*

@ Acadian - I can't thank you enough for those kind words, Acadian !! This made my day!! It means a lot that Malan is coming across that way too, I want him to be charismatic and have a reason (he thinks valid) for everything he does, lol. Thank you so much Acadian !!

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@ King Coin - Thank you so much KC !! Yes, Malan's struggle to keep up his disguise is def due to Maxical - smelling her virgin blood in such close proximity makes it hard for him to concentrate, lol. There is no way Maxical can make it up to Nissy those years she suffered waiting to be saved, and since Nissy is bound to Malan Maxical can't even blame or badmouth him without making Nissy hate her. It is just something that can't be changed now that it is passed, but now that she knows Maxical is eaten by the guilt of it. Thanks again, KC !!!

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@ McBadgere - I am so glad you told me who that was, I just ran across that pic on the internet while looking for Colin Firth images and didn't know who it was !! But it looked like Sir Damien to me, so I took it, lol. Thank you so much for your kind words McB !!!

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@ Grits - This made my day, I can't thank you enough for those kind words, Grits !! One secret: the story of Chickie-girl is a true one (even the name), my father bought her and raised her for eating and then never had the heart to kill her. So my sisters and I all grew up with a pet chicken. She was very spoiled, lol. You have pegged both Maxical and Malan in that chapter to a "T." Thank you again, Grits !!!

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@ Rihanae - YEAH !!! It was so good to see you reading Maxical, I have loved your Lissa for a long time !! Thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words !!

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@ Darkness Eternal - Thank you so very much Darkness! It means a lot to me that Malan is coming across as he is, I want him to be charismatic and likable while being devious and manipulating/plotting. That chapter was (hopefully) showing the contrast in how he sees himself and how he is seen by Maxical/Uriel. I've struggled with a tendency to like him since he first showed up impersonating Jakben Imbel (even knowing what things he'd done), and that's how I hoped he would come across to others. Thanks again, Darkness!

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Chapter 149: Who Is Getting Into Captain Renault’s Pants?


“What’s the Immortal done to get your fur in a bunch?” Sir Damien patted the bench.

“How could he hide from Malan for fifty years? Malan attacked his wife too, and Janus did nothing about it! If it was me…yeah, I might die trying. But before I did, Malan would regret even hearing my name. I’d keep coming back like an ill wind to wreak havoc on him till he‘d have to hide just to get peace from me. Janus is immortal, he could get back up and lick his wounds. I’d rather fight and lose the battle than spend my life running from it.”

“He knows his limitations. Even great warriors know times when they must step back. Like with Dagon, let the gods battle and keep yourself alive. Survival, Maxical. It‘s the greatest instinct.”

“Dagon, yeah. I’ve never been so terrified in my life. But Uriel will stand to face him alone, you know that. I swore my sword to him, better to go down fighting and die beside him in battle than run. Uriel says a coward’s skin isn’t worth saving. When Dagon comes I‘ll climb on top the dome and spit in his eye just before he squashes me like a bug. I’ve been practicing spitting in the bathing room.”

“Urk, glad you told me that. Uriel’s path is laid out by the gods, your sword can’t change it. So why give your life?”

“Fathis says if the outcome of battle is certain death, die with a blade in your hand. As his wife I must represent him, honor his memory.”

“I’ll give you points for bravery, Lass. Tell me this, how’s one little Khajiit going to take down Dagoth-Malan and his army? Best hurry before they become immortal.”

“You’re an expert on him, what’s his obsession with his army being immortal? They’re already the most feared army on Nirn.”

“Aye, they are. But immortal they’d be unstoppable.”

“They’re unstoppable now, just the sight of them on the move makes grown men pee their pants. What gives his army power is their huge numbers working as one unit. They’re the most disciplined force on Nirn. Immortality is just psychological warfare, like them growing into giants. No one is really immortal, they’re just harder to kill.”

“Harder to kill? Do you even know what the word immortal means? It means they can’t be killed.”






***


“That’s what Malan bases his hopes on, right? Like Janus is supposedly immortal because he was made with Dagoth-Ur’s blood. But Ur was killed, and it was done by a mortal.”

“Oh, Lass. You’ve said a mouthful, you have. That was but a few years ago, and what a shock ‘twas to all. His immortal blood was a great power give by the Heart of Lorkhan, and the weapons that killed him were made with the same power. But Janus’s blood was taken while it flowed strong in Ur’s veins, and those weapons don‘t exist anymore.”

“Janus has never been tested, Ur was tested once and died. Malan has no proof either one was ever really immortal, only Ur‘s word.”

“True, but answer me this. Say he is immortal. As a warrior, you tell me how you’re going to kill him.“

“In one on one combat. If I was pitted against him in the Arena, you’d be smart to put your Septims on me. It would be the longshot bet of the century.”

“That it would. Just for fun I’ll bite on your theory. Tell me, Lass. How would a little thing like you fight the Immortal in his giant form? You do remember he’d grow for battle, don’t you?”

“Even an immortal can’t live in pieces or without blood.”

“What are you saying, pieces and no blood? You have to get him there first, let’s hear how you’d do it.”

“Oh. Well, in giant form his reach would be tremendous. He’s unskilled with weapons so he’d probably use magic and a longsword. I’d have to get right up underneath him so he couldn‘t hit me with either without hitting himself. Slice his Achilles tendons on both legs so he couldn’t move. Then go to town cutting his Femoral artery with so many holes that the immortal blood would drain out. Cut off his hands and feet, behead him…immortal or not, he‘d be just a torso rolling around. Sir Damien? Are you okay? Should I whack your back?”

Sir Damien fell off the bench like he was about to puddle the floor, staggered to the window and clutched the ledge. He was doubled over laughing.

I grinned at him. “Now that’s how you cheer someone up.”

“It is for a fact, Lass. You’ve learned battle anatomy well, you surprised me with that. And here I thought you just went to the Arcane to blow it up. Now you‘ve got me curious. Tell me next, what would you do with Dagoth-Malan and his army other than pants-peeing?”






