It works fine for me to have the scenes split up, since I tend to go back and read them together. It might take me a while to have enough time to read it that way, but I like to get the flow of the story as you intend it in the writing. This way folks can read it however they like. It helps a lot that you said at the beginning how many posts would be in the next part, so we wouldn’t wonder if we were going to be left hanging or if there was more of the scene coming right up.

I absolutely loved the scene in the dark with the sisters. Very sweet and also frightening and creepy. I can’t believe I’m agreeing with Onmund, but like he said: Keep going.

Asta creeped me out a little. This part about her childhood was very interesting, and the joke about the bees at the end was great! She was a timid little elf.

A man watches them sleep? I bet he’s invisible when the little sister wakes her up. Like Grits, I loved the scene in the dark.

Sorry for the delay, y'all. This week has been... interesting. I've let up on writing to focus on other things, and try to limit my days writing to only on my days off, but haven't had one in about a week. Then the thing with my boss happened, I'm having personal issues, and it all adds up. But this story is a great release for me, and I appreciate the support I get from y'all. I mean it. The encouragement is wonderful. I've never been one to show my writing off, but I find I like people reading my stuff, giving me pointers, and seeing myself how I can improve.

@ jack, don't count on anything just yet, lol. Remember, Kayla lied to Onmund about her past the whole time they knew each other. This is like your wife turning to you and going "By the way, I'm in the witness protection program, and have been since before we met."

Grits and KC, that was my most favorite part to write, besides the scene with Old Bear. I don't get to write creepy things too often, and this is great to stretch and test my creep-factor muscles :]

Where we are: Kayla is revealing more about her past as Onmund listens.


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=



Asta seemed better in the morning, if not a bit shaken. While Eeva went with Da to tend his shop, buying and selling whatever goods they could sell, I asked for her to help me search for the pearl. We looked anywhere we could think of. We didn't find it.

"Maybe she has it in her pocket?" Asta suggested.

I shrugged. "I guess so. Where else is it gonna be?"

Asta was silent for a moment while I looked. "Nisse?"

"Yes?" I continued to look under Eeva's bed. I checked the straw again.

"What's a vampire?"

"I don't know." I stood up and brushed the dirt off my knees, looking at her. "Why?"

"That's what he says he is."

"Who?"

"The bald man who comes in at night."

I shook my head at her. "There is no bald man. UGH!" I crossed my arms. "How am I supposed to give back the pearl Eeva stole if we can't find it?" I sat down on Eeva's bed with my arms still crossed.

Asta sat next to me. "You're probably right," she murmured. We sat there in silence for a few moments. She suddenly brightened.

"Wanna play hide-and-seek?"

"You only want to play because you're good at it!"

Asta's shoulders sagged. "I'm not good at any other game."

"Fiiiiine," I drew the word out in mock irritation. "We can play." Asta smiled a small, pleased smile. We ran outside , blowing Ma a kiss before running through the door. I hid first, and Asta used our porch as home base. After counting to ten, she turned around and sought me out.

She quickly found me and tagged me. I tickled her sides and ran to the porch to count. I sought her out after counting to ten. I looked for a good hour before finding her. She was perched on our roof, giggling like crazy.

"I found you!" I declared. She giggled again.

"You have to come get me!"

"Are you thick? I can't climb that high!"

"It doesn't count unless you tag me!"

I scowled, and searched the perimeter of our house for a foothold. I saw a stack of barrels around the back. I shakily climbed on one and pulled myself up. I unsteadily tried to balance myself on the barrel, causing the one under me to rock and hit the other barrels next to it.

Asta laughed as I toppled over with the barrels. I hissed in pain and glanced at my knee. A top layer of skin was scraped off, and in the small wound were a few large splinters.

"ASTA! I got hurt! That means the game stops!" I called out. She peeked over the roof.

"It's a scratch. Doesn't count!"

I grunted at her furiously. "I have splinters!"

She slid down the roof, her small hands gripping the edge of the roof before dropping almost delicately onto the dirt. She bounced backwards and fell on her rear-end. She primly stood up, her black curls bouncing as she dusted herself off. She peered at my knee for a moment.

"It's not that bad. Ma can pull the splinters out ad we can keep playing."

"Fiiiine." I said irritably. I touched her arm.

"Tag, you're it!"

"No fair!" Asta whined.

"You said I was okay!"

Asta pouted. "Fine, but you better hide good. Don't hide behind me like you did last week."

She ran around the house and I quickly thought of where I could hide. The scrape on my knee burned when I stood up, but the pain quickly subsided, even as I ran towards the large barn at the very edge of town. I slid under a large pile of hay in the furthest corner of the barn, farthest away from the door, and waited.

I woke up after dark, and heard a shuffling noise at the far end. A murmur of voices hit my ears, and I was awake completely. Ma had told me that sometimes, the young men and women liked to go to the barns and do things I wasn't ready to know about just yet. Curious, I watched and listened intently.

