Beginning with 106:

Stains seemed to tell all in this chapter. First it was the part with Carsten holding the bloody sword. That single drop that landed on his shoe had me in stitches! Then it was Seridur with pee stained trousers (is it just me or is there an inordinate amount of pee in this thread? ). Vicente shows a level of astuteness that I didn't know he possessed when he is able to deduce Seridur’s preferences based on his choice of thrall. Nicely done.

It also seems that Vicente is able to deduce that Imbel is not quite what he seems. It truly is amazing the amount of drama you are able to play out while the IC literally burns to the ground!


Let’s hope for Mara’s sake that Maxical didn’t hear that!

It never ceases to amaze me that, after hundreds of years spent amassing great fortunes, all of Cyrodiil’s vampires are such notorious misers. I guess it’s true what they say about how the rich keep their money.


I really have to compliment you on this wonderful passage mALX. Insight into character, foreshadowing, and even a touch of delicious irony! I love it!

And now Seridur joins the long list of characters that I can no longer look at without laughing thanks to you! I think I literally saw stars in his eyes, and I heard his heart make a distinct BOING sound when he started ruminating on Vicente’s nobility. I guess love can join the smoke, soot, and intoxicating smell of virgin Khajiit blood already hanging in the air.

*BTW the choice of song was perfect!!!

Now we get a clear and concise summation of the depths of Hieronymus Lex’s devotion to duty. It would take either a fanatic or a crazy man to go down into the sewers to collect two coins from Raven Camoran. I wonder which Lex is? Oh, and was that really Raven Camoran in a singed robe drinking wine on Seridur’s couch??? And is he really going to curse Seridur with his mouth while holding out his hand for Seridur’s check??? Only you could write something like that!

I also see that you maintain that Ocato is not the Empire’s benevolent benefactor. I wonder if some insight into his nefarious intent will come to light within this thread?

Ask and ye shall receive! Turns out that the very next chapter opens with Ocato. Be back in a sec, have to go read . . . Wow, Ocato sure is ruthless in this story. I can see how he acquired such a lofty position. I will say that I’m not sure about the logic in telling his battlemages to ignore everything that the vampire(s) say. Now they are bound to listen with open ears! Knowing you, that’s probably how you want it.

Phintias stomping Seridur into a bloody pulp is an image that I just want to take a moment to savor . . . okay, done.

Here is something about your writing that I have always enjoyed, but I don’t think I have ever commented on it before:

You have presented both Seridur and Vicente as two characters with whom we should feel no reader empathy. None! They are both completely reprehensible, yet I find myself rooting for Vicente to arrive in time to save Seridur. That is pure magic!

After spitting on Ocato we get this:

then

QUOTE

KA…BOOOM!”

You’ve done it to me again!

I was wondering how you were going to introduce Alix the Mouse. This was definitely worth the wait! And now we can add Falanu’s name to that ever expanding list. Good thing Skyrim drops in Nov. At the rate you’re going, I’ll never be able to play Oblivion again!

Finally, given everything that she’s done, writing down ‘Spit on Ocato’ as her crime is so very, very Maxical!

Okay, I’m all caught up!

Still reading- but wanted to get some comments up so you will know how much I am loving this new take on A New Sun. This will be a bit of a quote-fest- but that is because so many of your lines stand on their own...

Loved Hannibal’s description of the problems inherent in trying to take on all of the Ancients- especially in the midst of “tourist season.” Hmm- wonder if we could entice any of them to move to Sevier County?


[quote]She’s a sweet thing…too full of life for you, Hassildor. You’ll bore her to a coma before you feed on her, blathering on and on about the blasphemies and crop rotation…wait, maybe it’s rat breeding you put people to sleep with at this time of year…”
“It isn’t about the rats breeding…in itself. It’s a discussion of a scientific experiment based on rat libido…”[/quote]

The portrait of Janus as preoccupied scientist is brilliant!

