absolutely wonderful, as usual rather humorous to. though i do not know if i'd burst out laughing if someone was talking to a pet, even if it was a rat.

I thought it was funny to have such a feared vampire being all nice to his pet rat and getting mad when he thinks a servant is interrupting. Maybe I just have a strange sense of humor though.

Hince the name under my Avatar "ohhh yeah!"

Id like to thank Alex ( This one fits him somehow... could it be the avatar?) for actually doing that for me.

Stargelman ( ) for allowing me to help out here.

Sinder Velvin ( ) for making that really nice looking deadric... thing that used to be under my name.

Minque( ) for supporting me with the name choice.

Burntsierra ( ) for being the first to call me Goodjob man.

Darkwing ( ) for... doing... whatever it was he did.

All the members (For all the members... which smiley should I use???? Maybe I should just use them all! ) for properly using the the smiley with my permission(thank you)

Very nice next parts Kiln. Enjoyed them very much. Wish to see this continued.

This post has been edited by jonajosa: Jul 28 2005, 07:34 AM

Greed turned back around,

"Must've been nothing." he said

Kiln was relieved and he built his courage to enter the room as the vampire continued to baby talk the rat.

"Whatsa matter buddy? Did I scare you? I'm sorry buddy, here have some bread." he said

It wasn't quite so funny to Kiln this time after nearly being discovered, and one thing caught Kiln's eye. There was a dagger on the table, so he crept up slowly keeping his eye on the vampire all the while and put the blade into his sleeve.

He walked bravely to the open doorway and knocked lightly upon the side.

"What do you want?" Greed said without turning around

"I've come here to..." Kiln was cut off, his voice had told the vampire that he wasn't one of the servants

"Who the hell are you and why have you come here?" The vampire screeched at him before picking the rat up and putting him beside the bed

"I am Kiln, I have come to beg for your mercy." Kiln declared

"Wait...let me get this strait, you came here to beg for my mercy? If you hadn't come you wouldn't have to beg for mercy." Greed laughed

"I do not fear you sir, I beg for your mercy upon another. A girl I found at the council club in Balmora." Kiln said

Kiln thought, "I do not fear you." which couldn't be further from the truth and after realizing what he'd said he became even more afraid that the vampire would get angry and attack him.

"Yes I realised too late that she was not Commona Tong." The vampire paused and looked into Kilns deep black eyes to analyze him

Kiln stood strong, glaring back into the misty eyes of the vampire, staring him down.

"Why did you kill all of those people?" Kiln said to the huge Imperial

The vampire stood there looking at Kiln as if he feared him. Kiln hid his fear quite well though he was very afraid.

"I seem to have forgotten to introduce myself, you may call me Greed, as my real name had been forgotten over the years." Greed said changing the subject

"Why did you kill them?" Kiln asked again more forcefully this time

The vampire stared at the floor for a moment and sat in a chair beside the bed.

"You know I never wanted to be a vampire...some fifty years ago when the dark elves at that club were much younger, they turned away a starving imperial adventurer who came to their door in search of a meal." the vampire said staring at the floor as if he was recalling events

"That man was you then?" Kiln said

Greed ignored him and continued on,

"That man was me, my family was gone and I had no money to pay the tax collector. The Commona Tong as I have recently discovered treat all people not of their race horribly thats not the point though...after they turned me away I entered a tomb nearby to seek shelter and I was bitten by the cursed, a vampire."

Kiln was helplessly interested in hearing the vampire's story so he listened contently.

"I fled the tomb and soon became infected with the disease, first I feared it and then I embraced it, knowing I had no lifespan, I traveled Morrowind seeking fame and fortune and eventually earning the name Greed. As I grew used to hearing it from everyone including my servants I forgot my true name and now I sit here waiting for an adventurer to come kill me and claim my fortune."

