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Burning Today |
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Olen |
Oct 11 2009, 09:26 PM
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Mouth

Joined: 1-November 07
From: most places

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Some of you probably remember my last piece, Yesterday's Shadow and that it had a rather unsatisfying ending. I spent the summer rectifying this and now have a sizeable sequel/ completion to it which is itself now finished. It would probably be better to read Yesterday's Shadow before this as it would make more sense, however you should get by without it. If anyone wants I'll put a synopsis here, though Yesterday's Shadow isn't very long so you could just read it here (enough plugs yet?) 
Anyway without further ado:Burning Today PrologueDervas wore boots while he worked. Shoes didn't last long in the decaying mixture of blood, vomit, drink and drugs which floored The Black Guar. The dark man had finally passed out and for the first time Dervas dared look at him. A worn man with a broken soul. Who are you? The Black Guar didn't get passing trade – the mixture of pushers, heavies and racketeers who made up most of his patronage didn't appreciate strangers. In the first hour the man, who now lay face down on the table, had knocked two out cold and broken another's arm. They left him alone after that and he them. Dervas wiped the remains of a line of sugar off the bar and nodded to the bouncer who went to move the man to his room. Someone knocked at the door. Dervas ignored it. They knocked again, for longer this time. He cursed and went to tell whoever it was where to go. It was late an he didn't need any more trade. He pushed open the door, a curse dancing on his tongue. A sack crashed to the ground, gold clinked within. A Breton in black clothes stood in the doorway. “What's his tab?” There was no need to ask whose. “Sixty.” The Breton showed no surprise, and counted out the gold. “Listen,” his tone offered pain if Dervas didn't, “You keep giving that guy drinks, drugs, whores, whatever he asks for okay? For him happy hour doesn't end, tabs never have to be paid. Push as much as you can into him. Don't worry - I'll be round a couple of nights a week to pay you. That sack,” he kicked disdainfully at the one he'd just dropped, “Contains a thousand drakes, payment enough I'd say. If he asks don't tell him, just give him more drink. Understand?” Dervas nodded, his mouth was dry. The man disappeared into the night. Dervas walked back into the bar. He looked towards the dark man's room. Who are you? he thought again, And what have I gotten into?
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Look behind you and see an ever decreasing number of ghosts. Currently about 15.
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Replies
Olen |
Nov 17 2009, 10:17 PM
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Mouth

Joined: 1-November 07
From: most places

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Thanks for the comments. This part was hard to edit to keep it's point while also sitting well with the whole PG-13 thing. I like the end result well enough though.
What does S.G.M stand for minque?
6. To an End
He was ashen white when he came round. I'd tied him into his study chair. A deep wound in one of his elbows still trickled blood into his imbrued clothes. My boots squelched slightly as I stepped in close to him.
"Don't try anything," I said. Fear clouded his eyes when they met mine, and well it should have, "I'm going to ask you some questions. You're going to answer."
His apprehensive gaze held.
"You were giving Dervas large quantities of gold. Why?"
"I didn't-"
"Lies," I kept my voice low, "Will not suffice." I held my temper, for the moment.
"What do you mean?"
"I know you paid my tab to keep me here. I know you were involved in the disappearance of Varnan, the other survivor of that damned job. You're going to tell me why."
"No. I am not." It was enough, I had the right man. If in a night of such black rage that mattered. The almost dreamlike state was back, maybe it had never gone. I knew what must be done, I didn't think beyond that.
I pushed my thumb through his left eye.
He screamed. "I paid Dervas to keep you," he whimpered, "I know about Varnan-" his own scream cut him off as I set to work. He'd had his chance to speak, by the time I'd finished he would beg me to let him. My soul shrivelled at what needed done, but the truth was more important.
Moonlight shone through the window, his face glowed in it. He'd been sick as I worked and it was smeared over his blood embrued clothes. He looked at me though an eye wide with terror like a huge pearl, the other was a shattered ruby. He looked at me and muttered to himself shaking. I slapped him.
"Listen," I said, gripping his throat. The shaking slowed but his breathing was as ragged as a beggars shirt, "You will answer the questions I ask. You will answer the questions I don't ask. If I even think you're holding something back I'll set to work again."
He nodded.
"Why were you paying Dervas?"
