The Rightous Assassin, An Elder Scrolls Fan-Fiction Options

[Zalphon]

Prologue

My name is Quick-Strike. I have done things so horrible, they haunt my dreams every night. The worst of which being when the Dark Brotherhood ordered me to kill the entire Matius family. The only survivor was Savilian Matius, but I killed his little girl and his wife. That poor little girl, she still haunts my dreams. It was her fifth birthday...

That day was the day I began my revolution. I had cut all ties I had with the Brotherhood and began my career as an assassin of the Nine. Hunting down daedric worshippers, criminals, and street-thugs. With a prayer in the Temple of Mara, I firmly gripped my steel shortsword and steel dagger and donned my black-leather uniform.

Suddenly behind me appeared a tall, black-haired orc. "You killed Marza Gra-Baliz," he hissed. "That was my daughter, you pig. For this you'll die."

With haste, I put my weapons in their scabbards and kicked him in the chest. "Please, I don't want to fight," I pleaded. "I seek no trouble." In his orcish rage he charged. My fist went flying into his face and he fell to the ground, his nose bloodied and he was unconscious.

I bent down and felt for a pulse. There was none. Suddenly, two imperial legion troopers came over to me. "Hey, what have you done to this man?" they asked. "He's dead!"

The other hissed, "You're under arrest, Swamp-Slime."

I slammed their heads together and bolted past them. "Joy," I thought. "My first day of being a noble person and I already killed a man and assaulted two guards." Blood was on my hands, so I wiped it on my outfit.

The streets of the Imperial City were crowded and I had to wade through the people. I was a wanted man and I needed to get out of town. As I turned to look around, a club hit my skull. The last thing I saw was an Imperial Legion Guard with a smile on his face. The last thing I heard was, "Enjoy your time in prison, Murkscum..."

After that I faded into the realm of unconsciousness.

[Zalphon]

Korvan is a reference to previous stories as the grandson of Zalphon. He is a demi-god (not through birth, but through his actions).

He is a chaotic good bard who knows what Quick-Strike's future entails. Korvan is a bard. In my TES world, bards are spell-casting rogues. Due to his divine nature, a teleportation spell is quite simple. And he is fully armed and ready, because the guards have no clue he is there, due to his illusion magic.

This post has been edited by Zalphon: May 28 2010, 04:09 AM

[Remko]

He is a chaotic good bard who knows what Quick-Strike's future entails. Korvan is a bard. In my TES world, bards are spell-casting rogues. Due to his divine nature, a teleportation spell is quite simple. And he is fully armed and ready, because the guards have no clue he is there, due to his illusion magic.

This above is usually the gripe I have with your stories. This should have been made clear in the story. Not by telling us afterwards like you tend to. I know you don't mean to but this way it feels a bit like an excuse.

Keep up the good works and take your time, like Destri said.

As a sidenote; There is no such thing as semi-viscous. Viscosity is a way of expressing how thick (or thin) a ceretain fluid is, usually with oils.

It had a warm hearth that embers flickered out of into non-existance after touching the wooden floor. Five rooms each with a bed and the smell of rat-stew filled my nostrils.

This sentence is really confusing. Maybe more like this?
It had a warm hearth with embers flickering out of existence once they hit the wooden floor. The Inn consisted of five rooms, each with a bed. Below, the smell of rat stew filled my nostrils.

The way you wrote it, it seemed as though the five rooms each with a bed filled his nostrils. Kinda painful if you ask me


This post has been edited by Remko: Jun 1 2010, 06:02 PM