Oh GOD, it kills me how you guys jump to all these conclusions, I love it b/c it means I can surprise you later on. Which is the best part of all, because I personally hate stories that become predictable. If my story ever gets like that just tell me and I will skip/speed forward to something new and fresh ...or something will be done to improve the situation.

thanks for the cake minque, been craving that for some reason the last few days...too bad I can't acctually eat the image.

By the way I would like to point out some things like the fact that I was on the boat with Jiub, and fargoth's ring has been found in the barrel, given to him, left in the tree stump, and restollen again. Also I don't know if anyone noticed, as no one said anything, but the sign that hajima was born under is never asked for or said. His current class is wonderer, as in one who wonders....even though the thread name denotes that his class is a nin ronin, kinda regret putting that in the name to be honest. none of that stuff is an accident of coincedental, so maybe you will start to put....a subliminal two and sine of inverse of cosine and one together, rofl.

Hope you like the update...here it is

Chapt. One
Part Six.- The Solurion's Initiation

I was somehow not really surprized that I was getting a cold reception but I barely evaded that thrust. Luckily for me the fool had his hands four feet in front of his waist and was acctually leaning forward, while running at me, with his arms all the way outstretched and sword pointing at me. This put all his weight and momentum going forward, a fact that I was fully aware of before I realized I was paying attention to it. I had moved to my left to sidestep the attack and was then grabbing his right elbow and shoulder with my hands and gave him a strong pull with my foot moving into his path, I began to pull his body into a downward circle that made him fall on his back where he looked bewildered as I held his comfiscated sword at his throat....when did I get that...it was as if my body had moved on its own and now I had the guard quivering in fear beneath his own blade, very interesting....

"Why shouldn't I kill you to protect myself? The last time a guard came across my path here I ended up in jail for a death I didn't cause, it was that man's own booze that killed him."

"You don't want to kill me, I don't matter that much...really, I am just here to see if Fargoth's ring is around his house. He is off looking for some old fool that helped him find it."

"I see well for now I think its best if you just sleep right here." I took a quick look through all the things in the building for something that would cause the man to go to sleep, finally I just decided to let him up."Well don't just lay there, get on your feet and find something like filling and that'll cause you to sleep." As he got up I tossed him into a wall so that he hit his head and was knocked out. "That is for trying to kill me just now!" I didn't care if it wasn't honorable to seek revenge like that, I was really tired of the open corruption of these guards.

I then used Fargoth's sheets to tie the guard down to the chair in the corner. I gaged him with a sock and left him in there. I might not know where I came from or how it was, but I know that this town isn't right and I can't change it through conventional means, I will just get thrown away again or worse. So now I am going to go with my gut instinct, even though it is a bit more violent than I think is appropriate.

With those thoughts I left the Fargoth house, and brought the sword with me, it was already dusk as I had been released from prison at six O' clock, according to the one that was in that obviously crooked guard sub-captain's office. I decided to walk over to the lighthouse and see what, if anything, the woman there might know about what was what in the town since I left.

I managed to get to the guardtower unnoticed. When I knocked on the door, there was a timid reply that the door was open. Having just been charged at after opening a door, I moved the door with my right foot as my body was on the left side of the door, so that I wasn't directly outside the door to begin with. When the door swung open I found the woman holding a dagger only a couple feet back from the door, so she was either really jumpy or was expecting someone. I decided it was safe from the look on her face though, once she recognized me.

"Oh my goodness you are the man that they framed for that drukard's death, what are you doing back in Seyda Neen? You must go. Now! they will probably kill you if they find out you are still around the town. Oh, NO. They might be on their way here right now. I don't want them here you must leave!"

"So you KNEW I was innocent! Why did you not help me? I just lost two weeks because you couldn't open your mouth! I am not going anywhere until I know what is going on and no one is coming because no one knows I am here."

"Don't be mad with me, innocent or guilty doesn't matter in a little place like this. It is just a matter of whether you behave for the guards of not. If I had said anything I would have been said to be an accomplice and then I would have only succeded in getting us both in prison."

"How could you live with your shame? You are a truly cowardly being to have done as you have. I have some questions, and since you saved your hide you are going to answer them. Where is Fargoth, where are the majority of the guards at this time of day and a little later on in the evening, how can I defeat the guards here that have you in this terrified state, and how long has it been like this?"

"It has been like this ever since the last tax collector was killed by the guards for giving them a hard time about taxes. It was blamed on *sob* a local man who was paid to take the blame, but I know who ..who ...who, IT WAS THE GUARDS I TELL YOU!!!!" She was crying uncontrolably at this point, and then suddenly a line was drawn in my head that made it make sense.