***


“I got no fight with the army, just Malan. You think he’d be so scared of a little thing like me that he’d bring his army out against me?”

“After taking down the Immortal he might be. But he doesn’t leave his lair without them, they protect him like Khajiit protect their mates.”

“I don’t know, but I’d sure like that bracelet he wears on his arm. Can’t get it fighting him at the Arena, we’re not allowed to scavenge souvenirs of battle there.”

“What, no story about cutting off his arms and legs?”

“Not on him, they’re like tree trunks even before he grows giant. And he’s trickier than I am, I couldn’t outwit him. He’d outmatch me, that’s for sure. He’d have to be surprised in his lair, where he’s without his army. Assassination or a trap. That’s up your alley, not mine. Can’t sneak up on vampires with their acute sense of smell and hearing when you are clumsy and smell like a cat.”

“So you think you’ve got a better shot against an immortal giant than a regular sized Dagoth-Malan?”

“I’m no assassin, and that’s what it would take with him. That or a trap like Uriel laid for him, the one I saved him from. Best I could do would be to tempt him in with my virgin blood and when he grabs me, have your men jump him.”

“I’ll say this, Lass. You do a quick study of your opponents. You couldn’t have met the Immortal but twice, Dagoth-Malan once. You’ve pegged both their strengths and weaknesses that quick. That’s a gift, Lass. You’re born to battle, as tiny a thing as you are. I’ve seen you fight with the blade, it‘s a joy to watch. What else can you bring to battle?”

“My claws and knees.”

“Don’t remind me, Lass. I meant what other weapons.”

“Nothing. Well, maybe some tricks I’ve used against tougher opponents in the Arena. My accidents usually cause extensive property damage, but Blade is my only skill.”

“These tricks, are they dirty or legal?”

“I know some downright filthy tricks, but I meant legal ones. Like opponents expect you to look where you’ll strike. I’ll look at their arm and sweep the leg. Do it again, they think you’ll sweep the leg again. They extend their arm to block, I cut off the arm while it’s stressed by extending. Their blade touches the ground, that’s a victory in the Arena. Against a longsword I get in close with a dagger and cut their arteries. Shortswords you disarm on the parry by twisting your wrist when your blade locks the guard. Stuff like that. Tricks you taught my father, Sir Damien.”






***


“You’ve figured that out, have you?”

“I’m not very bright, but have good ears. I eavesdropped on you and Uriel.”

“You did? Now why did you do that?”

I stretched my arms out and did an all encompassing shrug in a fair imitation of Gils doing his ‘I am Dunmer’. “I am Khajiit.”

“And what does that mean?”

“We’re not just all tails and fur, you know.” I curled my tail into a question mark so he‘d ask.

“What else, then?”

“We’re nosy.”

“I see. You want to get a little blade practice in? I‘ll spar with you.”

“I’d like that, you’re supposed to be training me anyway. I can’t today though, I’m hoping Uriel may have a task for me. Maybe tomorrow.“

“Now, what task could Uriel have that you’d be hoping for? Twice you’ve mentioned tomorrow, what‘s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“We‘re friends, remember?”

“Yeah. It’s just…I feel like a dying mouse in a field full of vultures, nowhere to run and feel safe. The ones that should protect me are out fighting in the war when I need them, or dead. And I refuse to take Hannibal‘s suggestion.“






***


“What did Traven suggest?”

“Nothing I want to talk about.”


“Maxical, there is plenty here to protect you.”

“That’s not the kind of protection I mean. I just can‘t understand, why isn‘t he here?”

“Traven?”

“NO! Gils. He’s never even sought me to see how I fared, and knows my blood puts me in danger. Ocato makes it to the Palace nightly, why can’t Gils?”

“Ah, and you thought he felt the same for you as you did for him? Every man likes a challenge, Maxical. In Gils that’s more than half the game. Without the competition and rivalry of Fathis, the excitement of battle is lost and the drive to be attentive wanes. His brother is being hunted like an animal. You yourself know Gils’ protection of him was tremendous, stronger than his of you in fact.”

“Are you saying Gils doesn’t want me now that Fathis is gone?”

“Not at all, I’m sure he’ll take whatever is thrown at him. But you know his reputation for moving on, especially for a new conquest or at the prompting of his brother. He earned that reputation honestly.”

“Move on! To who? We’re in the middle of a war, they are fighting day and night at the Arena.”

“Maxical, they are shifted three times per day. He’s had plenty off downtime and knows you are here. He could have come at any time. He chose not to, instead he’s been closeted in that bathing room of the Bloodworks with Captain Renault every chance he gets.”






***


I felt vomit rising in my throat, battling the scream to reach air first. In the end I did neither, maybe shock saved me. I didn’t know if it was true or not, all I know is he never came to me. I made it to the Palace from the extreme end of the City Isle, but Gils didn’t make it one district over.

Whether true or not, I wouldn’t make a fool of myself before Sir Damien. Uriel’s teaching me to suck it up came to my rescue. Uriel ordered me not to go there seeking him, maybe he knew something. Anyway, it’s not like I hadn’t been warned about Gils enough times before getting involved.

Captain Renault was that pretty Breton that was so hateful to me when she had to give me her leather pants, the ones I was wearing now. I looked down at them, remembering the disgust on her face that day. When I looked back up, Sir Damien was watching me. I inhaled deeply and pulled myself up like I’d seen Uriel do when facing something tough.

“Well…if true, he’s not the only one getting in her pants. These are hers.” I pointed to the leathers I was wearing, surprising a genuine laugh out of Sir Damien.

“Don’t forget too, you sleep in her dog collar and spurs. You may find a new use for those Bravil Ballbusters when all’s said and done.”

“Nae, I won’t. Our marriage was invalidated when Fathis wed me. If true, he’s free to do as he chooses.”

“What then? The vultures still circle, what will the dying mouse do?”

