helped? Chased after…?

“WHAT? Chased after who? I most certainly did not!” Her cheeks colored at the idea. “When I went to Ebonheart, it was to find out about Carnius Magius and his schemes.”

Baria felt the ground shifting beneath her and she reached blindly for a chair, hurrying to sit down before she collapsed. “Ebonheart? What does Ebonheart have to do with anything? Who do you think I mean?”

“Duke Dren, of course. He lives in Ebonheart.” Athynae folded her arms and looked at Baria suspiciously. “Who did you think I meant?”

The older woman was on the verge of hysterical laughter- or a truly monumental display of temper. She touched her hair, an unconscious habit she had developed to remind herself to keep her anger in check. “Why- Athlain! The two of you were traipsing all over Solstheim- unchaperoned- and telling people you were betrothed. What were we supposed to do? Serene and I thought that a marriage contract was the best way to protect you!"

If her words were intended to soothe, they failed- rather spectacularly, somewhat in the manner of attempting to quench a fire with naptha. Athynae was speechless for just a moment, but only because she could not decide which of those statements made her more furious. When she found her voice, it was probably heard all the way to Ald’ruhn.

“I DON"T WANT ANYONE TO ‘PROTECT’ ME! That was why I left home in the first place! And Mama was in on this, too?”

The stricken look on Baria’s face was enough to get Athynae to moderate her tone. “And besides- we didn’t DO anything! The only reason we- all right, I- said we were betrothed was because the Skaal know me- and Mama. I knew they would get word back to her just as soon as they could! And I knew she would interfere- which she did!”

Hot tears burned down her cheeks and she angrily wiped them away. “We were doing just fine ‘protecting’ ourselves where we were. But I knew Mama would not leave me alone- and then I saw those notes on the clerk’s desk about a marriage contract…. With my name and the Duke’s name and the word “agreed.” So- I thought….”

Sensing an advantage at last, Baria pounced: “When you saw what notes? How did you happen to be in a position to see papers in Duke Dren’s office? And- I cannot believe you would think that we were just worried about your… reputation.”

She snorted and waved a dismissive hand at the idea. She decided to avoid the accusation about “interfering” for the moment; it struck a bit close to home. “Athynae, you cannot play games with politics. If you try, things may turn out far differently than you desire.”

Athynae was not ready to concede what she felt was her hold on the moral high ground. But the conversation was going in unexpected directions, so she tried to rally by pretending ignorance.

“Politics? What does that have to do with anything?”

The look Baria gave her in return indicated she was not impressed:

"Athynae Sarethi, batting your eyes like that probably works on Athlain, but it won’t work on me. I know you are smarter than that! You know who your mother is. And who Athlain's father is. And what that all means.”

“So? What difference does that make? We were just fine where we were.” A dangerous light came into Athynae’s eyes and she demanded: “Exactly how much do you think I know? All I know is what I have been told. And that isn't the whole story- is it, Aunt Baria?”

Shaking her head sadly, Baria replied quietly, “I am sending for Serene- she needs to sort this out. It is time she told you some things. I do wish she had not chosen this week to visit the Ahemussa.”

“What can she tell me that will change anything? All I know is- the two of you had no right to interfere! Why am I even surprised? Our mothers- trying to control things, because you still think you know what’s best for us. And neither one of you thinking to ask us how we felt. He left and then so did I. And this,” she waved her hand angrily to indicate the whole situation, “This is why!”

“You are our children and a mother always has the right to ‘interfere,’ as you put it. We earned that right when we gave birth to you. But it is for Serene to decide what she will tell you. Those were- unsettled times.”

A haunted look came to Baria’s face, and Athynae remembered the stories of the Blight and the battle at Red Mountain. It was hard sometimes, remembering that Trey- and her own mother- had been in the middle of those events. She took the chair opposite and her voice was quiet but firm:

“I don't know what to say, Aunt Baria. I simply do not understand why you felt the need to meddle in this. It is true Athlain was in trouble when I found him, but I fixed that. Then, he got himself into another bad spot, but I took care of that, too. And, if Mama had not insisted on getting inside of my mind, I would have gone on taking care of him. But now, who knows what he might do?”

Baria's temper faded as quickly as it had flared. She smiled sadly and said, "We had always hoped the two of you would ….” Shaking off the thought, she conceded, “I know a thing or two about arranged marriages. I should not have done that to you. My first husband's family.... Never mind. That is a story for another day.”

Athynae’s eyes widened- this was news to her, “First husband?”

"It was a long time ago, in Cyrodiil. It was a ‘political’ marriage. It was a mistake. And he is dead and I am here.” Her tone clearly indicated that the subject was closed.

“In that case, you certainly should not have done it to me. Now Athlain and I will look like fools to all of Vvardenfell.”

“Why is that, dear? It seems to me that it was rather romantic. And we did not involve anyone except the Duke."