"You two were lovers weren't you? I am very sorry that you had to suffer like this, but I will avenge his death...this has made this much easier for me. Now I really need to know where guards are and how I can defeat them with this longblade I hold in my hands." Instead of replying she simply walked over to a small storage box and started taking out vials of liquid. and marked each one as either a healing salve which she marked with "H", or something that would make my body energized and more than fight ready, denoted by a large "SF&E" by the time she was done marking them all she could speak well enough to let me know what they meant. I was also told where to find each guard around this time of day. This took several minutes as she still had to talk kind of slow and steady. "Once again, I am sorry I have made you go through what are obviously painful memories."

"No, I am just glad that someone had the ability and the courage and cared enough to help my Processius" and with those heavy words of encouragement I set off to the first spot that I would need to wait at for a guard to come by on his route, farthest from the other buildings.

I sat down in the bushes and waited until the sound of footsteps was so loud I thought I would go deaf at the next step and as I came around the tree I slashed my sword across my front at chest level and caught the Imperial guard right in the throat, he seemed to try to pull something from his pocket before he was unconcious seconds later, and then dead swiftly thereafter. I took a gander through his pocket to see what it was, another liquid vial, a healing potion no doubt. But I didn't want to play around with something that had more effects than I could detect with my nose. So I moved the body into the shadowy underbrush behind the tree, where I had been hiding. Tomorrow this would be drawing animals and stinking to high heaven so I now had a time limit to finish up my work in Seyda Neen or leave town without finishing it at all. So far I had managed to not have to use any potions whatsoever, but I doubted very much that would remain the case through the rest of this night.

Oh, the tension is building. One person against the guards of Seyda Neen. Luckily he just showed more combat proficiency than I would expect from someone who didn't do much fighting yet.

And me jumping to conclusions, well that's just how I am. So surprise me!

A nice update again, good work.

well he has been thinking about killing people but didn't think he was supposed to think like that so he was trying to restrain himself, and honestly he was prolly surprized at how well he was fighting since he has no memory also you have to think that most of this was not really fighting but sneaking up on people and taking cheap shots at them.....lol...btw this guy is alot like how I would really be in that setting...I am really violent deep down.

I know one, or more of you few readers haven't gotten a chance to read the last post, but I promised minkey new material today, lol
So here is the end of what I have written in sequence...thanks again for the stuff minkey
Chapter One- The Begining

Part Six- The Solution's Conclusion

I moved on to the area behind Arrille's tradehouse, which was brightly lit at this point because there were fires had been started so as to fight off the evening chill and to substitute for the fading sunlight. I could see a lot of my surrounding without being seen myself. I did not see the guard however and was starting to get nervous as his absence might set my timing off for the other routes. I was about to move to the next route when I saw the guard turn around the corner of the tradehouse and was jogging in my direction. I launched a foot out in front of him from the shadows, with which my jail clothes were blending well, but this guard was relatively well balenced seeing as he did not fall over. He even kept right on running, he must have thought it was a root or something. That worked for me.

I decided not to persue that particular guard just yet. I made my way around town back to Fargoth's house to see about my unfinished business, which I could now fulfill with the knowledge of the tax collectors real murderers. I walked into the room at the precise moment that I figured out why the last guard had been in a hurry and was late. He had been in the building and must have gone for backup, or a witness, or for someone to help him untie and carry the guy I tied up. Well I didn't want to be inside when they got back in case there were more than a few that came back.
...
I had to wait a full minute before I saw the same guard coming back, with two others flanking him. One of the guards was the guy from my first day in this accursed place, Barry I think was his name. Which kind of an odd name for an Imperial really. The other flanking guard was from Arrille's that had charged me a tax to get into my room, well this would be difficult but worth it. I immediately drank all but two of my SFnE solution so that it would have a few seconds to hit my stomach before they actually reached the building.

The moment they were all three in the door I jumped in behind them silently so that they were thinking only of their comrade in front of them, while I had time to take a full second to aim at the neck of that Nord of corruption. In a single stroke I had severed his spinal cord, wind pipe, and major artery of the left side of the neck. not to mention the muscle there so that the head immediately flopped over on its right side spraying the other two and myself in warm, moist, copperic blood, Nord blood seemed to be extra thick somehow, perhaps from centuries of cold weather.

As the other two simultaneously turned and drew their swords together, I slashed my own prepared blade across the throat of the guard that had went to get the other two, this cost me dearly however as I was hit by a blow to the side from Barry. I felt myself serge up with even more adrenaline and I drew my sword back and sliced his entire head clean off as the thrill of battle coursed through my veins I felt the wound I had recieved seal up from a potion before it wore off.

