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Burning Today |
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Olen |
Oct 11 2009, 09:26 PM
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Mouth

Joined: 1-November 07
From: most places

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Some of you probably remember my last piece, Yesterday's Shadow and that it had a rather unsatisfying ending. I spent the summer rectifying this and now have a sizeable sequel/ completion to it which is itself now finished. It would probably be better to read Yesterday's Shadow before this as it would make more sense, however you should get by without it. If anyone wants I'll put a synopsis here, though Yesterday's Shadow isn't very long so you could just read it here (enough plugs yet?) 
Anyway without further ado:Burning Today PrologueDervas wore boots while he worked. Shoes didn't last long in the decaying mixture of blood, vomit, drink and drugs which floored The Black Guar. The dark man had finally passed out and for the first time Dervas dared look at him. A worn man with a broken soul. Who are you? The Black Guar didn't get passing trade – the mixture of pushers, heavies and racketeers who made up most of his patronage didn't appreciate strangers. In the first hour the man, who now lay face down on the table, had knocked two out cold and broken another's arm. They left him alone after that and he them. Dervas wiped the remains of a line of sugar off the bar and nodded to the bouncer who went to move the man to his room. Someone knocked at the door. Dervas ignored it. They knocked again, for longer this time. He cursed and went to tell whoever it was where to go. It was late an he didn't need any more trade. He pushed open the door, a curse dancing on his tongue. A sack crashed to the ground, gold clinked within. A Breton in black clothes stood in the doorway. “What's his tab?” There was no need to ask whose. “Sixty.” The Breton showed no surprise, and counted out the gold. “Listen,” his tone offered pain if Dervas didn't, “You keep giving that guy drinks, drugs, whores, whatever he asks for okay? For him happy hour doesn't end, tabs never have to be paid. Push as much as you can into him. Don't worry - I'll be round a couple of nights a week to pay you. That sack,” he kicked disdainfully at the one he'd just dropped, “Contains a thousand drakes, payment enough I'd say. If he asks don't tell him, just give him more drink. Understand?” Dervas nodded, his mouth was dry. The man disappeared into the night. Dervas walked back into the bar. He looked towards the dark man's room. Who are you? he thought again, And what have I gotten into?
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Look behind you and see an ever decreasing number of ghosts. Currently about 15.
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Replies
Olen |
Mar 19 2010, 03:07 PM
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Mouth

Joined: 1-November 07
From: most places

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Woo lots of comments. Thanks for the kind words, as far as individual reponses go...
Bowstrings... well I don't think UHDPE/kevlar blends is very lore friendly so I've no idea. Just stuck it in as a throw away comment to add some depth really.
Descriptions - I been to a fair few places so I just combine aspects of them to make settings. The moorland south of Firewatch was based on a the landscape of where I grew up and the 'feel' of the eastern Himalaya's. The variety of pubs he passes though are all based on a few real places which shall remain nameless.
And Destri - I can assure you I'm not that bad. Self-loathing is never an activity I've bothered with.
And without further ado another part:
25. Luck of the Bold
We stood a moment in the shadows behind the store catching our breath. The corpses lay in a heap next to us. I found it comforting that Keel-ha was as unceremonious with the dead as I, it spoke of experience and confidence. The sounds from the compound were already slightly to loud, no alarm was raised yet but clearly something was wrong. Maybe some people were being missed, or some piece of sabotage had been noticed.
"That took longer than I'd hoped. There's not time for you to cover me, you'll have to make ready alone. Looks like I'd best see what I can do in the guardhouse."
Keel-ha half nodded agreement and half shook his head in disbelief, "You're mad trying this. If it goes wrong they'll cut you to bits, I won't be able to do anything to help."
I gave him a grin, "Then let us hope that it goes well."
He snorted.
"Fortune favours the bold. And be ready to call havoc," I said. He vanished into the night without replying. I brushed myself down then stood at my straightest and walked round the side of the store.
The north of the compound was a large courtyard with the store taking one side. The manor stood opposite and to my right the narrow gate and guardhouse. Opposite the guardhouse squatted a hodgepodge of retainers houses, a smith and trader and some formal gardens full of faintly luminescent blue fungi. I forced my glance to be casual while I took in all I could and carried on walking as if I had every right to be there. Some wizards can make themselves invisible, but just looking as if you're meant to be wherever you are people don't look. In many ways it's better.
