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Burning Today |
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Olen |
Oct 11 2009, 09:26 PM
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Mouth

Joined: 1-November 07
From: most places

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Some of you probably remember my last piece, Yesterday's Shadow and that it had a rather unsatisfying ending. I spent the summer rectifying this and now have a sizeable sequel/ completion to it which is itself now finished. It would probably be better to read Yesterday's Shadow before this as it would make more sense, however you should get by without it. If anyone wants I'll put a synopsis here, though Yesterday's Shadow isn't very long so you could just read it here (enough plugs yet?) 
Anyway without further ado:Burning Today PrologueDervas wore boots while he worked. Shoes didn't last long in the decaying mixture of blood, vomit, drink and drugs which floored The Black Guar. The dark man had finally passed out and for the first time Dervas dared look at him. A worn man with a broken soul. Who are you? The Black Guar didn't get passing trade – the mixture of pushers, heavies and racketeers who made up most of his patronage didn't appreciate strangers. In the first hour the man, who now lay face down on the table, had knocked two out cold and broken another's arm. They left him alone after that and he them. Dervas wiped the remains of a line of sugar off the bar and nodded to the bouncer who went to move the man to his room. Someone knocked at the door. Dervas ignored it. They knocked again, for longer this time. He cursed and went to tell whoever it was where to go. It was late an he didn't need any more trade. He pushed open the door, a curse dancing on his tongue. A sack crashed to the ground, gold clinked within. A Breton in black clothes stood in the doorway. “What's his tab?” There was no need to ask whose. “Sixty.” The Breton showed no surprise, and counted out the gold. “Listen,” his tone offered pain if Dervas didn't, “You keep giving that guy drinks, drugs, whores, whatever he asks for okay? For him happy hour doesn't end, tabs never have to be paid. Push as much as you can into him. Don't worry - I'll be round a couple of nights a week to pay you. That sack,” he kicked disdainfully at the one he'd just dropped, “Contains a thousand drakes, payment enough I'd say. If he asks don't tell him, just give him more drink. Understand?” Dervas nodded, his mouth was dry. The man disappeared into the night. Dervas walked back into the bar. He looked towards the dark man's room. Who are you? he thought again, And what have I gotten into?
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Look behind you and see an ever decreasing number of ghosts. Currently about 15.
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Olen |
Jan 12 2010, 01:07 PM
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Mouth

Joined: 1-November 07
From: most places

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Cheers for the comments, it's appriciated. Yes I agree that part was brutal but it's part of the point of the story really, both in an action sense and in it's general idea.
13. Different Ends
The clear morning seemed to eschew the darkness of the night before. Yet smoke still rose in the east, the remains of Irrith. I'd followed Renera's trail for a couple of hours by moonlight but weariness overcame me and I spent a cold uncomfortable night propped in the bowl of a tree. My pack was still at Irrith, unless the mage's guild operatives had found it. Either way I didn't have it and so after a brief stretch I set off along the trail again. I'd gone barely two miles when I found the spot Renera had rested, the tracks after were fresher, crushed leaves bruised but not yet dead. She'd made scant effort in covering her trail and I started to feel hopeful again - by their freshness I would catch her before sundown, and more importantly before Alt Bosara. Of the mages I found no sign and assumed they must still be behind me.
The day stayed fine and cold but the sun warmed spirit. The signs I followed became fresher and I became more confident that this time I would catch her and could do something. I wasn't sure exactly what but it seemed significant that she hadn't killed me the night before, perhaps I could talk her back into her senses. I'd just have to play it by ear. My mind buzzed with a heady mixture of worry, plans and hope as the trail into a deep valley cut by a boggy stream at its base. Sparse scrub clung to the grassy slope I descended but the western side opposite looked less forgiving. Boulders clung amongst rocky outcrops just too green to be called a cliff. Still I could see a way up, it wound between two grey escarps like a green snake. The tracks made straight for it. I stopped briefly at the bottom and drank some of the cold stream water before fording it and continuing over the short flat by the stream bed to the cliff base. The tracks were a little confused, there seemed to be too many which doubled back on themselves or tried unlikely routes up the cliff face, perhaps it had held her up, I doubted she was much more than an hour ahead anyway. I ignored them and took the route which had seemed most obvious.
The footing was slippery and I had to push my sword along my belt so it lay behind me and stayed out the way as I half climbed the slope. Enough large rocks jutted from the steep ground to offer good purchase. They became more frequent nearer the top. The going was quite hard and I was surprised how out of breath I was by the time I reached the serpentine path of grass which curled like green smoke between the worst two outcrops. I navigated it and was about to start climbing again when something stirred in the corner of my eye. I froze. Nothing. Just the dancing ghost images from my pounding heart. I carried on up between the large boulders and slowly the ground flattened. I stopped on one and turned to look back down the way I'd come and catch my breath. I was admiring the cold, tree strewn moorland and the long sinuous valley when I heard something move behind me.