Even the damage to my side seemed to disappear as I cut the belly, of the tied down guard, open to display the hidden contents, which acctually had a very offensive odor to them as the food that he had last ate was obviously something bad and had produced alot of gas. I tried to wipe myself off as best I could before I left the house-de-Fargoth.

I had done well with that little incident as I only needed one healing potion for the cut I recieved from essentially five guards thus far. I wanted to get to the next guy as I was still excited. I found the next person just where he was supposed to be, on route to fargoth's house, this was the guy that was supposed to be the first one to find the tied up man, and I was supposed to get here about a minute ago. Things were not going to plan but were working out well enough so far. As he got near the house he seemed to feel less at ease, perhaps this one had some talent in divine-ing things.

Oh Mephala, help me! It was the man in the robe from the inn from a fortnight ago, he was undoubtedly a rarity as being a mage of some sort in the Imperial order. I had expected all the guards would be fighting with weapons, and so I had nothing to defend myself against magic except wits, my abillity to dodge a direct attack, and my unlikely chance of a deathblow being dealt to him before he could cast on me. I didn't want to count on the idea that he would limit himself to direct attacks, and I wasn't sure how fast the guy was so I didn't really wanna find out the hard way with magic being involved. So that left me with my wits. I dropped my weapon silently on the ground and I put on a friendly face and felt a warmthly glow arise from within me that seemed to beam un-ignorable confidence from me. I steped up to the light and spoke with this guard as persuasively as I could.

"Hello, I am looking for my items that were with me the night before I was taken to prison, you were one of the last people to see it would you happen to know where those said posessions were placed, and could I please get them back as I need it so that I can head out of town to Vivec where I have business." I didn't want this guy to lead anyone after me once he figured out what I had done, obviously.

"Eh? I wasn't really supposed to say anything....but I guess if it'll get you outta town faster there can't be any harm in it. Follow me up to the storage, where your things are located." This guy's meekness in his voice had gone from him the minute he put his uniform on it seemed, as he now almost sounded much like Barry had the first time I saw him. "It's just in that door there, go on in."

"Could you show me where? I don't want anyone to think I took anything that doesn't belong to me, you see."

"Oh,... very well, I will grab it for you...*nervous seconds pass as he rumages through the loot*..Here you go." He had the whole set of clothes and probably most of the money still in there, but now there was a dagger. I think he was testing me to see if I would steal something right out of his hands. I don't like to be analyzed, so I pulled it from the sheath and in the same motion slashed across his throat. Or at least where his throat had been a moment ago. I couldn't see where he had went, but he was either invisible or had magically moved somewhere, and I had no intention of staying put to find out which.

I headed out of the storage area only to find that there were that last 3 guards, as well as captain Sellus, running toward me. I quickly downed the rest of my potions and moved into a melee range. I evaded the first sloppy thrust attack and allowed it to flow past me as I had to parry the next blow with the short blade I had off to my other side. The third guard was one I hadn't seen except on routes through town. He was the first to go to an early grave, as he attacked last out of the first wave. His weapon ended up poke-ing him in the eye. This caused him to drop to the ground. I took his sword, as he rolled around grabbing his eyeball/socket.

With my new longer blade I went to hacking as hard as I could at the other two fighters, who merely tried to keep from allowing the blade to touch them. I could tell they were getting tired but I was barely breathing hard. After about ten seconds of being on the defensive they turned tail and ran. Then Sellus finally arrived at my location and he took a conservative stance. I tried to break it with a wide swing to his temple, which got me hit in the ribs by his own sword as he ducked my attack. I made a backswing into his torso as well and got my sword stuck in the upper arm bones on his right side. On the plus side he just lost most of his movement on that side because I had severed a lot of muscle fibers. He was bleeding profusely and the smooth liquid was running down his sleeve and dropping to the ground as we continued to parry and attack back and forth a bit. Both of us were too intimidated to take a really offensive movement that might cost us our life. Finally, as we were begining to get so worn down we would be fair game for animals, I found an opening to fast-stab his face and ended it.

I slumped to the ground and could feel the effects of the potions starting to wear off, and so had my excitement rush. At this point I just wanted to go lay down somewhere and rest. I really needed to take care of those last two pests, but I didn't know where they were. I decided to walk back to the tower and ask for another healing potion as I was pretty sure I needed it and had earned it by now. I got to the lighthouse and was given another bottle of sweet healing juice...I quickly felt better, not rejuvenated, or even normal, but much better.