“The dying mouse takes no one’s gossip for truth. You are Uriel’s information specialist, not mine.”

“Ah, we’re back to fighting again. Uriel will be so disappointed. Mayhap I should watch to keep from my limbs being cut off as well?”

“Don’t be absurd, Sir Damien. I hold you no ill-will. I just don’t listen to gossip where my husbands are concerned. I don’t believe in allowing others to decide where my trust should lay.“

“You just asked me to help you decide where your trust should lay regarding Dagoth-Malan.”

“At Uriel’s request for your expertise on him. The last I looked, Malan was not numbered among my husbands.”

“Gah Lass, you battle as well with words as the sword. Battle is in your blood, I can see it in your eyes. Raise your head high and give me the put down, you’re a pleasure to watch when you get your fur raised!”

“Well now you can watch me walk away, I have business to attend.” I didn’t stay to dally with him further, but stomped my way up to Evangeline’s.



*

Janus has a personality that is much more cautious than Maxical does! For good or ill.

I’ve been practicing spitting in the bathing room.
Very Maxical.

Oh I’m glad Maxical didn’t tell Malan anything too valuable. Every time she has a conversation with him I’m thinking “what’s he going to learn from this?”

Traven’s suggestion? Oh the horse.

Ah Malan’s poisoning Maxical’s relationship with Gils. It was funny when his last attempt failed miserably. Maxical’s recovery was magnificent though, and a funny joke too.

A wonderful segment reminding us why the little Khajiit is undefeated in the Arena. And that she does indeed know how to read her foes.

”I’d rather fight and lose the battle than spend my life running from it.”
Balls from a cat who was born without; wisdom from a kitty who has been discounted by others. This made me cheer for our Maxical. The same Maxical, who as a tiny kit was ready to spit in the eye of the minotaur that killed her mother – until Fathis stepped in.

”My accidents usually cause extensive property damage, but Blade is my only skill.”
But the accident part is so pervasively all-encompassing!

Regarding, Damn Melon’s comments about Renault, he sure knows how to push the right buttons. But Maxical knows how to push a few herself . . . . That said, I am concerned about Gils and know not what/whom to believe. You've pushed me right onto the edge of my seat. Methinks Maxical is right to be concerned but recognize the gossip potential until things are confirmed.

“The last I looked, Malan was not numbered among my husbands.”
As bergamot tea sprayed across my puter screen!

The magic of this episode was your ability to have Maxical seem powerful, frightened, able to match word or blade with anyone but full of self-doubts – all swirling around in that red head at the same time. You really highlight the contradictions that make her so fascinatingly wonderful.

mALX, when is Bethesda going to hire you to start turning these misadventures into published novels?

Aaargh!!!...Now shes telling him how she's going to kill him!!!...Aaaargh!!... ...

...My Gods this is good stuff!...



...That's both sweet and too funny at the same time... ...

Wonderful chapter, brilliantly done...

Nice one!!...

*Applauds heartily*...

Oh, that spitting practice line was pure gold! That’s a great example of why I want to stand up and cheer for Maxical. She’s not some fearless machine, she does what it takes in spite of her fear.

I love Maxical’s matter of fact discussion of how she would defeat the Immortal in his giant form. That was a great reminder that the petite Khajiit is very, very dangerous with her blade.

Then Maxical told Malan how she would go after Malan – argh!! AND she told him a bunch of her Arena tricks!


Oh, WHAT?! More poison! That tricky bas—ahem.


You tell him, Maxical!! But that could be a spit in the eye while her heart is breaking. As Acadian said, this chapter really brought out the conflicts within Maxical that make her so appealing. AND you did it in a chapter of mostly fast-paced dialog peppered with humor! Wow!

Definetly, mALX. It makes a good villain/anti-hero likeable and not like the cliche mustache-twirling baddie! Go Malan! Go! But I have hopes for Maxical! Survival is her greatest instinct . Oh my, some more info on Immortal Blood and the heart of a god! Awesome! Maxical and spitting practices! Dagon beware, muahaha. That was hilarious. I was a bit thrown off by the "achilles tendons", but I came to notice many words of that nature that derive from a place or person in real life is mentioned in ingame books and dialogue. So, it wasn't bad when I thought about it .

“Not at all, I’m sure he’ll take whatever is thrown at him. But you know his reputation for moving on, especially for a new conquest or at the prompting of his brother. He earned that reputation honestly.”

So Gil and Maxical are being sabotaged! *Rubs hands together and sits forward*. This is where the fun begins.

Agreed.

Again mALX another great chapter!

“In one on one combat. If I was pitted against him in the Arena, you’d be smart to put your Septims on me. It would be the longshot bet of the century.”

Truesay. Not to shy of confidence is our Maxical is she? Hehe.

I must applaud the way you make Maxical so, excuse the irony, how you make her so human. She has so many emotions and fears, despite the fact that she is such a hardball in the arena. This just makes me love her even more. I'm sure her and Lissa would be great friends. They are very similar... although Maxical thinks before she speaks ;P

Hehe great write

The "accidents involving extensive property damage" have already been mentioned, but it occurs to me that she's becoming aware that her unpredictability is quite a weapon, even if she doesn't know how to control it.

But she seems to be drifting further from seeing through "Damien" just as Uriel is getting closer to it. She needs to spend more time with the Emperor.

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@ King Coin - Thank you very much KC !! On Janus - Maxical blames Janus for this war, and now she has even more fuel knowing he lied about Fathis being unfaithful on their wedding night. I don't see them getting along for very long at a time anytime soon, ROFL !!! I'm with you on her talking to Malan without knowing it, she is more likely to give something crucial away than anyone, lol. She kind of did, letting him know it would be using her virgin blood and a set up in his lair - but will she be able to pull it off, lol. Thanks again, KC !!!!

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@ Acadian - Thank you so much for your kind words, Acadian !!! That last paragraph made my day, you really "get" Maxical !!! LOVED your comment, Thank you so much !!

