Lex and the Thief, Might as well post this one as well... Options

[Ornamental Nonsense]

I wrote this because, quite frankly, Lex is a great character from the game, but I don't see many stories about him. I usually write darker stuff, but I was in the mood for something light and funny when this idea popped into my head. Hence, here is a piece that veers into traditional territory that I normally wouldn't even consider writing. I'm not totally satisfied with the results either, but I can't decide how to fix that. *sigh*
Well, anyway, so long as someone enjoys reading this, I consider my time well spent. Please leave some feedback as I muddle through editing this.


Chapter 1: She Doesn't Like Him

The thief watched the captain of the guard with interest. It wasn't that she liked him. No, that would be a slight against everything that she stood for. Members of the Thieves' Guild did not fall for guards, especially one that harassed the guild at every turn. Still, she was watching him, and maybe it was a bit of a fascination. The man looked capable and handsome in his armor, roaming the docks with a single-minded purpose as he did. His eyes were hard steel. They always were, like he never thought of anything besides work and his hunt for the Grey Fox. Little wonder that his own comrades sometimes mocked him, but Mandila found his determination curious. Most guards could be bought or avoided, but neither seemed likely with this man. She wasn't used to that.

“Hello, sir,” she greeted as he neared her. She was perched on the harbor wall, feet swinging out over the water, head half-turned to look at the captain. His Imperial features settled on her, and she inwardly cursed herself for drawing his attention. Then again, she liked playing with fire, and Hieronymus Lex was definitely fire. Just having him this close made her jittery—like the feeling that she got right before stealing something. He was legal danger personified, and even though she shouldn't, she couldn't help herself. She had to speak with him.

“I'm busy, Bosmer,” he stated, and she smiled at his clipped tone. The captain was far too easy to irritate. Don't do it, Mandila. Oh hell, when had she ever listened to reason?

“A little touchy today, Captain,” she told him, her brown eyes brimming with hidden pleasure as his narrowed. “Aren't soldiers supposed to be friendly to us good citizens?” She caught a glimpse of someone standing to the side, observing the exchange, and she immediately recognized Methredhel, her sister Bosmer in crime. The woman was shaking her head in disbelief.

“I am on duty, ma'am,” Lex said, the words polite but not his tone. “Idle chatter when there is work to be done is disgraceful.” Gosh, someone needed to take himself less seriously. He didn't even bid her goodbye as he walked away, the sunlight shining off of his armor. He's always so impeccable, Mandila noted. She wished that he would talk a little longer, but he never did; although she swore that she'd get a conversation out of him one day. Why she found him so fascinating, she couldn't say, but she followed her inclinations without much hesitancy. She knew that her thieving friend was watching her, but her eyes were only on the captain as he disappeared around a corner.

“Did you fall from a tree when you were younger?” Methredhel asked.

“Stop being a mother,” Mandila jokingly replied. “A little conversation never hurt anyone.”

“That is Lex that you're trying to talk to,” the other elf reminded. “He's our sworn enemy.”

“And if I get him to lighten up, maybe he'll stop chasing us so much.” Methredhel burst into laughter at the suggestion, and Mandila giggled along with her. The idea was rather ludicrous.

“I tell you what, sister,” the older elf whispered, stepping closer. “I'll make you an offer since you want to 'lighten up' the captain. If you can get a kiss from our dear nemesis, I'll give you twenty lockpicks for free.” Mandila's eyebrows shot upward. Twenty lockpicks? That was a good deal, but then again...

“He'd arrest me for assault,” she huffed with a pout, and Methredhel's eyes went wide.

“You...you really do like him, don't you?” she asked, amazed. “Bosmer, you listen to me: this is a bad idea.” And Mandila shook her head in instant denial. She did not like Lex. She couldn't like Lex. Hell, there was nothing to like about the man, except maybe how he looked in uniform, and that wasn't enough for a picky elf.

“I don't like him,” she protested. “He's just...oh...” She fought for the right words, and the longer she took, the more Methredhel's face contorted into a mixture of confusion and delight. “He's interesting!” Mandila finally spat. “And they say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?” She had never tried to put her fixation into words before, and now that she was, it sounded ridiculous. Great, now Methredhel would be taunting her for eternity. “Besides,” Mandila pointedly said, “It's not like I spend that much time on him.”

“Really?” Oh that smile meant trouble. Methredhel knew something that she shouldn't. Mandila just knew it. “I've seen the way that you watch him, and I daresay that other guards have noticed too.” Mandila frowned and hoped that Armand hadn't heard any of the rumors that were circulating around the waterfront. There might be one or two about her mooning over the captain, but it wasn't mooning. They just couldn't understand that she found him curious.

“It's only talk,” Mandila claimed. “No meat to it at all.”

“But you don't deny that you watch him. You're lucky that he doesn't notice. He's too thickheaded to realize when a woman's interested. Poor man will be single for life.” Methredhel laughed, finding her own words hilarious, but she stopped herself when she noticed Mandila's contemplative face.

“You don't believe me at all,” she said.

“Not a bit, sister. Oh, I know it's harmless enough, and you really don't mean anything by it. Perhaps you really don't like him, but at this rate, you might find yourself liking what you don't want to. That's why we never watch a target for an extended period of time. It sometimes makes things complicated. Remember: the guild comes first.”

“Yes, sister. You haven't spoke to Armand, have you?”

“No, because I know how you are. You'll get over this fixation soon enough. I remember when that pirate was here. You spent hours secretly watching him, even looking for excuses to eat lunch near his ship. Thank goodness that's over.” Yes, it was. The man had been found dead in his cabin one day, and it was rumored that the Dark Brotherhood was responsible. Well, Mandila wasn't sad. Like she'd already said, it wasn't that she fell for these men. They just occupied her attention. Lex was like the others, or so she told herself. Besides, the man would never give her a second look. He was too...Lex.