[quote]How did the Orc stand that reek? His nostrils were big enough to shove a whole carrot up inside, could he not smell that?[/quote]

Was that a “sideways carrot”?

[quote]Not as powerful as you, er…did I tell you that one I fought said you were a nobody and couldn‘t fight your way out of bed in the morning?”[/quote]

Hey now! That sounds like me….

[quote]“I’m under strict orders, no one is to enter the Palace until further notice…“ The guard broke off mid-sentence and deftly pocketed the bribe from Fathis. “I‘m not supposed to tell, but they found some tourists murdered. That‘s all I know.”[/quote]

Perfectly cinematic bit of byplay there.

The taste of moon sugar was sweet on my tongue watching his lips moving, the expressions in his eyes, his [quote]hair brushing the side of his cheek…his breath filled my nostrils…I inhaled deeply to fill my lungs with the scent of it…Gils.[/quote]

And then- you write passages like that one. Simply wonderful.

[quote]“Gils…don‘t get me wrong, I‘m sure it was great and everything…but I don‘t remember…er…I mean …well…I don‘t feel different or anything…er…I mean…”[/quote]

Just what every man wants to hear!

[quote]“Not anymore, you are now the wife of Fathis Aren.”
A huge lump that made swallowing impossible seemed to have formed in my throat at his words. “Er…but how do you feel about it? This is your box.”
“Like watching a play.”[/quote]

Yep.

[quote]Drat! It speaks of the Queen and King, but not which ones. Oh no! Now that song will be stuck in my head… [/quote]

All of Maxical’s interior monologue is hilarious of course- but this got things rolling- so to speak.

[quote]Is my hair sticking up? Has a bird left its droppings on me? Dear gods, could I be unbuckled? Maybe I should find a looking glass and return after an inspection.
Trying to be inconspicuous, I looked down and felt around to make sure my greaves and cuirass were buckled properly; then reached up and felt of my hair and face. The cowled man turned away from me with a choking sound.[/quote]

[quote]I leaned close to Fathis‘s ear and whispered low enough that his companion couldn‘t hear. “Er…you mean about the large protrusion under Irlav Jerol‘s robe being found not to be an oversized endowment, but a scroll of my ill deeds?”[/quote]

[quote]Good gods, my toes are curling and it feels like my hair just drew up tight like a Redguard’s afro… [/quote]

[quote]“And the horse in the bedroom?”
“Er…well…that was a scientific experiment to find out if they could ride the transporters. I had no idea it would frighten the beast into evacuating.”[/quote]

One of my uncles stole the college president's milk cow and tied it to the bell rope at the top of the bell tower. Supposedly, cows will walk up stairs- but not down...

[quote]I lowered my voice conspiratorially “Because the greed for forbidden knowledge is in all of us, even my mother. She had to know what else she would find…and for a while the fear was very real that she would never leave my room.”[/quote]

[quote]“You choose this time.” He turned sideways in his seat to face me.
“Azura, the Rim of All Holes; the Tonguemaster.”
“Better choose another, I see that conversation going downhill fast.”[/quote]

[quote]You are the one that gave me your hand to examine! By the way, what was that trick with your hand you did just now? That was intriguing!”
“Examinations don’t entail rubbing. And that is known as the Khajiit Proctologist, but it can be known as the Khajiit Castrator if someone gets fresh.”[/quote]

[quote]“Bring rat ‘A‘ back again, learn how to trick his libido into returning with her.” I had reached the end of what I remembered of Hannibal’s tirade on the subject and hoped he wouldn’t question further.
“How would they do that?”
“Huh? Oh…er…uh…dye her fur a different color…maybe put make-up on her…a little dab of perfume…”[/quote]

[quote]I’d never seen a bird rolling on its back like that, pressing his wings against his stomach…and that odd cackling squawk; the bird was obviously in terrible pain, anyone could see that.[/quote]

[quote]“For my part I wish Fathis the best in his choice. I certainly hope the bride I came here to select for myself has a more even temperament and the only shrews in our castle will be burrowing in the garden.”[/quote]

Oh dear. I see terrible consequences from that remark!