I wanted to get moving quickly before anything bad could happen and I decided to go to Balmora as soon as the stilt strider got back. I had heard of it from the annoying Argonian while I was in prison. He confirmed that it would run a route to Balmora. I listened for anything unusual and couldn't hear any kind of commotion outside, Waiting until the stilt strider got back from its last trip. Eventually I heard the cries of the strider coming in to port. I started to make my way into town in my new old-tax-collector outfit that had been given to me as a present and show of appreciation, not to mention so that I didn't walk out with a half a dozen men's blood on me....that would kinda look suspicious.

As I approached the top of the hill where the strider was I spoke up a bit, "What all can this thing do and where can it get me?"

Darvame Hleran , "Well, this old bug is your only non-walk option to get to anywhere, but I only take this baby to Balmora, Vivec, huge city that is..., Suran, and Gnisis, although that's kinda far so it'll cost ya."

"Well I have business in Balmora so I think I would like to head out that way."

"Not a problem, but I need 15 gold paid in advance." Which I gave her.

Three hours and a couple dry, heaving, vomits later I got to Balmora. This town's buildings were different from the ones in the previous town. And with the thought of the sickness in my stomach I embarked on my newest task. With only 25 gold I might very well starve at the rate things were going. But for now the name of the hour was Stargel...wait a sec..., huh...?.

Here ends our time in Seyda Neen and the long Chapter One. I am informed that this chapter is about 16 pages, which in comparison to Serene's 25 for chapter one I figure I am not quite as detailed, then again my chapter one covers less geography...oh well writing styles have a nice variety and make things more interesting I hope that you all have enjoyed reading this.

and so minkey you have effectivly had the end of the first chapter of my first fanfic dedicated to you.

This post has been edited by jchamber: Feb 28 2006, 03:49 PM

well, I have been keeping a post-a-day pace and I COULD keep it up, but I am like...triple posting in here and I don't intend to fill a forum's computer's memory with a story that is not being looked forward to that frequently, ....plus I have college that is demanding part of my time. I even felt BAD about not getting on yesterday to provide a daily update...well now I know better....I will update when you all are just drooling for more...and if you aren't then I am not going to have anyone reading out of pity...

Well my friend I will offer you the same advice I offer to any other writer here at W4O that is in distress from lack of comments, and that is simply to keep writing. Don't worry about if you get replies or not, don't get discouraged as the fan fiction section has slowed down quite a bit in recent times and people haven't been posting comments so frequently but don't worry, it should pick back up soon enough.

Until then I can only suggest that you continue your story regardless of how many comments you get. Well I've given you my advice, whether you follow it or not is up to you but at least I tried.

P.S. It may take some time before Minque has time to comment on this story but I'm sure she'll be overjoyed to see this chapter dedicated to her.

This post has been edited by Kiln: Feb 27 2006, 02:34 AM

lol, thanks kiln. I really 'preciate it. I just been kinda stressin' lately. well, I don't know if I care to post daily if people can't keep up, but maybe I will just make my posts a bit shorter.... well here goes a new post.

Chapter Two: Roots in a Strange Place
Part 1- Sneaky Silent Stranger

'What was that name? Who is this Stargel? And what made his name pop in my head? It's like when I got to fighting....I just seemed to know without knowing how or why I knew what I know.... Stargel.... Stargel...Well it isn't going to pop back just yet I guess, I will have to ask around to see if anyone here is named that...maybe I have been in this place before and someone will know me or him. Well in the last town I visited I stuck around and now I see what that leads to so I better head straight to that guy's house...letter says the name is Cassius Cosades and that I should ask around. staaarrgggeeelll, nope... still nothing...' These were my first thoughts as I strolled into Balmora.

So I decided to walk into the first public building I saw which happened to be named the 'Balmora Council Club' as I walked in I got a generally frosty reception from everyone, all of whom were downstairs. I asked the man at the bar what he was selling and he looked at me as though I was the virus that infected the gum on the bottom of the dirt on the bottom of his shoe, that's how bad it was....I didn't know that someone could look that disgusted, it couldn't be healthy to contort the face that way.

I decided that this place and all it's "Filthy Outlander" comments was probably a bad place to be as a general rule. So I started to head back up the stairs when I felt a hand grab my shoulder, "Don't you turn your back on us you filthy curr!" was the last thing I heard before I was in a bed with a shelf above it. There was an accompany-ing quarter of a memory of a hammer being brought right in front of my face as I was almost turned around....I could feel where the weapon had left a cut above my right eye. The cut wasn't bleeding anymore, but there was dried blood on my face.

I began to sit up when I had the most painful throbbing sensation run from my head to my neck to my chest and arms where it seemed to paralyze me. Either the blood in my head was severely messed up and low or there was some kind of magical boobie trap on my bed so that I couldn't get away from where I was. I decided to rest a bit more in case it was the former and b/c I wasn't really feeling up to an escape even if I was in held custody, so the best idea was to lay down and naturally heal via sleep and feign unconciousness.

