The Saga of Torrin Options

[Jac]

I wrote this for a mod I'm working on and would like some feedback if possible. It's short because it was meant to be a single book, but I'll add to it if anybody thinks there should be more. For that, I would need ideas, though. Thanks.

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The sun beat down on us as the waves crashed against our ship. I stood on the deck next to Warrick as he stared out across the ocean with his good eye, the other long since scarred shut from an old wound. He stood with his arms crossed against his bare chest, his bald head glistening with sweat and sea spray.

He smiled as he turned to me and spoke in that booming voice of his: “Soon, boy. Soon we shall see Hammerfell, our new home! Those spineless Hiradirge cannot take that away from us. Your father will be proud!”

I nodded at his words, wiping the salt spray from my face and hair. I checked the long sword on my back, ensuring it was loose in its scabbard. I looked over the horizon, trying to catch a glimpse of our new home. I had heard stories of Hammerfell, of the Orsimer and other savage beasts that populated the land. A Ra’Gada had been called; we were to show those beasts what a Redguard was made of. I knew this was my only chance to prove to my father that I was ready to be a man like my brother.

Warrick smacked me on the back, laughing. “Snap out of it, boy! You’ll have plenty of time for reflection after the battle is won. Unsheathe your sword; it’s time for another drill.”

I unsheathed my sword and backed away from Warrick, watching his every move. He laughed as he drew a large claymore before raising it to a guard position, his face going blank. We circled each other, trying to find a weakness in the other’s guard. The rocking of the ship caused me to slip slightly, but I didn’t want Warrick to notice that I had yet to master fighting aboard a ship. His eye told me he had as he lunged for me. I barely got my shield up in time to deflect his blow, but his elbow caught me in the jaw as he slid past. Though the blow was not very hard, it still staggered me. I shook my head as I recovered. Warrick stared hard at me. “Remember, Torrin that your whole body can be a weapon, not just the piece of steel you hold in your hands. If I had wanted to, I could have knocked you out and gutted you like a fish.” He raised his sword into a guard position. “Again.”

I grunted as I shook off the pain and raised my sword, standing ready for his next assault. We sparred until the sun lowered under the horizon and the stars blanketed the sky. Warrick called for a halt and sheathed his weapon. “You did good, boy, we may just make a warrior out of you yet!” He laughed and slapped me on the back, pushing me towards my cabin. “Go get cleaned up, Torrin, you have a busy day tomorrow.” I nodded and mumbled a “yes, sir” before staggering to my cabin on legs that barely kept me upright. I quickly washed and undressed, sinking gratefully into a soft bed. Soon I knew no more as sleep overtook me.

The morning came too quickly as I awoke to the sound of Warrick banging on my door. The wood shook under the force of his fists as his muffled voice filled my cabin. “Torrin! Get up, Torrin! We’re almost to Hammerfell and you still have much to learn!” I sighed and quickly dressed. I opened to door to Warrick’s beaming face. “Ah, so the prodigal son decides to grace us with his presence, does he? Get something to eat, Torrin, and then meet me on deck before the sun moves an inch in the sky.”

[Jac]

Thanks, guys. Due to the feedback asking for more, I decided to go ahead and extend it. This is what I have so far. I know it's not much, but if it's a good start, I'll continue it.

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My thoughts were interrupted by a heavy hand hitting my back. I staggered as Warrick’s hands grabbed me. “Never let your guard down, Torrin. I thought I taught you better than that.” I smiled at him sheepishly. “I’m sorry, Warrick.”

“Sorry won’t mean a thing if you’re dead, boy. Luckily for you, it seems that the Orcish scum have retreated. Come, we need to setup our base.”

I cleaned off my sword and tried to rub the sand from my hair as I followed Warrick to a clear area just off of the beach. The air stank of the dead and dying, but a breeze quickly blew the stench away. I stepped over the bodies, stopping here and there to comfort a dying soldier. To a man they commented on my bravery, but I told them that I thought they were the brave ones. They had given their lives to give us a home; Ruptga had smiled on us this day and would welcome them home in open arms. I wiped away a tear and stifled by cries as I approached Warrick, wanting to put forth a brave face. He stood at the edge of the beach, his hands on his hips, staring at me. “Torrin, don’t hid your emotions. No man follows a wooden king, nor does he follow a weak one. Your emotions show that you are human and can feel like one. But, while you should not be afraid of them, neither should you allow them to rule you. You are Yokudan, embrace it. Show the Ra Gada that you feel, but are not governed by it.”

I wiped another tear and nodded at Warrick before turning back to the beach, my gaze lingering over the dead and dying before turning back to him. “I understand, Warrick. Thank you.”

Warrick’s face split into a wide grin. “Good, good! Let the warriors bury their dead, you and I have an important task to accomplish.”