Two figures clung to each other. The moon was already high. Ma's going to kill me, I thought. Curiousity kept me planted where I was, under the hay, out of sight. Their faces were close together and they were...

I covered my mouth and stifled a giggle. They're kissing! I thought. I had seen kissing before. What was so bad about the barn that Ma didn't want me to see?

The taller form leaned over and nuzzled the smaller one's neck. She moaned and giggled, which quickly turned into a gasp of pain.

"Stop," she said. "That hur-"

The man opened his mouth and bit down. I heard something that sounded like fabric ripping. The woman no longer spoke, but gargled, her throat gone. Her body spasmed in the man's arms as the life poured out of her and the man lapped it up hungrily. The sickening smell of iron filled the air as I gasped, and the man wrenched his head towards my direction. I covered my mouth as my heart beat furiously.

Please don't find me, please don't find me...

Every muscle in my body tightened as the man sniffed the air. The blood around his mouth and down his neck contrasted with his pale skin. The black hair on his head was matted down with gore and dirt, and the front of his tattered robe was soaked in the young woman's blood. I pressed my thighs together to stop the flow of urine that threatened to spring from me.

The man looked almost straight into my eyes.

"I hear a pitter-patter!" He said in a soft, playful voice. He jumped closer. "What could it be?"

He took another leap towards me. "A kitten?" Another leap. "A puppy?" Another leap, and he was next to the pile of hay I was in. He inhaled deeply.

"Or maybe a naughty child." He reached into the haystack and pulled me by my smock out of the haystack. The urine I so desperately held in released itself as I began to sob. The man wrapped a hand around my throat and lifted me off the ground, pinning me against the barn wall. I kicked uselessly, my hands trying to pry his hand from my throat. The only noise I could manage was a strangled squeak. I kicked one of my shoes off.

The man leaned in and grinned at me. My eyes opened wide in horror at the long fangs. I flailed even more. His breath, cool on my face, reeked of blood and decay. His breath went in and out in wheezes.

I felt a numbness creep up my neck as he poured magick into me. My legs ceased to kick, and my arms dropped to my sides. He let me down, and I stood there, numbly looking foward at nothing.

Run, I told my body. RUN. But nothing happened.

That was the last thing I remembered.

WOO HOO! You ratcheted up the tension in this one! Holy Cow, and a cliffhanger! Now what? Urk! Awesome Write!

Gracias

You have a lot of unexpected things happening in your story, I LOVE that!

Just wait. -laughs maniacally while rubbing hands together-

Damn, that was creepy! And there's one hell of a cliffhanger as well; leaves me wondering how Kayla/Nisse actually gets out of this predicament alive, considering it's a single kid against a vampire, of all things.

I've already gotten the next chapter written up. I HAVEN'T SLEPT. INSPIRATION!!!

This vampire is terrifying

I'm going to start sleeping with a wooden stake now

Aaaand d'you know what the really scary thing is?...







Aaaargh!!...This is not the vampire you're looking for!!!... ...

Oh my absolute giddy aunts (and I do actually have one of them...) that was excellent...The juxtaposition twixt childish game and evil-bitey-chew-slurp-git is truly fantastically done...

I loved the way she went into the barn...And then woke up...*Applauds*...

Fantastic job...

Always looking forward to more...

Nice one!!...

*Applauds most heartily*...

-wink wink- Sure isn't!

I don't know if it was temporary insanity or what, but the next chapter was finished at 6 this morning my time. And you were so right! I got sick of looking at the unfinished chapter and just WROTE. Thanks for the advice :]

Maybe he grabbed a wig to enhance his seduction skill.

I hope he isn't setting her up as a scapegoat, though. Uncle true son of Skyrim would take the bait in a heartbeat. Then again, I don't want her to end up as his desert either. Oh dear, this flashback won't have an happy ending I'm afraid.

"Fiiiiine," I drew the word out in mock irritation.’
"Fiiiine." I said irritably.’
I see Kayla is learning, at a young age, to harness the power of the ‘F’ word! I expect someday she will master the ‘tersely clipped’ variant and become a formidable force of feminine fineness! Here, let me repost something I wrote some time ago -



As for the story, might we be witnessing the birth of a vampire hunter?

I was wondering when you were going to read, Acadian!

"Fine" is my favorite word to let people know I'm angry. That and "Okay." followed by a blank look. It confuses the hell out of all men XD

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Where we are: Continuing with Kayla's story.




Onmund's face flickered between anger and pity.

"Was anything you've told me true?" he spat. His green eyes were hard, and I looked down in shame.

"Onmund, you will understand why I hid this. At least I hope you will."

I reached over and touched his hand lightly. Peeling the layers off of my past was difficult. The raw sadness I had left suppressed began to bubble up, manifesting itself in the form of tears. My stomach lurched at the thought of the sound of that woman's flesh ripping. What shamed me greater was I didn't even remember her name.