"Hello," said a voice, it wasn't a welcoming tone.
I turned slowly and caught movement from the corner of my eye. I dropped. The spell flashed though the air where my head had been an instant before. I looked and saw a mage standing next to one of the huge boulders their hands weaving another ball of maleficent light. I flicked my hand up throwing a cluster of grit and stones at the mage. The throw was well off but he flinched instinctively. I leapt into the gap between two boulders and scurried away between them. I heard him curse behind me and give chase.
A small ball of fire splashed on a rock I'd just passed. I jinked right and round another then left, the pursuing mage just behind. I ran along the gradient of the hillside leaping and dodging around stones trying to avoid offering a target for any magic. A breathless incantation then another spell. This one fell short and hit the ground with a dull thump spraying me with gravel. There was a large boulder just ahead, I risked a glance back and saw my pursuer just behind already casting. I jumped right down the slope and round the boulder, he held the spell. I ran a short way by it became steeper. With a sinking feeling I saw my way blocked. I heard the crackle of magic behind.
There was nothing for it. I glanced back to see the mage wreathed in ethereal light. I leapt at the cliff face my fingers scrabbling for holds that were barely there, my booted feet desperate for any purchase. I grabbed a tiny ledge and pulled, at the same moment I saw a jet of light stream from the man's hands. Time slowed, the spell split the air at a crawl, fizzing and spitting flickering streamers of magic behind its sharp front. It eased towards me like a lazy fish swimming after a hapless insect. I tried to power up the slope but I was heavy, slow. I saw my legs tense and push and scraped against the barren rock... They moved as slowly as the spell advanced. Then one found a hold and I was pushing up but at the same moment I knew I'd been hit. I felt the heat seep through my armour, and smelt scorched leather.
How bad? A flurry of activity in my head. Strangely detached from myself. My leg hurt, but seemed to work, the pain wasn't agony. Perhaps it had just brushed me, or the spell had been a dud. Then reality reasserted itself. It didn't matter. I struggled on up the cliff and hauled myself over the top.
And almost on top of another mage. My hand went for my sword of its own accord but it wasn't there. Behind you idiot. There wasn't time, the mage looked up, confusion plastered on her face. I flashed out with a left jab and she reeled, the following cross missed but a hook caught her cleanly. I brought in a final elbow and felt something in her face break as the first mage's head emerged over the cliffedge. I let the woman fall to the ground and ran on, away from the valley. I ducked and weaved.
The man showed exactly what he was and ignored his fallen comrade to follow me. I cursed and raised my pace heading west again. I heard him stumble and glanced back to see him picking himself up and running again. A moment later I saw my shadow before me silhouetted by the red light of a flare spell. How many were there? Their leader had said four, the truth? I doubted she were dead, a healing potion would have fixed the stabbing, but equally doubted she'd be getting up to fight any time soon.
I jumped another rock, cover was becoming sparser now. Then from a dense bunch of boulders directly directly ahead a red light suddenly blossomed. Another mage. I almost fell in throwing myself right and continuing in my new direction. Then from back towards the valley, a figure rose, light dancing in his hands. I dropped and rolled as the spell flew. It would have missed anyway. He pulled a slightly glowing dagger and ran to intercept me. I tried to push ahead of him but distance was on his side and my leg stung from the spell which had hit it. Just before we met I slowed. This time I drew my sword properly and slashed it across him slicing open his torso. He screamed and dropped his blade. Enchantment or no swords will still beat knives. Unfortunately I hadn't time to finish the idiot as a weak fireball ploughed into my back. I smelt scorched leather but it must have been small. I glanced back and saw the first mage wheezing and clutching his side as he tried to keep up. I ran. He didn't follow past the mage I'd cut.
I was tired, I didn't know if there were more mages. It wasn't hard to leave no tracks on the rocky ground and when I found a concealed hollow where a stream disappeared into the ground I stopped and hid and struggled to regain my breath. After a few minutes enough of the adrenaline had seeped away and I was no longer shaking. I heard the occasional shout and some disant walking but the mages seemed to have missed my refuge. Still I didn't dare to leave it as they were clearly watching out for me, waiting for me to break cover. As much for something to do as anything else I removed my greaves and took a look at my leg, the flesh was an angry red and sore to touch so I poured a small amount of water from my canteen onto it but there was little I could do so I put the armour back on and sat in the cold nursing my hatred.
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Look behind you and see an ever decreasing number of ghosts. Currently about 15.
