The Way to Daedric, A comedy. Options

[LeTren Thundakk]

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The Way to Daedric

==Day One==

A round table of immense size held all sixteen of the Daedric Princes, arguably the most powerful entities in a single collection, yet from the whole gathering and purpose of the table, only a few bits of conversation spoken were fit for a mortal’s ear:

Hermaeus Mora: I am the most erudite among us.

Hircine: I may not be of a scholarly mind, but who needs it during the hunt.

Sanguine: Exactly, being inebriated by the blood of mortals makes for a better hunt anyway.

Hircine: I wouldn’t dare hunt with you.

Clavicus Vile: He would wobble and sit on his bottle just trying to leave this table.

Sanguine: Oh yeah? Watch me!

Sanguine proceeds to slip on the recently waxed carpet.

Peryite: Oh, come on…I just cleansed the floor. Who waxed my carpet!

Sheogorath: The lowest order, eh? Speaking of business done out on the lawn, how are you Malacath?

Malacath: …

Vaernima: (After checking through an orb.) Another mortal has felt my wrath.

Mehrunes Dagon: You know it’s just a dream, right?

Vaernima: How did your plan to rule Tamriel go?

Mehrunes Dagon: Not my fault the Camoran fool had his facts wrong.

Sheogorath: I couldn’t resist.

Clavicus Vile: That’s okay. At least we aren’t cursed.

Jyggalag: I will get you and your little dog too!

Clavicus Vile: Leave Barbas out of this.

Sheogorath: Why should I?

Molag Bal: Try and stop him, the Madgod doesn’t seem to lose.

Hircine: Don’t remind me…

Hermaeus Mora: He could never have a win over me.

Sheogorath: You are too boring.

Sanguine: He never drinks.

Hircine: He never hunts.

Mehrunes Dagon: He never fights.

Vaernima: He never sleeps.

Boethiah: He never participates in a tournament.

Molag Bal: He never corrupts mortals.

Clavicus Vile: He rewards mortals with a book.

Hermaeus Mora: A book of POWER!

Clavicus Vile: Still a book…

Nocturnal: What’s wrong with a book?

Vaernima: Nothing, if you can read in your nightmares.

Nocturnal: Looking at you is a nightmare.

Meridia: I agree.

Vaernima: and how did YOUR plan to have your pal rule Tamriel go?

Meridia: I know nothing about that!

Hermaeus Mora: (laughs) I know EVERYTHING about that.

Sheogorath: Enlighten me.

Hermaeus Mora: The knowledge is mine and mine alone!

Meridia’s eyes shift left and right.

Meridia: I know about it…I saw the whole thing fail.

Namira: The fool walked around with golden armor. Shadow is the stuff of victory.

Sheogorath: but who could see it?

Mehrunes Dagon: Bah, I’m glad he wore bright armor. Perfect for showing the enemy their killer!

Vaernima: Except he was swiftly defeated.

Meridia: Don’t remind me.

Peryite finishes rebuffing the carpet.

Peryite: At lease I’ll be consistent. (As much to himself as anyone else there.)

Hircine: How go the plans for the next tournament?

Boethiah: I might mix it up a bit. Care to enter?

Hircine I have a Blood Moon to prepare for.

Vaernima: and how did…

==End of Day One==



This post has been edited by LeTren Thundakk: May 17 2008, 04:33 AM

[LeTren Thundakk]

==Day Six==

The week begins to die down and everyone gets lazy. Everyone except for the Table of Daedric Princes.

Sanguine: So she says to the atronach: “but, you’ll melt!”

The others laugh.

Malacath: That’s always a good joke!

Molag Bal: Well, good for you he always tells it.

Peryite begins laughing.

Peryite: Aha! I just created shampoo!

Vaernima grabs the bottle Peryite was holding.

Vaernima: (After drinking some.) It tastes awful!

Peryite: It goes on the hair.

Vaernima pours a lot on Namira.

They all stand around looking at Namira covered in shampoo.

Hircine: Now what?

Peryite: You need to be in water.

Malacath: but that would wash it off!

Peryite: Exactly.

He walks over to Namira and squirts her with a hose. Begins rubbing her hair down.

Peryite: See? (He continues to lather.)

Namira: Am I pretty yet?

The others: Not even CLOSE!

She remains silent and lets Peryite finish up.

Peryite: (Sighs.) I’m not a miracle worker.

Hircine: She looks better than before, that is for sure.

Malacath: Me next, me next!

Peryite: You have no hair!

Malacath: Oh. (Sits back down in his chair.)

Sheogorath squirts shampoo in Malacath’s eyes.

Malacath: WHAJADOTHAFERR?

Clavicus Vile: Barbas is covered in hair…and he stinks…He could use the Peryite hookup almost as badly as Namira!

Azura: Almost? That filthy beast is worse than Namira. That’s saying a lot, though!

Namira: I don’t have to take this!

Peryite: You do until I can work the knots out of your hair!

Hircine: How come Dagon has been silent lately?

Mehrunes Dagon: How so? I haven’t been talked to until now.

Sanguine: Aww, you mean we could’ve kept it that way?

Mehrunes Dagon slaps Sanguine into unconsciousness.

Clavicus Vile: Sanguine?

Mehrunes Dagon: He can’t say anything…He’s unconscious.

Sheogorath: and for once it’s not from the drinking…

Sanguine: What’s that supposed to me…(He goes back to being unconscious.)

Azura: Quick, where’s Feyfolken?

Clavicus Vile: Not this again!

Azura: Why not? You enjoy it.

Clavicus Vile: …That’s besides the (He draws on Sanguine and hands the quill to Azura.)

Azura writes obscenities on the unconscious daedroth.

Malacath: My turn!

Azura and Clavicus Vile: No!

Malacath goes back to the table and sits down in his chair once more.

Peryite: There! Your hair is beautiful, Namira. A shame about that face, though.

Namira: Oh, don’t even…

Malacath: I like it!

Namira: Thanks!

Malacath: I meant the invention…Good job, Peryite.

Peryite: Thanks, I aim to keep SOME things clean.

Sheogorath: Now you just need to create Pooh-B-Gone. (While looking at Malacath.)

Malacath: I’m going to just ignore your comments of me.

Sheogorath: Oh…CRAP…(He tosses a wink to Peryite.)

All sixteen Princes share a hearty laugh.

==End of Day Six==