Like Fuzzy said, it's very good! Lots of details, me likey!

The only thing that bugs me is the 'The beast of a man was about 6’4”'. I hate it when they do this in stories. How does the character himself/herself know almost the exact measurement? How about 'was nearly six feet tall' or something?

Also, 'She wrote in very spidery writing, very hard to read.' Why do we care? Is Konrad looking at it? Do the battle-combatants can not read it? I think this is a bit unnecessary, as it kind of kills the flow of the story, no offense.

Besides those little complaints, the story's well-written, very detailed, and action-packed so please keep up the good work!

I felt that as well. I as going to add more to that, but then I decided not to and forgot to delete that bit. You can tell measurements. At school I can tell nearly everyone's size. Also why would I put nearly 6 foot ? He's 4 inches over that.


Thanks for all the comments... I'll maybe write more sometime this month.

This post has been edited by Konradude: Jul 19 2005, 07:46 PM

You tell the exact height? Not to mention, isn't your character too busy in a combat-sort-of situation to really notice that? I mean, if I were him, I would be pumped with adrenaline ready to fight instead of inspecting for a man's exact height.

It's like a criminal on the run, who notices a bystander's looks down to the exact detail, when he should be concentrating on running away. Know what I mean?

But, then again, you could be writing in the speciall 3rd person view, in which the author reveals everything from everyone's point of view not just the main character's.

Oh, I'm sorry! I'm rambling.

Please continue this story and keep up the good work on the details!

Ha, i totally understand you if that helps. I will try to go by your standards great Mergirl.

I liked most of it but whoever said the fight scene was too short I definately have to agree with them. It's a good story so don't get discouraged, keep writing.

Jepp.. Agree with Kiln, your story is very good and I'll critisise if I feel a need to, hehe..

Another update for you....shock horror in this one!

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Konrad just stood there. He was in an apparent state of shock, his eyes blank and his sword hanging limply from his barely clutching hand. Lances started piercing through the stubborn oak doors and great cracks were rent through it. Finally the boy came back to life, running back down the hall, his head bent low. He burst out onto the training grounds, crying out.

“We’re being attacked! Man all walls! We’re being attacked!” Konrad shouted out across the whole area, his voice magnified by the acoustics and acting as a clarion call to all inside. The whole yard teemed with life as all ages unsheathed their swords and dashed up the perfectly carved stone steps to the heavily fortified walls.

Konrad followed his rival up the stairs. Luca bounded up 3 at a time, unaware to Konrad’s presence. Konrad took his place next to him, then stood to his full height and looked across the town. It seemed the whole crowd had been a band of fighters. The women were all screaming manically and waving clubs with various things sticking through them; nails, other sword, forks and shards of glass were all stuck in the various weapons. The children were all wielding short bows, and finding their range slowly.

Konrad ducked as an arrow flew quickly above his head, then scurried around for his shield. Failing to find his tower shield he picked up a nice looking round shield, the design in the middle a very intricate tableau. There was a Dunmer standing on a golden mask, with a volcano behind him. The centre was painted with reds golds and blues, but the outside of it was simple metal and wood.

Konrad found his place next to Luca again, and wished him luck. His rival, forgetting any hate, patted him on the shoulder and wished him at the very least an honourable death. Konrad nodded to him, and turned back to the tide. He wondered where the imperial guard were, then frowned as he saw the nearest guard tower with the guards in a heap at the front of it tied up and nearly naked. Then the assault came…

The children let out a pathetic volley of arrows, only one hitting a target somewhere down the line on a veteran warrior. He grunted, then twisted the arrow and pulled it out, throwing it behind him. The women then charged and tried to scale the walls, but failed against the slippery flatness of granite. The men carried small ladders and placed them up against the walls. They were just not tall enough, so the child warriors could not kick them down.

The barbarians scaled savagely, shouting up at the frightened children above them. To the right of Konrad there was an archery teacher. She loosed arrows at a remarkably fast rate, the ladder near them soon clear of soldiers and being left alone. For the moment the students were holding the men back, the weaponry excelling greatly over their meagre attempts at blades.

The men and women regrouped behind strategically placed barrels. Konrad had killed only one, Luca dispatching of three.

“It looks like the headmaster’s son has forgotten all his skills in a real battle, doesn’t it?” he jeered threateningly, cleaning his sword.

The attackers assaulted again. There was exactly the same thing happening, they weren’t learning. Konrad now had the annoying voice of Luca piping up more often, a chance to annoy ‘the headmaster’s son’ never been passed. Konrad thought about accidentally stabbing him in the heat of battle, but shook that thought off and tried something else a lot more ludicrous.

