This gives a whole new meaning to horse racing! And the Breton wins by an ear!

Don’t you just hate being mistaken for a damn wood elf!?! Looks like Riften needs to have his hair trimmed to a style that displays those round humanic ears.

So now, it’s off to Olav’s it seems. Finding some of Tamika’s fine wine there could be a challenge amidst the ale, mead and Nordic whiskey.

Just done a little edit there!

@Acadian - Ahh don't worry, I'm sure I can get Olav to search his stock and let me buy some of his Tamikaaa!

No matter how awesome the Bosmeri culture is(I'm sure dame Buffy knows about this)
we just get mocked to often! Oh well, we still have our Valenwood hehe!

This post has been edited by Riften: Oct 21 2011, 07:16 PM

I'm going for a short hiatus tomorrow evening. I won't be posting an update tomorrow, I might not continue this anyway, doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

I'll be back on Wednesday.

This post has been edited by Riften: Oct 22 2011, 09:22 PM

Chapter 6 - Home Sweet Home

I entered the Nordic tavern, the stench of ale and mead crawled up to my nose. Ecstatic Nords were chatting, drinking and munching on a fine mutton. I sat down onto the wooden stool and said

"Give me your finest Tamika, sir!

The weighty Nord sneered at me and gripped a bottle from under a shelf.

"That will be 30 septims"

Before I handed him the septims I over-heard a couple of Bretons talking about a mysterious tower that has appeared up in the mountains. I knew immediately that it was my home. Ignoring Olav, I approached the two Bretons and asked them politely to point out the location on my map.

"Hail fellow Breton! I couldn't help but over-hear your little conversation about that tower, would you mind marking the location on my map?"

"Sure, I'll help a fellow brother any day. Its right up in the Jerral Mountains."

"Thank you kindly brother, here's a few septims for your troubles"

I handed the generous Breton 30 septims. I couldn't help but notice him pull a smirk with excitement. See people? If you don't go around being a damn stereotype you get septims.

Reaver was standing outside the gate walls ready to go. He galloped hard and fast. The journey was quite short actually. I was overwhelmed with excitement I just had to get there as fast as I could. The bright lights in the distance, I was just here. Magic flew through my body, It felt like quenching my thirst with a cold bottle of Tamika.

I noticed the stable was still outside so I threw Reaver in and ran into my tower. Divine glowing lights, dense grey walls, flaming fire, I was home once again! It seems I lost quite a lot of my possessions.
But still, I have as many books as I need, a variety of Robes and a warm comfortable bed. I put on my old robe, jumped into bed and drifted off to asleep reading my old Morrowind journal.

I had a dream of my adventures in Morrowind. Well, not really an adventure it was more of when I was leaving Morrowind.

This post has been edited by Riften: Oct 29 2011, 11:27 PM

Whew, I’m glad to see you continuing.

So, Riften finally made it to Frostcrag. Glad to see the place has a stable and a nice bed.

Would love to see you slow down your pacing some by adding some additional detail and description. For example, I hope you can give us some rich description of Frostcrag, especially if Riften is going to be spending time there. Also, would like to learn a little more about our manmer and what makes him tick. I wouldn’t redo anything, just bear it in mind moving forward. For example, why does Frostcrag excite Riften so much? What does it look/smell/feel like there? What is it like to have magic flowing through his body? Is there anyone else at Frostcrag? Just some ideas to lavish attention upon.

Thanks for the tips! feel free to keep leaving them, I started taking notes

Chapter 7 - Prequel - Dream of Morrowind[

I wandered through the magnificen halls of Frostcrag in awe looking at the dense walls, deep blue banners and the aroma of Ingredients brewing crawled up my nose. The roaring fire made me feel good inside, this tower has served me magnificently, I am so disappointed to see this tower go the waste. I sat at my wooden stool in my quarters preparing to right a letter to all of my friends.

I clutched my quill and took a gulp of Ice cold Tamika and started writing

To all.

If you are reading this, I'm probably gone by now. I cannot tell you why I must leave but just know its for a good reason. Whatever is left upon my departure I wish for all of you to claim. Whether it be my Bow, Staff or tower, you my friends, will take it. This may be the last time I speak to you, I will be departing to the land of the Imperials after I am finished with this letter.

So this is goodbye, to all my friends whether it be Divayth, Yagrum, Nelso or anyone I know, I send a farewell to all of you!

Much love
Riften

Although I am depressed about leaving my friends and guild mats, I must go, there is nothing left for me to do in Morrowind so I call upon these divine words

"I call upon the divine lord Talos, bring me to the land of imperials!"

A divine light beamed through the tower and blasted through my body I zoomed up in to the air. This must be how the divine feel hehe! I was completely enthralled I could see the whole of Morrowind all from Red Mountain right down to the south.

I got further and further up I could see the beautiful and magnificent land Tamriel! I could even see distant mysterious lands further into the distance. Suddenly the light around me disappear like a flash of light and zoomed down into Cyrodill, I gazed upon White Gold Tower in awe then the sound of wind crept into my ear and I clashed with the soil of Cyrodill and I awoke........

This post has been edited by Riften: Oct 28 2011, 09:15 PM

Edit:Nvm

This post has been edited by Riften: Oct 28 2011, 10:05 PM

I quite like this story and I look forward to see what happens next.


There are a few nits however... I will start with chapter five.



What the guard did isn't really a stereotype. It was just racism.
Maybe instead of 'stereotype' just say 'idiot,' because Riften is unhappy about being mistaken for a Bosmer, not the racisim itself.



I think you're missing a word after "smug."



"Your" should start with a lowercase "y" unless you replace that comma with a period.



Opposite of the last nit. There should be a capital letter at "what."

Chapter Six:



Two things here. Are they a pair of Bretons or Nords? Second, "generously" isn't an appropriate adverb. "Kindly" or "politely" would be better I think.

Chapter Seven:



This is in the present tense, the rest of the paragraph is in the past tense.



Same problem. You also left out an "e" in "mates."

There are more nits to be picked in previous chapters but I won't comment on them. I think it's silly to pick a nit from the start of one's story. When the author is a good few chapters in.


This post has been edited by TheBrume: Oct 28 2011, 11:28 PM

How exciting! Tell me if I got it right: This is the former Morrowind Dunmeri incarnation of Riften before he did his ‘leap to a whole new cool elf’ thing. It is the Cyrodiilic Bretonic Riften that will find Frostcrag after this prequel. AmIclose?

If I’m right, I’m going to claim a cookie and compliment you on how neat his leap to a new elf was. If I’m wrong, well, you’ll just have to explain it to this old paladin.

Bang on.

He didn't think that Frostcrag would do the whole teleoport thing with him, but of course it did along with a few of his former possessions.

Enjoy the cookeh!

Change of mind, scratch this.
I'm gonna leave this one, a mod can close this.