The Way to Daedric, A comedy. Options

[LeTren Thundakk]

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The Way to Daedric

==Day One==

A round table of immense size held all sixteen of the Daedric Princes, arguably the most powerful entities in a single collection, yet from the whole gathering and purpose of the table, only a few bits of conversation spoken were fit for a mortal’s ear:

Hermaeus Mora: I am the most erudite among us.

Hircine: I may not be of a scholarly mind, but who needs it during the hunt.

Sanguine: Exactly, being inebriated by the blood of mortals makes for a better hunt anyway.

Hircine: I wouldn’t dare hunt with you.

Clavicus Vile: He would wobble and sit on his bottle just trying to leave this table.

Sanguine: Oh yeah? Watch me!

Sanguine proceeds to slip on the recently waxed carpet.

Peryite: Oh, come on…I just cleansed the floor. Who waxed my carpet!

Sheogorath: The lowest order, eh? Speaking of business done out on the lawn, how are you Malacath?

Malacath: …

Vaernima: (After checking through an orb.) Another mortal has felt my wrath.

Mehrunes Dagon: You know it’s just a dream, right?

Vaernima: How did your plan to rule Tamriel go?

Mehrunes Dagon: Not my fault the Camoran fool had his facts wrong.

Sheogorath: I couldn’t resist.

Clavicus Vile: That’s okay. At least we aren’t cursed.

Jyggalag: I will get you and your little dog too!

Clavicus Vile: Leave Barbas out of this.

Sheogorath: Why should I?

Molag Bal: Try and stop him, the Madgod doesn’t seem to lose.

Hircine: Don’t remind me…

Hermaeus Mora: He could never have a win over me.

Sheogorath: You are too boring.

Sanguine: He never drinks.

Hircine: He never hunts.

Mehrunes Dagon: He never fights.

Vaernima: He never sleeps.

Boethiah: He never participates in a tournament.

Molag Bal: He never corrupts mortals.

Clavicus Vile: He rewards mortals with a book.

Hermaeus Mora: A book of POWER!

Clavicus Vile: Still a book…

Nocturnal: What’s wrong with a book?

Vaernima: Nothing, if you can read in your nightmares.

Nocturnal: Looking at you is a nightmare.

Meridia: I agree.

Vaernima: and how did YOUR plan to have your pal rule Tamriel go?

Meridia: I know nothing about that!

Hermaeus Mora: (laughs) I know EVERYTHING about that.

Sheogorath: Enlighten me.

Hermaeus Mora: The knowledge is mine and mine alone!

Meridia’s eyes shift left and right.

Meridia: I know about it…I saw the whole thing fail.

Namira: The fool walked around with golden armor. Shadow is the stuff of victory.

Sheogorath: but who could see it?

Mehrunes Dagon: Bah, I’m glad he wore bright armor. Perfect for showing the enemy their killer!

Vaernima: Except he was swiftly defeated.

Meridia: Don’t remind me.

Peryite finishes rebuffing the carpet.

Peryite: At lease I’ll be consistent. (As much to himself as anyone else there.)

Hircine: How go the plans for the next tournament?

Boethiah: I might mix it up a bit. Care to enter?

Hircine I have a Blood Moon to prepare for.

Vaernima: and how did…

==End of Day One==



This post has been edited by LeTren Thundakk: May 17 2008, 04:33 AM

[LeTren Thundakk]

==Day Two==

Noticeably silent from yesterday’s rabble-babble, Azura previously told her fellows she would stop talking to them until she got respect. Mephala had nothing better to do than join her in the silence.

Hircine: (Sighs.) This is the entertainment?

Molag Bal and Malacath look at him and continue on with their arm-wrestling match.

Mehrunes Dagon: I call winner.

Malacath’s eyes bulge and lets Molag Bal slams his arm down.

Molag Bal: I win! (Remembers who Dagon is.) Oh crap!

Sheogorath: Oh Malacath, indeed!

Malacath: …Stop that!

Peryite: Aha! I just created bleach!

Sanguine: Does it get out brandy?

Peryite: Of course!

Sanguine: GIMME!

Sanguine drinks the bleach.

Sanguine: Nope, I still taste the brandy.

Peryite faints down into his chair.

Hermaeus Mora hands Sanguine a quill. Sanguine draws on Peryite.

Hircine: Give me that. You should be ash…(Draws on Peryite.)

Clavicus Vile: Is that Feyfolken! Give it to me!

Hircine hands it to Clavicus Vile, but Sheogorath goes for it.

Sheogorath: YYYYYYYYYOINK! (Runs over and writes “CV wuz here!”.)

Mehrunes Dagon and Molag Bal are still arm-wrestling.

Mehrunes Dagon: SILENCE. I’m trying to cheat here!

Molag Bal: Oh? (Slams Dagon’s arms down.) I am the undisputed arm-wrestling champion!

Clavicus Vile: (After getting the quill back.) How did you get this quill?

Hermaeus Mora: Sheogorath was having an auction earlier.

Sheogorath: Yeah, I hawked your artifacts.

Molag Bal: I have your masque!

Malacath: I have your Sword!

Jyggalag: I have your dog!

Peryite: (After waking back up.) I have Umbra!

Hermaeus Mora: I’ll need my pen back…

Sheogorath: Don’t worry, I’ll just give you Goldbrand as a replacement.

Boethiah: What!

Hermaeus Mora: but, the pen is mightier than the sword!

Sheogorath: but this is a might sword!

Boethiah: Give me that!

Sheogorath: I’ll trade for Mehrunes’ Razor I sold you at the auction.

Mehrunes Dagon: What? You said if I bought Sanguine’s Rose, you wouldn’t steal my razor!

Sheogorath: No that was if you bought Spell Breaker.

Peryite: Okay…Two things. First, why did you sell my shield. Second, why did Clavicus write on me?

Hircine: I bought it for a steal!

Sheogorath: How’s the Oghma Infinium treating you, hunter?

Hermaeus Mora: YOU SOLD MY BOOK!

Sheogorath: of power!

Clavicus Vile: And? You bought my pen!

Hermaeus Mora: So? You bought the arm-wrestling champion’s mace. Just trade back for your masque.

Molag Bal: I’ll arm-wrestle you for both!

Clavicus Vile: Nah, I at least want my hound back, though.

Sheogorath: No can do!

Clavicus Vile: NOW!

Jyggalag: Fine, he urinated on the carpet anyway. It stained the wax.

Peryite: MY FLOOR!

Sheogorath: I’m still trying to move Azura’s Star. Anyone want it?

Hermaeus Mora: Sure, I’ll take it.

Boethiah: I’ll trade you for the Wabbajack!

Sheogorath: Why would I want my own artifact. That’s boring.

Boethiah: How about for Hircine’s Spear?

Sheogorath: SOLD!

Trade continues for quite some time.

Peryite: To be precise, who has what, now? I have Azura’s Star.

Boethiah: I have Spell Breaker, Umbra, and Savior’s Hide.

Clavicus Vile: I have Barbas, Mehrunes’ Razor, and Wabbajack.

Hircine: I have Molag Bal’s Mace.

Hermaeus Mora: I have my Book, and Feyfolken.

Molag Bal: I have Vile’s Masque.

Mehrunes Dagon: I have Volendrung and Goldbrand.

Meridia: I have Namira’s Ring.

Namira: I have Sanguine’s Rose.

Sheogorath: I have more souls than I could possibly need for the next hour or so.

==End of Day Two==