 The Connivers of Bosmora, (a redo) |
| redsrock |
 Apr 28 2008, 01:32 AM
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#1
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 Knower  Joined: 7-August 07  |
The following will be a remake of the last one. The previous story was rushed and I just hated it. This one will be much better. Expect the first chapter to either come out tonight, or tomorrow.
-------------------- *Hey everyone, TES Fiction is looking to revamp its very talented group of writers. So, if you love to write (TES or non-TES), come on over! Whether its stories, poems, song lyrics, etc, it doesn't matter!*
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Replies
| treydog |
May 2 2008, 12:52 PM
Post
#2
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 Master  Joined: 13-February 05 From: The Smoky Mountains |
I like the way you move the story along, leaving us with questions that keep the reader interested.
A couple of suggestions- be careful of tense shifts. (Look at the section of Chapter One that starts, "Sirius is a heavy drinker..." For that to be parallel with the rest, it should be "was a heavy drinker". If you want to go for an interior monologue, you can do something like this: "The tax-collector's questions forced Sirius to face a reality he didn't much care for. He was a heavy drinker- and then there were the women." Having said that, I like you dialogue and plotting. Shall read this one with pleasure. -------------------- The dreams down here aren't broken, nah, they're walkin' with a limp...
The best-dressed newt in Mournhold. |
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Posts in this topic
redsrock The Connivers of Bosmora Apr 28 2008, 01:32 AM
redsrock Prologue
“No, anyone but him, Velanda. Surely yo... Apr 28 2008, 03:43 AM paragenic The Conifers of Balmora, I thought the title was a... Apr 28 2008, 11:42 AM
redsrock
The Conifers of Balmora, I thought the title was ... Apr 28 2008, 09:28 PM The Metal Mallet Eh, I would've suspected the Councilors that w... Apr 29 2008, 02:11 AM redsrock Thanks, Mallet. The next chaper is almost done, bu... Apr 29 2008, 02:23 AM redsrock CHAPTER ONE
After the other councilors had left... Apr 30 2008, 12:16 AM jack cloudy I like the intrigue. You really manage to put Hels... Apr 30 2008, 10:07 PM redsrock Exactly. Helseth is in full control for now.
CHA... May 1 2008, 12:54 AM raggidman ok - what's the hold up? Get your pen moving ... May 2 2008, 04:55 PM redsrock Yes, Trey, tense is what I am really working on be... May 2 2008, 08:24 PM redsrock CHAPTER THREE
“Yes, my lord, the target has tak... May 2 2008, 10:33 PM redsrock CHAPTER FOUR
When Sirius finally woke up he fou... May 3 2008, 10:03 PM redsrock CHAPTER FIVE
Dorvel was in fact waiting in the ... May 5 2008, 11:45 PM Lordban Nice to see you're still writing, and you... May 6 2008, 09:36 AM redsrock Thanks, Lordban. And just so you know, I do rememb... May 6 2008, 11:46 AM raggidman There are two a few details that you might usefull... May 6 2008, 01:32 PM redsrock
- know what I mean?
No, actually I am totally l... May 6 2008, 01:49 PM raggidman Ald'ruhn was totally destroyed according to th... May 6 2008, 01:54 PM redsrock
Ald'ruhn was totally destroyed according to t... May 6 2008, 01:55 PM raggidman Ah well, you were saying that the old geyser ran ... May 6 2008, 01:57 PM redsrock
Ah well, you were saying that the old geyser ran... May 6 2008, 02:01 PM raggidman 'pologies - the second bit is actually more co... May 6 2008, 02:21 PM redsrock Yeah, everything is clear. Helseth may be differe... May 6 2008, 02:42 PM BSD-IES I don't disagree with a lot that raggidman sai... May 6 2008, 03:07 PM redsrock Lol, I had no clue about Caldera. Thanks, Raggidma... May 6 2008, 03:08 PM raggidman You're both correct - a story is a story. And... May 6 2008, 05:06 PM paragenic I'm surprised to read in here that Caldera is ... May 7 2008, 07:43 AM Alexander
<snip>
I've actually always been unde... May 7 2008, 09:30 AM BSD-IES I've always believed Caldera is Hlaalu because... May 7 2008, 08:37 AM raggidman :O what I have done? everyone discussin towns, ... May 7 2008, 10:22 AM paragenic
:O what I have done? everyone discussin towns,... May 7 2008, 11:35 AM redsrock
and also shows why Connivers of Bosmora is such... May 7 2008, 03:44 PM redsrock I don't really mind you all discussing it here... May 7 2008, 12:53 PM raggidman :rofl: May 7 2008, 12:55 PM raggidman Well look at the Council - they are all conniving ... May 7 2008, 07:04 PM redsrock Oh, lol, ok. I don't why, but I thought you we... May 7 2008, 07:19 PM raggidman nah - just this old man maunderin on and diggin fo... May 7 2008, 09:11 PM redsrock
ps the relevance of Ald'ruhn being destroyed ... May 7 2008, 11:21 PM raggidman
ps the relevance of Ald'ruhn being destroyed... May 8 2008, 09:59 AM redsrock Not my favorite chapter for some reason, but here ... May 8 2008, 12:08 AM redsrock CHAPTER SEVEN
He awoke to the sound of heavy kno... May 9 2008, 09:40 PM raggidman Cards to the chest eh? Poor Sirius definitely nee... May 9 2008, 09:49 PM redsrock
Did you ever see the film Cat Baloo?
No, not re... May 9 2008, 09:54 PM redsrock CHAPTER EIGHT
All five councilors, plus Helseth... May 11 2008, 08:38 PM raggidman Oooowh - poor Sirius is in real trouble now - a wo... May 11 2008, 08:53 PM redsrock What did you think of the riddle, Raggidman? May 11 2008, 09:38 PM raggidman :nono: naughty riddle - the place where the sun d... May 11 2008, 10:24 PM redsrock CHAPTER NINE
The moment after Sirius shut the d... May 17 2008, 02:17 AM raggidman ouch - this is getting seriously Helsethian May 17 2008, 09:46 AM redsrock CHAPTER TEN
Sirius walked away from the restaur... May 20 2008, 01:45 AM redsrock CHAPTER ELEVEN
The “Lucky Lockup’s” owner had in... May 23 2008, 07:05 PM |
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