A sudden thought came to Athynae and she choked out, “Athlain still doesn’t know this was all a ruse! What if he does something stupid? You know how he is!”

Green eyes met lavender eyes, and two faces turned pale.

This post has been edited by treydog: May 28 2011, 06:11 PM

Uh oh.

Does this mean the cacat is about to hit the ceiling oscillator? Quick, grab your yellow slickers! Don't forget the nor'easter hats! And the big rubber boots!

Well now isn't this just a fine mess? First I seek sanctuary for a betrothal that isn't, Athlain is probably in the middle of something just as stupid or worse, and now Mother is coming. As much as I want to see her I am, well, quite perturbed with her and Aunt Baria for snooping in things that were none of their concern. And I am afraid that some of my stories from Solsteim have set the sisters on their ear....

HHMM? I'm glad you are on your way Mother, I am anxious to hear what you have to say about all of this...and the rest of the story.

A

So it finally came out. I have been wondering how long you would be able to keep up the He Said/She Said of Athynae thinking that she was betrothed to the Duke, when it was really to Athlain. It was most hilariously done, as such scenes always are.

But under the humor, you also did an excellent job of showing us the frustration and rage that overprotected children trying to become adults feel toward the parents looming over them. So far we have only seen that with Athlain, as he struggles to emerge from the shadow of - dum dum dum -Father. Now we get a delightful (well I am certainly she does not think of it that way) view of Athynae feeling the same way toward - dum da dum dum - Mama.


nits:
You made the dreading head-hopping mistake in shifting your pov characters in the middle of a scene. This scene begins with us firmly in Baria's head, as she is pondering over how she had hoped Athynae would marry her son, and gets mad over her disgust at him. Then we are in Athynae's head as the dread of marrying the Duke looms over her.

Finally!!! A full measure of Athynae! Yay!

“Well, so does a pack-guar, but I wouldn’t want to marry one!”

"Athynae Sarethi, batting your eyes like that probably works on Athlain, but it won’t work on me.'

'A sudden thought came to Athynae and she choked out, “Athlain still doesn’t know this was all a ruse! What if he does something stupid? You know as well as anyone how he is!”
Green eyes met lavender eyes, and two faces turned pale. '


*contented sigh*

So Athynae learns she's NOT getting married off to Duke Dread (formerly a Judge, returning soon to theaters!).

OTOH, she does realize that Athlain is still in Solstheim, being, well, Athlain. Definitely important that she prevent too much chaos from erupting due to [i[that[/i]. Who knows what his actions could unleash? Next thing you know, one of the Daedric Princes might decide to start hunting down mortals, or another might *gulp* try to invade Tamriel!


Not to mention diapers, 'artwork' on the wall, long nights of intermittent crying and feeding, etc.

Great start to a new chapter, Trey. Hopefully some open communication between parties, and a prescription for "Extra Strength (800mg) of Common Sense" from Dr. Fyr will help Athlain out of some of his messier predicaments. Seems like he's already had a few doses in smaller measure provided to him, but nothing is quite like meeting an eccentric Telvanni Mage-Lord studying corpus while wearing a full suit of Daedric Armor.

As has been said there were quite a few level to this part and it was most enjoyable.

There was the 'he' mix-up which was entertainingly farsical and went on about as long as possible but under it things got a good bit deeper.


As SubRosa said you caught the clustrophobic resentment which can build when certain family personalities are kept together too long. The whole piece is almost based on Athlain's anger and need to escape his father's shadow. Yes he will mature and grow up (indeed he has) but equally that won't change the fact that running away was exactly the right thing to do (and I suspect he still knows this and draws strength from it). Athynae isn't so different, the meddling of them annoys her, but you also catch Baria's (and presumably Serene's) perspective of trying to protect their children from making mistakes.

That's where I think I saw another point being made. Their coddling and over protection has a large part in the current problems and has been fairly disasterous. By preventing their children making mistakes there have been fewer to learn from and they are certainly not blameless in the current problems. It's certainly not just any immaturity on the younger generation which is to blame.


I suspect someone might be dispatched to Solstheim with a letter, I can think of a few candidates.

OMG....OMG...Yes Athynae, Serene is on her way, but it will take a few days for her to arrive, first she has to finish her business with the Ahemussa, then she has to prepare herself to meet that tornado of a daughter.

This was awesome ,but I'm worried about Athlain...he's bound to get himself into trouble again I just know it!

Well the funny thing is that this is just so coincidental...Serene is on a business trip to Ahemussa...me I'm going on a business trip tomorrow, but after that I'll ...hmm yeah you'll see!

Tornado of her daughter, huh? WELL....she is YOUR daughter after all, what else would she be but a tornado???
I can hardly wait to see you Mother, although there are many things to discuss, I have missed you terribly and as hard as it is to admit, I need you. Safe journey and return soon.

A