"To keep you here," his coughed and continued, his voice a little less reedy, "I was ordered to. The order came from high up but whoever gave it had concealed their identity. I don't know what you've done but you've stirred up a hornets' nest. There's hirelings and operatives all over the place, there's been a spate of killings back country too. All magical."
I nodded. This went right to the top then, but it didn't make sense. "Was the skooma you?"
"No." I waited for more, "I was told you were to stay alive, but sufficiently incapacitated. Most likely so they could study you if it came to it. You lead the expedition."
I decided not to bother asking what studying would entail. "What about Varnan?"
"The other survivor?" he swallowed, "The same order wanted him removed-" I reached for my knife, "Not killed. No he's alive." His panic was raw. "Someone else set it up, well most of it. Almost all of it. I don't know who, these are Telvanni lands, we have informers and agents everywhere..."
"Set what up?"
"He was sold." The mage's voice quivered. Fear dripped from him like sweat.
"What?"
"A slave train left a few days ago. I received the necessary papers and the train owner received the necessary bribe."
My knife was in my hand, I hadn't realised I'd drawn it. "You fetcher. You slaving s'wit. I haven't started yet."
He squealed. "I'll tell you everything I know. And what I suspect."
I stopped advancing but I didn't sheave the knife.
"The train was headed by Inren Dres, of that house. It's headed for Tear. Medium size, with enough guards. Their mage is rubbish, not that Inren knows it. He's a man of rich tastes and low culture, easy to track. He was headed for Helnim Wall. I don't know why the guild wants your friend alive but out the way, maybe they think you know more as leader. They'll come after you. I don't know what you were doing up north but I can guess, whatever went wrong it went wrong badly. I haven't seen them like this in years." The words came in a flood, any thought that he might be lying, or at lest holding anything back were washed away in the torrent. Tears ran down his cheeks. I felt faintly ill. "There's rumours," he continued, "That messy business up at Ness, and the attacks. It rarely gets this bad, even when the Telvanni are warring amongst themselves. And all since you appeared in town."
He let me put the rest together. I grimaced.
"It's all I know," he pleaded, "I can't help any more. There's money in the desk, just stop." The shaking overcame him.
I looked at him. Slaving scum, not just a trafficker either. He'd sold a freeman, somehow that was worse. I don't like slavers, even in my darkest moments I'd never worked for them. But now Varnan was in their clutches. Due to this man.
I rocked between thoughts while he begged and whimpered. But it was a man before me, scum or no. His skin, pallid under the streaks of blood and scrapes. The ruined eye. Another memory to stalk my dreams. In that moment I knew I was done. Quick as light my hand flashed out and opened his throat. His whimpers ceased with his pain.
It was over. The fire which had blazed so bright died. Had Meersa intended this? Was this what she'd wanted? I doubted I was the only one with fresh inspiration for nightmares. I at least did the mage the respect of looking at my work. I'd... extracted information before. But not like this. I hunted people who did this sort of thing. It had been necessary, I needed to rescue Varnan now. I was fighting for good.
But at what cost to my soul?
I took a sack of coin from the desk and left by the door. By morning Firewatch would not be a good place to be.
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Look behind you and see an ever decreasing number of ghosts. Currently about 15.