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@ Zalphon - ROFL !! You had me rolling with that, thanks for stopping by Z !!!

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@ McBadgere - Thank you so much McB !!! That meant a lot to hear, I appreciate you !!!

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@ Grits - You totally made my day with your kind words, Grits !!! It means a lot to me that you caught the last two lines you quoted - the whole chapter was written around those two sentences. You are so appreciated Grits !!!!

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@ Darkness Eternal - I really went back and forth before using "Achilles" there - but wanted to be sure everyone knew what tendon she was talking about with the fewest words of explanation, and hoped it would skid by. I'm sorry if it gave even a moment's break from immersion, I was hoping it wouldn't. I always love getting your take on things because you delve into lore as much as I do and love a gray character as much as I do, lol. Thank you so very much Darkness !!!!!

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@ Rihanae - As much as I love Lissa, (and always thought she and Maxical would be great friends if they ever met (or would be so much alike they would brawl) - it was really Awesome to hear you say that !! Maxical's talking big before a fight comes from watching wrestling matches (a tradition in the area I live) - they always get on TV and rant about their skills and how they'll wipe the mats with their opponents BEFORE the match and then after (when they've lost) claim every foul in the books, lol. I figured they probably had "pre-match interviews" at the Arena done by the Black Horse Courier where they'd print up all the tough talking to incite everyone to pay the admission price and watch the match, lol. Maxical is a big talker, but her only real skills are blade (I know Lissa hates that) and being able to size up her opponents quickly. Well, that and blowing up places accidentally. You are so appreciated, thank you so very much for reading !!!

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@ Ghastley - You nailed it, you absolutely nailed it !!!!! As will come out in some of the upcoming chapters, that is exactly what Maxical is going to realize in the very near future !!!! You are right too, that Maxical may have been the first one suspicious of Sir Damien not being trustworthy - but as her own troubles start taking over her mind she forgets about the Palace/Emperor's defense and is only thinking of her own issues (being forced to lose her virginity abruptly and her husband cheating on her) - you totally nailed what was going on in the background of that chapter from start to finish - Awesome take on it !!! Thank you so much Ghastley !!!


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Chapter 150: Of Birds And Fish


When Evangeline would have shut the door for our privacy I stopped her. “Leave it open, Evangeline. Sir Damien is coming up, I want to be sure he has passed your room going up before I go back out again.“

When I heard the door from the lower floor open and footsteps approaching, I tried to think of something to say quickly that would make it sound like we were having an important conversation. My mind drew a blank. The footsteps were approaching rapidly, and I could think of nothing whatsoever to say. Finally I just started chattering, and in a very loud voice to be sure he’d hear as he neared her door.

“Er…so, Evangeline…er…did you say one bone in your hand is worth two in your bush? I can’t tell you how grateful I am you brought this to my attention. This is of crucial importance, I’ll get right on it.”

“I said no such thing, and anyway it is a bird!”

“Er…huh? What bird?”

“The bird in your hand!”

“I don’t have a bird in my hand, what are you talking about?”

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing! Er, I mean whatever you said…er…told me.”

Sir Damien passed and sighted me pretending to talk to Evangeline. He grinned wickedly under that face mask. I ignored him till I heard the door close to the upper floor.

“I have to go out, Evangeline. If anyone questions you, tell him I had a sudden attack of the runs. NO! Best not, I may never live that one down. Oh! Say that you think I’m bathing.”

“Him who?”

“Huh?”

“You said if anyone asks, tell him you have the runs.”

“NO! I said not to say that. Just say I’m bathing or something.“

“Maxical, who is this ‘him’ you are talking about? If you don’t tell me, I’ll tell every ‘him’ that asks that you have a bad case of gas and soiled yourself after a particularly bad one.“

“GAAAAAH! You…you wouldn’t! No particular him, just any…I mean…er…“ I eyed her stubborn countenance, she wouldn’t give up till I told her something.

“Oh, okay! I’ll tell you. I mean Sir Damien, if you must know.”

Evangeline looked intrigued. “Well, are we starting to like Sir Damien now? Another close encounter?”

“ARGH! Evangeline, for gods sake don’t even joke about that! He just…I just don’t want him to know I am gone from the Palace, that’s all.”

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing, just verifying the truth of something I heard. Tell Sir Damien nothing if he asks, or you can tell him Alix the Mouse has gas or the runs.“






***


Alix squeaked loudly and sat up in the pram. He started chattering angrily, his arms waving like a politician on a soapbox.

“Evangeline, what a cute baby bonnet you have on him. It looks expensive, where did you get it?“

She couldn’t hear me over the volume of Alix’s chattering. It had increased to a loud squalling sound, and he was clutching the side of the pram like he may vault out of it.

“Okay, don‘t say that! Just tell him that we discussed Alix’s clothing budget or dietary needs, anything but…oh! Tell him Alix is wanting a pet bird to hold in his hand!“

With a “Hmph” sound, Alix stretched back out in the pram. After a few seconds he squeaked once.

“He wants his blanket.“ Evangeline got up and hurried to the pram, covering him with a thick velvet throw. She looked back at me, and I got the feeling she didn’t want me to watch her kiss the mouse goodnight. She practically pushed me to the door.

“Be careful, Maxical.”

“I will.” I kissed her cheek and cast chameleon before stepping out the door. I hadn’t gone ten feet down the corridor before an invisible hand grabbed my arm, in spite of my own invisible state. I heard the sound of magic being cast, felt the power of it going through me and through the hand clasping my arm. I suddenly found myself very visible and looking up into Sir Damien’s laughing eyes behind that mask.

How had he seen me? The Dispel he had cast over us was the most powerful I’d ever felt before, even stronger than Hannibal’s. He had to be an extraordinary mage.

“Unhand me! What do you want?”

“Where are you going, Lass? The bathing room and urns are the other direction if you are having stomach issues.” His mouth was twisting in an effort to keep from laughing.