“Still thinking about him,” Methredhel stated, jerking Mandila from her thoughts. “Ah honey, he's too old for anyway.”

“How old is he?”

“Stop. Just stop,” Methredhel said, face twisted into exaggerated disgust. “Lex is a pest. It doesn't matter how old he is.” Then she suddenly smiled and rolled her eyes. “I can't wait until you get over this one. See you later, sister. Don't waste too much time staring into space, and my offer still stands.”

“I would never wound my dignity by taking you seriously!” Mandila called after her. As if I would ever kiss Lex. She winced but then giggled. The man probably would arrest her, or else eye her warily for the rest of forever. There he was again, all justice and order, and speaking with another guard. Perhaps she could get closer and eavesdrop. That would be harmless enough, and she wanted to know if the man ever talked about anything other than business. She had yet to catch him in the act, but she was determined. Of course, she never made herself obvious. Besides staring and the occasional brush by, she didn't interact with or follow the man. In fact, she rarely saw him, and never outside of the harbor, for she refused to let her interest interfere with her normal routine.

This is unhealthy, girl, she told herself as she felt the familiar draw toward the man. As Lex glanced at her, her eyes moved to his lips, and she noticed how perfectly shaped they were. They looked soft and appealing, even if she'd never noticed that before. It was Methredhel's comment making her think these things, she decided. She smiled, but turned to go home, knowing that she had a job to do that night.

****************

“There goes your elf, sir,” the guard commented, and Lex frowned. What on earth was this man jabbering about? He turned to see that Bosmer girl walking by them. She frequented the harbor, for he saw her almost every single day, but he never paid attention to her. She seemed harmless enough, and therefore he had more important tasks to focus on.

“My elf?” he questioned, finally registering the guard's word choice.

“She has a habit of showing up when you're around,” the guard explained, trusting commonsense to elaborate the unspoken remainder of his thoughts to the captain, but he would be wrong on that account. Unlike a normal man who might recognize his appeal to a young woman, Lex was instead wondering if Mandila might be keeping an eye on him for the Grey Fox. All of these poorer folk were likely to have connections to their hidden 'hero', and suddenly Lex was paying closer attention to the woman strolling away from him. Of course, he understood what the guard was trying to imply, but this was a world where even the innocent might be dirty criminals beneath their smiles.

“Do you know anything about her?” Lex seriously asked.

“No, sir. She comes and goes—lives somewhere near Armand actually. She's pretty for a Bosmer.” Lex grunted in indifference. He would keep a closer eye on that girl for a few days. There was no telling from where his next lead might come.

This post has been edited by Ornamental Nonsense: Jul 29 2010, 02:49 PM

[treydog]

Like many of my fellow Chorrollites (Chorrolisters? Chorrolians?), I prefer character-driven stories. But beyond that, I prefer stories that have “heart.” That doesn’t necessarily mean love stories (not that there’s anything wrong with that). In this case, it means stories where I find the characters people who are worth caring about. And you certainly deliver. Mandila and Methredhel are wonderfully depicted and come to life right from the page. But so too do Lex and Puny Ancus…

Your descriptions are vivid and definitive, allowing me to “see” through the characters’ eyes.

Others have already pointed out the parts I enjoyed the most, especially the poignant musing on her possible future.

Now to put on my former English teacher sweater-

From Chapter 1- “Aren't soldiers suppose to be friendly to us good citizens.”

A pet peeve that I am surprised wise Rosa did not spot- “…supposed to…” And I would end with a question mark, as it is a question.

From Chapter 2- …and one hand threateningly landing on his sword's hilt. “I won't warn you again,” he threatened. “Now take your business elsewhere.”

We have 2 “threats” in a short space here. Consider “…and one hand resting ominously on his sword hilt.”

Wonderful writing and I look forward to seeing more.

[SubRosa]

Another fun installment! Again, you do a good job of taking your time to slowly, and realistically, show Mandila's attraction steadily grow. You do a wonderful job of showing us her thoughts and motivations, making her step off the screen as a real, live person.

Speak of a daedric prince, there he was
I loved this excellent lore-friendly phrase. Many other writers would have made the mistake of saying "devil".

Mandila wondered if something was wrong with her own brain since she recognized danger and ran toward it anyway.
And indeed there is! The "L" word, but not like on the cable show!

Like many of my fellow Chorrollites (Chorrolisters? Chorrolians?),

I believe that should be Chorrelians...



nits:
Mandila stood atop the central lighthouse that dominated the docks, just watching a ship with large, white sails approach, and happily striking up a soft tune.
You change tenses in the middle of the sentence. It begins in past tense, then goes to present tense. Perhaps something like this:
Mandila stood atop the central lighthouse that dominated the docks. She watched a ship with large, white sails approach, and happily struck up a soft tune.


too poor to support herself with a regular job
This was confusing. Usually a job pays you money, not the other way around! Perhaps you meant she had no skills to find a regular job? Or there were no regular jobs to be had for Waterfronters like herself?



“Damn straight,” the other chuckled. “Watch out. He's coming our way. We should get back to patrol.”

“Yeah, but what about this poster? They're an eyesore.”

“Take it down. No one's watching,”
There is a continuity error here. It starts with one guard saying that Lex is coming. Then two sentences later he says no one is watching. Then later Mandila finds Lex exiting the office. But if he was in the office, the guard never could have seen him coming.


It's obvious to everyone here that you're hellbent on completing your mission,
There is no hell in ES, so you might want to try another word, like Oblivionbent, or obsessed, or dead-set, etc...

This post has been edited by SubRosa: Jul 29 2010, 05:04 PM