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> The fall of Lorit
Jac
post Nov 20 2008, 06:04 PM
Post #1


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Joined: 26-October 08



This is an expanson of a short story I posted awhile ago. Comments and critiques are welcomed. Thanks in advance.

---

Sunlight streamed through the open shutters over Thadius’s face as he lay on the bed. He grunted and threw an arm over his eyes before turning towards the wall. A delicate finger caressed his ear as a soft voice whispered into it, “Thadius, it’s time to get up dear.”

“Bah. They can’t begrudge me a few more minutes sleep, Lorit.”

“Thadius, you need to get up now, dear. You know how the Legion is. If you’re late again…”

Thadius sighed and rolled over to face her. He opened his eyes and smiled as he looked into her brown eyes. He brushed a finger over darkened skin and through her short red hair. “I know, Lorit, I know. It’s just that-“

Lorit silenced him with a finger on his lips. “Shh. Enough of that, Thadius. It’s time for you to get dressed.”

“Yes dear.”

Groaning, he rose from the bed and slowly changed into his uniform. Lorit rose from the bed, her lithe body glowing in the sunlight as she helped buckle him into his cuirass. He turned around and embraced her, tracing a finger down her bare spine. “How did I get so lucky as to find you, Lorit?”

Lorit smiled at him and tousled his short brown hair. “Because you’re so good to me, Thadius. But if you don’t leave soon, that may change.” She poked his chest playfully before bringing his head down for a kiss. He smiled as he kissed her before reluctantly releasing her and strapping on his broadsword. He strapped his shield to his left arm and donned his helmet before opening the door and stepping outside. Lorit donned a robe and stood in the doorway watching him leave until he turned a corner. She closed the door and leaned against it for a few moments before closing the shutters, plunging the house into darkness. She lit a candle and carried it to the bed. She stepped out of her robe and lay on the bed, waiting. After what seemed like hours, she heard the door open and close softly. A figure stood by the bed, seemingly untouched by the light. A cold voice filled the room. “It is almost time, Lorit. Are you ready?”

Her breath caught as she answered, “Yes, yes I am, Reden. How much longer?”

The figure smiled as pale fingers snuffed out the light of the candle. Lorit tensed briefly as she felt the figure climb into bed, but relaxed as heat flooded through her.
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Jac
post Nov 30 2008, 04:19 PM
Post #2


Evoker

Joined: 26-October 08



A small continuation of chapter one :

After what seemed to short of a time, Lorit felt the bed move as Reden withdrew. She grasped a thin arm and looked pleadingly at him. “Must you leave, Reden? Take me with you, please…”

Reden smiled sadly and gently removed her fingers. He stroked her cheek with the tip of a fingernail. “No, my dear, you are not ready yet. You are not strong enough. Soon, my dear, soon. For now, you must be a loving wife so your…husband does not suspect anything.” He placed a hand on her chest briefly before turning and donning his robe. He walked to the door and placed a hand on the handle before speaking, “I have preparations to make, Lorit, for your final transformation. I will not return for some days.” He turned to her, his eyes glittering in the near darkness. “Soon, my dear, you shall become all that you wish. You shall be by my side as my queen. Until then, take heart knowing that I will always be watching over you.” He smiled slyly before opening the door and disappearing into the city.

Lorit lay on her side with her head on her elbow as she stared at the door for a few moments before lying on her back, shivering despite the heat. She touched the place Reden’s hand had touched, waiting for the heat to return to her body. She sighed as feeling came back to her limbs and she slowly got up and poured a bath. She soaked until she felt the last visages of Reden wash away. She slowly dried herself off and donned a simple robe before looking around the small house. She sighed as she stared to make the bed, Thadius must not know what happened here…
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Posts in this topic
Jac   The fall of Lorit   Nov 20 2008, 06:04 PM
Olen   Yup, this is a good prelude to what came after, I ...   Nov 20 2008, 06:37 PM
Jac   Thanks, Olen. I wanted to explain how she came to ...   Nov 20 2008, 08:22 PM
Jac   Thadius walked quickly through the crowded streets...   Dec 3 2008, 06:04 PM
Jac   Byron stared at him in silence. “Well, I thi...   Dec 10 2008, 05:18 AM
Olen   That last part was a real set up. It drew me in a...   Dec 10 2008, 02:56 PM
Jac   Thanks, Olen. I know I'll need to go over this...   Dec 10 2008, 04:55 PM
Jac   A cloaked figure staggered through the woods outsi...   Dec 18 2008, 06:07 PM
minque   ohhh fascinating! A masterpiece I'd say Mo...   Dec 20 2008, 01:08 AM
Jac   Better to miss and come back around to than to mis...   Dec 20 2008, 06:01 AM
Jac   1st part of chapter five. --- “Satisfied?...   Jan 9 2009, 02:05 AM
Kiln   Good start to a new chapter, could be longer of co...   Jan 9 2009, 11:53 AM
Jac   Thanks, Kiln. I plan on adding another part, but s...   Jan 9 2009, 04:54 PM
Jac   Part II: --- He quickly approached the front doo...   Jan 12 2009, 06:33 PM
Jac   Reden crouched atop the roof of Thadius’s ho...   Jan 14 2009, 10:41 PM
Olen   This continues to inteague, I'm interested to ...   Jan 16 2009, 04:27 PM
Jac   Thanks, Olen. I'm trying to keep the cast smal...   Jan 17 2009, 12:08 AM
Jac   This may turn into a two part chapter. Thadius wo...   Feb 8 2009, 05:30 AM


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