The Rightous Assassin, An Elder Scrolls Fan-Fiction Options

[Zalphon]

Prologue

My name is Quick-Strike. I have done things so horrible, they haunt my dreams every night. The worst of which being when the Dark Brotherhood ordered me to kill the entire Matius family. The only survivor was Savilian Matius, but I killed his little girl and his wife. That poor little girl, she still haunts my dreams. It was her fifth birthday...

That day was the day I began my revolution. I had cut all ties I had with the Brotherhood and began my career as an assassin of the Nine. Hunting down daedric worshippers, criminals, and street-thugs. With a prayer in the Temple of Mara, I firmly gripped my steel shortsword and steel dagger and donned my black-leather uniform.

Suddenly behind me appeared a tall, black-haired orc. "You killed Marza Gra-Baliz," he hissed. "That was my daughter, you pig. For this you'll die."

With haste, I put my weapons in their scabbards and kicked him in the chest. "Please, I don't want to fight," I pleaded. "I seek no trouble." In his orcish rage he charged. My fist went flying into his face and he fell to the ground, his nose bloodied and he was unconscious.

I bent down and felt for a pulse. There was none. Suddenly, two imperial legion troopers came over to me. "Hey, what have you done to this man?" they asked. "He's dead!"

The other hissed, "You're under arrest, Swamp-Slime."

I slammed their heads together and bolted past them. "Joy," I thought. "My first day of being a noble person and I already killed a man and assaulted two guards." Blood was on my hands, so I wiped it on my outfit.

The streets of the Imperial City were crowded and I had to wade through the people. I was a wanted man and I needed to get out of town. As I turned to look around, a club hit my skull. The last thing I saw was an Imperial Legion Guard with a smile on his face. The last thing I heard was, "Enjoy your time in prison, Murkscum..."

After that I faded into the realm of unconsciousness.

[Zalphon]

Korvan is a reference to previous stories as the grandson of Zalphon. He is a demi-god (not through birth, but through his actions).

He is a chaotic good bard who knows what Quick-Strike's future entails. Korvan is a bard. In my TES world, bards are spell-casting rogues. Due to his divine nature, a teleportation spell is quite simple. And he is fully armed and ready, because the guards have no clue he is there, due to his illusion magic.

This post has been edited by Zalphon: May 28 2010, 04:09 AM

[Verlox]

First I'll comment on your story before I get into a certain....issue that I have with your comment below. Your story isn't bad, a little fast and the chapters are short, but not bad. I have some nits regarding Chapter 3.

I slashed at the Bosmer, who parried. "I'll kill you," he hissed. His eyes were like two burning coals. He fought with such finesse and talent, I thought he wasn't a thief, but a well-trained veteran of the Imperial Legion. In return, he thrusted at me, but dextrously I dodged.

Thrusted isn't a word. Just use thrust, since apparently it can be used in all tenses. A better option would be to use an entirely different word, like stabbed or the best lunged. Also, I think you meant to type dexterously. I also feel like a better word could have been used, like deftly or nimbly

Then, after Quick-Strike murders the Bosmer, his daughter comes crying out. And what's Quick-Strike do? Has a short conversation with Korvan, then gets stabbed in the arm.

....

Did he feel any pain?

Korvan is a reference to previous stories as the grandson of Zalphon. He is a demi-god (not through birth, but through his actions).

Umm....Divinty in the Aurbis doesn't work that way. In the TES universe, there is a set of dieties (and the daedric princes) and that's it. Of course, there are other pantheons, but everything overlaps. Alduin the World-Eater is Auri-El who is Akatosh who is Alkosh, King of Cats, who is Tosh Raka.

It gets weirder, too, when you take into account the Anuic and Padomaic lines, and that the Et'Ada (who aren't alive anymore having become the Earth-Bones), and the Daedra, are actually planets. And then you factor in the God-Head and how it fits into everything...And your mind explodes.

To put it bluntly, there are no "demi-gods" in Aurbis/TES Universe. A few things pass as demi-gods here, but they really aren't. The Tribunal stole their powers from the Heart of Lorkhan, and Tiber Septim only mantled Shezaar and supplanted that diety in the overall pantheon, and he had CHIM. Wulfharth/Zurin Arctus/the Underking was only an avatar of Lorkhan. There is a good chance Pelinal was actually a ROBOT from the future. Morihaus was not a man, but the Bull of Heaven (in the archetypical sense). Reman was the personification of Cyrodiil itself.

So Korvan being a demi-god doesn't really fit into the overall mythology of TES. There are plenty of other things he could be, like an avatar, but since he's a grandson of Zalphon, then the entire character just doesn't make any sense to me. He could be mantling, but that takes a very special, mythic person like Talos.

He is a chaotic good bard who knows what Quick-Strike's future entails. Korvan is a bard. In my TES world, bards are spell-casting rogues. Due to his divine nature, a teleportation spell is quite simple. And he is fully armed and ready, because the guards have no clue he is there, due to his illusion magic.

Yeah, like Remko said, this probably should have been apparent in the story. Not handwaved later.