Haa-Rei the Marsh Ranger Options

[hazmick]

Chapter 1.0

I ran from the Merchants Inn as fast as I could. Holding tight to the precious bounty I had wrapped in cloth, ignoring the angry shouts behind me. I dipped into an empty side street and paused to look around before examining my prize, a large loaf of bread covered in melted cheese. Deeh would not believe that I had stolen some food without his help, I couldn't wait to get back to Leyawiin and tell him.

The bread was warm out of the oven and tasted delicious as I hungrily crammed it into my mouth. Before I could finish, I heard a rattle of armour and a wall of iron in the shape of a legionnaire crashed down the alley towards me. My hand found the hilt of my dagger but I decided against fighting this particular soldier. If only I had a bow.

“Stop right there pondscum!” his voice was like thunder and echoed about the grubby walls surrounding me. The only exit was behind me. I made a run for it but the soldier was too fast and grabbed my arm in a bone breaking grip.

“I assume you don’t have 5 septims?” This time his voice was lower but still sounded loud in the cramped alleyway.

I quickly swallowed the bread in my mouth, “I…no,” my mouth was dry and my voice croaked, if I was a man or mer my face would be bright red with embarrassment and fear.

“Come with me,” The soldier secured the irons tightly on my thin wrists, cutting off the circulation. Minutes later we arrived at the imperial prison, it’s walls were darker than those of the other city districts and corpses in various states of decay hung from atop it’s large spire.

Once inside I was lead down a short tunnel, light seemed to fear this place as it grew darker and darker the deeper we descended. One of the rusty cell doors was open, I assumed this was mine.

Sure enough on reaching the cell, an iron clad hand grabbed me by the neck and pulled me closer to the soldier.

“ I hope you rot, criminal scum,” His voice was a low growl with an edge of disgust which most people had when talking to me and the other beggars. The soldier threw me into the cell, my head colliding with something hard. Everything went dark.

This post has been edited by hazmick: Aug 17 2010, 03:56 PM

[Acadian]

I thoroughly enjoyed Haa-Rei's trials of the tutorial. Well done! Escaped, and alone again now.

Hmm, I'm still wondering if Haa-Rei is a he or she lizard.

After putting on the leather cuirass and securing the best of the arrows on my left hip I was ready to proceed.

Ah, I see you are of the arrow bag on the hip instead of quiver upon the back persuasion. A fine choice. The typical bag-using right-handed archer holds the bow in their left hand and takes arrows from a bag on their right hip. Is Haa-Rei left handed, or perhaps reaching across the body to grab arrows, or possibly simply trying to arrange things around the two blades he is carrying?


Although I am delighted with how your story is developing, this chapter seemed to sprout some nit type errors. Multiple edits before posting are what help me to reduce those pesky nits.

When everything was quite again I crept back into the cave.

quiet

It’s back was turned to me and I saw my opportunity.

Its (its = possessive; it's = it is)

Remembering my marksman training from [NAME HERE] ;

Incomplete edit. Using a different color or highlighting such things in your drafts can make them easier to not overlook.

I stabbed by sword into it's chest to be sure it was dead.

my / its

The Shamans robe provided the material I needed to cover my shoulder but it was still badly burned so using a bow was out of the question.

Shaman's

The soldiers voice was weak as he held the Emperor in his arms.

soldier's

This post has been edited by Acadian: Aug 16 2010, 06:45 PM