Konrad's story Options

[Konji]

I thought I would give it you in bitesize pieces...as I find them easier to read.


-----------------------Konrad’s Story-----------------------
Konrad woke up, slowly opening one of his eyes. He covered his face with his hand, the light of the midday sun burning his eyes. He pushed his bed covers down, his shiny leather tunic visible now. He never really changes his clothes, but has them washed immediately. He got up, sighing and brushing his coal black hair from his eyes.

“Where is father?” Konrad called down as he descended the antique wooden stairs.

“He is already at his school opening, but I didn’t want to wake you,” his mother replied, frowning as she looked up from her lunch. Picking up a slice of bread Konrad broke free of the confinement of his house, blinking ferociously at the revealed light. He looked around, still amazed at the artistry of the buildings surrounding him. He spent many an hour gazing out of the small opening in his room, just marvelling at the wonders of the architects and builders.

He glanced at the position of the sun to confirm his thoughts. “It is late in the day…I must get there if I am to pass the trials,” Konrad mumbled to himself. He raced through the backstreets of the city, passing the many landmarks on the way, and eventually reached his father’s dream…The Blade School.

[gamer10]

Wow . .short.

But very well detailed :goodjob: <--- you guys have a special name for that.

[minque]

good Konrad! nice so more please.


I´ll give you two jonajosas... :goodjob: :goodjob:

[Red]

Why do we call them Jonajosas?

[Konji]

The building was obviously new, the stone it was made from was nearly white and the overbearing double doors a rich maple. The ebony plated sign was swinging freely on the oiled hinge, catching the light every time and lighting up the entrance with an eerily welcome glow. The word blade was etched into it, and a sharpened sword was sticking through it. Konrad’s father had paid a fair amount of Septims to the blacksmith so that he would produce an authentic reproduction as to what would happen if ebony was stabbed with a sword.

Above the partially open doors there was a grand balcony, the stone covered by many different ivies and flowers. Birds were perched on the railing, cawing manically at any passers by. Standing on the balcony was a bard, the melodious tune from his lute enrapturing the steadily growing crowd as it weaved its way through the streets of Cyrodiil.

Konrad edged his way through the crowd, nodding neighbourly to some of the people he knew, and coldly staring at enemy enemies of his family who had come to try and prove the school a farce. He rapped on the open door, and slipped his way in. Sitting cheerfully at a desk behind the doors was a Bosmer, perched on top of 2 leather backed books.

“Hello young sir, are you looking to join this amazing and wonderful academy?” he asked with a smile…an obviously scripted line.

“I would please, Thografe. I would like to participate in the trials. Have there been many competitors so far?” Konrad enquired, straightening his sword belt and wiping some dust off the table with his sleeve.

“Oh, yes sir. There are many signed up…I have gone through 3 sheets so far.” He beamed, gesturing to the scrolls. He added warily, “Luca has also joined sir, and he has already passed the first round of fighting.” Konrad sighed, throwing down his 5 Septims entry fee and continuing along the spacious corridor.

[Dantrag]

[quote=Red]Why do we call them Jonajosas?[/quote]

because they are jonajosa's trademark smileys...

Great story, Konrad.

(I will not give into the temptaion to write a story about Sel...and that might be final! )

[Konji]

Thanks y'all..note the wood elf is mostly fargoth backwards.

[treydog]

Vivid descriptions, very nice.

Some confusion to ponder- if the academy is his father's, why doesn't the Bosmer seem to know him? Particularly since Konrad knows the Bosmer's name. Yet a moment later the Bosmer mentions "Luca" as if he expects that to be significant to the narrator....

Overall, an excellent start. Your attention to detail and carefully measured tension (for example, the fact that there are enemies present) make for an exciting read.

[Fuzzy Knight]

Nice Konrad...! :goodjob:

[Konji]

the Wood Elf did that as a kind of joke to Konrad, as it is just the line he was told to say to evetryone who has been in.

[Konji]

Konrad stepped out onto the oval training grounds, the packed dirt beneath him giving him a slight spring. Stands ran along the length of it, though they were simple stone seats for the expenses were put to greater use with other things. Though there was a lot of space the stands were empty, as the public were only allowed in for tournaments and the like.

The area was not quiet though, all around him Konrad caught curses being thrown as the young warriors sparred for the place in the next round. Close to him were two young boys, around the ages of 7, screaming at each other as they charged with short wooden swords. The ‘swords’ clashed together, and the slightly younger boys weapon broke at the base of the blade. A tear rolled down the lad’s face, then he started to bawl wildly, falling to the floor in a heap.

Konrad watched the boys fight, then ran over to the crying child.

“Are you alright?” he asked, kneeling down and picking up the other piece of the sword. The child mumbled something illegible, then started crying again. Konrad sighed, looking up and seeing his father run over.

“What’s all this, son?” the large man asked, slowing down.

“A simple breakage father, he is not coping well,” Konrad replied slowly, getting back to his feet and walking over to his father.

“He will have to learn to deal with that early on in this academy. When your best friends die beside you, you cannot break down in tears…there is more at stake.” Leontus, Konrad’s father, commented on steely. He looked back at the child; shaking his head and kicking some dust up.

“Have heart father, he is too young.” Konrad urged, glaring at the man. He broke into a deep frown. “So about the contest, am I too late? I heard the first round was over?”

“No, it is not over…but it is late in the trials. Your opponent is an older Altmer, around 15 in our years, who is trying to stay away from the mage stereotype. He is over yonder, on the other side of the arena. He is impatient and outgoing…that is his downfall.” He patted Konrad on the shoulder, then turned and walked over to the Altmer.