Under the cover of Reyla the archer’s shots he leapt down the ladder, landing among the warriors.
‘This will get my kill count up’ he thought jokingly, slicing at two women. They fell instantly, Konrad’s sword weaving through both their necks. Attacked from all sides Konrad ducked down, his shield raised above his head. He felt the rain of blow smack against the shield, the vibrations knocking him down even more. Trying to take advantage of his low position, Konrad span quickly. His sword took off the feet of the six attackers surrounding him. Smiling he raised up, and stepped on one of the fallen.

The attackers seemed to be finally retreating, broken by the loss of so many. Konrad ran for the ladder, crawling up it like a lizard. Regretting being shorter than the huge men he leapt for the wall, his fingers just curling around the top of it. He tried to lift himself up, but was incredibly weak from all the fighting.

“Luca! Help!” he cried out above him, the smug face of his rival leering down. Konrad lost grip with one of his hands and Luca finished the job off, stamping mercilessly on the other. Konrad fell to the ground with a sickening crack, one of his legs broken. Three barbarian women ran forwards and carried him away to the retreating men, one of them falling to Reyla’s bow.

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This post has been edited by Konradude: Jul 19 2005, 09:13 PM

ah..finally caught up on this story....very good Konrad...really it is, this last part was vividly written.....keep it up!

Agree with Minque.. Very good written indeed..

I just read your story, very nice

Hehe, its been a while since I've read anything including attacking barbarians.

A bit of comic relief before my next update.


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Konrad mumbled, rolling around in his sleep. He had been unconscious for a couple of days now, the women tying up his leg to help it heal. There had been uproar from the leader of the tribe that they had lost, and he had almost slaughtered Konrad as he slept in his anger. He had been stopped by the mercy of the carers of the child, and had returned to his throne.

The imperial awoke slowly, rubbing his eyes and cringing from the pain of his leg. He noticed he was alone, and in a bottle neck dungeon. Many half filled bottles of potion laced the wall, some dripping slowly and leaving congealed red goo on the floor. He stood, and tried to jump out of the prison, hopping around on one leg. He failed miserably, and sunk back to the ground, nearly drowning.

A fat man entered the room, garnished extravagantly (as well as a sprig of rosemary) in expensive attire. He wore a pure white shirt, and well kept red trousers. He had curly pink shoes on his feet, and he expressed an aura of feminine quality. He waddled into the room, and glared at Konrad. Konrad rose his head and glared back at him, wondering how he had entered the room. His questions were soon answered as a hopping mad Khajit bounded through what seemed like solid wall…obviously an illusion.

“E’Kkal was not expecting us to visit the child yet, no he wasn’t!” he screamed ashe put his other leg down, seemingly irate at the plump man.
“Hush, beast. I am your king, remember.” The camp man told the Khajit. The feline seemed to just notice Konrad and hissed at him, his anger deflating. Konrad stood up gingerly, and addressed the man.

“Hello, Nord. Why have you taken me here?” Konrad asked, trying to draw his sword but finding no sheath apparent. The man looked at him in shock, then drunk a potion of resistance.

“Only rise when I tell you to!” barked the man, for some reason suddenly wanting to eat a skeleton bone. Konrad hastily sat down again, chewing his lip. After he had finished, he raised an eyebrow at the fat man, who was now chewing the bone.

“Are you going to do anything then?” he asked, picking up courage once more and placing it on a table. The man shook his head, smiling. Konrad put his eyebrow down again and sighed.

“I shall wait for 5 years, then you shall marry my daughter. That’s about it,” he declared, motioning to an ugly mare that had somehow crept in. Konrad reeled back, but eventually let her go.

“I have no choice then?” he asked.

“None whatsoever,” the man told him chuckling quietly.

Konrad needed to find a way out, and fast.

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Nice.

Poor Konrad, but he deserves it.

Heh, very long awaited update.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Konrad watched the man and his daughter leave the room, sighing to himself. He surveyed the area, escape in mind. A solitary guard was standing where the fake wall was, his imposing figure silhouetted with the lack of light in the small room. Konrad decided there were two ways out. One way was through the small gap in the ceiling, which would mean he was free instantly and could scarper. The other way was past the guard and through the fortress. Even if he did manage to get past the guard, he didn’t know how many more were there.

He walked around the room casually, checking every detail and mapping the route of his escape in his mind. He had opted for the former choice, and was finding out all the cracks in the ancient wall that he could manipulate to make a ladder and get out of there. The shadowed Nord followed Konrad’s movements with his beady eyes, shining through the darkness and locking onto him. The Nord seemed to growl at him for a moment, then Konrad realised he was being spoken to.