If anyone came to my room while I had slept I couldn't tell by looking around. This time I tried tolling on my side and rolling off of the bed. This had better results than my previous attempt at getting up and about, but now I was much more hungry and thristy, oh my pain I was thristy. I must have been in here for half a day and that was after three hours in a bug, puking my guts out, which was after a fight.

Fights seemed to be following me wherever I went, maybe it was punishment for something I did, perhaps I had been a bit uncouth with the guards in Seyda Neen, but they couldn't be reasoned with and had the locals in fear of them.

"Oh, you're awake! That'll make this easier." There was someone right behind me!!

"You are being escorted out of here by me." He said as I ducked and turned at the same time....no hammer or other weapon was visable. "Come on now, I would have just slid a dagger across your throat before you knew I was here. You misunderstand the new status of your situation, you are free. I am just letting you walk out without being vulnerable, which at the moment you very much are if you are alone."

"Uh huh, and ummm what about the guys that put me here?"

"We'll be seeing them on the way out." and with that my savior bent down, unlocked the door with a flip of his wrist and opened the door.... and all I could do is wonder silently about how he had gotten in the room without opening the door in the first place and how we were going to get out of here without getting hurt or dead.

______
Well that was interesting, in my mind I had intended to have Hajima just walk into someone in town who knew Cassius and be at his house in under 12 lines, but now I am more interested.....well we will see where this is going....b/c even I don't know where I am going with this..... but I know what is going on outside that door, I am indeed a tease rofl.

This post has been edited by jchamber: Feb 28 2006, 04:03 PM

Things just never seem to go smoothly, do they?
But he always manages to find (or receive) a way out.

Sorry I didn't reply sooner, but I really like your story and would love to see it being continued.

btw I didn't change threads because chapter one wasn't long enough to justify it having it's own thread, plus it barely took up 10% of the thread capcity. Now for 2.2

Chapter Two- Roots in a Strange Place
Part two- A New Alliance, and the Strange Occurance that Lead to it.

As the door swung open on it's hinges I saw blood on the floor outside on the landing. Across from my room there was another door. To the left was a wall, and to the right there was a slope upwards. "Is there anyone in the other room?" My new aquiantance just grunted in a way to let me know that if there was we were not spending time to get them out.

As I came around the door to my own room I saw the body at the top ot the slope and the lines of blood that had made their way near my room. As we got closer I saw her throat had been slit open and her eyes had been taken out as well..."Why would you have taken her eyes after sliting her throat?"

"I cut her eyes out and then her throat, of course. Besides I like to collect the eyeballs of everyone that I mark to kill. I have large jars filled with eyes back home. I have one set I am especially proud of, maybe one day I will honor you with the privaledge of being able to come to my home and show them to you they have a nice story to them too. " Wow, this guy must have a really great house and come from a privaledged family for it to be that big a deal for him to have someone over to his place.

By this time we had passed three more bodies. Thay must have been taken by a LOT of surprise as my fellow had not a scratch on him. They all had been together when he had attacked them, as there were no lines of blood from being dragged to their present location. ....He seemed to leave the dead wherever they fell.

"Did you use a healing potion to look so healthy after killing this many people at one time?"

"No, these fools were nothing to get worked up about really, I am guessing that you aren't either if they are the ones that put you in bed, speaking of your lack of ability to defend yourself .....if you need a healing potion I always carry one... though I haven't needed one for quite some time." Wow, this guy was kinda mean...and full of himself. I doubted he was half a good as he would like to have me think.

"I'm fine, as long as I don't have to fight." I didn't much care for his conecending tone, and I had a certain amount of pride...I could feel it telling me not to accept handouts. He had also already done me a great service so I felt like I had to be nice to him just until we got outta here and we parted ways.

"We are almost to the door. Clean off your face with this cloth (yes, mother!), can't have you attracting the guard's attention as it would be too troublesome." (oh...that's true I guess) He said that as he turned around pulling a cloth out of his pocket. I wiped my face clean and used some of the alcohol that the fool at my feet had refused to sell to me, and it burned like hell...but it was better than just using a dry cloth.

I heard a door nearby open and my escortee pulled me down behind the bar's counter with his bodyweight without a sound beyond my 'umph'. Four men were coming down to us from the sounds of the alarmed voices there must have been more corpses up there as well. Once they sounded as though they were in the same room as us the fellow at my side lunged off to the side and up a little so as to get a sideways flight look to his movement. He threw dagger after dagger in very rapid succesion one hand after another, howls of pain came to my ears. I saw two bolts fly past him as the others misjudged where he would be by the time they pulled the trigger and the arrow got to him as he threw the last dagger he bent his body at an odd angle and dodged an arrow mid-air just before he hit the ground. I heard the screams of pain turn into garggles, as though they were underwater, then I heard the other bodies also hit the floor.

