Shade-Eyes, One elf's descent into Oblivion. Options

[kementari]

Hey, all.

So, long time lurker, first time poster. I've really enjoyed reading all the stories you guys have put up over the years.

I've been working on chronicling a group of vignettes on and off since 2006, and it's still a work-in-progress. Some disclaimers:

First, it's all quite long, so I sincerely apologize if anyone gets TLDR syndrome from reading it. Additionally, I tend to take a little free license with lore where Bethesda has been silent, so please don't crucify me for some of my inventions passed off as "world fact" in the story. Finally, I do draw some of my plots from game elements, but I change them where I think I can do better. Please don't let either of those admissions become the basis for hating me. Writing these stories is cathartic to me, and in some small way, I feel like fanfiction is the highest form of glorification I can give the story guys over at Bethesda.

I'd also really love feedback (CRITICISM! PLEASE!) on characterization, prose, pacing, or anything else, if any of you have the time or willingness to give it. While I of course appreciate even small affirmations, "hm, good work" doesn't really help me grow as a storyteller.

Anyway, here goes. Hope you enjoy it.

This post has been edited by kementari: May 27 2008, 12:31 AM

[kementari]

Thank you all very much for the feedback! I confess that I haven't had much time for writing lately (hence disappearing so thoroughly), but I thought I'd drop by and see what was new on the forum, and lo and behold, some comments. :3

A very impressive piece, and a few nice tie-ins with the actual game. There's some excellent prose in here, as well as good characters and a very interesting plot and sub-plot. I take it that Maredhel is Lily's sister, or have I gone completely wrong here?

If there is a problem, its probably that you put up too much at once, which can be pretty off putting. In future, post up a part, wait for a comment or two, and then put up another. That way people won't be intimidated by an avalance of text.

You're correct on Lily and Maredhel - they're twins, and I was originally going to make a much longer story out of it, having her adventure with some other characters for a time before revealing her in juxtaposition with Lily. However, I decided that the earlier Maredhel was introduced, the better.

Not all of this was written "recently" - that first chapter was done the week ES4 came out, years ago. The "avalanche" effect is intimidating, though, you're right.

Love it. The intricate detail, much like Lily's scars, makes it a truly believable and realistic story. The fact that you put parts of the real story of TES4 made it seem all the more videogame like. Very, VERY good job my friend

Thank you! I had waffled back and forth on whether to include elements of the game in the story - on the one hand, it could come off as uncreative, but on the other hand, the story elements in the game are what provided the inspiration to write - and I'm glad to see someone enjoyed reading them.


I have this deep-seated psychological problem (ho ho ho) where I'm only motivated to write if I know someone's interested in reading it, so expect another installment shortly. Thanks for giving me a kick in the pants to get another drabble out!