I was flapping my arms like an insane bird, I was laughing so hard!

I loved this thread so much! It didn't last long, lol.

Carnius left the palace by the Crucible Gate, stepping down the steps into the dank and labyrinthine city below. He traversed the streams of sewage that trickled down its lanes, squinting through the gloom and fog that still covered the streets from the now-abated storm. There were a few more figures on the streets now that the rain was gone, emerging from the crumbling and corpse-like buildings, and one or two lounging on the bridges, balconies and overhangs that shadowed the roadways.

Carnius stopped at one point to stare at three corpses hanging from a walkway over a street, blackened with rot, rain still dripping from their bloated toes. People were passing under them without comment, as if bodies being left on display in nooses above the road was nothing abnormal. Considering that this was Crucible, perhaps that was the case.

“Wanna stick, mister?” a wrinkled Bosmer who had appeared at Carnius’ elbow asked. “Good sticks, not a leaf on ‘em, great for pokin’ bodies! Just one coin!”

“I’m fine,” Carnius said.

“You sure? They’re the best sticks in all Crucible,” the Bosmer insisted.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Carnius said. “Actually, I do have a question.”

“Is it about sticks? I know a lot about sticks. I’m an expert on sticks, y’know.”

“No, not about sticks.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll see what I can help you with.”

“You know any good inns in Crucible?” Carnius asked.

“Well, I suppose there’s Sickly Bernice’s Taphouse,” the Bosmer said. “I gave her a good stick a while back, to help her walk. Very grateful for it, an excellent stick, she said.”

“Where’s that?” Carnius asked.

“Oh, just near the main gate,” the Bosmer said. “You sure I can’t interest you in a stick? Be good for prodding one of those bodies, and they’re nice and rotten now; poke ‘em hard enough and the neck might go, and then splat! That’s always funny.”

“No thanks,” Carnius said.

“Fine, fine,” the Bosmer said, rolling his eyes. “Nobody has time for sticks any more.”

He turned and shuffled away, muttering about the state of sticks, and Carnius headed on.

"Hey, I'm not trying to bust your balls or anything," the Colovian finally said apologetically. "You aren't the first elf I've met. I know you all float your boats into either port. I've just never heard of anyone ever managing to dock at the vice-commander's quay."

That wasn't even intended to be that funny. Huh...

Jerric began to walk backward toward the Castle Gate. “Do your exercise,” he said, pointing at Darnand.

“If I think of it,” Darnand replied, smiling to himself. He turned and started toward the guild hall again.

“Keep doing it, every day,” Jerric said earnestly, raising his voice as the distance increased.

“Perhaps I will forget how,” Darnand called over his shoulder. He relished the rare opportunity to tease Jerric.

“Darnand!” he heard Jerric shout behind him a moment later. He turned and looked at him down the busy street. “Just keep doing it like I showed you in prison!” Jerric made a motion that indicated pushups. From the looks on the faces around him, Darnand suspected that the gesture was being widely misinterpreted.

Jerric gave Darnand a cheery grin and a Nord-sized wave. Every head in the street swiveled around to look back at Darnand. As he made his way through the interested crowd, Darnand tried to console himself with the thought that at least today was not a market day.

Drunken bodies lay on the wooden floor of the inn, most of them half clothed, and the rest were fully nude. I saw parts of people I had known for years that I had never thought of, and never wanted to think of again. I saw Lydia propped in a corner, half-clothed with a vacant glazed look on her face. She had a man and a woman on either side of her, both of them in different states of undress.

I could feel the revulsion travel up my throat at the site of the townsfolk. Onmund came out behind me. Most of the revelry had died down, but a few stragglers kept up the festivities, drinking, belching, and romancing. Sam included. The first thing I noticed was that he was fully nude. The second...

"Dear gods, how do you walk with that?!"

I clamped my hand over my mouth and turned bright red, embarrassed at my outburst. I heard Onmund choke behind me, and turned around to face him. I felt hot embarrassment rush into my face as Onmund's face turned green. The image of Sam's not-so-little "Sam" looking freely about would haunt me for the rest of my natural life.

"Please put that away. I can't... how am I supposed to yell at you with that looking at me?"

Sam laughed behind me, and Onmund huffed.

"What do you feed that thing, anyways?" Onmund shot.

"Kayla!" Sam called. "Look! It's as flexible as a Khajiit's tale!"

I buried my head in Onmund's robe, fighting the urge to look and to laugh from embarrassment. I never thought of myself as a prude, but I'm no voyeur. The sight of others naked usually didn't bother me, unless they were... well...

Onmund got angry. He planted his hands on my shoulders. "Stop taunting my WIFE, Sam!"

I heard Sam laugh behind me. "Oh, you can indulge in adultery, but your wife can't appreciate another man?"

Onmund growled.

"Just conjure yourself a loincloth... if you can find one with enough cloth!" I shouted into Onmund's robe. I felt a shudder of magick, and cautiously turned around. Sam was fully clothed in the unassuming black mage robes he had on when we met earlier that evening. He had the same easy grin on his face, and his eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Aw, what's the matter, elf? A little prudish, are we? Lydia was right, you do need some more fun."

"Come on, Onmund, we're leaving." I grabbed Onmund's arm and started to pull him along. Sam chuckled as we passed him.

"You don't have to leave. I can loosen you up really well." He put an arm on my shoulder. I let go of Onmund and aimed a punch straight at Sam's mouth. I struck air. I stumbled forward and noticed my complete lack of clothing.

"Nice tattoo." Sam quipped from behind me. I covered myself frantically with my hands and looked incredulously at him.

"Give me back my clothing! You sore-sucking festering piece of-"

Sam chuckled. "Been too busy to groom?"

"Shut-"

"I see you're getting a bit soft in the midsection."

"Vile scamp fu-"

"Calm down, those things could cut glass!"

Onmund stared at me.

"ONMUND! Cover me up!"

Onmund snapped back into reality. He quickly rushed over and wrapped his arms around me. Sam was bent over, howling with laughter. I shot him the most venomous look I could while clinging to Onmund.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Unlikely." Sam straightened up and wiped tears from his eyes. I began to pull Onmund along, inching towards the door. Sam shrugged.

"I think I've had enough fun for tonight." He waggled his eyebrows devilishly.

And with that, Sam vanished in a shimmer of magick.

I MADE THE LIST XD

I MADE THE LIST XD

How DARE you doubt yourself

I'm not funny!

Shutup DE XD

If anyone isn't funny it's me...

I'm pretty sure I'm the least funny of the two of us.

Nope. You're funnier than me.

Funnier LOOKING, maybe XD

Naw, your really funny. Much funnier than me

I look really weird though

So do I. XD