I turned and walked past a couple of traders who were discussing prices with a bottle of some wine, fungus based as likely as not given the tendencies of the Dres, I didn't give them a second glance and they ignored me. There were a couple of people running around which struck me as odd, if they were looking for someone, who by now would be dead, then they might actually bother to see me. I tried to look both preoccupied and in a foul humour while keeping my pace even. I would be fine though, it was working just as well as I'd hoped. Then I was at the guardhouse, the first part of the deception complete. Now was the risky part, I was going to have to play it by ear. My plan was to pose as a shady character in business with the captain. With luck he would be involved in something, it was more than likely, and with more luck I'd manage to stall things. I didn't dare pause long so put my hand on the door handle and pushed. The creak of the door mirrored my strained nerve. I stepped in.
The guard room was spartan. A scarred table sat in the centre with the remains of some food on it, three armoured dunmer sat playing cards. They looked up as I entered.
"Who the hell are you?" asked the nearest.
"Who's in charge of the guard here?" I hoped my voice sounded more confident than I felt.
"Nels Illren, he's upstairs in his room. Why do you need to see him?" the dunmer scrutinised me closely.
I gave an insincere smile, "I represent, ahem, certain... business associates of you captain. I am here to discuss certain matters with him."
The guard looked unsure, "He doesn't like to be disturbed."
"He will like it even less if I am delayed I assure you. He is expecting me, though not for a couple of days yet. I have come a considerable distance and at speed. I would speak with him now."
"But-"
"If he is unhappy I assure you I will take full responsibility. However these matters are most private in nature and I would not want to be the person who disturbed us. Am I understood?"
He nodded. The idiot actually accepted it. I could scarce believe someone could be so used to taking orders that they would take them from a stranger with nothing to back them up. Not even the legion was that bad. I had a feeling I would enjoy my time with the captain.
"Which room?"
"Upstairs, end of the corridor. The first three are sleeping quarters for the rest of us and the handlers."
I turned away and walked regally up the stairs. They continued their card game.
Except for a shelf of well thumbed arms manuals the corridor was as bare as the room below. I opened one and tore out the flyleaf and folded it. Three reinforced doors lead off it and a fourth faced me at the end, I made towards the latter. When I reached the first of the doors to the guards' quarters I noticed was locked on the outside with a padlock through a heavy bolt. I allowed myself a grin, they must have three watches, it made sense, and each watch had their own quarters. That would mean they wouldn't disturb the others' sleep. I hurried to the second. It also meant that if I shot the bolt on the outside the guards inside wouldn't be going anywhere fast. I looked both ways then tested the heavy iron lock. It was well used and silent. I eased it home walked to the next and did the same. That stroke of luck was unexpected, but most welcome.
When I reached the final door I knocked sharply. There was no reply so I knocked again and pushed the door open. The lavish room was in sharp contrast to the rest of the guardhouse, at a desk by one wall a heavyset dunmer sat bare chested looking at a book. He looked up in surprise, "Who the hell are you? Get out."
I coughed gently and smeared insincere nicety on my words, "I represent a certain group of businessmen... Ah good I see my visit wasn't wholly unexpected." I didn't but the initiative was mine so I took it.
"I don't know what-"
"Now Nels, don't be like that."
"I'll have the money," he blurted, "I can get you it but I need some of the goods first. To raise it. I have buyers who'll pay well."
I nodded slowly, "That, I'm afraid, is not for me to decide or know. I was to give you a letter, I don't know what it is but he said you'd understand." I pulled the folded paper from my shirt and walked behind him. I glanced at his book and for a moment paused. Somehow he'd got a copy of Boethia's Pillow Book. I glanced at the picture but couldn't quite believe what I was looking at. I've never seen ash-yams in quite the same way since.
I pushed the book aside and put the paper in its place then stepped back with my arms respectfully crossed. And my hand on my sword. He leant forward and started to open the paper. His hands shook slightly and I wandered who he was in deep with. All his concentration was on the scrap where he expected to find something. Hope? Salvation? Who knows. He didn't hear me draw my sword and was too intent on puzzling the scrap to even notice as I sliced it across his neck. He dropped over spurting blood. I took the blank paper, refolded it and put it in my pocket. I was sorely tempted to take the book too but decided that it wouldn't survive the damp and travel.
I left the corpse and had a look around the room. There was some armour, the quality looked decent but it was in the Dres style and, even had it been practical to steal it, I didn't want it. His weapons were no better though there was a nice dagger. I wouldn't normally use one but the trick I'd just pulled with the sword had been risky so I strapped it to my side. I also took a travel bag and some beautifully made, if extravagantly coloured, clothes and the money I found in a box under his bed.