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Posts in this topic
Olen Burning Today Oct 11 2009, 09:26 PM treydog Woo-hoo! This starts at a run and doesn't... Oct 11 2009, 10:19 PM Olen Next bit and longer this time. It won't make ... Oct 18 2009, 04:39 PM treydog Saying that I "enjoyed" reading the late... Oct 20 2009, 05:26 PM Olen I admit I did lay it on a bit heavy in the last pa... Oct 24 2009, 01:35 PM treydog Your descriptive power again places the reader rig... Oct 25 2009, 03:10 PM Olen 3. Finding the Scent
The Watcher's Club scre... Oct 30 2009, 10:33 AM canis216 Well done. Real taut storytelling as ever. Nov 1 2009, 10:34 PM treydog Woo-Hoo! Another excellent scene. Please con... Nov 2 2009, 10:39 PM Olen Thanks for the comments. Without further ado:
4.... Nov 6 2009, 01:18 PM RavenMind I've just finished reading through this, and y... Nov 11 2009, 02:38 AM Olen 5. Last Visit
Firemoth was dead by night. I slip... Nov 11 2009, 04:54 PM minque Really interesting, just finished reading this one... Nov 16 2009, 12:01 AM minque
Story.Good.More
It's an old nord proverb... Nov 18 2009, 10:47 PM Olen 7. Fresh Morning
In the bottom of a dry gulch I ... Nov 22 2009, 02:00 PM Olen 8. Circles
I found the track the farmer had desc... Nov 27 2009, 05:38 PM Olen Appologies for the delay, RL has conspired to make... Dec 8 2009, 11:50 AM Olen Next bit, as ever replies and criticisms are appri... Dec 14 2009, 04:08 PM Olen 11. Choice
I sat bolt upright. Instantly awake.... Dec 19 2009, 02:44 PM Syndelius Daerleth LOVE the prologe very good! i havent read the ... Dec 20 2009, 02:15 AM canis216 Again, fabulous storytelling. You really get insid... Dec 20 2009, 03:35 AM Olen Yes... My utter reliance on spellchecking shows it... Jan 5 2010, 04:40 PM Captain Hammer Finally managed to get caught up on this one, Olen... Jan 6 2010, 05:44 PM minque Uhh....jeez I like this one! A bit brutal but ... Jan 8 2010, 07:14 PM Olen Cheers for the comments, it's appriciated. Ye... Jan 12 2010, 01:07 PM Olen This was meant to be part of the previous part so ... Jan 14 2010, 12:54 PM Olen 15. Running
In the end I just headed west for Al... Jan 20 2010, 12:22 PM Olen 16. The Fire of the Moment
On my way to the taver... Jan 25 2010, 03:53 PM canis216 Ah, excellent work once again. I look forward to s... Jan 26 2010, 04:10 AM Olen 17. False Light
Pandemonium ruled. People ran, ... Jan 30 2010, 08:09 PM canis216 Wow! Intense! Jan 30 2010, 09:32 PM Olen Cheers for the comments, there's still pleanty... Feb 4 2010, 03:20 PM Olen The story changes direction somewhat now so if you... Feb 9 2010, 07:43 PM Olen 20. News in the South
Outside the high sun beat ... Feb 15 2010, 04:56 PM Olen 21. Glittering Opportunity
I rolled off the bed.... Feb 22 2010, 03:41 PM Olen 22. Reasons and Excuses
It was the small hours o... Feb 28 2010, 11:55 AM canis216 I really enjoy the grit and intensity of this stor... Mar 3 2010, 01:35 AM Olen Thanks for the comment, this piece wasn't the ... Mar 7 2010, 10:47 PM Olen Sorry for the late reply, the last few days have b... Mar 15 2010, 10:46 PM Winter Wolf Awesome write. How typical that even after all pos... Mar 16 2010, 06:37 AM SubRosa I started reading from the first post, and still h... Mar 16 2010, 03:37 PM Acadian WooHoo! What's not to like? First person... Mar 16 2010, 09:15 PM mALX I have to catch up still, but I got such a kick ou... Mar 16 2010, 09:53 PM Destri Melarg As the others have said, I just started reading th... Mar 18 2010, 04:55 AM Olen Woo lots of comments. Thanks for the kind words, ... Mar 19 2010, 03:07 PM Remko I got to chapter 10 and I love it! The charact... Mar 19 2010, 05:38 PM haute ecole rider Well. I'm all caught up now on this thread (ha... Mar 19 2010, 07:46 PM mALX As for the pubs, I could swear you had been in som... Mar 20 2010, 06:55 AM SubRosa I am still working my way through. I love the real... Mar 21 2010, 10:55 AM Olen Hmm, missed that, but it's sorted now. Along ... Mar 21 2010, 02:21 PM Destri Melarg Just passed chapter 11 now. Firen is an incredibl... Mar 22 2010, 12:28 AM SubRosa I am up to Chapter 21 now. I am not sure if it is ... Mar 22 2010, 08:23 PM Olen I've never read Heart of Darkness so that wasn... Mar 24 2010, 01:34 AM haute ecole rider This is a hard chapter to write, I can see that . ... Mar 24 2010, 04:35 AM mALX What Hauty said, and I'd like to add that your... Mar 24 2010, 03:33 PM Destri Melarg Okay I’m all caught up.