I continued, my voice shaking.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-===-=-=-=-=-=---

"Is she alright?" I heard my mother's worried voice through the fogginess. My head pounded, and my throat was dry. I was hot. I moaned, crying out for my mother. I felt her cool hand on my forehead, and heard her murmur.

"It's alright, my child, Ma's here."

"I don't feel good, Mama."

I couldn't open my eyes, nor do more than speak. My voice was hoarse. I tried to speak again, but I coughed instead.

"You got very lucky, little one," I heard a familiar voice. "I don't know how you got away from whatever animal attacked that girl with just a small bite, but you got lucky."

When Albert mentioned the bite, I began to whimper. A vision of a diseased mouth placing its lips on my tender shoulder and ripping at the flesh flashed into my head. The bloodied grin of the vampire chewing my own flesh in front of me and swallowing it was enough to drive me mad. I wanted to warn my Ma, warn Da, leave with Eeva and Asta and never return.

"Skeever," I rasped. No! That was wrong! Why did I say that?

Suddenly, a burst of light broke upon my face, and I cried out. Ma held me down as I writhed away from the light, bawling. I heard a man's voice speak, his words rushed.

"I got the ingredients you need. Why such a large supply?"

After a moment, the voice asked, "Gods! Is she infected with-"

"Brain rot. I'm afraid so," Albert interrupted. "Fever, sensitivity to light, and memory loss. Poor child can't remember what happened to her."

The light ceased, and I laid on the bed, panting with tears rolling down my cheeks. Ma tried to sooth me. My shoulder throbbed, and my throat was really dry.

"Thirsty," I gasped. "Mama, water!"

Cool water dripped into my mouth, and I leaned up hungrily. I drank until my belly sloshed. I coughed, vomitting up the water.

"What is wrong with her? I've never seen Brain Rot this terrible!"

My mother's panicked voice broke my heart. I wanted to sit in her lap and feel the comfort of her soft arms. I could only cry that I was thirsty.

"You may want to leave," Albert said.

"I am NOT leaving my child!" My mother replied angrily.

"Madam, you have two other children who need you. Let us take care of the worst one right now."

The other man pushed my mother out the door. The light hit me again, and I screamed in pain. I heard the door bolt shut, and I panted in relief. Sweat soaked through my clothes into the bedsheets.

"How bad is she?" The other man asked.

"She's almost there, Talon. We need to cure her before she gets any worse." I heard the clink of bottles. "Hand me that bottle over there. No, not that one, the thicker one. Now hold her down."

I felt the covers lift off of me, and the relief of the warmth was quickly replaced by chills and the pressure of strong arms sitting me up. Talon leaned me against his chest. I breathed in the scent of his shirt, wondering if it posessed the same comforting quality of Da's scent. It didn't.

"Da," I moaned. "Ma." Talon sat on the bed and sat me in his lap, facing away from him. he stretched my legs out in front of me and crossed his own legs over mine before holding my arms at my sides with one arm and my head on his shoulder with the other.

"I got her."

My eyes snapped open when the bandage was peeled off of my right shoulder. I started to wiggle, and Talon gripped me harder, and Albert's wrinkled face was pursed in concentration as he mixed a dark green paste in a bowl.

"Don't wiggle," he chastised. I continued anyways.

"Why does everyone wiggle?" Talon asked. Albert began to slather the paste on the infected would on my shoulder.

"No! No!" I cried, and wiggled even more.

"The disease wants to preserve itself." Albert replied as I grunted and growled at him. I knew that I needed to be cured, but the rage that I felt at him trying to cure me was blind. I wanted to attack both of them and...

And what?

Albert put a fresh bandage on my arm and stood up. He grabbed a potion from a nearby table and uncorked the lid. Talon continued to hold me as I struggled.

"I'm going to give you something to take the pain stop, and the sickness go away. You'll go to sleep, and when you wake up, everything will be fine."

I clamped my mouth shut. Albert pinched my nose closed until I opened my mouth to gasp for air. That's when he poured the liquid down my throat. I struggled against it, but Talon's grip was firm. I began to feel drowsy.

Albert leaned down, eye level with me. "Who attacked you, Nisse?"

My eyes drooped. "Man. Teeth. Bit me." I focused on Albert's eyes. "Eeva took your pearl. I tried...couldn't find it. Sorry, Old Bear." My eyelids drooped as the potion took effect. My head dropped to my chest, and my body sagged.

I heard nothing for a moment, until Talon spoke.

"Can we save the others?"

It was a few moments until Albert spoke.

"No."

I began to doze off.

"How many children are sick?" Talon asked.

"All of them."

I fell asleep.

This post has been edited by Elisabeth Hollow: Feb 10 2013, 07:37 AM

WHAT DID THAT VAMPIRE DO TO ALL THE KIDS?!

That son of a.....

This story is really starting to get interesting. Can't wait for more.

Great Job

"STARTING to?"

That's it. Get out.

XD

Starting to get more action packed! It was interesting from the start, but it seems the main plot is starting to. I've along!

Mhmm. Mhmm. SURE. XD