And the journey of vengeance begins!

I like the tie-back to the flashback and how you decided to move ahead a few days and essentially start in media res. (Or whatever the term is)

And Kayla telling Lydia she's going to kill her sister. (It's okay, technically she's an adult) had me laughing.

Wait, was that Babette at the start, there? I liked Babette...

And Onmund is gone forever! Christ!

I like the idea of Meridia's servants not being 'allowed' family while they serve her; it's a neat idea, and fits very will with Meridia's character, seeing as she isn't really the compromising type. That said, I'd be surprised that, in light of this revelation, Kayla might hold Meridia responsible for Onmund's death and blame her for taking Onmund away from her; considering that she's got some pretty advanced grief problems and possible PTSD, I can see her getting the idea that Meridia actually sent/directed Asta to Onmund in order to enforce her doctrine of 'You hold fealty to Meridia and to Meridia only'.

Babette? Nope, that was not Babette, lol. Think teenaged young girl. My bad.

The time comes for Kayla to get revenge

Ah, right; I saw a young (well, 'young') vampire and she mentioned the Dark Brotherhood so I assumed that that was the case.

This post has been edited by Colonel Mustard: Feb 15 2013, 10:54 PM

Oh, nope. Sorry. XD I liked Babette too.

You painted Kayla’s emotions well during the Nordic funeral. It was good that she had Lydia holding on to her.

I’m glad the old cat and Kayla count each other as friends.

Meridia has some tough requirements, it seems. It would have been helpful if she had clarified those before recruiting her champion.

"Gods, no! That's not what I-!" I turned crimson, and swatted at Ma'Dat. "You mangy old cat! I'm going to go get a room at the inn."

The vampire bit at the beginning gave me much joy... ...

The funeral was beautiful...Loved it...



I had to chuckle at that... ...

Me likes Ma'Dat...He seems cool...

Looking forward to more...

Nice one!!...

*Applauds heartily*...


Teeny nit...

Maybe I want it like that.

Maybe I'm trying to make up a new word.

Ever think of THAT? XD

No, you're right, absolutely...I'm down with that...

Though frommy does tend to make one think of a type of coffee...And while "spilling frommy head" does sound like a thing you wind up doing in a dingy cafe somewhere, I'm not sure that's the angle you're going for here...

...

Baha!

I'm in a bad mood. I'll calm down eventually :]

I also changed it, so thanks for the head's up :]

So Onmund is really dead then, poor Kayla! Really gross fight with the vampire in the beginning of this chapter, urk. There goes my breakfast! Oh, I didn't eat yet, I meant there goes my ability to eat my breakfast!

I picture Lydia disappearing after that warning Kayla gave her, lol. Urk. You can't sneak up on vampires with Lydia, she is pathologically incapable of sneaking soundlessly, and that is even if she is able to keep her mouth shut.

Awesome Write !!!!






This post has been edited by mALX: Feb 17 2013, 10:25 AM

No probs...

Um, I thought you were joking?... ...

I read yer thingy on the Coffee Shop, bad mood is totally understandable...Bad mood being the lowest setting in the rage-ometer... ...

Oh! I WAS joking! I just didn't want you to think I WASN'T joking..

Gehhh...

What? ...

Aaargh!!...

*Despairs some more again!!*...

...

Whew, I'm caught back up. The vampire children were horrifying! What an awesome idea, and the way Kayla told the story was just chilling.

I was completely shocked by Onmund's death. Completely! I thought the way you presented his funeral was very well done.

And I'm still giggling over Erik's green sword.

Oh wow, I didn't know you were reading, Grits! Thank you!!

I had to throw the "green sword" joke in there. I just HAD to. XD

Our dear Kayla has a fanfic? I MUST read it!

Must catch up right away!

-rasies eyebrows-

Now I'm getting a bit scared XD

How so?