“OH! You…you…eavesdropper!”

“Aye, that I am. Khajiit don‘t hold the title on nosiness.” The laugh he’d been holding back came then, echoing up the corridor.

Evangeline must have heard him, I looked up and she was standing in her doorway grinning like she had pulled off a coup of some sort.

“HMPH!” I pulled my arm from his hand and swept past him with my eyes blazing. I shot him one of the obscure hand gestures Gils had taught me that I got a citation for in my first Arena match and heard his laughter follow me till the door to Uriel’s floor slammed behind me.






***


Uriel hadn’t wasted any time after I left this morning. Nissy and the sisters were gone. The first thing I noticed was that the traps had been dismantled and the corridor was filled with Sir Damien’s men, they were everywhere.

A glimpse into the bedrooms the sisters had shared showed they had been turned into mini-barracks. I peeked under the beds, all the vampire juices and scrolls were gone. I had barely touched mine yesterday, but since last night had used almost a full bottle. Drat! I should have asked the Immortal for some of his while I was arguing with him!

The bedroom Nissy and I had shared was now filled with expensive female clothing, the dressing table overloaded with perfumes and make-up. A quick glance under the bed showed one bottle of vampire juice left, and no scrolls. I had no way to duplicate any for myself unless Hannibal brought some scrolls with him when he came. I slid the bottle into the pocket of my greaves, it wouldn’t do for Eyja to find it.

There was still only one bed in my bedroom, and obviously Eyja would be staying in it. Suddenly I wondered if Uriel planned to move me out too. Then the last line of his message to Eyja came back to me, about the ‘cat joining in the fun‘. Was I going to get an ultimatum like the women did? Join him and Eyja in “finding the trout” or be thrown in the street? And where were Nissy and the sisters, in some cave again?

Instead of tapping politely on Uriel’s door it sounded more like the Legion on a raid. I was fuming by the time I entered his chambers. Eyja was standing beside him, but dressed a lot differently than she had been at the Tiber Septim.

Her outfit was cut in such a way that it seemed to make blatant reference to every curve of her body, and there were a lot of them. To say the blouse barely contained her large breasts would be an understatement. I was quite sure I was seeing them in their entirety already, or would be any second. Under the skirting of her cuirass was no attempt to hide the garters holding black netted stockings that were framed in thigh-high skin-tight boots.

Eyja raised a mobile eyebrow at my stormy countenance. “Looks like you were right, Sire.”

“AHA! So you WERE baiting me with that message! I guess you were taunting me about having your Smithy make hearts out of horseshoes and rose petal paths, too!”

For the first time since we met I heard Uriel Septim laugh, a soft baritone chuckle that pleased the ears to hear. Had I not been so mad I would have enjoyed the sound of it. Eyja’s tinkling laugh grated on my already flaring temper. I stood steaming while they enjoyed the moment.






***


Uriel got serious quickly. “Eyja tells me you gave her the missives out of order and neglected to ask for her code, then questioned her when you were ordered not to speak. Explain your gaffes.”

“Oh. Well, uh…you said prostitute, she didn’t look like one…then.”

“If you had doubts, the code would be imperative to insist on. If I give you a directive I expect it to be followed to the letter.“

“Yes, Sire. It’s just, I was kind of mesmerized. I mean, she has sultry eyes. What I mean to say is, she is very pretty. I wasn’t expecting…”

Uriel cut me off mid-sentence. “Did you envision her in a greatcloak?”

“NO! Of course not!”

Uriel turned to Eyja. “I’ll explain later.”

“Sire, I most certainly hope you won’t! That was an embarrassing moment, and you have
taunted me with it since! She’s obviously the right woman, she is here.”

“But you didn’t verify that before delivering my message.”

“Your message! OH! Sire, I…OH! Eyja looks plenty capable of angling your trout all by herself, I refuse to be party to…AND CAT? HMPH!” They obviously couldn’t hear me over their laughter.

Uriel indicated a chair, leaned toward me and spoke in a hushed voice.

“Sit down, Maxical. Coded messages in unreadable markings are rarely used, as they alert themselves for what they are. More often the messages merely obscure the intended meanings, as this did. Forsaking all others meant drop everything she is doing and come immediately. The boots Eyja was to bring were the troops of Sir Damien’s men you passed in the corridor. The ‘trout’ is an intangible feeling that something is off, or a bit ‘fishy’…someone here that does not belong. I believe Malan has been inside the Palace, and we may have sleeper agents for the Mythic Dawn among the staff. I need help rooting out the trout, and Eyja is the highest ranking operative on Foxy’s team. She is an expert in her field, and I expect you to learn from her while she is here.”






***


“Oh. I see.” My face flushed red from embarrassment. “Hey, wait a minute! What kind of expert in her field I must learn from? I mean, I don’t think I need lessons before meeting with my husband.”

More laughter. Uriel’s laughter was beginning to lose its pleasing sensation, in fact it was rapidly beginning to irritate me like Eyja‘s. He leaned toward me, barely whispering his words.

“The field of subterfuge and infiltration, Maxical. If Eyja thinks you will be a help rather than hindrance you will be allowed to help us catch them.”

“Oh. You mean this…” I indicated Eyja’s outfit. “This is a disguise? A role played?”

Eyja kneeled in front of me and took my hand, those sultry eyes of hers looking up into mine with a kindness that soothed the irritation and made me feel like butter melting. I had a distinct feeling that if I knew any secrets they would be spilling under those eyes.

“Maxical, I dress for whatever role the job calls for…but make no mistake, I am a pro for hire. If the price is right I would bed all Nirn, steal it and then assassinate it. My job is whatever the gold pays me to do, but I am a master of infiltration. Your father and I were friends once, long before he met S’Jirra. We were very close, and I’m hoping you and I will be close friends as well.”

“You…you’re his Eyja? You are the Eyja my father was in love with?”

