A story for my creative writing class, Please be my judge Options

[redsrock]

This is for a school assignment, and I’d like as much help as possible. The story itself is set loosely in my post-apocy world, but not much. Anyway, I’ll be posting this in scenes, for reasons I don’t really know. Enjoy. And don't be afraid to give your judgment. I know it's not perfect, so don't hold back.

SCENE ONE

Even though she was long dead, I could still see her so vividly. It felt as if she was sleeping right next to me under the starry night sky, and in a way I suppose that was actually true. Jacob looked so much like his mother Katrina, with his beach blonde hair and baby-blue eyes. Every time I looked into his eyes I saw her, and I saw her staring back at me in him. I hoped she approved of what I was doing. I know I didn’t myself, but there was no other way. Waiting any longer was not an option if I wanted to save Jacob’s life.

He was lying next to me, shivering as usual as if it were twenty degrees below zero, when in fact it was nearly one-hundred degrees above. He had some kind of a high fever, and that was exactly why we had left Oakburg to begin with. I didn’t want to make the dangerous trek across the Deadlands, but none of the medicine in Oakburg had even phased his illness. The Pentagon would have the cure to his illness, or at least that’s what I was hoping. If not, our journey would be for nothing.

“I can’t get to sleep, Danny,” came a whisper from above and behind me. I turned around to see my best friend, ole’ Joseph Granger staring down at me with those mystic green eyes of his. “I’m gonna scout ahead and see if there’s any gang-lairs to be wary of. Just thought I’d let ya’ know.”

I sat up and rubbed the back of my head. The heat had given me a tremendous headache, and to be honest I felt like vomiting right then and there. But I didn’t, because that would have woken up Jacob, and he had just fallen asleep after not having been able to do so for quite some time. I took a drink from my dirty water and nodded at Doc. “Yeah, sure. Be careful, though. You need my rifle?”

He crinkled up his lips and shook his head, waving away the offer with his hairy, wrinkly hand. “Nah, I got me pistol and that’s all I’ll need. ‘Sides, I don’t plan on fightin’ with ‘em if I do find ‘em. Don’t worry, Danny, I’ll be back in a jiff.”

I watched as he disappeared into the shadows, and then I walked over to where our cow, Betty, was resting nearby. She wasn’t sleeping either, apparently taken back by the hideous heat just as I was. She started to whine softly and I quickly stroked her back to relieve her of stress. She wasn’t doing very well either, and I could tell by the way she had acted over the past few days, ever since we left Oakburg in fact.

The Pentagon was our destination, a system of five large cities connected via high concrete walls. It was said that if one were to look down upon the cities from the sky they’d see a pentagon, hence the name. The Pentagon had the best of everything, most importantly medicine. Oakburg was a tiny little thing that was barely worth calling a village to begin with. Then again, anything outside the Pentagon was worthless. They called it the Deadlands for a reason after all. Mostly because of the monsters and gangs that roamed, but also for the deadness that had fallen since the Old War ended and the New World begin. I wasn’t alive during the Old War, but from what I’ve experienced it couldn’t have been any worse than the New.

Drinking the rest of my dirty water, I watched Jacob sleep. Not soundly mind you, but more restlessly than I had ever seen him be. He was getting worse and worse by the day, and I wished I hadn’t listened to that fool of a doctor back in Oakburg, if you could even call him a doctor that is. Jacob was only eight years old, yet his life was already being threatened, and by something I had no control over. I think that’s what made it worse for me, knowing that I couldn’t do a thing to help, other than pray to God that we make it the Pentagon before it’s too late. Of course, God and I haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye lately, mostly because I’m not even sure he’s there to begin with. They say God watches over everyone, but how the hell can that be true when my little boy is on the verge of dying more and more each day? What’d he do to anyone to deserve something so horrible?

But here I am, ranting again. Oh I’m suuuuure God is indeed there, and I’m also sure this is some kind of plan he has in store for everyone. Why else would the almighty God let an innocent eight year old boy die a horrible death when that eight year old boy has been nothing but a sweet angel to everyone he has ever met in his entire life? I mean, if Jacob is to die, then it MUST be for a reason, right? Right?

[censored].

Jacob didn’t deserve to go through what he was going through. Back when my mother and father were still alive, they used to preach to me that God’s way was the only way, and that anything else was wrong. I believed them then because it seemed right. It seemed like the sensible thing to believe in. Hell, ever since the Atomic War took place and divided what used to be the “United States of America” into simply “America”, nothing’s been right. Man finally got bored enough to decide and kill itself, and now almost everyone is struggling to survive each and every day. Except for those living in the Pentagon of course. Those living in the Pentagon are having the time of their lives. I’m sure of it. But how can one claim that the destruction of the earth as we knew it was brought upon by the will of God himself? Why would he want to destroy what he created to begin with? To make us suffer for our sins? I don’t buy that, not at all. The world has been [censored]ting on itself for hundreds of years. If “cleansing our sins” had been the reason, God would have worked his magic during the Great Wars. He wouldn’t have waited this long.

