Oblivion's Edge, An Elder Scrolls Fan-Fiction Options

[Zalphon]

Prologue

Five hundred years after the Oblivion Crisis...

Many years ago, the Champion of Cyrodiil stopped the daedra from invading. The hordes of infernal dremora and vicious daedroth. When he left Mankar Camaron's Paradise, people viewed him as a hero. However, he had become much darker.

He then went to the Shivering Isles in search of power. When he returned, any traces of humanity had left him. In his demented rage, he slaughtered the Blades, and began a crusade of crimes. However, an Argonian assassin stopped him.

After that, the Argonian and his Khajiiti companion came to the ruins of Morrowind to regain their thoughts. For after they killed the Champion, their long-lost Dunmeri friend arrived in a new-found body of a lich. They killed him and ever sense held a deep sense of remorse.

For some time they stayed in the blackened remnants of the Dunmeri homeland, but left. The despair that filled their hearts from seeing the remains of where they met their friend caused them to leave. They were never seen again.

There is rumor in the streets of the Imperial City of a daedric cult with the power to weaken, or even destroy the seal from our world and theirs. The Champion of Cyrodiil rose up before, I must rise up now. After the Mede empire fell, a daedra-worshipper conquered Tamriel.

When I was a squire, they taught me the skills of swordplay, ettiquette, archery, and restoration. Now I guess I'll have to put my skills to the test. I must walk in his footsteps, but I must remember the teachings of the Dunmer, the Argonian, and the Khajiit.

The time is near, I must stop time from repeating itself...

[Destri Melarg]

First I just want to say that this is the best writing of yours that I have ever read! The lore-geek inside of me is doing back-flips over the last couple of chapters. I can understand what Urenia and Remko are trying to tell you, but I can also say that I see a vast amount of improvement between this story and the last. Some of the things that caught my eye:

- The motley band of adventurers that you have thrown together is terrific. It would have been easy to make them a group of pious questing knights united in common cause, but you resisted that urge and made them as diametrically opposed to each other as you could. That is the mark of good writing! I am especially impressed with the detail of a necromancer and a vampire hating each others guts . . . that is inspired!

- Your descriptive details have become more specific. Before there was always a certain unfocused quality to your characters surroundings, it was as if the action took place amidst a perpetual fog. Now I get details like the stars shining like ‘silver lights in the middle of a black sky’ and the sound of armor clanking while characters walk. Urenia is right; you can and should take this even further. I for one would like to get a feel for how Kallian is dealing with the fact that he is suddenly such an important figure. Is he thrilled? Honored? Terrified?

- The tests of the Nine Divines . . . what can I say? All of them were very good! The tests of Stendarr, Mara, and Akatosh were particularly excellent (I loved the little Bosmer girl). In fact, they were so good that I was disappointed in the brevity of each trial. I think you could have devoted an entire chapter to each one (your chapters are usually pretty short anyway) and given us more description and lead-up to each in turn. Arkay’s and Dibella’s trials in particular would have benefited from more description.

The Tests of the Nine are more difficult than he knew. If he didn't heal the girl, the Cleric of Stendarr would've killed him. If Kynareth watched him kill the pup, she would've killed him. If Arkay thought he was afraid at all, he would've killed him.

Only the purest of heart can pass. For those they know are pure-hearted, they are much easier on (like Kalian) or if they commited atrocious acts, they are much more difficult for (like Adam). They can sense that Kalian has above average traits, but they know he isn't like his ancestor.

The Challenges vary for everyone. Adam nearly died in the Trials of the Nine, because he had to tame an enraged grizzly bear while having a levitation and a burden spell cast on him and a levitation and feather spell on it. He also nearly died during Stendarr's challenge when a frenzied orc in a full suit of daedric-made armor and a daedric battle-axe charged at him.

The riddles they gave him weren't meant to be difficult, they tested other aspects of him (as they always do). They observe your answers and reactions. Not all is as it seems. Do note, this is one of the very few times a member of the Nine will make an appearance in the story.

This is what we are talking about when we tell you not to rush. These are WONDERFUL details of your story that we as readers should discover within the text, not as an aside after the fact.

Finally, don’t take the constructive criticism you receive too hard, Zalphon. People only comment on stories or characters that affect them. If someone chooses to comment on your story it means that they have seen something in your work that moves them to want to comment on it. That is an amazing thing! When someone chooses to point out line by line how a story of yours can be improved it is not ‘nit-picking’, it is ‘constructive criticism’, the one thing that every good writer craves. And, make no mistake about it, you are a good writer.