Southern Star Signs

Regular horoscopes don’t really apply to us folks from “down here,” so we had to come up with our own signs and their meanings. If you Europeans can tear yourselves away from the “futbol,” here is some REAL entertainment! (Note that most of these things are food items- even the ones no one else would ever think of eating.)

OKRA (Dec. 22- Jan. 20)- Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back upon his life and see seeds of influence everywhere. Should stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan. 21- Feb. 19)- Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of herself if she’s motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins go best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb. 20- March 20)- You have an overwhelming curiosity. You’re never satisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if by some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don’t worry about it.

Will post more of these later.

That's priceless.

I love Okra by the way. Especially fried.

Hahahaha!

I live in southern United States, too, so I find this especially funny.

I like okra too. Pickled okra is pretty good.

O.K.- here are the next three:

MOON PIE (March 21- April 20)- You’re the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch, It’s easy to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies- big and round are the key words here. Because of their many layers, it can be difficult for outsiders to understand Moon Pies. Those who take the time to get to know them- love them. Still, if you are a Moon Pie, this might be the year to start thinking about aerobics- or maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21- May 21)- When confronted with life’s difficulties, Possums have a tendency to withdraw and develop a “don’t-bother-me” attitude. Sometimes they become so withdrawn, people actually think they are dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but it seems to work for the Possum. Sometimes, however, it doesn’t work, and their problems actually run them over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 – June 21)- Crawfish is a water sign. Crawfish who work in offices can generally be found hanging around the water cooler. Similar to Possums, they prefer to avoid confrontation, but use a different strategy. When trouble appears, a Crawfish will scuttle back out of the way until the coast is clear. Still, they have very good heads.

Man this is genuise... who in the hell created them?... man I cant wait until you get to December 3... just wondering what I am...

Hehe, quite funny Treydog

Can't wait til' you get to September so I can find out what delicious souther food I am. C'mon Alligator!

Haha, the Possum cracked me up. *was born April 23rd*

Whoever did those should be given a glomp.

COLLARDS (June 22 – July 23)- Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the “melting pot” of life and share their essence with the essences of all those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as romance, Collards should stay away from Moon Pies. It just won’t work.

CATFISH (July 24 – Aug. 23)- Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although their whiskers can be a problem for loved ones. Catfish are not easy to understand; they prefer to lurk on the muddy bottom rather than floating near the clear surface of life. The main thing for Catfish to remember is to stay away from Moon Pies. Okra, Collards, and even Crawfish can make good matches for Catfish.

GRITS (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23) The highest aim of Grits is to stick around with others like themselves. They prefer to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. However, they also enjoy traveling, so it can be worthwhile for Grits to join a travel club. Grits like to go anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or eggs or butter. If Grits can find somewhere that has all of those things, they are well served.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23)- Boiled Peanuts have a passionate desire to help their fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know them best- friends and family- often find Boiled Peanuts much too salty. That criticism tends to affect Boiled Peanuts deeply, as they are really much softer than they appear. Boiled Peanuts can take risks in romance, because they really lead a charmed existence. On the road of life, Boiled Peanuts can always be sure that someone will pull over and stop for them.

BUTTER BEAN- (Oct. 24- Nov. 23)- If you are having a get-together, it is always a good idea to invite Butter Beans. Butter Beans get along well with everybody. Butter Beans have a right to be proud of themselves- they have grown on the vine of life and feel at home no matter what the setting. A Butter Bean can sit next to almost anybody…except perhaps a Moon Pie.

ARMADILLO (Nov. 24- Dec. 21)- Armadillos have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but they are actually quite gentle. A good evening for an Armadillo consists of old friends; a warm fire; and some roots, nuts, fruit, and insects. The Armadillo is a throwback, not concerned with the latest trends or fashions. In fact, Armadillos can be almost prehistoric in their interests and behavior patterns. As far as romance, they generally prefer other Armadillos, although a Possum is another, albeit kinky, possibility.

I'm a catfish!

Oh my, this is so wrong. I am a Butter Bean but I am almost the opposite of what they say. I always end up with these things. Guess I'm special or something. Nah, just lucky.

I dont know about you guys but armadillo fits me fine...

Im boiled peanuts...o.o; Oct 2nd being my birthday.

since i have thge same b-day as you dantrag (aug.2) i aswell am a catfish........ pleasant

"edit" did the smiley thing wrong

This post has been edited by 1234king: Jun 11 2006, 11:50 PM

Trying to steal my birthday, huh? We'll just see about that.

Hehe, good thing I'm not from South. But of all those signs, BOLL WEEVIL fits best with my personality :P

I'm a Butter Bean!!! Since I'm from the south, I find this hilarious.

The general thing I got from this is keep away from fat chicks.

Hmm, I love grits, but I don't fit the description at all. Also, I'm confused as to why I like grits.

I'm collard, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

I think I'm more of a catfish.

This post has been edited by vaanic~one: Jun 15 2006, 03:45 PM

COLLARDS for me... I'm going to be a baseball manager!

Well, besides that it was rather accurate... I guess I'll have to stay away from Moon Pies then... Poor Moon Pies, seems that several signs should stay away from them...