The dodger had thrown at least five daggers before he had reached the floor. As I glanced over the counter I saw four men that were at least twenty feet away. All of them had daggers in their throats and two had eyes with blades in them, both of whom were weilding crossbows. I couldn't believe my eyes, but now I knew how he had gotten in unscathed in the first place, and why I was one to be connescended at. This was a man capable of killing anyone, who wasn't as good at dodging as he was, on a whim.....and his dodging was amazing as well. I wouldn't underestimate his fighting again as I had when I thought he was just blowing smoke.

"Da**, I hit the cornea of that one....my aim needs some tweaking." He had to be joking but he looked really mad...."Good thing that didn't happen with any of the people I had marked, I wouldn't be able to put that eye in my collection jar."

"That was amazing....how did you get so good at throwing daggers?"

"I couldn't possibly begin to tell you of the training I have underwent and the deals I have made to attain such abilities, but I will say that I would be amazed to meet more than three other people who have attained as much as I have. What I need now is HUMAN resources. I want you to be a resource of mine, because I can only be in one place at a time and cannot fit into certain social places that you can. I expect that you will find a partnership with me most benificial.

"For now though we need to get out of here before anyone misses these sacks of meat on the floor." I nodded and we began to run through the rest of the compound, it was larger than I had thought it would be but we were out within a minute.

I couldn't believe how cold hearted he had been toward the people he had killed, I mean it wasn't like I hadn't killed before, but I didn't doubt that they were important to someone and that they were undeserving of life because they disgraced themselves and those around them....it had been a favor to them so that they could keep some honon and respect in this life. He also reminded me of something......that cold indifference was familar to me somehow. At this point I was looking forward to seeing if more of my memory was unlocked, "Do you know a man named Stargel?"

"No, and you need to be quite or I won't be able to hear any approaching guards from outside. So wait until later to ask your questions." Well, at least I got the answer before he started treating me like a child.

Once outside I realized that while that place had all the same people and that the contents of the building were the same, I was actually in another building entirely, in another town maybe...it was cold out, "Where is this? I was near the stilt strider port of Balmora when I walked into the building that I was captured in by the same people that are in there...what's going on?"

"Well, I am no specialist at transportation magic, but I would guess they had something similar to a mage guild guide, because you are a long long way from Balmora. This is the city of Dagon Fel, fool."

This post has been edited by jchamber: Mar 3 2006, 06:51 PM

Jeee Thanks!!!




Yes Kiln´s advice is very good! So follow it!!!

And by all means I don´t have a fair chance commenting, your updating-frequency is ..is high!
But I´ll say you have a very good pace in your story, something´s happening all the time.....that makes it easy and exciting to follow....

NOW....one thing.....please don´t take it the wrong way.....I just want to ask you not to forget paragraphing!....In one of the updates I just read I found a bit too long paragraphs....hehe have mercy with me...an outlander!

Aside from that it´s good so continue...and remember, I read everything!!!!!!!!!!

ah thanks for reminding me my writing LD revolves around making sentences and paragraphs too long. I will go back through all of them later on I just remembered that I have a bio test tomorrow that I haven't studied for and I have to finish up three chem labs and take them up to campus today once they are done. Also if you mentioned which post/part was needing improvement it would help lots, perhaps post a quote or two that was really bad....although maybe that is asking a bit much of U... Well I need to turn my 'puter off as it has been over-heating lately, I need 2 pick up a can-o-air from my local geek-o-mart. I will be back on late tonight to see about editing the last three posts or so, for paragraphing and run-on sentences.

this post in particular!.....then the next one....also....need paragraphing!

omg, I am so sorry about that there were litterally dozens and dozens of errors in there, capitalization, puctuation, run-on sentences, combined paragraphs, phrasing, lots of spelling error, incorrect words in places (like that instead of than), and a few other things.....wow that was horrible....If I do that again just tell me it sux and to redo the whole thing..lol, um well I added a bit before leaveing the compound I got out of with the man of mystery, and fixed prolly over a hundred different errors (literally), there are still a couple in there because....I can't spell conescending or however it is spelled....meaning to look down upon in manner or tone....if someone slips me a note about how to spell it I will fix that right up. Well I think that should count as my update for today as it took me about an hout and a half to edit the last three posts, hope you enjoy!! *wispers* and forgive...*

and now I am going to do my thing *POOF*

Jeezers jc!!! now THIS was a post you´ll want to paragraph!!! Nooo it´s good, your story, and you damn well know it!...so continue and....paragraph..m´kay?

