Meera's Dream, One girl's dream... Options

[seerauna]

Hey all,
I've been reading the stories here for awhile and finally decided to post my own. Please I want feedback and critcism. Even a "hey, good work" is good, but it doesn't help me write better stories. It is a short story, but I am working on my series now. Yes, I am another writer who has been inspired by treydog.

[redsrock]

Only then would she be truly happy, even if she would be a beggar.

Does this mean that in order to fly she would have to in turn be a beggar on top of that? If so, how come?

She had heard of other elves, most of them different races, were able to make themselves levitate.

In the first part of the sentence, I would replace the 'of' with 'that the'. To me it just runs smoother, but anyone can correct me if I'm wrong on that. Also, there's no need for middle part, simply because in the first part you tell us that they are the other elven races.

was one where she could shapeshift herself into a bird. But that was other elves.

A tad bit awkward here, but I still know what you're trying to say. So, how do they shapeshift themselves? This is a magic I'm sure a lot of readers have never heard of, so it would have been good to describe how the process works. And if it's the only the other elven races that can do it, then why is that?

A good way to restructure the second sentence would have been, "But that ability lied to the other elven races as well." Or at least something similar, it doesn't have to be exactly how I just wrote it.

Also, different races.

Again, this is redundant so you can just take that out, since it had already been told several times that it is the other elven races that can use the magic Meera wishes to possess. (sp?)

but the three-story drop to the ground if she climbed out the window and the door were the only escape routes.

The way it's written is a bit awkward. Try something like, "but her only options of escape were either dropping down three stories out of her bedroom window, or else running through the door".

And if in fact the Argonian had been blocking the door, you should explain that. Because the way it is written right the reader doesn't know exactly where the Argonian is standing, and to me that could potentially mean that Meera could have very well ran through the door. You see what I'm saying?

Again, I love the irony at the end, but those were just some of the mistakes that caught my eye. So, I love helping people like this and I have a lot of fun doing it. However, if this is too harsh in any way just tell me so. There's someone over at BGSF who didn't like the way I was critiquing one time, so, I'm a little hesitant now-a-days...