My takings, for I didn't really view it as theft, complete I returned down the stairs. The same guard looked up from his card game. "Don't disturb him," I warned and continued towards the door.
Before I got to it another guard burst in. "There's been two murders!" he said breathlessly, "Veril and Samethi were both found with their throats cut and other people seem to be missing."
"Who was this?" said the guard, I decided he was the deputy.
"We don't know."
"I'll get the captain."
"I wouldn't do that," I said, "It's probably just a slave got a knife and managed to hide. Just root him out."
"How do you know, it looked too well executed for that scum. Too clinical."
"What's it going to be," I pumped every bit of scorn I could into my voice, "A raid? They're common around here aren't they? There must have been what... none in the last few decades. Now stop nattering like an old hen and go and search. You and you," I pointed at the other two card players, "Take two guards from patrols near the manor and take a quarter of the slaves each. There's no risk so do it alone, it'll be faster. You," I pointed to the newcomer, "Go and search for clues, try to find wherever he's hiding but do it quietly or you'll cause panic and there's a risk he'll slip away in the chaos." Another pair of guards emerged from the back room to see what the noise was about.
The deputy looked at them and drew himself up. "Who gave you control. I say we ask the captain so we do."
"You really don't want to be the first thing he sees just now. I'm not saying don't, just that I wouldn't want to be the one who goes up."
The deputy looked unsure but then said to the other two at the table, "Okay go and see to the slaves," they got up and left. He paused, "I'm not sure about this."
"I'll help you, go out and put round the order than all the guards are to go individually but quietly to find this rouge," I said. Divide and conquer, I thought.
"Do it," said the deputy to one of the newcomers, "I still think we should go and see the captain. It's murder. He needs to know."
"I don't think he liked the news I gave him," I said, "It will be another murder if you see him now, he has quite a temper," I saw in the mer's eyes that I was right, "but don't let me stop you."
It might have worked too but just then there was an almighty thumping from upstairs. One of the other watches had realised it was locked in.
"You pair with me," I shouted and ran out into the night. I had seconds at best but most of the damage was done, the patrols would soon be in disarray. I turned to find that one guard had followed. "Is that a lizard death mark?" I asked pointing at a blank bit of wall.
He turned to scrutinise it and I slipped the commander's dagger between his ribs. I was away before he hit the ground. I ran towards the retainer's housing. There would be places to hide there. I glanced back and saw some guards burst from the guardhouse. An arrow took the first in the chest. They barely had time to react before a second ricocheted off a helmet and inside. Keel-ha. It was good to have him at my back, I quickly scanned the dark houses trying to work out where he was firing from. It was useless so I ran on into the tangle of buildings. The retainers seemed to have grown their section without even a nod to planning. Mainly the houses had the white plaster and flat roofs in Dres style but some were just cheaply built shacks, others had two stories. What looked like an early attempt at a street had since been built on resulting in a snarl of paths. Maybe twenty buildings in all. I made for the smithy, the forge would be deserted by now and let me plan what to do next. Pick off and wandering guards probably. I jumped the wall neatly and landed in an untended garden. The forge was just a lean-to but I crouched in its shade anyway.
I hadn't caught my breath when a noise rose from across the river. Other than the occasional shout I couldn't work out what it was, just the sound of people moving. Lots of people. Surely they hadn't already released the slaves, it was too early, too risky, even for this mad plot. Then a bell was clamouring alarm at the night. The shouts increased. I caught the word havoc repeated. It was too early.
But it was also done. I stood and shouted the word twice as loud as I could then turned to the forge. There were still embers, I took a shovel and hefted them at the thatch of an adjacent hut. There was a barrel of quenching oil too so I tipped it onto the forge for good measure before jumping back into the street.
The sack had begun.
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Look behind you and see an ever decreasing number of ghosts. Currently about 15.