“…ance of getting out of here,” the man told him, nodding upwards to the ceiling. “There are traps laid over the hole in the ceiling so that vermin like you can be killed easily. Besides don't think I wouldn’t notice you, you Imperial scumbag, taking away...” the Nord carried on for some time about Imperial rule.

Konrad mumbled something about Nordic bathing principles and ended his circling of his cell. He had decided to face the guard and get a weapon first, seeing as he needed one. He walked up to him and stared for a second, before bringing his leg up straight between the Nord’s legs.

He heard a thump and the Nord keeled over, seemingly in a lot of pain.

‘He must have liked me after all…’ Konrad thought as he stripped the guard of his sword and armour. He strapped it all on then slammed the hilt of sword into the Nord’s head, knocking him unconscious. He picked up the body with a heave, dragging him to the other side of the room.

He stole out of the room carefully, keeping his sword up in case of any more frisky Nords. He turned left down a high but narrow tunnel, seeing a light source at the end of the corridor. He crept up to it and tried to look underneath the door, a bright light radiating from the crack. Failing, but now unexplainably excited, he burst through the door.

The fat king’s 23 Argonian guards all looked from Konrad, to his sword, then back to Konrad before screaming an undecipherable war cry and charging at him. Konrad swore and turned back again, slamming the door behind him as he charged down the way he had come.
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This post has been edited by Konradude: Aug 15 2005, 05:59 PM

Ok, another update. Seems I'm starting to write again.


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As Konrad flew past the magical door he had came from he glanced through it and saw the Nord just waking up, burbling slightly. He grinned and continued on, the frenzied cries of the Argonians behind him.

He eventually made it to a fork, the two rock corridors branching out either deeper into the mountain or to freedom. Konrad took the left fork to keep in sync with his step. Just as he passed the chance of going down the other fork seven more Argonians came wandering around the corner, apparently slightly tipsy. Konrad skidded to a halt. He turned back to go the other way, and came face to face with the fastest of the Argonians in the group that was following.

Konrad felt a slash across his stomach and looked down. The Argonian had slit his finger across Konrad’s abdomen, leaving a thin line of trickling blood. Konrad grunted slightly, then kicked the beast in the legs, trying to trip him up.

The warrior lifted his left leg quickly, easily dodging the attempt. Konrad growled then just elbowed the Argonian in the face, sending it reeling back. He took advantage of this and kicked at the beast again. It fell to the floor, disorientated.

Konrad stepped on him and leapt into another Argonian, sending him tumbling to the floor. He scrambled up then ran down the other tunnel. He continued on, 30 enemies now chasing. He again reached another fork and again tried to go left, this time his path granted. He started to tire, the endless running too much.

Ahead of him he could finally see the opening, with a guard standing in front of it. The Orc covered the whole gap with his massive form, helped by a large shield and a double headed axe. Konrad had not seen one of these before…but he didn’t want a closer look.

He charged at the Orc, raising his hand and roaring at him. To Konrad’s surprise the Orc flew backwards, grunting confusion as he seemingly levitated into a sharp jutting out rock. The rock pierced the back of the Orc, emerging through its stomach.

Konrad quirked a brow but ignored it for the time being, going around the rock and out to freedom. He came up to a steep slope and looked back, the Argonians coming up quickly behind. He jumped.

The slope went quickly, a succession of shouts and screams accompanying around 57 rolls and 3 broken bones. Konrad spat out some blood and got up when he had hit the bottom, limping away. The Argonians hissed and laughed at him from the top of the cliff, not bothering to follow.
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I've left my uh....0 readers on a cliff hanger in this one!

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Konrad stumbled along the dirt path carved ruggedly into a vast sea of evergreens. He had been marching for four days now, his legs weary from the endless toil. He had been thinking these past few days about life…he knew it was going to end soon.

‘I vow never to do anything wrong again…’ he thought, before tripping over a log and falling face first onto the track again. He pushed himself up slowly with his right arm, his left arm broken badly from his fall. He carried on, now incredibly thirsty after being stupid enough not follow the river he had found two days previous.

Ahead of him the forest was getting sparser, the trees now letting in a fair amount of golden sun and lighting up the jaunty limes of the forest floor. Konrad sighed, stumbling once more and holding onto a tree for balance. He carried on stubbornly.

As he reached the end of the forest he grinned broad, then jumped up and down laughing. He had found Cyrodiil Lake! He dove in, gasping as his broken arm hit the water. He grinned again regardless of the pain, splashing about with his free arm and drinking in the water.

