“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”
Washington Irving


Chapter 6 Sidetracks and Sorrow

“You can’t run away from your destiny, Serene, you will have to face the fact that you now belong to a House, to a family, and with it the responsibility it takes!” Sinnamu Mirpal´s words dug deeply into my heart as we sat by the fireplace in the Inner Shrine of Ald Daedroth that rainy evening.

I had arrived at the ancient Shrine of Ald Daedroth earlier in the afternoon, because the Ahemmusa Tribe now was safely settled there instead of the harsh lands on north-eastern Vvardenfell. Trey of High Rock had done a thorough job, making the Shrine a safe place for the Tribe. The Wise Woman had her own private chambers in the Inner Shrine, and she had decorated the thick stone walls with beautifully woven fabric in various deep earth-colors, with thick carpets on the floor to keep the damp cold away and a huge fireplace built in the center.

I felt safe here amongst my friends, far away from the evil schemes of Bolvyn Venim, the intrigues and disagreements among the Redoran Councillors…and the struggle to both be deeply in love with Athyn Sarethi and yet try to be an honourable Redoran.

Panic brought me here, panic from being aware of the hatred of Bolvyn Venim; knowing he would probably try to kill me in the cruelest way, panic from the passion that tore me apart. Here I hoped to find peace, to rest my tormented soul and finally to find myself and be a whole woman again.

I hadn’t thought of Sedrane though….

When Anja Swift-Sailer put me ashore on the island of Ald Daedroth I was astonished at first; I didn’t think the Tribe had moved out there already, but they actually had.

The first one to greet me was Sallit; he was remarkably glad to see me and grabbed my hand and literally dragged me up to the Shrine yelling out loud I was here.

Sinnamu was waiting in her chambers as he brought me there. She said nothing, just put her hand on my cheek, smiling. I got an odd feeling she had somehow known I was coming.

After arranging night quarters for me and also giving me a chance to freshen up after the jour-ney she asked me to join her in her chambers. And therefore we now were sitting in front of the fireplace and she made the remark about my destiny.

I told her about the things that had happened, including my feelings for Athyn, about Domesea, and about the panic that struck me at the funeral. She listened without interrupting me, just nodded at some points.

“You will always have a home with the Ahemmusa, you know that, so go get some rest now. I’ll give you a potion that will help you through the night.” Sinnamu gave me a purple vial which I should down before going to bed.

It was good to be back with the Ahemmusa again. Life had improved a lot for them since they moved to Ald Daedroth. Here they were safe from blight storms, outlaw Ashlanders and other pirates. They had an entire island for themselves and had begun to grow saltrice, ash yam and even hackle-lo! They were proud of themselves and couldn’t wait to show me all the im-provements they had made.

My first weeks at the Shrine I just “was.” I didn’t really do anything, just strolled about, talking to my old friends, helping out with cooking and the Guars of course. It was balm for my soul, except for that itch deep in my heart.

I felt guilty….guilty for abandoning Athyn in his grief, guilty of not standing up for my family, for my house. I ran away like a coward, and I was ashamed of myself!

It was at this time Sedrane Mirpal entered my life again…

He was the first man who had held me in his arms with love, and his dark red eyes still showed affection. I didn’t know what to say; in fact I was unable to speak because of the lump in my throat. Seeing Sedrane brought up so many memories from a happy time in my life, an uncomplicated time, compared to life with the Redorans.

“Serene, my precious, it’s so good to see you!” Sedrane embraced me and I felt a flash of the old passion, it had been so long…so very long…

We went outside for a walk; it felt somewhat easier to talk to him away from the others; besides I didn’t want to show my chaotic feelings in public. I knew I had to tell him all, as I had told his mother, including my relations with Athyn. He didn’t show much emotion during my story; as an Ashkan he had been taught to not show too many feelings.

“Enough about me now,” I finally said, drying my cheeks from the inevitable but annoying tears that always seemed to run down my face. ”Tell me about how life’s been with you and your folks.”

“Trey really did a good job clearing this place from the cultists,” Sedrane smiled “Then he escorted us here, the whole Tribe, you know! That was a journey, I tell you!”

They had actually built a couple of nice boats to take them across the waters, Trey had super-vised the construction and the manufacturing, and then he also led the armada safely to Ald Daedroth. The tribe had cleaned the old shrine from all dirt and grime, and then they made it into a real home. Every family got their own “apartment” consisting of one or two chambers according to the size of the family. The women made beautifully woven fabric to cover walls and floors to make the chambers more comfortable and unique.

“We have also managed to develop greater cooperation between other Tribes.” Sedrane said, “There have actually been a couple of cross-marriages between members of different Tribes, you know.”

I understood the island of Ald Daedroth was a good land to live on. Secure from attack, with good weather and fertile land, which provided them with good crops and good pastures for the Guars. Also the well-built shrine gave additional security and provided a good defence to almost any kind of attack.

As we walked along the waterfront I saw a young woman with a bow up a hillside. I was about to ask Sedrane who she was when I noticed a weird look on his face, like guilt or bad conscience. Then the woman spotted us and came running towards us.

“Sedrane!” she shouted from a distance, “You’re home! Who is our visitor?” As she ap-proached I noticed she was a young beautiful girl in a leather shirt with embroideries different from the normal Ahemmusa style. Her long silken jet-black hair danced around her face and shoulders as she came running, and her long slender legs hardly allowed her feet to touch the ground. Her dark red eyes looked into Sedrane´s with an unmistakable air of love.

“Shara!” He exclaimed with a faint grimace, “Ahem….this is Serene Catraso, who used to live with the Ahemmusa. I’ve told you about her, remember?”

“Serene….this is Shara, hunter from the Urshilaku-Tribe, ehh …she is to be….my wife!” The last word came out sounding rather strangled.

I felt an immediate sting of jealousy; somehow I’d expected Sedrane to …sort of wait for me, but I smiled at the young Ashlander-girl and greeted her as heartily as I could.

Shara flung herself on Sedrane, embracing him hard, and the kiss she gave him was indeed passionate so that I had to turn away from them. It was really ridiculous, but I felt a sharp pain inside and I didn’t trust my face not to reveal it.

Has he told her about us? I asked myself…

Then I decided to return to the Shrine to look up some of the women to see if I could make myself somewhat useful; besides I needed to be alone for a moment….

As I stumbled away from Sedrane and his soon-to-be bride, I almost bumped into someone, my sight blurry and faded, and would have fallen if he hadn’t caught my arm at the last second

“Hey, Serene! What’s the matter, sweetie?” Mabarrabael embraced me, just like that, like I was still a member of the clan, like I had never left. “It’s Sedrane, right?” he sighed. “It was you who once told me not to shed tears over a lost love, remember? And what are you doing right now, huh?”

I couldn’t resist smiling. Mabarrabael used to confide in me when I lived with the Ahemmusa. Once he had a bad crush for Lanabi, the Ahemmusa trader who didn’t exactly return his hot feelings and I, of course, had to tell him not to be sad about that.

Mabarrabael´s company did me good; he made me laugh, as always…We sat down on a flat rock overlooking the sea and talked for a good hour before hunger drove us back to the Shrine.
That evening, as I sat by the campfire, sharing the evening-meal with the Ahemmusa I wondered what would come out of this. I had returned to the people I loved but the reason for it could be questioned, and I honestly didn’t know what would become of me….