Riden's NEW Journal of Cyrodiil, The new version since my old one got wiped from my computer T_T Options

[DarkZerker]

Um so here I am. I was going to say one month but what the heck, I just started up Oblivion since my Oblivion save file and all my Microsoft Word files were wiped. Thank god I had both my Fallout 3 fan fiction saved on a USB so does my Oblivion ASSASSIN save file.

This is the new Riden Snowe as my new thumbnail and signature suggests. This was actually my first real roleplaying type character. An assassin based off the "Assassin's Creed" games(at least the armor and hidden blade). Since I have better writing skills, it will be better. Bladesong rewrite! Annoying but what the heck.

Chapter One, Corruption is the root of my money.

I looked down at my latest contract given to me by the corrupt Count Regulus of Bravil. Sipping some tea in the local tavern, I readied my weapons. As usual, the target was very paranoid. I couldn't get a good look on the man's face but during one of my stakeouts on a bench nearby, it was clear that he was an Argonian.

I sighed at the Count's racism to beastfolk but shrugged it off, the pay will be amazing. The Argonian started running and I raised an eyebrow.

Behind him were three people in armor flanking him. The Argonian stopped and started talking to them calmly. I didn't get a single word but it was clear what he wanted them to do, Attack anybody following him.

With a grumpy huff, I climbed my way up on the housetops and started following him from above. Even then, I had a few close calls as the man's bodyguards looked up occasionally. I had probably followed him for an hour before the bodyguards left. I got out my secret weapon, the Hidden Blade.

I jumped down a couple feet behind him. As I crept up, the bodyguards started to return. Noticing me, they yelled to the man, "Usheeja! Behind you!" But it was too late. I sank my knife in his throat and laid him down peacefully. I took off running with three very angry bodyguards behind me.

They were pretty determined to kill me. I spent probably a good thirty minutes trying to avoid them before I was boxed into a corner. One of the men swung his battle axe like a madman trying to make contact with me. After the display of madness, I realized that these guards were very unskilled.

Another one with a hammer rushed and came down at me with all his strength. With quick footing, I barely dodged the heavy lump of steel. With the huge power came a long recovery time. Enough for me to slash with my trusty sword, Gwilth. He fell while the other two guards started to question if attacking me was a good idea.

The one with the battle axe charged at me and slashed. Obviously not learning from his comrade, I jumped back and rushed forward with Gwilth. With a thrust, he also fell. The last one with the sword was smart enough to run. Feeling generous, I let him go.

After a small trek through the streets of Bravil, I headed to the castle. The guards immediately stopped me before the Count nodded to let me through. I whispered, "It's done."

The Count nodded and tried not to smile. He grabbed my arm and handed me a pouch with a letter in it. I greedily snatched the pouch and left. When I was safely back at the tavern, I opened the pouch. Inside was a huge pile of gold and a letter sitting on top of the mound. I grabbed the letter and started to read it.

Dear Riden Snowe,
I'm very happy to hear word of your success. I have no more contracts for you and the Dark Brotherhood is after my head since I'm contracting a rogue assassin instead of them. If you have any friends, I'll be more than willing to pay you an extra five hundred gold to bring them here to guard me. Oh and have fun with the 1000 gold I gave you.

Your client, Count Terentius

I smiled at the gold and threw out the letter to keep the "where did you get that gold" question a mystery. The gold weighed me down a bit but it didn't stop me from packing up my weapons and venturing back to the Imperial City, my base of operations.
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Yeah yeah, Kinda redundant and a bit short. Not to mention that the whole "Imperial City" thing was from my last story.

My roleplaying is pretty standard when it comes to the first chapter of my story or in game. I rushed QUITE A BIT. Took me a good 20 minutes to finish off this. Not long...

Remember to Read and Review. R&R

[Acadian]

This is fun, and the relationship between Riden and Tess remains the centerpiece. Their give and take is a pleasure to read. Ten years? No worries. I look forward to it!

This chapter contained a few aspects that you may want to review:

Then a man with blood stained robes appeared out a small boarded up house.

Not a sentence. Do you mean something like the man came out of the house?

Be at the Royal Court at 1:00PM next week.

This begs the question which day next week?

“Why would the Count of Cheydinhal wish to speak with YOU?” Tess asked. Geo was fast asleep and Tess was watching over him when I returned. Her face turned from

The last sentence is unfinished.

Oh and we bought you a nice little manor on the hillside outside of the Imperial City, check it out when you guys leave.”

Perhaps just me, but his sounds terribly 'uncountish' in tone, especially the latter portion. It sounds more like the irreverent style of Riden's speech.


Imperial Manor. If you want your readers to see something outside your story, I recommend you provide a direct link, rather than instructions to 'look it up'. http://planetelderscrolls.gamespy.com/View...ail&id=3834

I am mystified by General Damascus. He observed Riden commit a murder. Riden chooses to openly move into a local manor? Surely the General would find out about this and surround the manor?

This post has been edited by Acadian: Aug 24 2010, 01:11 PM