Impressions: First, th... Mar 25 2010, 06:08 AM Remko I just finished the last chapter and all I can say... Mar 25 2010, 04:25 PM SubRosa I am finally caught up. Whew! You certainly kn... Mar 26 2010, 01:33 AM Remko True, we still don't really know what he is. I... Mar 26 2010, 12:06 PM Olen Wow so many replies... No update today but I thoug... Mar 26 2010, 05:06 PM Winter Wolf
Remko (and SubRosa) - It is mentioned a few times... Mar 30 2010, 05:33 PM Destri Melarg
Remko (and SubRosa) - It is mentioned a few times... Mar 26 2010, 05:47 PM Olen 27. Bitter Dreams
The slaughter finished I plodd... Mar 29 2010, 02:20 PM mALX Really great detail, even right down to following ... Mar 29 2010, 04:40 PM haute ecole rider Excellent overview of what comes after the sack, w... Mar 29 2010, 04:45 PM SubRosa Grey-Tail the other Argonians certainly have passi... Mar 29 2010, 04:49 PM Remko I thought it was a very clever - and logical - cha... Mar 29 2010, 06:22 PM Destri Melarg Firen’s concern over the fate of the slaves and hi... Mar 31 2010, 01:10 AM Remko Okun is a name from "Independance Day", ... Mar 31 2010, 05:15 PM Olen Thanks for all the comments again, they're gre... Apr 2 2010, 03:47 PM Remko aaarrgghhh.... MORE! Apr 2 2010, 04:17 PM Destri Melarg Oh man, this is really starting to get good! ... Apr 2 2010, 09:34 PM mALX
Oh man, this is really starting to get good! ... Apr 2 2010, 11:17 PM SubRosa Now we see the fallout of the raid, which Firen ha... Apr 2 2010, 11:12 PM haute ecole rider Agreed that the swim at the end of the chapter was... Apr 3 2010, 12:07 AM canis216
Never realized Argonians can be such prudes!
... Apr 3 2010, 05:01 AM Winter Wolf A masterful chapter. Lovely command of dialogue th... Apr 3 2010, 07:07 AM Olen Thanks for the comments, oddly the last chapter wa... Apr 6 2010, 04:28 PM mALX Huge amount of detail in this chapter, written nat... Apr 6 2010, 07:22 PM Destri Melarg I agree, very powerful. I am really growing to ad... Apr 6 2010, 08:58 PM SubRosa This one line stays with me the most, due to it po... Apr 6 2010, 11:02 PM Remko Loved it, the sneaking part was exceptionally well... Apr 7 2010, 02:40 PM haute ecole rider I"m still reading and enjoying this.
This la... Apr 7 2010, 06:22 PM Olen Thanks for the comments all, I appriciate them. I... Apr 11 2010, 06:18 PM SubRosa Excellent description of the ford. You vividly cap... Apr 11 2010, 07:21 PM haute ecole rider Awesome! The description of the river, the rem... Apr 11 2010, 07:26 PM mALX The last paragraph is HUGE! Very powerful writ... Apr 11 2010, 08:12 PM Olen Well seeing as the last piece was short as I wante... Apr 13 2010, 05:49 PM Destri Melarg Chapter 30:
I stand in full agreement with the oth... Apr 13 2010, 11:12 PM SubRosa An exciting entry, made so by the palpable tension... Apr 15 2010, 05:47 PM Remko Loved chapters 30 and 31 forreasons mentioned abov... Apr 16 2010, 04:20 PM mALX Yes, more more!!! You always seem to... Apr 16 2010, 07:16 PM Olen Thanks for the comments, I've taken a lot more... Apr 17 2010, 08:34 PM SubRosa That was a very exciting battle! You showed th... Apr 18 2010, 08:35 AM mALX
mALX's comment does raise a question for me -... Apr 18 2010, 09:18 AM Destri Melarg The battle sequence was excellent. I was hoping t... Apr 19 2010, 01:16 AM canis216 Powerful.
I'm not sure what else I can say. Apr 20 2010, 04:01 AM haute ecole rider Sorry for not posting sooner.
I have read this tw... Apr 20 2010, 02:45 PM Olen Thanks for the comments, so many have inspired me ... Apr 22 2010, 04:52 PM
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