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Posts in this topic
Olen Burning Today Oct 11 2009, 09:26 PM treydog Woo-hoo! This starts at a run and doesn't... Oct 11 2009, 10:19 PM Olen Next bit and longer this time. It won't make ... Oct 18 2009, 04:39 PM treydog Saying that I "enjoyed" reading the late... Oct 20 2009, 05:26 PM Olen I admit I did lay it on a bit heavy in the last pa... Oct 24 2009, 01:35 PM treydog Your descriptive power again places the reader rig... Oct 25 2009, 03:10 PM Olen 3. Finding the Scent
The Watcher's Club scre... Oct 30 2009, 10:33 AM canis216 Well done. Real taut storytelling as ever. Nov 1 2009, 10:34 PM treydog Woo-Hoo! Another excellent scene. Please con... Nov 2 2009, 10:39 PM Olen Thanks for the comments. Without further ado:
4.... Nov 6 2009, 01:18 PM RavenMind I've just finished reading through this, and y... Nov 11 2009, 02:38 AM Olen 5. Last Visit
Firemoth was dead by night. I slip... Nov 11 2009, 04:54 PM minque Really interesting, just finished reading this one... Nov 16 2009, 12:01 AM Olen Thanks for the comments. This part was hard to ed... Nov 17 2009, 10:17 PM minque
Story.Good.More
It's an old nord proverb... Nov 18 2009, 10:47 PM Olen 7. Fresh Morning
In the bottom of a dry gulch I ... Nov 22 2009, 02:00 PM Olen 8. Circles
I found the track the farmer had desc... Nov 27 2009, 05:38 PM Olen Appologies for the delay, RL has conspired to make... Dec 8 2009, 11:50 AM Olen Next bit, as ever replies and criticisms are appri... Dec 14 2009, 04:08 PM Olen 11. Choice
I sat bolt upright. Instantly awake.... Dec 19 2009, 02:44 PM Syndelius Daerleth LOVE the prologe very good! i havent read the ... Dec 20 2009, 02:15 AM canis216 Again, fabulous storytelling. You really get insid... Dec 20 2009, 03:35 AM Olen Yes... My utter reliance on spellchecking shows it... Jan 5 2010, 04:40 PM Captain Hammer Finally managed to get caught up on this one, Olen... Jan 6 2010, 05:44 PM minque Uhh....jeez I like this one! A bit brutal but ... Jan 8 2010, 07:14 PM Olen Cheers for the comments, it's appriciated. Ye... Jan 12 2010, 01:07 PM Olen This was meant to be part of the previous part so ... Jan 14 2010, 12:54 PM Olen 15. Running
In the end I just headed west for Al... Jan 20 2010, 12:22 PM Olen 16. The Fire of the Moment
On my way to the taver... Jan 25 2010, 03:53 PM canis216 Ah, excellent work once again. I look forward to s... Jan 26 2010, 04:10 AM Olen 17. False Light
Pandemonium ruled. People ran, ... Jan 30 2010, 08:09 PM canis216 Wow! Intense! Jan 30 2010, 09:32 PM Olen Cheers for the comments, there's still pleanty... Feb 4 2010, 03:20 PM Olen The story changes direction somewhat now so if you... Feb 9 2010, 07:43 PM Olen 20. News in the South
Outside the high sun beat ... Feb 15 2010, 04:56 PM Olen 21. Glittering Opportunity
I rolled off the bed.... Feb 22 2010, 03:41 PM Olen 22. Reasons and Excuses
It was the small hours o... Feb 28 2010, 11:55 AM canis216 I really enjoy the grit and intensity of this stor... Mar 3 2010, 01:35 AM Olen Thanks for the comment, this piece wasn't the ... Mar 7 2010, 10:47 PM Olen Sorry for the late reply, the last few days have b... Mar 15 2010, 10:46 PM Winter Wolf Awesome write. How typical that even after all pos... Mar 16 2010, 06:37 AM SubRosa I started reading from the first post, and still h... Mar 16 2010, 03:37 PM Acadian WooHoo! What's not to like? First person... Mar 16 2010, 09:15 PM mALX I have to catch up still, but I got such a kick ou... Mar 16 2010, 09:53 PM Destri Melarg As the others have said, I just started reading th... Mar 18 2010, 04:55 AM Remko I got to chapter 10 and I love it! The charact... Mar 19 2010, 05:38 PM haute ecole rider Well. I'm all caught up now on this thread (ha... Mar 19 2010, 07:46 PM mALX As for the pubs, I could swear you had been in som... Mar 20 2010, 06:55 AM SubRosa I am still working my way through. I love the real... Mar 21 2010, 10:55 AM Olen Hmm, missed that, but it's sorted now. Along ... Mar 21 2010, 02:21 PM Destri Melarg Just passed chapter 11 now. Firen is an incredibl... Mar 22 2010, 12:28 AM SubRosa I am up to Chapter 21 now. I am not sure if it is ... Mar 22 2010, 08:23 PM Olen I've never read Heart of Darkness so that wasn... Mar 24 2010, 01:34 AM haute ecole rider This is a hard chapter to write, I can see that . ... Mar 24 2010, 04:35 AM mALX What Hauty said, and I'd like to add that your... Mar 24 2010, 03:33 PM Destri Melarg Okay I’m all caught up.