However, the New World has existed for two-hundred years, give or take depending on who you talk to. I don’t want to say that I don’t believe in God at all, but let’s just say that if he is indeed real, he’s not on my good list. I lost my beautiful wife just minutes after she had given birth to our Jacob. Wasn’t that enough for him? Was really that hungry where now he has to take my son as well? Why? Why has he been doing this to me? Perhaps it’s me who is fault. Maybe I am what is wrong, and he’s punishing those around me who I love for whatever ill I’ve done wrong. I don’t know, that sounds a bit absurd. Then again, so does slowly murdering an innocent little boy.

“You alright, Danny boy?”

I looked up, startled, to see Joseph standing just a mere few feet in front of me. I don’t how long he had been gone, but all I knew was that I was lying on the ground, looking up at the stars. I didn’t remember ever leaving my feet, but apparently I had. “Yeah, Joe, I’m fine. What’d you out there? Anything?”

“Nah, nothin’ interestin’ at least. I found a dead rat, though,” he said, pointing to the body of a dead rat that was resting next to our backpacks. “It don’t look that old, so maybe it’ll make us a good supper? It’s only ten o’clock and we haven’t eaten the entire day. What do ya’ say, Danny boy?”

“I don’t know, it might wake Jacob up.”

“Ya’, but that’d prolly be a good thing, y’know? The boy needs to eat, Danny. He’s skinny and weak enough as it is. Do you want me to get a fire a roarin’ or not?”

I slowly nodded, and Joseph got out the cooking tools, eager to chow down on some tasty rat.

[redsrock]

SCENE TWO

The campfire never did disturb Jacob’s sleep as I thought it would. Instead he continued to sleep. But again, restlessly, not peacefully. If anything the shivering had only gotten worse, and while the meat had been cooking I had thought about waking him up so he could finally eat something. He hadn’t eaten anything at all that day, and he would need his strength for the days ahead. Joseph seemed to think that was a good idea, but still, sleep to me was more important than food. Besides, it would only be a few more days until we arrived at the Pentagon and Jacob could eat in the morning. For the time being I would let him rest.

“How’s the meat?” Joseph asked, taking an enormous chunk out of his share.

“Very good. You’re a good cook. You know that?”

He laughed loudly and then quickly put a hand to his mouth, remembering that Jacob was sleeping just a few feet away.

“Yah, I do know. Me papa used to cook all the time when I was just a little thing. ‘Course back then we didn’t live in Oakburg. We came from the south, as you already know. Anyhoo, he taught me all there was to know about cookin’ raw meat. I just wish we had some salt and pepper. Y’know what I mean?”

I nodded and then continued to eat. “It’d also be better if we had something to drink besides dirty water. You’d think I’d get used to it after all these years, but I haven’t. It’s surprising that neither of us have ever gotten sick from the water.”

“Sure is, Danny. Though the water in Oakburg was alright I guess. It’s the radiated rivers and lakes you gotta worry ‘bout, especially those in the Deadlands.”

At first that’s what I thought was wrong with Jacob. I had assumed our luck with water had run out and Jacob had been infected with radiation poisoning. Thankfully the doctor in Oakburg ruled that out, and said it was likely some kind of severe fever. Still, you had to be careful, and like Joseph said, especially in the Deadlands where almost every body of water was radiated.

We finished eating and put away the tools, but we didn’t put out the fire. Neither of us was tired, which was rather surprising to both of us. He and I hadn’t gotten any sleep for the past two days or so, myself worried about Jacob and he probably feeling the same way. He was like a brother to me. A slightly older brother, but still. We decided to sit around the campfire and talk a little.

“How long do you think Jacob has left, Joseph?” I asked, my voice partially choked up. I wasn’t sure where the question came from, but it simply came out. I suppose it was something I had been thinking about ever since leaving Oakburg, because like I said, he was getting worse every day. “And tell me the truth. You used to be a doctor, right? I need to know the truth, Joseph.”

“I used to be a doctor, yes, but it was ages ago, Danny boy. And there’s a reason why I ain’t one no more,” he winked. “But, if you really wanna a truthful answer, I’m gonna hafta say I don’t really know. It could be days, or it could be hours. If I was a betting man, and I assure you I ain’t, I’d bet on the first. But there’s really no tellin’ with these kinda situations. These are the times when you just have to take it minute by minute, and that’s all you can really do.”