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Posts in this topic
Olen Burning Today Oct 11 2009, 09:26 PM treydog Woo-hoo! This starts at a run and doesn't... Oct 11 2009, 10:19 PM Olen Next bit and longer this time. It won't make ... Oct 18 2009, 04:39 PM treydog Saying that I "enjoyed" reading the late... Oct 20 2009, 05:26 PM Olen I admit I did lay it on a bit heavy in the last pa... Oct 24 2009, 01:35 PM treydog Your descriptive power again places the reader rig... Oct 25 2009, 03:10 PM Olen 3. Finding the Scent
The Watcher's Club scre... Oct 30 2009, 10:33 AM canis216 Well done. Real taut storytelling as ever. Nov 1 2009, 10:34 PM treydog Woo-Hoo! Another excellent scene. Please con... Nov 2 2009, 10:39 PM Olen Thanks for the comments. Without further ado:
4.... Nov 6 2009, 01:18 PM RavenMind I've just finished reading through this, and y... Nov 11 2009, 02:38 AM Olen 5. Last Visit
Firemoth was dead by night. I slip... Nov 11 2009, 04:54 PM minque Really interesting, just finished reading this one... Nov 16 2009, 12:01 AM Olen Thanks for the comments. This part was hard to ed... Nov 17 2009, 10:17 PM minque
Story.Good.More
It's an old nord proverb... Nov 18 2009, 10:47 PM Olen 7. Fresh Morning
In the bottom of a dry gulch I ... Nov 22 2009, 02:00 PM Olen 8. Circles
I found the track the farmer had desc... Nov 27 2009, 05:38 PM Olen Appologies for the delay, RL has conspired to make... Dec 8 2009, 11:50 AM Olen Next bit, as ever replies and criticisms are appri... Dec 14 2009, 04:08 PM Olen 11. Choice
I sat bolt upright. Instantly awake.... Dec 19 2009, 02:44 PM Syndelius Daerleth LOVE the prologe very good! i havent read the ... Dec 20 2009, 02:15 AM canis216 Again, fabulous storytelling. You really get insid... Dec 20 2009, 03:35 AM Olen Yes... My utter reliance on spellchecking shows it... Jan 5 2010, 04:40 PM Captain Hammer Finally managed to get caught up on this one, Olen... Jan 6 2010, 05:44 PM minque Uhh....jeez I like this one! A bit brutal but ... Jan 8 2010, 07:14 PM Olen This was meant to be part of the previous part so ... Jan 14 2010, 12:54 PM Olen 15. Running
In the end I just headed west for Al... Jan 20 2010, 12:22 PM Olen 16. The Fire of the Moment
On my way to the taver... Jan 25 2010, 03:53 PM canis216 Ah, excellent work once again. I look forward to s... Jan 26 2010, 04:10 AM Olen 17. False Light
Pandemonium ruled. People ran, ... Jan 30 2010, 08:09 PM canis216 Wow! Intense! Jan 30 2010, 09:32 PM Olen Cheers for the comments, there's still pleanty... Feb 4 2010, 03:20 PM Olen The story changes direction somewhat now so if you... Feb 9 2010, 07:43 PM Olen 20. News in the South
Outside the high sun beat ... Feb 15 2010, 04:56 PM Olen 21. Glittering Opportunity
I rolled off the bed.... Feb 22 2010, 03:41 PM Olen 22. Reasons and Excuses
It was the small hours o... Feb 28 2010, 11:55 AM canis216 I really enjoy the grit and intensity of this stor... Mar 3 2010, 01:35 AM Olen Thanks for the comment, this piece wasn't the ... Mar 7 2010, 10:47 PM Olen Sorry for the late reply, the last few days have b... Mar 15 2010, 10:46 PM Winter Wolf Awesome write. How typical that even after all pos... Mar 16 2010, 06:37 AM SubRosa I started reading from the first post, and still h... Mar 16 2010, 03:37 PM Acadian WooHoo! What's not to like? First person... Mar 16 2010, 09:15 PM mALX I have to catch up still, but I got such a kick ou... Mar 16 2010, 09:53 PM Destri Melarg As the others have said, I just started reading th... Mar 18 2010, 04:55 AM Olen Woo lots of comments. Thanks for the kind words, ... Mar 19 2010, 03:07 PM Remko I got to chapter 10 and I love it! The charact... Mar 19 2010, 05:38 PM haute ecole rider Well. I'm all caught up now on this thread (ha... Mar 19 2010, 07:46 PM mALX As for the pubs, I could swear you had been in som... Mar 20 2010, 06:55 AM SubRosa I am still working my way through. I love the real... Mar 21 2010, 10:55 AM Olen Hmm, missed that, but it's sorted now. Along ... Mar 21 2010, 02:21 PM Destri Melarg Just passed chapter 11 now. Firen is an incredibl... Mar 22 2010, 12:28 AM SubRosa I am up to Chapter 21 now. I am not sure if it is ... Mar 22 2010, 08:23 PM Olen I've never read Heart of Darkness so that wasn... Mar 24 2010, 01:34 AM haute ecole rider This is a hard chapter to write, I can see that . ... Mar 24 2010, 04:35 AM mALX What Hauty said, and I'd like to add that your... Mar 24 2010, 03:33 PM Destri Melarg Okay I’m all caught up.