She nodded. I had an odd moment of feeling stunned, mentally comparing her to S’Jirra. The differences could fill the void. Whatever reason they had parted, I found myself glad S‘Jirra had been my mother instead of this vibrant sexy beauty.

“Alix would have killed half of Cyrodiil just for looking at you, and they would look that’s for sure.“ I didn’t mean to say it aloud. Even I was having trouble tearing my eyes from her, there was just something about her that drew one’s attention and held it. I wondered if S’Jirra had ever seen Eyja before.

“You have hypnotized my Champion, Eyja.” Uriel tapped Eyja’s arm and held one finger up, then snapped his fingers in front of my face. “Maxical! What are you thinking about?”

“I was just imagining all the claw scars Eyja would carry on her face if S’Jirra ever got a look at her. What’s so funny?”

Uriel turned back to Eyja. “Perhaps it would be best if we get her with her husband before she gazes much longer on you, Eyja. You may turn the bend of her mind, and we can’t afford for her to continue as a virgin with all these ancients around.”

“Sire! It’s not, I’m not…it’s just hard to look away when she’s near. She just kind of makes one’s thoughts wander, and their stomachs feel like jelly.”

“I think I like this one very much.” Eyja declared, pulling herself back up to a stand. Uriel grimaced.



*

This post has been edited by mALX: Jun 15 2012, 12:45 AM

Just reading the title makes me nervous. Not more trout I hope.

Maxical’s attempt at conversation was hilarious! My mind went to the gutter.

Well no sneaking off then. I have a feeling that Maxical’s father might have been ‘in love’ with Eyja, but not vice versa. Was he a mark?

I agree with the Emperor at the end. Maxical doesn’t generate much confidence when she is easily manipulated by Eyja.

Don't worry, the word "achilles" did not bother me as much.

Coin makes a fine point. I share his thoughts. "Of Birds and fish". Oh geez, some avian private parts and virgin-taking trouts?


Hahaha, Maxical trying to sound facing is a wonder to be heard. Bones and bushes...oh my. And we got ourselves an eavesdropper too! Maxical went from normal to angry! If I was Emperor and my door was pounded like that, I would be upset.

And what is up with Eyja's outfit, huh?

Good update! The story is moving along well!

Alix the Mouse is not getting spoiled, is he?

’The Dispel he had cast over us was the most powerful I’d ever felt before, even stronger than Hannibal’s.’
Maxical! Don’t overlook this clue. This ‘assassin’ uses magic as potent as that which might be wielded by. . . an ancient vampire. . . .

Oh my. You must have had a blast writing that ‘coded’ message. How funny! Something smells trouty in the palace!

Eyja is as entertaining as she was in 1.0!

Nit?
’I slid the bottle into the pocket of my greaves, it wouldn’t due for Eyja to find it.’
I'd change 'due' to 'do'.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Jun 15 2012, 12:31 AM

What an amazing chapter!

The whole conversation between Evangeline and Maxical has me in hysterics. It reminded me very much of Lissa and Rihanae, which is why I think I could understand so clearly the frustration they both must have felt.

Even though there were many funny lines, this had to be my favourite segment:



And Alix was in love with Eyja? Did Alix used to be human? As you can tell I still have ALOT to catch up on, but I'm working on it. But dispite all that, hilarious chapter!

EDIT: Spelling.

This post has been edited by Rihanae: Jun 15 2012, 05:49 PM

I have to confess to a very loud outburst at that line. The whole episode was hilarious. Maxical’s misunderstandings are a riot! Evangeline and Alix were so funny with the potty talk plan that no one wanted to agree to.


Between this gem and the expensive bonnet, I was rolling at the same time I felt bad for Evangeline with her over-attentive hovering. I remember that there is real heartbreak behind it.


Oh dear, Maxical was already at a disadvantage when she entered the room. Then Eyja the sultry superspy had her even more out of sorts. And the coded message, so funny! Eyja is wildly entertaining, and the history with Maxical’s father hints at future mayhem.

This chapter was pure enjoyment!!

*

@ King Coin - Thank you so much KC !! You are right on Eyja in some ways, she is more in love with gold than men. Alix was no mark, just one of the many men who fall in love with Eyja (only to find they were nothing but company to warm the bed to her). She inspires, but doesn't reap. Thanks again, KC !!!

*
@ Darkness Eternal - Thank you so much Darkness! Your comment had me rolling, lol. Eyja is playing the role of prostitute, and dressing for the part, lol.

*
@ Acadian - Yes, lol - Alix is getting spoiled rotten! That coded message took me forever to write, it was harder than I thought it would be, ROFL !! It tickled me pink that you remembered Eyja's role in the first version of Maxical's story !!! Thank you so much Acadian !! (fixed the nit)

*
@ Rihanae - It means a lot to me that you saw the similarity in Maxical and Lissa/Rihanae because it is one of the things that has drawn me to your story - the constant edge between those two keeps me laughing, but Lissa showed how deeply she cared for Rihanae in that last episode!

Alix the Mouse was named after the man that adopted Maxical when she was a child (Alix Lencolia).

Evangeline's obsession with the mouse "Alix" comes from the fact that she lost her infant child (Alix Lencolia). The real infant (Alix Lencolia) was taken from Evangeline by Ocato and left on the doorstep of a house (where the real Sir Damien was supposed to assassinate the owner of the house). Sir Damien took the infant Alix Lencolia with him and raised it as his own child.

Maxical has no idea that Evangeline is her adoptive father's birth mother, but she did notice Evangeline was obsessively interested in her father (Alix Lencolia). So when Evangeline raised hell about Maxical bringing a mouse into the Palace, Maxical quickly told her the mouse's name was "Alix."

From that moment on, Evangeline (whose mind was already fragile after losing her child almost forty years ago) has been going nuts over the mouse. She dresses the mouse in infant clothes (stolen from Uriel Septim's own storage of Prince Ebel's infant clothing), and has taken to strolling around with the mouse in a pram. (also stolen from Uriel Septim's storage).