[quote]The sound of my own scream echoed back to me from above as the large bird Jak swooped overhead emitting a terrible shrieking cry that split through the sound of the chanters, chilling my bones…a sound from another realm where gods were watching each act unfold…tumblers of time clicking into place and locking as if destinies were being changed in the void while here a mob scene was unfolding.[/quote]

[quote]When time and space meet it leaves a pocket of nothing where they touch…for the second time today I felt wedged in that fold where even the blackness of the void doesn’t reach and the gods make wagers on the outcome of lives caught in the ‘tween.[/quote]

If you EVER wonder about your ability as a writer (which you should NOT)- just look at those two passages above. WOW!

[quote]It didn‘t. When I pinched the skin, he didn’t react, but when I bent his finger backward he said “OW” …and his hand felt warm.[/quote]

Hehe. Yes- that sounds like the Maxical Method for determing whether someone is real or a ghost...

Thank you for the lovely description of Mrs. Treydog’s talent as a painter.

This post has been edited by treydog: Aug 13 2011, 03:58 PM

I GRADUATED !!! WOO HOO !!!!!

DITTO!!!

YAY YOU!





(Was obedience school as tough as they say?)

Contratulations, mALX! I'm proud of you. I know the house/quest you modded for your class was lots of work but by Mara, it sure had some clever features!

I'm late but...
CONGRATS mALX!!! I knew you could do it!!

CONGRATULATIONS to our one and only MaLX!!! YIPPIE YIPPIE YAAAAYYY!!!!!

For anyone interested, here are the two vids of my Final Exam mod, it is two houses in the Black Marsh region(each with a basement), two horse stables, and two gardens. The properties are connected by a bridge. I can't upload the mod because it is in the same spot as the instructor's mod, but at least I graduated, lol. Here is the vids:


First vid = Final Exam House

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg162RWUlvo


Second vid = both houses


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-hCweMkC6Y


*

What a nice pair of houses! The underwater lighting, sliding doors and good stock of Tamika's are wonderful touches. Great job, mALX!

Are those Ayleid stones lighting the dock, the gazebos, a front stoop, and the cage over the hot tub? NICE! I also like that you have what appears to be a dry fountain across from a well. The garden is also just wonderful. I am amazed at how far you have come in so brief a time! Now I want my own custom house, but alas I am stuck on the console.

I thought it was a fire pit! Which is it mALX?

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support!

Those are Welkynd Stones, I didn't use any outside lighting except them and it seemed to work perfectly - a little too well at first, I found I either had to place the green ones underwater, under bushes - or hide them in the eaves of rooftops, lol. The white Welkynd Stones were pretty for decoration and didn't add too much light.

That is a well ... sort of, and it is also dry. It is actually a secret entrance that requires a (well hidden) key to open. Below it is one of the many secrets the property holds - NOT the secret treasure, something more interesting, lol.

*


Maxical's mother Shivani, long deceased and residing in Clavicus Vile's realm :

http://i434.photobucket.com/albums/qq67/Ma...creenShot16.jpg




Alix the Mouse arrives in Clavicus Vile's Realm after his demise. There he meets Shivani. Alix asks Shivani for help getting back to his owner, Maxical:

http://i434.photobucket.com/albums/qq67/Ma...creenShot15.jpg




Shivani looks through the portal to Tamriel. She sees Maxical's profound grief over the loss of her beloved pet.

http://i434.photobucket.com/albums/qq67/Ma...creenShot14.jpg





Shivani and Alix the Mouse approach Clavicus Vile and ask for his help.