He swam in the direction of the city now, knowing exactly where he was. Soon it would come into view, the great city, and he would be saved. He continued on, but soon realized he was incredibly tired. His eyelids fighting for control he let them take over, floating on the lake and snoring slightly.

He woke up just as the sun was going into its routine slumber, the amber aura weaving its way through the great city next to Konrad and sending great shadows laid out thin. Konrad looked around him, now on familiar terrain. He had miraculously floated just by the city’s drawbridge, so pushed off the shallow bottom of the lake and hooked his fingers around the open gate.

He clambered up to be met by 2 swords, both placed neatly below his chin. Konrad thought about dropping down again, but feared his head wouldn’t.

“What is your business here son, sneaking onto the drawbridge?” the smaller guard asked.

“Probably a spy coming to kill the emperor!” roared the larger, and obviously more paranoid, one. After a long discussion about whom and what he was, and eventually how they should kill him, Konrad butted in.

“Uh…I live here. I have been missing for some days as I was taken by the attackers of the sword school.” He told them, lightly pushing their swords away and continuing his struggle up. The guards let him on, confused.

“Sword school? You mean that big pile of rubble?” the small one asked, sheathing his sword. Konrad blinked in shock then ran away from them and into the town square.
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This post has been edited by Konradude: Aug 16 2005, 04:55 PM

yeah! woah.....several additions to catch up with.....good work Konrad! really....

Another update.

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Konrad staggered backwards, his mouth agape. All that was left was the foundations of the once noble Sword School, and a small plaque in the centre. Konrad shuffled to it, wondering what it would say.

It was obviously a memorial; Konrad could have guessed that from a mile away. On it were about 30 names, all neatly engraved. At the top were the teachers of the school, with the students beneath. Konrad read the first name…then crumpled to the floor and wept. It was his father.

He cried for several hours before an old man finally went over to him and asked what was wrong.

“Ah…nothing.” Konrad replied, standing up and turning round. He glanced back at the memorial again and searched through the names quickly. Luca wasn’t on. Konrad found this odd, but shrugged it off and walked briskly back home.

Konrad knocked on the door casually, leaning on the wall by the side of the house. His older sister, Iulia, opened it. She looked out coldly into the darkening street. It was a few moments before she noticed Konrad.

“Hey no more pr…! Konrad?” she stood there, confused. Konrad grinned slightly, walking past his dumbstruck sister and into the kitchen. His mother was crying at the table. Konrad looked around again and breathed in the familiar smell of his home. Along the mantelpiece were many pictures of Leontus and Konrad, all with flowers in front of them.

His mother was facing away from him, and had not heard nor seen him enter. Konrad shook her shoulder.

“Mother, I’m home.” He said, standing straight to hopelessly hide his injuries.
His mother turned slowly, then nearly fainted from the shock of seeing her son again.

“Konrad! I thought you were...” she cried, embracing him. Konrad didn’t return the hug.

“Dead? Well let’s just say I was and leave it at that eh?” he suggested, breaking free from his mothers grasp.

“Your father…” his mother mumbled, unable to finish the sentence.

“I know. But Luca wasn’t on the plaque, do you know why?” he asked, very suspicious about this. His mother heard his words then sunk back onto her chair again, crying.
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Here ends chapter 1 of Konrad's story.


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Konrad waited patiently, wondering why exactly his mother had just started crying. When she had finally finished, she sniffled and told him a small story.

“When you were captured there was a small funeral, but the Sword School continued and was getting pretty good. One day, when Luca didn’t show up, your father sent out one of the teachers to find him. Luca returned a couple of hours after that, holding in his arms the dead teacher. He told them all he had done it and that he was going to kill the rest of them. I was there. I ran just as your father charged for Luca…” she paused, sighing and downing one of what seemed many glasses of brandy.

“Continue mother, I must know the answer to my question!” Konrad pressed.

His mother put the glass down and wiped her lips with the back of her grubby sleeve, then proceeded to finish the tale.

“I just got out in time. Luca must have been a powerful magician, the blade never hit him. A blade of light fell on the ground of the school, then the light turned to flames and explosions. The School was rent apart, utterly destroyed. I just stayed conscious enough to see Luca walking away, then fainted.” She finished.

Konrad nodded, then turned away. He went to the door and passed Iulia, his head down. She grabbed him from behind, now in tears also.

“Don’t go and try to find him Konrad!” Iulia cried, holding him back. Konrad turned to her and stared for a second. He broke away.

“I must…”
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Niiiicesss...

How constructive.