Burning Today Options

[Olen]

Some of you probably remember my last piece, Yesterday's Shadow and that it had a rather unsatisfying ending. I spent the summer rectifying this and now have a sizeable sequel/ completion to it which is itself now finished. It would probably be better to read Yesterday's Shadow before this as it would make more sense, however you should get by without it. If anyone wants I'll put a synopsis here, though Yesterday's Shadow isn't very long so you could just read it here (enough plugs yet?)

Anyway without further ado:

Burning Today

Prologue

Dervas wore boots while he worked. Shoes didn't last long in the decaying mixture of blood, vomit, drink and drugs which floored The Black Guar. The dark man had finally passed out and for the first time Dervas dared look at him. A worn man with a broken soul. Who are you? The Black Guar didn't get passing trade – the mixture of pushers, heavies and racketeers who made up most of his patronage didn't appreciate strangers. In the first hour the man, who now lay face down on the table, had knocked two out cold and broken another's arm. They left him alone after that and he them. Dervas wiped the remains of a line of sugar off the bar and nodded to the bouncer who went to move the man to his room.

Someone knocked at the door. Dervas ignored it. They knocked again, for longer this time. He cursed and went to tell whoever it was where to go. It was late an he didn't need any more trade. He pushed open the door, a curse dancing on his tongue. A sack crashed to the ground, gold clinked within. A Breton in black clothes stood in the doorway.

“What's his tab?” There was no need to ask whose.

“Sixty.”

The Breton showed no surprise, and counted out the gold. “Listen,” his tone offered pain if Dervas didn't, “You keep giving that guy drinks, drugs, whores, whatever he asks for okay? For him happy hour doesn't end, tabs never have to be paid. Push as much as you can into him. Don't worry - I'll be round a couple of nights a week to pay you. That sack,” he kicked disdainfully at the one he'd just dropped, “Contains a thousand drakes, payment enough I'd say. If he asks don't tell him, just give him more drink. Understand?”

Dervas nodded, his mouth was dry.

The man disappeared into the night.

Dervas walked back into the bar. He looked towards the dark man's room. Who are you? he thought again, And what have I gotten into?

[Olen]

Wow so many replies... No update today but I thought so many replies deserved a response.

Haute - Thanks, I think you've hit the concept/ themes I was going for quite directly.

mALX - Thanks for the comment. I'm glad you like the prose, it's nice to know the editing pays off.

Destri - I'm glad you like the character, I think it's fair to say this was character driven rather than anythign else. As far as spellchecking goes I'm afraid it's unlikely to happen, by the time it's posted I'll have read through each piece five or more times but I simply don't see some spelling errors. No idea why, but it's not for want of trying. For uni I have to have friends read over my stuff because there's always a few. However I'll try to keep a special look out for through/though and wander/wonder seeing as these seem to be the worst culprits.

SubRosa - Yes you were right then, when planning it I did have the feel and progression of Apocolypse Now floating round the back of my mind, also to an extent the feel of a lot of Eliot's poetry. I wouldn't claim to have a thousandth part of the skill of that but imitation can go a reasonable way to adding something. So yes, well spotted (and thank you it's quite a compliment that you did).

Remko (and SubRosa) - It is mentioned a few times that he's human I think but seeing as I was very much going for reality rather than 'gameiness' in this piece I neglected race. I also think it is in part just the way I think coming through, I have his character in mind but I couldn't say what he looks like - indeed I just went back and read the original notes for Yesterday's Shadow and any image I can conjour is quite different now that the original. Still thanks for pointing it out as at least in part it's written for the readers so I'll try to include something if the place appears, however being first person it's difficult. The other thiing is that by now people will (I hope) have formed some impression of who he is and my imagining might not mesh well with others' (this always annoys me in books).

Thanks for the comments all, I'll post more soon (uni just finished so I'll have more free time though don't know when I'll next be online).