"The Commona Tong were the first to turn me away and they were the first to pay for it, there will be more...many, many more." the vampire added

Kiln realised the horrified look on the vampire's face when he stood the vampire feared him...he was puzzled,

"What are you afraid of sir, just give me the antidote and I'll be on my way." Kiln assured him

"You are the one I have seen in my dreams, the one who will come to destroy me. Take the potion, but I know when return again it will be to end my life." Greed said

The thought of ever returning to this place had never crossed his mind, it couldn't be him that would end the vampire's life. Kiln thanked him but backed out of the room so his back wouldn't be exposed to the vampire, there would be no surprises.
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Sorry about the long speech but the vampire had to describe why he had killed the Commona Tong.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Jul 28 2005, 09:48 PM

Not a problem. Once again, great job. It's not often that you find many stories in which a character has a pet... especially if that character is supposedly an "evil" vampire.

Aw, poor vampy! So cute with him and his pet rat. I really, really like this story and its characters, and I'm wondering what will happen next, so pweeeese continue?

So far, it's very well-written, just a few typos here and there. No biggie.

EDIT: Actually, I thought the speech was pretty good. I've seen other stories in which characters' speeches of backstory could go on for pages!

This post has been edited by MerGirl: Jul 29 2005, 04:10 PM

That would be....

<-------------------------------------

me

Really? Speeches that long? I don't remember reading anything like that in your story.

But, I mean, actual speeches that, for some reason, the characters have all of that extra time to talk about their life-story on and on. I do not mind if that's what the whole story is about, but just one minor character who's not really that important to the story (or at least, most of his backstory isn't), talking on and on about their traumatizing life or whatever for several pages irks me.

Sorry about typos this is basically a draft so spelling isn't that important to me at this point but on the final part I'll split it into chapters and check spelling, punctuation, and do the final paragraph spacing.
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Greed didn't seem so bad but one thing that bothered Kiln was one particular part of his speech, "The Commona Tong were the first to turn me away and they were the first to pay for it, there will be more...many, many more." this seriously bothered Kiln, who would be next?

In Kiln's rush to exit the building he tripped and fell to the ground breaking something glass in his pack. After getting back to his feet he quickly opened his muddy pack and searched for what had broken.

The potion to help him breathe underwater had broken and he wasn't sure if he could hold his breath long enough to escape the caves. He knew he had to try, he took a piece of broken glass from his pack, it barely contained any of the potion.

Having the need to be quick, he held it up and let the contents that didn't soak his pack fun into his mouth. Then he dove deep into the water and swam as quickly as he could toward the entrance.

He was less than half way there when he felt the effects of the potion leave him, he knew he couldn't make it the rest of the way so he looked carefully along the top of the cave for some pocket of air that he might have missed on his way in.

He was out of breath, his lungs burned and he choked as he was forced to take in a breath of water. Trying to remain in control he swam rapidly for the main entrance of the cave.

There was one small hole above the water, he swam for it quickly, it was the only way.
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Yup I know it's short but its all I got for now.

BTW, creepy avatar Mergirl

This post has been edited by Kiln: Jul 29 2005, 06:24 PM

It may be short, but it's a great addition regardless.

good job Kiln. and were did you get that avy mergirl!? it's creepy.

Wow...the forums move incredibly slowly at night where I am...I'm basically the only one on...
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He coughed and forced the some of the water out of his lungs when he reached the pocket of air. Still choking and bobbing up and down in the water he coughed and took in as many breaths as he could before diving back under.

Kiln pushed off the wall to move faster to the entrance, it seemed so far away. After what seemed like decades he finally saw the door. He managed to get to it but with all his strength he couldn't budge it.

He was losing air quickly so he propped his feet against the wall and pushed off the wall. Light pierced the crack of the door and flooded the water, Kiln pushed his head out of the water and took a deep breath.

After exiting the cave he moved left around the entrance slipping and falling in the slick mud eventually finding himself lying on his chest in the mud. It was raining and the sound of thunder rolled across the landscape.

He rolled over on his back and let the rain fall on him, relieved to be out of the cavern he laughed at nothing in particular and turned back over pushing himself to his feet. He started the long walk to town, the water made his clothes heavier than before and the path seemed twice as long.

Fog had covered the land around the river making it impossible to see in front of him so he followed the edge of the water, hoping to find town soon. The rain became even more violent and lightning lit the dark sky.

When he heard the familiar low pitched screech of the Silt Strider he knew he was close but he still couldn't see in front of him. He figured walking straight would get him to his destination but instead it landed him underwater in a section of the rushing river.