Impressions: First, th... Mar 25 2010, 06:08 AM Remko I just finished the last chapter and all I can say... Mar 25 2010, 04:25 PM SubRosa I am finally caught up. Whew! You certainly kn... Mar 26 2010, 01:33 AM Remko True, we still don't really know what he is. I... Mar 26 2010, 12:06 PM Olen Wow so many replies... No update today but I thoug... Mar 26 2010, 05:06 PM Winter Wolf
Remko (and SubRosa) - It is mentioned a few times... Mar 30 2010, 05:33 PM Destri Melarg
Remko (and SubRosa) - It is mentioned a few times... Mar 26 2010, 05:47 PM Olen 27. Bitter Dreams
The slaughter finished I plodd... Mar 29 2010, 02:20 PM mALX Really great detail, even right down to following ... Mar 29 2010, 04:40 PM haute ecole rider Excellent overview of what comes after the sack, w... Mar 29 2010, 04:45 PM SubRosa Grey-Tail the other Argonians certainly have passi... Mar 29 2010, 04:49 PM Remko I thought it was a very clever - and logical - cha... Mar 29 2010, 06:22 PM Destri Melarg Firen’s concern over the fate of the slaves and hi... Mar 31 2010, 01:10 AM Remko Okun is a name from "Independance Day", ... Mar 31 2010, 05:15 PM Olen Thanks for all the comments again, they're gre... Apr 2 2010, 03:47 PM Remko aaarrgghhh.... MORE! Apr 2 2010, 04:17 PM Destri Melarg Oh man, this is really starting to get good! ... Apr 2 2010, 09:34 PM mALX
Oh man, this is really starting to get good! ... Apr 2 2010, 11:17 PM SubRosa Now we see the fallout of the raid, which Firen ha... Apr 2 2010, 11:12 PM haute ecole rider Agreed that the swim at the end of the chapter was... Apr 3 2010, 12:07 AM canis216
Never realized Argonians can be such prudes!
... Apr 3 2010, 05:01 AM Winter Wolf A masterful chapter. Lovely command of dialogue th... Apr 3 2010, 07:07 AM Olen Thanks for the comments, oddly the last chapter wa... Apr 6 2010, 04:28 PM mALX Huge amount of detail in this chapter, written nat... Apr 6 2010, 07:22 PM Destri Melarg I agree, very powerful. I am really growing to ad... Apr 6 2010, 08:58 PM SubRosa This one line stays with me the most, due to it po... Apr 6 2010, 11:02 PM Remko Loved it, the sneaking part was exceptionally well... Apr 7 2010, 02:40 PM haute ecole rider I"m still reading and enjoying this.
This la... Apr 7 2010, 06:22 PM Olen Thanks for the comments all, I appriciate them. I... Apr 11 2010, 06:18 PM SubRosa Excellent description of the ford. You vividly cap... Apr 11 2010, 07:21 PM haute ecole rider Awesome! The description of the river, the rem... Apr 11 2010, 07:26 PM mALX The last paragraph is HUGE! Very powerful writ... Apr 11 2010, 08:12 PM Olen Well seeing as the last piece was short as I wante... Apr 13 2010, 05:49 PM Destri Melarg Chapter 30:
I stand in full agreement with the oth... Apr 13 2010, 11:12 PM SubRosa An exciting entry, made so by the palpable tension... Apr 15 2010, 05:47 PM Remko Loved chapters 30 and 31 forreasons mentioned abov... Apr 16 2010, 04:20 PM mALX Yes, more more!!! You always seem to... Apr 16 2010, 07:16 PM Olen Thanks for the comments, I've taken a lot more... Apr 17 2010, 08:34 PM SubRosa That was a very exciting battle! You showed th... Apr 18 2010, 08:35 AM mALX
mALX's comment does raise a question for me -... Apr 18 2010, 09:18 AM Destri Melarg The battle sequence was excellent. I was hoping t... Apr 19 2010, 01:16 AM canis216 Powerful.
I'm not sure what else I can say. Apr 20 2010, 04:01 AM haute ecole rider Sorry for not posting sooner.
I have read this tw... Apr 20 2010, 02:45 PM Olen Thanks for the comments, so many have inspired me ... Apr 22 2010, 04:52 PM
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