On page one of this story (halfway down the page in white) is a synopsis of the story to current times if it will help explain a lot (and has pictures of some of the characters). I just noticed that I missed Evangeline and Alix the Mouse in it !!! Sorry about that, lol.

Thank you so much Rihanae !!

*
@ Grits - Your kind words made my day, Grits !! Thank you so very much !!! Not sure if I should admit this, but that scene with Alix the Mouse that you quoted comes from my real life.

I took in a baby razorback boar (many) years ago and had no idea how to care for swine, and it was so tiny (then) that I put it in my kitchen with a "dog bed."

It seems they are quite demanding of routines, and what started off as me covering the pig with a blanket at night when I put it down on its bed - turned into a demand that it be done exactly correctly every time.

The pig would not sleep till I had placed the blanket at the exact spot it wanted it. If the blanket didn't cover his neck, he would oink once to tell me it wasn't right. If it touched his ears, he would get up and make me start all over till I had it exactly right.

He was very sweet and smart, but was horribly spoiled and had a terrible temper - Alix the Mouse has always (even in the first version of Maxical's story) been written about my piglet (Sylvester).

Sylvester weighed nine pounds when I found him, a year later he was over 200 pounds and was taking over my kitchen, I had to find a nice farm to bring him because my neighbors (where I lived then) were not happy with looking out their (city) windows and seeing a huge hog in the yard next door.

Thank you so much Grits !!!


*

*


Chapter 151: Eyja’s Lessons


“Everyone at the mansion was dead, or at least the one in the foyer was. I yelled and no one came, my voice echoed around like the place was empty.” I handed Uriel the undelivered sealed orders, then remembered his birthday present.

“Oh, since today is the thirtieth of Frostfall I got you a birthday present.” I pulled the sheath and sword out of my cuirass and handed it to him, then reached back in and pulled out the wine and brandy. I set them down on his desk.

“Happy eighty-seventh birthday, Sire.”

“Where did you get this sword? That is an ancient Akaviri Katana, it is pristine! This is beautiful, Maxical!” Uriel pulled the sword from the sheath and balanced it in his hand.

“You’re not supposed to ask where presents come from, Sire. Er, but I‘ll pay for it when the war ends.”

“BWAAHAA!” Eyja burst out laughing. Uriel paused, scowling.

“I took it and the wine from Malan‘s mansion, Sire. The place has been looted nearly bare anyway, but I pledge the full cost of anything I’ve taken to compensate the Lost Children fund.“

“I’ll deduct a judicious amount from your salary and add it to the fund.“ Uriel smiled, and went back to inspecting the sheath and weighting the sword in his hand while he finished questioning me.

“Did you search around for the other men?”

“No, are you kidding? It was creepy in there, I got scared and ran out the door like a jack rabbit. Oh, and I ran into the Immortal. He was glued to the outside of the door when I was leaving, trying to keep from sunlight. He says he wants to help defeat Malan but needs a plan in place so your army recognizes him as a part of your forces.”

“Did you threaten him with a promise of your temper again?”

I gaped at him, stunned. “How do you remember the tiniest details of a conversation over a week ago, when I could swear you didn’t listen at the time?”

Uriel gave a genuine smile. “Well did you?”

“No, Sire. It was more of a challenge to arms. I as much as called him an ugly lying coward to his face. I stood well in the sunlight to say it, though.”

Eyja grinned wickedly. “What did he say to that?”

“Well, first he insisted he was considered quite handsome by many. I think by many he means Hal-Liurz. She dotes on him, and has large enough breasts to be considered a multitude.”

“SKREEEK! BWAAAAHAAA!” Eyja staggered to the chair I was sitting in and straddled the arm of it laughing. I moved over in case she made a puddle she was laughing so hard.






***


“Janus said that he spent fifty years suffocating his nature so he would never be like Malan, who spent that time honing his skills to unmatched levels. He thinks Hannibal’s hope is that his immortality will outlast Malan’s abilities, but it won’t. Without training and practicing his own skills he can’t beat Malan, and he can’t let the vampire out to train without invoking Uriel’s Law.”

“Did you sense he was telling the truth or just responding to your name calling?”

“Responding to my name calling, of course. But Sire, he is not socially adept at all. He says he has remained isolated all this time and I believe him. He lacks communication skills exactly like someone who has only dealt with paid staff in decades. He is naïve and easily manipulated, like the proverbial farm boy in the big city. Malan is devious and plotting, he would eat Janus for dinner easily and not blink.”

“If trained, do you think he could beat Malan?”

I shook my head. “No. Malan would fight dirty, like a street fighter. He scrounged his way up from nothing to being the arch vampire with a full army at his command. Janus would expect a fair fight, and use gentleman‘s rules. Janus avoids chaos at all costs, while Malan revels in creating it.”

Uriel turned to Eyja. “Well? Is her assessment accurate?”

“To the letter. Hassildor’s only asset is that willpower he’s used keeping his nature at bay fifty years. Releasing it to battle Malan, you will have an immortal monster on your hands. That is the last thing we want.”

“We can’t use him then, and have no one else capable. Malan has an uncanny knack for slipping through traps set.” Uriel smacked his hand on the desk in frustration.

“Fathis would have been capable.” My stomach twisted into a tight knot, suffocating the pain of having spoken of Fathis in the past tense. Eyja was watching my face with blatant curiosity, then turned back to Uriel.

“Foxy can.” She said firmly.






***


“We could still use the Immortal, possibly to warn us if Malan is near or read his mind.” Uriel mused aloud.

“I wouldn’t, Sire. It is more likely Malan would read his mind. Janus is highly intelligent, but is a lot like me when it comes to sense. We were that much alike that it would be like having two of me here. We can’t meet without squabbling like schoolchildren.”

Uriel rolled his eyes, but Eyja nodded. “She is right again, Sire. He was barely eighteen when attacked, and has lived isolated ever since with Hal-Liurz. She is like a mother hen with only one chick. He is quite as spoiled as Maxical probably was by her doting parents.”

