The Dragon's Tome, An Original Fantasy Story Options

[Zalphon]

Prologue

They called me the Prince of All that is wrong in this world. In Mathoc. The land of magick and wonder. The frozen north known as the Frostblood Tundra. The southern deserts of Sunskar. The eastern jungles of Sythariss. The western mountains of Star-Reach. The Ocean of Souls and the Sea of Arcana... The Northeastern bogs and swamps of the Black Marsh. The Northwestern Forests of Dragonwood. The Southeastern plains of Shadow's Meadow. The Southwestern Deadlands of the Dread Plains...

They say I am all that is foul in the world... They called me a being of the Abyss itself. They called me the Lord of Unlife, the Master of Necromancy, the King of the Undead... They were right... My name is Zalphon Shadowheart Broodikus, Emperor of Mathoc... I am the Arch-Lich and the God of Necromancy and Unlife. I rule over the lands with an iron fist.

My empire is strong and built of the dead. Unlike previous liches and necromancers, those ressurected by me or students of the New Ways of Necromancy retain their intelligence if we so-choose. Mathoc is ruled by the living dead, for the living dead. Our foes are the paladins of Lightius Star, the Arch-Angel and Queen of Skyhaven, Realm of the Angels...

We constantly fight to conquer all who oppose us. The only threat to us, was the dragons... The Guardians of Mathoc, they called themselves. And their immortal followers (ageless), the Order of the Dragon. I once was a member, but after I learned the truth about what power they hid from us, it began...

If you've picked up this tome, you must be expecting a story... My story... My name is Emperor Zalphon Broodikus, and it begins thousands of years ago, during the Era of the Everlight Kingdom. My father's kingdom...

[Remko]

Okay, I caught up and I like it. I think you're being brave making up your own world. Well done! (although there are plenty things that are borrowed you could've made up yourself but I appreciate it's hard, if not impossible, to do something truly original with a chewed-up genre Fantasy basically is.)

However; there are some things I feel I need to point out.

Sometimes it feels a bit rushed. I would like to see more motives and explanation (and not just say he wants to become more powerful cause thats oversimplified imo). Why does Zalphon (who was keen on helping people some chapters earlier) want to be turned into something as awful as a Lich which is basically a walking coprse? A powerful one but still a corpse. Doesnt make sense imo. No good can come from that right?


A small nit here:

"Ravenblood, I thought I had killed you," Zalphon called out. "How do you still live?"

You jumped POV here. Everything else is written from Z's POV but now it jumped to third person POV.

One thing that kind of bothered me was the fight between Ravenlord ans Zalphon. It was over before it really started. If Ravenlord threw the match, I would've liked it if you had dropped a hint of why he would do that.
That battle should've been epic imo.

I hope it's some help, I am not trying to bring you down or be overly critical of your story. Which I enjoy btw!! Keep it up!