[MerGirl]

Very good! *claps* Very detailed. I would like it if you would write more, pweeese? I'll give you cake!

Oh, hmm.. the only thing I can tell you is that you put alot of actions connected together by the word 'and'. This makes some of your sentences a little too long. 'He did this, doing this and that and that.' Seperate some of your sentences, is what I'm saying.

Please don't take any offense. :ashamed:

Just keep on writing! :goodjob:

[gamer10]

Add about a thousand periods and Mergirl will be happy.

[Konji]

Took me a while to do this one, but I am pleased with it.

--------------------------------------------------


Konrad walked cautiously over to the Elf, bringing out his blade. Sticking it deeply into the ground beside him he bowed low, keeping his head up.

“Greetings, are you ready for the fight?” he asked as politely as possible. The Mer looked down at him with contempt, his nose held aloft as he sneered.

“I am ready to fight you, for I will brush you off me like a rat. You are a mere child, and I am simply stronger.” The Altmer spoke with an authority about him, obviously the son of a snobby guard or manor owning Lord. Konrad winced at the Elf’s declaration, for it was most likely true that his muscles were less developed than the Mer’s.

Konrad released his sword from the Earth and took a step back, swinging it freely to loosen his arms. The Altmer nodded his head and readied his steel staff, the length of it greater than the tall character. They waited in silence for the call of Leontus then, at command, began the fight.

A few swordsmen who had been knocked out watched impatiently, twiddling their thumbs and punching each other on the arm. They knew neither of the fighting pair, so did not know how good they were. Konrad’s father also watched, rubbing his chin and trying to find any errors.

The Altmer made the first move, spinning around with his staff low in an attempt to sweep Konrad’s legs. Konrad jumped instinctively, then rolled to the right of the Mer and slashed across his shoulder.

The Mer cried out in pain, recoiling from the attack. A trickle of blood ran the length of his arm and snaked its way around the staff. Konrad stepped backwards calmly, not trying to keep an advantage going on in a clean sweep. The yellow ‘bully’ looked at Konrad with a look of slight fear and confusion, his eyes wide while his hand shot up to try and stop the bleeding.

Konrad leapt at him again, slashing a quick ‘K’ across the chest of his opponent. It was quickly unrecognisable with the blood dripping down but it would leave a noteworthy scar. His enemy staggered slightly backwards, a look of horror erupting on his face.

Konrad pressed on, kicking his opponent’s left leg and smacking the bright purple helmet with the butt of the sword. The Elf fell downwards, the helmet bouncing on the tough dirt unthreateningly. Konrad brought up his sword to the Mer’s neck, then drew slight blood.

“Enough!” cried Leontus, running into the arena and helping the Mer up. “You went out of control Konrad, keep your cool.” He walked off, escorting the Elf back to the gates.

[Channler]

Nice, I liked that part.. for that part alone I give..

:goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: 3 JonaJosas!

[minque]

Very good you know! Be proud of your work.....I´ll give you ......


:goodjob: :goodjob: :goodjob: jonajosas

[Mazuk]

Yeah that was pretty sweet. Good writing and keep it up.

[MerGirl]

Good job. :goodjob: You added good details of the fight, though I felt the fight ended way too fast. But, please continue. :goodjob:

[Konji]

Finally an update. Haven't written for ages, but decided to start again. There is quite a development in this part, as I felt the story wasn't going anywhere.

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Konrad shook his head at the defeated opponent, then sheathed his sword. The small crowd cheered and a young female Bosmer scurried away, putting the semi finalists down on a long scroll of parchment. She wrote in very spidery writing, very hard to read.

Konrad pricked his ears up. He heard a dull thud, and a few shouts from outside. Looking around he noticed no-one had heard it, caught up in either fighting or watching or training. He walked quickly back to the main corridor, opening the gigantic oak doors for the second time and walking down the ornate passageway. He turned the corner and cried out in horror, shocked at what he saw. He ran quickly along the corridor, skidding to a halt next to the dead body of Thografe.

His neck had been sliced. A pulse of blood erupted from his neck in time with Konrad’s heartbeat. The deep crimson mixed with the ink on the dozens of parchments laid out on the desk, the ink running and merging with the blood. Konrad turned round and drew his sword just in time to sweep upwards and block an assault from an angry looking man.

The beast of a man was about 6’4”, with bulging muscles rippling across him all over. He had a rough face, his features angular and angry. He had a short moustache, and big bushy eyebrows. His hair was spiked haphazardly from his scalp, the unkempt mass of black suiting him perfectly. His weapon was the only thing that didn’t fit. A wimpy iron short-sword it was, rusted and chipped as though he had found it in a smugglers’ cave.

The man hacked at Konrad again but the child dodged easily, his sword parrying the blows every time to stop the change of direction. Any fool would do that, the short-sword being easily manoeuvrable. Konrad struggled against the immense power of the man. The cracked blade came down again but Konrad swung at it with all his might, both hands on the hilt of his sword. The short-sword snapped in two and Konrad span round and kicked the man in the groin.

The massive figure bent over, his eyes popping and his mouth distorted in shock. Konrad acted quickly and lopped off his head. The dead body stayed standing, twitching violently. Konrad kicked him over then ran to the next set of huge doors and slammed them shut in another attacker’s face. He quickly grabbed the huge iron locking bar and nudged it into position, stopping any men entering for the time.
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Any critisism please! Be as harsh as possible.

This post has been edited by Konradude: Jul 19 2005, 07:27 PM

[Fuzzy Knight]

Well... well.. its hard to say anything bad about it IMO.. Its very good written, dont think I could have done it better myself so guess its up to the more skilled writers to critisise you

I think its really good... Only thing is maybe to post more at the time