I nodded and then looked out into the darkness, expecting to see nothing but wanting to see everything. I wanted to see some light in that dark shroud. An answer. But I got nothing but a blank stare, just as I expected. Sometimes you don’t get what you want.

“Yes…I thought so. I just…I don’t want him to die, Joseph. For Katrina as much as myself. She was…she was so excited when she learned she was pregnant.” I laughed, and then kicked at a stone in the dirt with my right leather boot. “I mean, you should have seen her. She made an entire scrapbook before he was even born, so she’d be ready, you know? And then, well then…you know.”

I dipped my head even lower because I felt as if I was about to cry, and the thought of crying in front of Joseph wasn’t a pleasant one. I had never seen the man cry himself, and I myself never cried in public. I wasn’t that I thought crying was “unmanly”. On the contrary, I’ve cried many a time in my short thirty-three years of life. But the one thing I’ve held constant is my pride, and my determination to remain emotionally strong. I can’t even tell you much I cried when and after Katrina died. And I’m also not afraid to say that I’ve cried this past week, what with Jacob’s condition and whatnot. But the one thing I’ve never done is cry in front of someone. Thinking about it lately, though, I’m not sure whether any of that matters not. Who’s to say that crying for my son is a bad thing? To be totally honest, I don’t quite give a damn whether someone thinks crying is bad or not. I’ll let them go through what I’ve went through, and then we’ll see if their opinions change stay the same.

And before I even knew what was happening, a tear fell down my right cheek, rolling down my chin and dropping down into the dirt. I had just broken my own personal golden rule. I tried to wipe away the remnants of the tear before Joseph saw, but it was too late.

“Sorry, Joseph,” I said, not able to look him in the eye.

“Sorry for what?”

“For crying in front of you. I don’t mean to, but…things just…I don’t know. First Katrina died giving birth to Jacob, and now he’s on the verge of his own death. I don’t want Katrina to be disappointed with me, and I don’t want to live the rest of my life knowing that I wasn’t able to save my son’s life.”

Joseph stood up from his seat in the dirt and walked over to me and then sat back down. He patted me on the shoulder with a massive hand and smiled. “You haven’t disappointed Katrina, Danny boy. She woulda’ been proud to see Jacob grow up into the boy he’s become over the years. Don’t blame this illness on you, because that’s wrong. There was nothing you coulda’ done to stop this madness. Some things in life simply happen for a reason and we must go with it. Y’know what I mean?”

“No, I don’t know what you mean,” I said, my fists clinches tightly. “I don’t understand why things ‘just happen’. I actually find that excuse being more of a pathetic copout than anything. No offence to you of course, Joseph. I’m not angry with you. I just want some answers. I want to know why Katrina had to be taken away from me, and I want to know why the same thing might happen with Jacob? Why?”

“Maybe it’s because we’re not supposed to know? Does that make any sense, Danny boy?”

“No…not really. Care to explain?”

“Well, the way I see it, everyone is indeed on earth for a reason, and everything in the world happens for a reason. You know I’m quite the religious fella’, but I ain’t afraid to admit that I’ve questioned things during my lifetime as well, God himself included. What I think is that God is testing us, testing our faith. If we continue to live throughout this hell of a world, then we will be redeemed once we die, once we go up to heaven. To me, life itself is one big test. If you pass, you get to be with your loved ones for the rest of eternity. If you don’t pass…well, I don’t wanna think what the consequences might be. But let’s put it this way, if you don’t pass the test of life, you don’t deserve to be with your loved ones. And you, Danny boy, do deserve it. Don’t worry, I know things are tough for you right now, but everything will work itself out in the end. It always does.”

I had no response to that, so I simply shrugged my shoulders. Joseph patted me on the back and then took his hand away to stretch his long arms high into the air. I didn’t agree with any of that, but I didn’t see the point in arguing. It was late and I was beginning to become tiresome. And Joseph was too.

“Let’s go to bed now,” he said at last. “I’m startin’ to get a little tired, and we gotta big day ahead of us tomorrow anyway.”

I nodded and then watched him put out the fire. We said our goodnights and went to our beds. While resting beside the restlessly sleeping Jacob, I looked up into the sky. I saw nothing but pure beauty; a full moon, a collection of bright, gorgeous stars, and not a cloud in sight. Such beauty reminded me of Katrina and her warm, caring smile. A smile that had brightened my day countless times. Could it be that she was one of the stars I was looking at? Maybe that’s what really happened when one died. Maybe everyone got to be their own star, high above the world for everyone to see. And even though Jacob was someday going to be a beautiful star just like his mother, I wasn’t ready for that to happen yet.