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> The fall of Lorit
Jac
post Nov 20 2008, 06:04 PM
Post #1


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Joined: 26-October 08



This is an expanson of a short story I posted awhile ago. Comments and critiques are welcomed. Thanks in advance.

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Sunlight streamed through the open shutters over Thadius’s face as he lay on the bed. He grunted and threw an arm over his eyes before turning towards the wall. A delicate finger caressed his ear as a soft voice whispered into it, “Thadius, it’s time to get up dear.”

“Bah. They can’t begrudge me a few more minutes sleep, Lorit.”

“Thadius, you need to get up now, dear. You know how the Legion is. If you’re late again…”

Thadius sighed and rolled over to face her. He opened his eyes and smiled as he looked into her brown eyes. He brushed a finger over darkened skin and through her short red hair. “I know, Lorit, I know. It’s just that-“

Lorit silenced him with a finger on his lips. “Shh. Enough of that, Thadius. It’s time for you to get dressed.”

“Yes dear.”

Groaning, he rose from the bed and slowly changed into his uniform. Lorit rose from the bed, her lithe body glowing in the sunlight as she helped buckle him into his cuirass. He turned around and embraced her, tracing a finger down her bare spine. “How did I get so lucky as to find you, Lorit?”

Lorit smiled at him and tousled his short brown hair. “Because you’re so good to me, Thadius. But if you don’t leave soon, that may change.” She poked his chest playfully before bringing his head down for a kiss. He smiled as he kissed her before reluctantly releasing her and strapping on his broadsword. He strapped his shield to his left arm and donned his helmet before opening the door and stepping outside. Lorit donned a robe and stood in the doorway watching him leave until he turned a corner. She closed the door and leaned against it for a few moments before closing the shutters, plunging the house into darkness. She lit a candle and carried it to the bed. She stepped out of her robe and lay on the bed, waiting. After what seemed like hours, she heard the door open and close softly. A figure stood by the bed, seemingly untouched by the light. A cold voice filled the room. “It is almost time, Lorit. Are you ready?”

Her breath caught as she answered, “Yes, yes I am, Reden. How much longer?”

The figure smiled as pale fingers snuffed out the light of the candle. Lorit tensed briefly as she felt the figure climb into bed, but relaxed as heat flooded through her.
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Jac
post Feb 8 2009, 05:30 AM
Post #2


Evoker

Joined: 26-October 08



This may turn into a two part chapter.

Thadius woke with a start to the sound of a heavy hand banging on his door. He threw off the covers as he rubbed sleepy eyes. He stumbled into his pants as the banging continued unabated. Thadius cursed under his breath as he started towards the door. “I’m coming!’ he yelled as he reached it. He grabbed the handle and swung the door open. “Now what’s so important that…” his words trailed off has he met Byron’s glaring face. “Byron, why are…no, not another child!”

“Yes, another child! And that wife of yours is responsible!”

“Now just hold on a minute-“ Thadius words were choked off as Byron’s massive hand pressed against his chest and pushed him aside. He stumbled backwards and struggled to catch himself as he slammed against a small table by the door. Byron ignored him and stomped to the bedroom, yelling “Where is she? Where is the witch?!” Thadius struggled to his feet and set off after Byron. “What’s the meaning of this, Byron?”

Byron spun around on his heels and glared at Thadius, his finger an inch from Thadius’s nose. “I’ll tell you what the meaning of this is. Another child is missing and if that witch of yours didn’t take him, she damned well knows who did! Now where is she?”

Thadius glared right back and pushed Byron’s hand down. He pointed at the door, shouting “I want you out of my house right now, Byron. You have no right to come in here and accuse my wife of a crime when you know damned well she didn’t do it. Get out of my house, Byron, before I throw you out.”

Byron continued to glare at him for a few moments before spitting on the floor and exiting the house. Thadius slumped against the wall as Lorit emerged from the shadows. She quickly went to him and cradled his head. “Oh Thadius! Is, is he gone? What did he want?”

Thadius looked up at her and smiled weakly. “He…he thought you had something to do with the disappearances, Lorit. He’s gone now and if I have anything to say about it, he’ll be out of the Watch as well. This time he’s gone too far…” He stiffened his shoulders and stood, grasping Lorit lightly about the waist as he led her back into the bedroom. Lorit slipper her arm around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder as she allowed herself to be led.
Lorit slipped off her robe as they entered the room and Thadius closed the door. She sank into the bed and wrapped her arms around him as he lowered himself beside her. She put a finger to his lips as he started to speak. “Please, Thadius, save it for the morning…” Thadius pulled her tight and forgot about Byron’s accusations.
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Jac   The fall of Lorit   Nov 20 2008, 06:04 PM
Olen   Yup, this is a good prelude to what came after, I ...   Nov 20 2008, 06:37 PM
Jac   Thanks, Olen. I wanted to explain how she came to ...   Nov 20 2008, 08:22 PM
Jac   A small continuation of chapter one : After what ...   Nov 30 2008, 04:19 PM
Jac   Thadius walked quickly through the crowded streets...   Dec 3 2008, 06:04 PM
Jac   Byron stared at him in silence. “Well, I thi...   Dec 10 2008, 05:18 AM
Olen   That last part was a real set up. It drew me in a...   Dec 10 2008, 02:56 PM
Jac   Thanks, Olen. I know I'll need to go over this...   Dec 10 2008, 04:55 PM
Jac   A cloaked figure staggered through the woods outsi...   Dec 18 2008, 06:07 PM
minque   ohhh fascinating! A masterpiece I'd say Mo...   Dec 20 2008, 01:08 AM
Jac   Better to miss and come back around to than to mis...   Dec 20 2008, 06:01 AM
Jac   1st part of chapter five. --- “Satisfied?...   Jan 9 2009, 02:05 AM
Kiln   Good start to a new chapter, could be longer of co...   Jan 9 2009, 11:53 AM
Jac   Thanks, Kiln. I plan on adding another part, but s...   Jan 9 2009, 04:54 PM
Jac   Part II: --- He quickly approached the front doo...   Jan 12 2009, 06:33 PM
Jac   Reden crouched atop the roof of Thadius’s ho...   Jan 14 2009, 10:41 PM
Olen   This continues to inteague, I'm interested to ...   Jan 16 2009, 04:27 PM
Jac   Thanks, Olen. I'm trying to keep the cast smal...   Jan 17 2009, 12:08 AM


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