The water pushed hard and he fought to pull himself up but he was swept off by the current, luckily he managed to grab a small shrub on the bank and pull himself ashore. He looked up the hill, he could see the rounded outline of the temple.

He ran tripping and crawling up the hillside determined to deliver the antidote. He flung the door open and the priestess rushed to the door to greet him.

"You look like you've been through alot." the priestess said

"You could only imagine." Kiln replied holding out the potion

Yay! *claps* Update! Pweeese continue soon! I did not see any big, glaring errors, so good job!

To Soulseeker: Check out the 'Your Avatar' thread in the General Discussion. It's an avvie from a vampire game. (Oh, I wonder how will Minque will react, speaking of which? )

This post has been edited by MerGirl: Jul 30 2005, 02:45 AM

Great job Kiln, and now Kiln sticks his hands in his pockets and finds an amulet of alumsi Intervention.



Ah I see.... like I said before, creepy. rofl I wonder how she will react as well. I like your sig better then you avy lol

This post has been edited by Soulseeker3.0: Jul 30 2005, 02:56 AM

Man I feel like I'm working the late shift...alone.
BTW Seeker, Kiln would kill himself if he had an amulet of Almsivi intervention and he went through all of that.
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The priestess motioned for Kiln to enter the room, the wound had been healed, they had been awaiting the potion for some time now, and she had been clothed.

Many of the disciples didn't care what he'd been through to get this potion, most of them even gave snotty remarks about how long it had taken, some subtle and some exactly the opposite.

The potion was given to the oldest looking dark elf in the temple. He propped her head up on a pillow and carefully opened her mouth. Next he opened the small bottle the vampire had given him and smelled the cork, apparently it smelled awful but he seemed satisfied.

Slowly, he tilted the bottle forcing the brown liquid into her mouth. The bottle was gone but there was no reaction.

"Well?" Kiln said impatiently

He recieved a glare from every person in the room before the priestess walked over to him,

"These things take time...perhaps you could wait in the entry?" she recommended

"Fine, about how long will this take though?" Kiln asked

Once again the people in the room glared at him, he figured it would be best not to ask any more questions.

"Uhhh...I'll be outside." Kiln said

He wondered who the woman was but his mind was drawn once again to the vampire and why he would return to kill him. Though he figured it was impossible that he would ever return to that place again, he couldn't help but wonder.

To escape from the events surrounding him he took the journal from his pack and opened it to where he had left off.

"After entering the ruins today I discovered one thing the kind man at the fighters guild failed to tell me, the whole damn ruin is overrun by bandits. I managed to avoid most of them besides the man called Boss in the ruin. Boss clearly told me that he led the group of smugglers and said he would keep me from telling the authorities...I had a different plan though."

Kiln laughed to himself, "I'll bet you had another idea." Kiln had grown fond of reading of his adventures, it took his mind off of things around him and helped him to relax. He read on,

"He came close to hitting me a few times...quite a few times actually.
'note to self: get some armor' I barely dodged the attacks before one of them cut my arm wide open causing me to drop my blade. Blood sprayed across the rusted floor but right as he brought the final blow I moved and stabbed him with my dagger. I think I was just as surprised as he was."

The priestess came in with a smile on her face and Kiln closed the journal and stood,

"The girl is awake now, thanks to you sir." she said putting her hand on his face but quickly removing it

"Can I speak with her?" Kiln asked anxiously

"She hasn't fully recovered yet sir." she told him

"Well can I at least see her?" Kiln pleaded her

"You are so impatient, go home and come back tomorrow when she is awake." she said

"All that and I can't even..." Kiln started to complain but was cut off

"You may see her in the morning and not a moment sooner." she snapped at him

Kiln left the temple in the rain but rather than going to the Eight Plates he went to the lucky lockup, something deep inside himself told him not to go to the Eight Plates tonight and so he obeyed.

He stepped inside and asked the publican for a room. After paying him he went upstairs and sat on the bed, it was very nice but it felt strange sleeping at the Lockup rather than his usual place of refuge.