Wow, if only my character's marsmanship was one-tenth of his. Wait a minute, it probably is. My character couldn't hit Skar when he stood a metre away from it and faced the big bug.

Now please keep writing, you've made me curious to who that guy is. First I thought Caius, but I don't think he could do that. Not to mention he would have to get a shirt first.

lol, mr. cosades gives you a black shirt in the game when he goes away to Cyrodiil so it's not like he doesn't have a shirt, he is like me and doesn't wear one inside...don't picture that...good thing you can't since I use an avatar instead of a real pic or else you might be mentally scar-ed for life...rofl

Thanks for the help and encouragement.

btw I think I mentioned that my LD is in regards to lack of paragraphing and run-on sentences(thoughts). It is because my brain doesn't stop or slow down when it processes information and I don't think in sets of this is with this and that is with that...it's all interelated and it is inseperable in my mind, and that is how I naturally write things....so when I write correctly it is very unnatural to me....like missing the joints between my finger bones or something...well anyway here comes yet another update...

Chapter Two- Roots in a Strange Place
Part Three- Deals, Meals, and Nighttime Reels*

"Dagon Fel? Where is that?" I asked.

"I just told you that is here! North of the main island of Morrowind.* He sounded annoyed with me, perhaps he didn't like people....that would explain why he hadn't had friends to help him before now. I decided to show him how to be a little kinder by example.

"Wow, that must be pretty far...I am hoping that I can get back to Balmora soon. I have a hunch that something important to me might be there." I was going to ask how to get there but he cut me off.

"Anything valuable? If that's the case I want part in it.." This guy wasn't gonna budge, looks like I was going to have to put up with him until I knew how to get away from him and back on track to Balmora.

"It's not like that. Although there could be something of high value there that I don't know about."

"Doubt it, I've been there, it's not a great city. What are you looking for?"

"Like I asked you, Stargel."

"And who is this Stargel?"

"Someone I want to find." I didn't really trust someone who collected eyeballs, had skills he couldn't be bothered to explain, and was looking to use people as tools of his own will, not to mention arrogent, annoying, and a jerk in general. I had no intention of giving out the fact that I had no memory left to him, he might see it as an invitation to lie to me and make up a story where we were best friends and I did everything for him or something.....I didn't want to see how well he could convince me he was right.

"That's fine, just thought I could help out, but not if I don't know anything about the guy." I was surprised he had given up so easily, but I didn't really know much more than what I had told him anyway.

"This is someone I need to see on my own, but I would like help finding a guy named Cassius too, I have business with him."

"You shouldn't refuse help where you need it. I am going to take you to a house that I am using until I leave town as I am only passing through." He didn't ask the arrogent jerk, I guess he was trying to be as kind as he knew how to be though.... by providing something I needed.

"Hey, I always forget to ask...what's the name of the man who I owe a dept to?"

"How should I know? It's not my job to keep track of your depts. Get a personal assistant if you want that. You own me though and I don't want to give you my real name as I am not a popular person at the moment. So, let's see.....haha, you can call me Barry." He had the biggest grin on his face I had seen since I had gotten off the boat back in Seyda Neen. This guy must have know about what went on in that town, since he looked like that after saying the guards name.

"What is that grin about? What all do you know?"

"Let's just say that I like to finish unfinished jobs that I approve of, and I don't much like guards." He knew!! And he even had killed at the very least the two guards that had ran away from me...if not more, he was certainly able to kill everyong in the whole town if he had wanted. We had come to a stop at this point we were looking at each other, both trying to read the other's thoughts, neither one being entirely successful.

"So is this going to be a blackmail partnership then?" Benificial indeed! This guy was truly looking worse and worse by the minute, honestly though I don't think I had a chance if the guy was missing a leg at winning in a fight, so I had to avoid that particular route of action in this case.

"Now, Now. I don't want us to do things that way, it makes things run far less smoothly, I want to share fortunes with you, maybe act as a helping, guiding hand in both this region of the world and in your abilities.... You by far have some of the best raising and potential I have ever seen.... there again I have a 'tell no evil, hear no evil, see no evil' policy. Meaning I don't tell of the evils I have commited to attain things, you don't hear about them, and no one sees anyone get hurt. As a side note I firmly believe some of my skills will deminish if I tell their secrets, which one day may be appropriate for you to discover, once I am done using them myself and am ready to accept whatever fate comes my way, but at the moment that time is a ways off yet." We had started walking again.

He was undeniably better at combat than I was so I didn't mind getting some training to help improve my own skills. The prospect of big money was nice too, but I really didn't like this guy, he was already getting on my nerves.

