The Shadow Knight, A Fan-Fiction Options

[Zalphon]

Prologue

The first day of the icy Evening Star had come. We stilled lived in the Fourth Era, five-hundred, fifty years into it. My blood was chilling as I walked through the streets of the Ruined City of Chorrol. The marauders stared at me as I walked, I wore a suit of steel plate-mail, at my side was a steel long-sword and I also had a steel kite-shield.

One of the marauders came out, trying to impress his companions. “What’re you going to do, Thay’ren?” he goaded. “Perhaps I should show you what it means to be a true fighter.” The Marauder had shaggy, black hair and wore an iron cuirass, sackcloth pants, and some leather boots.

“Perhaps,” I responded. “Perhaps I should snap your neck like a twig, scrib.” My voice dripped with seriousness. I was ready to kill him.

“You dare call me, Darren Steel a scrib?” he roared. “I’m going to grind your bones to dust and then I’ll blow it in the wind.” The raider was enraged, I merely drew my blade.

He chopped at my shoulder with his war-axe, but I used my kite-shield to block it. I slammed him with my shield, knocking him to the ground. Surprisingly, he jumped back up and tried to right arm. “Your power is so unrefined and raw,” I taunted. “Real warriors know how to fight.”

In an almost dance-like fashion, I plunged my sword deep into his chest. “You ashen-born, pointy-eared fool,” he managed to say before I kicked him off my sword. I performed a Coup De Grace by beheading him and continued walking. I wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep over his death.

I had no problems killing men, but I didn’t like to kill women or children. I especially didn’t like to lie, cheat, nor steal. I finally reached the ruins of Castle Chorrol and opened the door. Countess Vanessa Valga stood by the burnt thrones. Vanessa was of Breton heritage. She wore a suit of ebony plate-mail and held an Akaviri Dai-Katana.

I kneeled, “Countess, it is I, Sir Thay’ren Duskheart.”

“Thay’ren it has been too long since you’ve been here at Castle Chorrol. The Marauders grow restless without being able to wage war, I do have some news though,” She frowned. “The Keep of Shadow’s Soul and the Obsidian Tower haven’t kept in touch with us. I believe they’ve been attacked by Quick-Strike, J’skooma, and Minx.”

“Evangeline Mortalitis can defend the Keep of Shadow’s Soul and Grandmaster Ravenblood can hold his own,” I replied.

“It wasn’t a request, Thay’ren.”

“Yes ma’am,” I said out loud and then swore under my breath. “I go to the Keep of Shadow’s Soul.”

“Excellent,” she giggled girlishly. She was very young; she couldn’t have been older than twenty years of age. I am young as well, only holding the age of twenty-three.

I walked down to the lower levels of Castle Chorrol. A portal to the Keep of Shadow’s Soul stood there and I entered…

[Acadian]

“You ashen-born, pointy-eared fool,”

This is quite a clever way of letting us know your guy is Dunmer.

Ok, I have a humble request. I have trouble staying with you when you have multiple stories going on. I recommend you stick to one at a time. Now, I know all of your stories share some in common. This one particularly seems totally tied into Minx's story. Ok, that's fine. Incorporate this into the Minx story, not as a separate one. There is nothing that says you cannot change pov's from chapter to chapter, as long as it is obvious what you are doing. Destri is a good example of this. He has countless subplots from differing perspectives going on in Interegnum. Lady mALX is also quite accomplished at blending multiple perspectives and styles all under the auspices of her Maxical story, sometimes taking us for wildly divergent rides into various subplots.

You are changing horses entirely too fast for us to really get to know or like any of your horses, if that makes sense. Slow down and consolidate. I am 'afraid' to like Minx, for fear she may be gone in a week or two.

Yep, that is my recommendation. If this story is integral to Minx, incorporate it into hers. If it is not, dump it.

[Zalphon]

Actually, you're right this can wait, I'll continue Minx

This post has been edited by Zalphon: Jul 24 2010, 03:10 AM

[Acadian]

I'm very glad you will be continuing Minx. I surely don't want to discourage you here. Perhaps this one can wait as you say, or maybe be blended into Minx's story since it seems to fit right in.

[mALX]

Yes Zalphon, this was AWESOME! It felt almost like reading Alexander, your writing is really improving (while mine crumbles into a trap-laid dungeon)