He blew out the candle and fell into a deep sleep.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Jul 30 2005, 05:51 AM

lol good job Kiln, now then whats going to happen at the Eight Plates?

Kiln awoke to loud chatting in the bottom level so he gathered his things and went down stairs to listen.

"There's been another attack! We should act now while we still can." an altmer woman said

"Hmmmm...people didn't give it a second thought when someone killed the Commona Tong members in Balmora." Kiln thought to himself wondering who had been attacked

"Poor Dulnea never saw it..." the altmer continued but was cut off by Kiln

"Dulnea! What has happened to her...tell me please!" Kiln yelled

"She was attacked by an assassin late last night, I'm not sure how she is but they took her to the temple for holding." she said somewhat startled by Kiln's deep raspy yell.

Kiln ran for the door nocking over a two chairs and a Redguard on his way out. Rain hit him hard on the face upon leaving the door, the storm still raged on. In such a hurry to find out about Dulnea's condition he tripped over a mudhole and landed face first on the ground.

Shuffling back to his feet he climbed the stairs and ran for the temple, flinging the door open with all his strength.

"Yes he didn't even attack the other people in the house just her." the priestess said to another

"How is Dulnea?" he demanded

"Kiln, wonderful to se..." she said before Kiln interrupted

"How is she? Tell me!" Kiln yelled

He felt horrible, she was like family to him. A family member that he loved and respected had been attacked, thats how Kiln saw things. He awaited the answer as the dark elf woman he had rescued emerged from the room.

"She is awake now, I'll have you know and Dulnea suffers from a vampire bite. We told the citizens it was an assassin attack so the wouldn't panic." she said

"Not an assassin? A vampire!" Kiln yelled

"She's not infected yet, but the only cure we know is to kill the vampire that bit her within the third day." she told him

"How long do I have?" Kiln asked

"You? You think you can find and Kill the vampire?" she said laughing

"How long does she have woman?" Kiln demanded

"Less than two days now, you'd best be quick if you want to help her." she said

Kiln slammed the door behind him, he was off to the mages guild to pick up his blade, some water breathing potions, and journey to the home of Greed for one final visit.

absolutely wonderful way of tieing it toether. I'm greedy for more

Thanks.
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After gathering his supplies he left the building and followed the river, before his journey had been hard. The weight of his wet clothes and supplies had slowed him down, but in his rage he hardly noticed how heavy his belongings were.

His emotions were running wild, he cried thinking that he might not defeat the vampire, and then thinking of the creature once again he punched a boulder nearby. Knuckles bleeding and sore he continued to the grotto.

He had just reached the entrance when he stuck his blade in the ground and rested his hands upon the back lying his head on them. For the first time in years he stopped and prayed to the gods,

"Grant me the strength to overcome my enemy and the agility to dodge his blows." Kiln whispered with his eyes closed

He stood pulling his blade from the thick mud holding it in place. He walked to the entrance and dove down, drinking an entire potion of water breathing to ensure that he makes it through.

The door wasn't so hard to open when since he was mad and the fear of the creature had long gone, all that remained was blind hatred of the beast named Greed.

He swam with incredible speed and strength this time around, he pulled himself from the water and walked towards the wooden gate in the tunnel to the vampire's lair.

Kiln laughed when he realised the gate had been locked. He drew his blade and cut at the lock but it was very strong, he couldn't get through by breaking the lock.
He examined how old the wood looked and kicked at it, it cracked a bit and he kicked again and again until finally the door broke and lied in the vampire's domain.

It was as he'd feared, Greed's servants had gathered in the courtyard to stop him. The four of them all wielded weapons but only one wore armor, Kiln confronted them,

"Move from the path, I've got important business to tend to with your master." Kiln yelled knowing they wouldn't move

A Nord stepped forward wearing a full set of steel armor,

"My master has warned us of what you've come here for, leave now while you still can." his voice echoed through the cavern

"I will speak to Greed...one way...or another." Kiln warned them

"Then you'll have to fight us first." The Nord declared

"So be it." Kiln said drawing his blade

*claps* Very good, though I think more details should be added (I'm a lover of details, if you don't know that by now). But, well-written, and I'm glad to see that you are still writing!