“That is the truth, Sire. Hal-Liurz babied me worse in four hours than my parents did in eleven years, and they spoiled me rotten. I nearly got seasick from her rocking me like a baby, her breasts were like giant ocean swells with each movement. I told Fathis she could stand in the parapet and use them as beacons to draw ships in from the Abecean.”

“SKREEEEK! BWAAAAHAAA!”

“I hope you’re not prone to leaving puddles when you laugh, Eyja. You’re making me nervous sitting above me as you are.”

“BWAAAHAAA! Oh, I am going to enjoy getting to know you, Maxical.”

“Are you friends with Janus?” I tried to look up at Eyja‘s face past the blatantly bulging mounds of flesh that looked like they may spill out of her low-cut top any second, but still ended up ogling them bug-eyed.

“Let’s just say he is a regular client of mine. He is quite lonely for companionship, so pays extra to talk afterward. As I‘m paid to keep my eye on him anyway it works out very well for me.”

“Oh. OH! I…uh…see.” I’m pretty sure my face was purple. “Uh…er…Sire? What about Gils?”

“I haven’t heard anything, wait in your room and I’ll send for you if something can be worked out.”

“Yes, Sire. Oh, Hannibal said he is coming straightaway with those tomes and bloodletting equipment. Er…am I…that is will Eyja and I be sharing the room?” My eyes bulged as Eyja bent forward and her breasts lunged as if they might leap out of her low-cut blouse.

“You are the only two females, I felt it best.”

“What about Nissy and the sisters?”

“Nisaba was sent on a mission for me. The Khajiit women are now enjoying the facilities of an inn at the expense of the Palace. Let us hope they don‘t cost a fortune replacing items they rob while there.” He waved me out.






***


When I tried to get back into my room I was blocked by several men carrying a golden bathtub with clawed feet into Eyja’s and my room. They placed it carefully in the alcove below the window. An array of scented soaps and bath oils was lined up on the inner window ledge. Oh, rooming with Eyja was going to be nice.

The men filled the bath with cold water before leaving. Now this was luxury! I poured some bath oil in and heated the water with a small fire spell, then climbed in and stretched out with my head leaned on the high back of the tub.

The seal on my tongue was burning a hole through it, why had I not thought to ask Janus for some of his juices while arguing with him? It was wearing at me to be in pain constantly, exhausting me. I closed my eyes for what seemed only minutes, but when Eyja entered it woke me and the water was icy cold.

“Hey, you’ll get sick sleeping in cold water. Let me heat it up for you, move your legs so you don‘t get burned..”

“I can get out now if you are wanting a bath…GAAAAH! Hey, your clothes just up and disappeared! Dear gods, I think I just learned what voluptuous means. Er, how did you do that?”

Eyja gave her tinkling laugh. “It is a very simple and handy spell.”

“Why do you have so many different laughs? That tinkling sound is my favorite one.” Some of her laughs could get on one’s nerves quickly, especially the shrieking one.

“I like to keep in practice for whatever role I may be called on.”

“What role could you possibly need to laugh like a donkey braying or a wolf howling?” I gaped at her.

“You’d be surprised.”

“I’m sure you’re right about that.” I wondered which laugh was hers and which were for the role she was playing.

“Do you want me to teach you that spell to undress?”

“Would I ever! I’ve never seen anything like that before.“ I stood up as Eyja stepped into the tub.






***


“Good gods, how much bath oil did you use?”

“I never used it before, didn’t know how much to put in.”

She bent over, her rounded rump facing me as she started casting fire into the water. I strained my head around to try to see my own hindquarters, but was barely able to see half of one taut muscly cheek. Eyja’s was shapely pink mounds puckered amply with fat.

Her hipbones were soft and meaty, mine were bony and angular. No sense even comparing breasts, she had them and I didn’t. Even her arms were dimpled softness. Eyja…she looked invitingly touchable, built for pleasure.

In comparison I looked like a piece of that tough dried jerk-beef, way too athletic. I felt a petty wish that Gils wouldn’t see her, at least not till after we’d mated the first time.

The water had begun bubbling under her spell, I was shocked by that. “What fire spell is that? The water doesn‘t bubble when I use mine.”

“I’ll teach you that one too.” She plunked down in the water and motioned me to sit.

“Oh, this is nice and hot!”

“Give me your hand. This is the fire spell, and this is the one to disrobe. Now watch carefully. You use it this way for yourself, and this way to undress another. Twist your hand while casting to disrobe both at once.”

“I can undress other people with this? Oh I see me getting in a lot of trouble in the future with this one. Is it considered an assault?”

“No one ever got mad at me.”

“People get mad at me when I’m not doing anything wrong. But I see me in chameleon on a balcony in the Market District having a lot of fun with this. Will you regret you taught it to me?”

“Not if I can be with you when you do it.”

“Now you’re talking! Eyja, if you don’t mind me asking…er, you said Janus was a client of yours. Aren’t you afraid of vampires wanting to drink your blood or something?“

“Not mine, they never do unless they need it to be seen in public. When they do, they ask permission first and never take a whole lot. And they pay out the butt for you to let them, they like it better than keeping cattle. Virgin blood is different though. They’ll kill to get every drop, and not ask first.”

“Ew, they keep cows to drink blood from? That‘s gross!”

“BWAAHAA!” Eyja brayed.


*

This post has been edited by mALX: Jun 18 2012, 09:24 PM

“You’re not supposed to ask where presents come from, Sire. Er, but I‘ll pay for it when the war ends.”
You’ve said too much already! The place wasn’t took creepy to loot first!

Maxical and Eyja sharing a room? This will be interesting to say the least! Uriel got the Khajiit out of the palace. Hopefully they will be comfortable where ever they are.

Maxical learning an undress spell? This can only be bad.

Maxical is hopeless at times. There’s that laugh Maxical hates! I think that one is ‘hers.’