Impressions: First, th... Mar 25 2010, 06:08 AM Remko I just finished the last chapter and all I can say... Mar 25 2010, 04:25 PM SubRosa I am finally caught up. Whew! You certainly kn... Mar 26 2010, 01:33 AM Remko True, we still don't really know what he is. I... Mar 26 2010, 12:06 PM Olen Wow so many replies... No update today but I thoug... Mar 26 2010, 05:06 PM Winter Wolf
Remko (and SubRosa) - It is mentioned a few times... Mar 30 2010, 05:33 PM Destri Melarg
Remko (and SubRosa) - It is mentioned a few times... Mar 26 2010, 05:47 PM Olen 27. Bitter Dreams
The slaughter finished I plodd... Mar 29 2010, 02:20 PM mALX Really great detail, even right down to following ... Mar 29 2010, 04:40 PM haute ecole rider Excellent overview of what comes after the sack, w... Mar 29 2010, 04:45 PM SubRosa Grey-Tail the other Argonians certainly have passi... Mar 29 2010, 04:49 PM Remko I thought it was a very clever - and logical - cha... Mar 29 2010, 06:22 PM Destri Melarg Firen’s concern over the fate of the slaves and hi... Mar 31 2010, 01:10 AM Remko Okun is a name from "Independance Day", ... Mar 31 2010, 05:15 PM Olen Thanks for all the comments again, they're gre... Apr 2 2010, 03:47 PM Remko aaarrgghhh.... MORE! Apr 2 2010, 04:17 PM Destri Melarg Oh man, this is really starting to get good! ... Apr 2 2010, 09:34 PM mALX
Oh man, this is really starting to get good! ... Apr 2 2010, 11:17 PM SubRosa Now we see the fallout of the raid, which Firen ha... Apr 2 2010, 11:12 PM haute ecole rider Agreed that the swim at the end of the chapter was... Apr 3 2010, 12:07 AM canis216
Never realized Argonians can be such prudes!
... Apr 3 2010, 05:01 AM Winter Wolf A masterful chapter. Lovely command of dialogue th... Apr 3 2010, 07:07 AM Olen Thanks for the comments, oddly the last chapter wa... Apr 6 2010, 04:28 PM mALX Huge amount of detail in this chapter, written nat... Apr 6 2010, 07:22 PM Destri Melarg I agree, very powerful. I am really growing to ad... Apr 6 2010, 08:58 PM SubRosa This one line stays with me the most, due to it po... Apr 6 2010, 11:02 PM Remko Loved it, the sneaking part was exceptionally well... Apr 7 2010, 02:40 PM haute ecole rider I"m still reading and enjoying this.
This la... Apr 7 2010, 06:22 PM Olen Thanks for the comments all, I appriciate them. I... Apr 11 2010, 06:18 PM SubRosa Excellent description of the ford. You vividly cap... Apr 11 2010, 07:21 PM haute ecole rider Awesome! The description of the river, the rem... Apr 11 2010, 07:26 PM mALX The last paragraph is HUGE! Very powerful writ... Apr 11 2010, 08:12 PM Olen Well seeing as the last piece was short as I wante... Apr 13 2010, 05:49 PM Destri Melarg Chapter 30:
I stand in full agreement with the oth... Apr 13 2010, 11:12 PM SubRosa An exciting entry, made so by the palpable tension... Apr 15 2010, 05:47 PM Remko Loved chapters 30 and 31 forreasons mentioned abov... Apr 16 2010, 04:20 PM mALX Yes, more more!!! You always seem to... Apr 16 2010, 07:16 PM Olen Thanks for the comments, I've taken a lot more... Apr 17 2010, 08:34 PM SubRosa That was a very exciting battle! You showed th... Apr 18 2010, 08:35 AM mALX
mALX's comment does raise a question for me -... Apr 18 2010, 09:18 AM Destri Melarg The battle sequence was excellent. I was hoping t... Apr 19 2010, 01:16 AM canis216 Powerful.
I'm not sure what else I can say. Apr 20 2010, 04:01 AM haute ecole rider Sorry for not posting sooner.
I have read this tw... Apr 20 2010, 02:45 PM Olen Thanks for the comments, so many have inspired me ... Apr 22 2010, 04:52 PM
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