The Way to Daedric, A comedy. Options

[LeTren Thundakk]

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The Way to Daedric

==Day One==

A round table of immense size held all sixteen of the Daedric Princes, arguably the most powerful entities in a single collection, yet from the whole gathering and purpose of the table, only a few bits of conversation spoken were fit for a mortal’s ear:

Hermaeus Mora: I am the most erudite among us.

Hircine: I may not be of a scholarly mind, but who needs it during the hunt.

Sanguine: Exactly, being inebriated by the blood of mortals makes for a better hunt anyway.

Hircine: I wouldn’t dare hunt with you.

Clavicus Vile: He would wobble and sit on his bottle just trying to leave this table.

Sanguine: Oh yeah? Watch me!

Sanguine proceeds to slip on the recently waxed carpet.

Peryite: Oh, come on…I just cleansed the floor. Who waxed my carpet!

Sheogorath: The lowest order, eh? Speaking of business done out on the lawn, how are you Malacath?

Malacath: …

Vaernima: (After checking through an orb.) Another mortal has felt my wrath.

Mehrunes Dagon: You know it’s just a dream, right?

Vaernima: How did your plan to rule Tamriel go?

Mehrunes Dagon: Not my fault the Camoran fool had his facts wrong.

Sheogorath: I couldn’t resist.

Clavicus Vile: That’s okay. At least we aren’t cursed.

Jyggalag: I will get you and your little dog too!

Clavicus Vile: Leave Barbas out of this.

Sheogorath: Why should I?

Molag Bal: Try and stop him, the Madgod doesn’t seem to lose.

Hircine: Don’t remind me…

Hermaeus Mora: He could never have a win over me.

Sheogorath: You are too boring.

Sanguine: He never drinks.

Hircine: He never hunts.

Mehrunes Dagon: He never fights.

Vaernima: He never sleeps.

Boethiah: He never participates in a tournament.

Molag Bal: He never corrupts mortals.

Clavicus Vile: He rewards mortals with a book.

Hermaeus Mora: A book of POWER!

Clavicus Vile: Still a book…

Nocturnal: What’s wrong with a book?

Vaernima: Nothing, if you can read in your nightmares.

Nocturnal: Looking at you is a nightmare.

Meridia: I agree.

Vaernima: and how did YOUR plan to have your pal rule Tamriel go?

Meridia: I know nothing about that!

Hermaeus Mora: (laughs) I know EVERYTHING about that.

Sheogorath: Enlighten me.

Hermaeus Mora: The knowledge is mine and mine alone!

Meridia’s eyes shift left and right.

Meridia: I know about it…I saw the whole thing fail.

Namira: The fool walked around with golden armor. Shadow is the stuff of victory.

Sheogorath: but who could see it?

Mehrunes Dagon: Bah, I’m glad he wore bright armor. Perfect for showing the enemy their killer!

Vaernima: Except he was swiftly defeated.

Meridia: Don’t remind me.

Peryite finishes rebuffing the carpet.

Peryite: At lease I’ll be consistent. (As much to himself as anyone else there.)

Hircine: How go the plans for the next tournament?

Boethiah: I might mix it up a bit. Care to enter?

Hircine I have a Blood Moon to prepare for.

Vaernima: and how did…

==End of Day One==



This post has been edited by LeTren Thundakk: May 17 2008, 04:33 AM

[LeTren Thundakk]

==Day Four==

Middas is the center of the week. It is a time when everyone and everything is in the middle of something. Including the Daedric Princes.

Hircine, Mehrunes Dagon, Clavicus Vile, and Sheogorath are out hunting, but the tale ever takes place at the table. Molag Bal is arm-wrestling Vaernima and Malacath.

Molag Bal: (After beating both.) I still got it!

Namira: Boethiah, why don’t you try?

Boethiah: I have no reason.

Molag Bal: Of course not, I always win. I am the champion!

Peryite: Aha! I just created toothpaste!

Molag Bal: Can I use it?

Peryite: You definitely need it that’s for sure.

He hands it to him along with a brush. Molag Bal squeezes the tube and rubs the stuff on his armpits.

Peryite: That’s what the deodorant is for!

Meridia: In all fairness, Mehrunes ate it all.

Molag Bal: My armpits tingle…

Boethiah: Is that how you know it works?

Hermaeus Mora: Well considering it should go on the teeth, the stuff is supposed to clean the decay and rot. This IS Molag Bal…so I think it MUST be working.

Molag Bal hangs his head in embarrassment.

Malacath: I could use some as well. (Mimics Molag Bal.)

Peryite: No! No! No! This is how it’s done.

He jumps up off of his chair and slips on the waxed carpet. He recovers and grabs the paste and brush.

Peryite: Like…THIS. (He demonstrates.)

The other eleven Princes in attendance look on in bewilderment.

Namira: Why would we need that?

Peryite: Unlike you, some of us might care about appearance and hygiene.

Azura, Sanguine, Hermaeus Mora and Meridia all nod in agreement.

Boethiah: Even Mora agrees. You might need the full Peryite hookup.

Hermaeus Mora: Even I?

Boethiah: Not my fault you are a squid / crab / pile of Malacath.

Malacath: Hey now! Stop that!

Boethiah: Sorry, someone had to…If not Sheogorath, then who?

Malacath: I guess you’re right…

Hircine, Mehrunes Dagon, Clavicus Vile, and Sheogorath return from the hunt. Each is carrying a lesser Daedra, except for Sheogorath, who was carrying a twig.

Hircine: Greetings! The hunt went…well enough. The Madgod got himself a twig.

Sheogorath: Hey now, it’s a Daedric twig. (He holds his catch up.)

The other fourteen laugh, while Clavicus Vile maintains a straight face.

Sheogorath: Jealous? (He winks at the twig.)

Boethiah: What did you other guys catch?

Hircine: (He puts his kill down.) Scamp.

Mehrunes Dagon: I got four Scamps. (He throws the bodies on the table.)

Clavicus Vile: I got a Clannfear.

Hircine: That thing’s a runt.

Sheogorath and Clavicus Vile exchange a look.

Hermaeus Mora: Uh oh!

Clavicus Vile: Come here, Barbas!

Hircine’s kill gets up and reverts to his dog form.

Sheogorath: (Still holding the now giant twig up) Come here Everscamps!

All four of Mehrunes Dagon’s kills get up and walk toward the Madgod.

Boethiah: Ha! Seems you didn’t catch anything?

Sheogorath: Vile won, with my help of course.

Mehrunes Dagon and Hircine: DRATS!

Hircine: What have you all done since we were gone.

Molag Bal sticks his arms up to reveal the toothpaste. Malacath does likewise.

Peryite: They wasted my newest invention, toothpaste.

Molag Bal: I also continue the undefeated streak!

He sticks his arms up in the air revealing the toothpaste once more.

Mehrunes Dagon flashes his smile with the green stripe still intact.

Sanguine burps up a white T-shirt.

Peryite: Oh, why do I even bother? (He slips on the carpet once more.)

==End of Day Four==