http://i434.photobucket.com/albums/qq67/Ma...creenShot11.jpg





Shivani wants to help Alix the Mouse return, but his soul belongs to Clavicus Vile. Unlike other mice, Alix the Mouse has a grand soul. Shivani must promise Clavicus Vile another grand soul to replace Alix the Mouse's...but whose?

http://i434.photobucket.com/albums/qq67/Ma...creenShot10.jpg





Shivani and Alix approach Clavicus Vile again. There is only one soul they had the power to give. The promise is made.

http://i434.photobucket.com/albums/qq67/Ma...eenShot12-2.jpg




Shivani and Alix the Mouse leaving Clavicus Vile's realm through the portal.

http://i434.photobucket.com/albums/qq67/Ma...creenShot13.jpg





Oops! Must have taken a wrong turn at Sancre Tor!

http://i434.photobucket.com/albums/qq67/Ma...ScreenShot0.jpg



*

I'm happy you have Alix the mouse back! Woohoo!

What a neat story you tell here by screenshot! And I agree with KC: I'm so glad you have the real Alix back. Squeak!

Yay, Alix is back! Although it seems his journey to Maxical is just beginning! Shivani in Tamriel? Another grand soul?! This looks like the start of an interesting story!

*gasp* The pink wizard is never late....














HE IS ALWAYS VERY LATE. I wouldn't regale you lot of how I caught up to our Resident Kitty's story and I wouldn't even "properly" put up comments to our dear Kitty's story. Instead, I'll comment with pictures AND WORDS! A picture is worth a thousand word, yes?



from page err, 31? ~57

http://lolbot.net/index.php?content=viewer&id=19353

"I phaind eet berry haad to konteyn mah phood wen reeding yor stori. Iben mai dog tinks so tu."

http://lolbot.net/index.php?content=viewer&id=19292

"If Maxical ever reverts from being a PROPER LADY to this... this... BEAST, I can totally picture her saying this. Oh, wait. I think I just remembered something."


http://trolledbot.net/index.php?content=viewer&id=1628

"---At how clever I am?"

This post has been edited by Uleni Athram: Sep 24 2011, 06:05 PM

@ Athynae - thank you so very much Athynae!! It means a lot that you read and liked my story, I love your writing too - just have had so little time I could not get to hardly anything in the last 3 months (hence why it has been that long since the last update, lol). You are very appreciated, and I'll def get over there to catch up on your writing now that I've got a small break in the real-life issues here, lol. Thank you again!

***
@ Grits - you can never imagine how much your wonderful comment means to me, thank you so very much !!! You made my day every time I've re-read this - you got everything that chapter was trying to convey !! Thank you again Grits !!!

***
@ King Coin - Thank you so much KC, that means a lot from someone who is able to convey emotions so thoroughly with no words or facial expressions in their vids !! You ROCK !!!

***
@ Acadian - my friend and staunchest supporter for the last 3 years, thank you so much for your loyalty, support, friendship, and Awesome comments !! (and for always lighting that fire under me to keep going, lol). Woo Hoo !! You are so appreciated !!!

***
@ Yeah Ureniashtram !!! You are okay - you have been very worried about over here, so it is great to see you have made it safely through to come back to us, our prayers have stayed with you to remain safe !!! Thank you so much for coming by to catch up with Maxical !!!

***
@ Destri Melarg - GAAAAH !!! I fainted when I saw your name !!! Your summary is the greatest, thank you so much for taking the time to put your comments down - you had me in stitches !!! Over half the fun in writing is getting comments like yours back, thank you so very much Destri !!!

***
@ Treydog - thank you so much for stopping by and reminding me of some of my own favorite places in the chapters, lol !! I really appreciate that you took the time to read some Maxical, you've been missed.

******

Thank you all for the congratulations on graduating (3 classes so far) and for the cheers on Alix the Mouse's return from the beyond - that to me was the greatest relief, the game lost all fun without his little personality following Maxical around, plus she had to fight for herself again, lol. You all ROCK !!!