As we neared a shack he started to speak again after we had a long, slightly uncomfortable, and mostly ponderous silence. "Well here we are, you can sleep in here and eat anything you see that is edible. I am going out for a bit to gather up some things that we will be needing before we head off, so just make yourself comfortable and don't go running off and end up lost." More like don't run off and leave you without someone to boss around! a$$hole.

With that I decided that I would put some wood on the fire and snuggle into a warmer place under the blankets and think about what I had just learned over a nice cup-o-heather leaves tea that I crunched up and droped into the water cup on the table. I had some bread to tie me over before I dreamed of a man called Count V and his loyal subjects, all of whom were nameless to me.

___________
I don't think that there are any paragraphs in this one that are a page long so I should be good now. I honestly had no idea where I was going with the dagon fel thing when I put it in, but I think this was a nice peice as it let us see a bit of slower dialogue without having to have a fight or some kind of running from the law, or anything like that.....and of course I had to add a twist at the end....b/c it's me.

*Reels as in the things movies are on....so if it's a nightime reel it is a dream...., and that rhymed......couldn't resist it, sry...but it was funny huh? (reference to Gabriel Iglasias's stand up comedy)

"edit: made 'Barry' less friendly and more annoying and arrogent intentionally*

This post has been edited by jchamber: Mar 3 2006, 04:45 PM

Why didn't anyone mention that I have been spelling Caius's name wrong??? I pronounce it Cassius, so I forgot that wasn't who it's spelled....oh, well now I am going to change it from now on but I really don't intend to go back through a couple dozen pages and edit it out each time...I am going to work it into the storyline so that it seems at though the character was messing it up, but it still be kinda bad......you will just have to forgive me.

ok first thing (after that other thing) I want to do is let you know I modified the last post to make our mysterious man self-named 'Barry' a little more conceited, angry, and overall annoyingly arrogent...I didn't realize who the guy was myself until today, and then I realized who he was, .....like I said I don't where I am going with alot of what I write, but I do have a base background idea-set that I am following when the story makes it's own way there, without any rushing from me

Second thing I wanted to do was post something I meant to post up about a week ago, and am very sorry for having this out of sequence.

*(supposed to be posted a long while ago)
Later on, maybe in a week or two after some posts come up critiqueing and complementing my writing I will post a summary of the main events of chapter 1 so that people who are reading it for the first time when I have like a hundred+ pages can catch up really fast, then go back for all the yummy details.

Summaries are also useful to me as the writer so I can keep the storyline straight in my mind, seperate from all the other ideas I get for this little project, which in a lot of ways has a life of it's own because when I sit down to write the plotline changes before I finish writing a "Part" when compared to my original plan of what I was going to do with the characters. Like this one time, (at band camp,lol) I was going to have Hajima kill the guard that jailed him and decided that it was uncharacteristic of him to be that violent when it was more beneficial in some ways to go with the flow that was set before him. I had also intended for Hajima to take about a single page to go from the strider of Balmora to finding Caius, instead it has taken about three posts or so.

Tell me if you guys LIKE the idea of a posted Summary of each chapter to reference back to for filling in fuzzy details..

Chapter One-The begining

Summary

Day one-
Arrived, seasick and without any memory of my past. I had to go through a very long trial and error period of trying to see what I was good at through the morning. I was entitled a 'wonderer' at my request, seemed to make since b/c I could only wonder about my past. Next I got orders via note from the Emperor to see Mr. Cosades and got my release fee. Once I got out I met someone who lost their ring....often. The problems with local law enforcement were becoming obvious to me. I ran into a drunkard as I went into the inn and was charged an unjust tax that I almost refused to pay and had a small meal before hitting the sack.

Day two-
I awoke naked, and without any possesions, they had been taken during the night. When I looked for them I was knocked out and put in jail for killing the drunkard that had left the bar before I went into the inn. Of course he had probably drank himself to death. Later in the day I met my cell mates and the main guard of the prison.

Two weeks later-
I went back to town killed half the guards to avenge the tax collector that they killed and blamed another man, like how they blamed me for that drunk. I had to leave before I got rid of all the guards but I got the head guy and several underlings, including the taxing jerk, before I had to leave town with some wounds and a noriceable amount of drain on my energy. I then arrived in Balmora and mention a name that comes from no where, instead of Mr. Cosades as my target in town.

Oops, I missed this one last night.

What is there to say? The summary got things all firmly planted in my head again which was useful. And I want to see how this continues. So please update sometime.

lol I fell asleep while I was typeing otherwise it would have been updated by about two hours before you replied, rofl. I still need to finish my editing of of our mystery man and then I promise I will update today, by editing this post (unless there are more somments by then), that way space is conserved