Haa-Rei the Marsh Ranger Options

[hazmick]

Chapter 1.0

I ran from the Merchants Inn as fast as I could. Holding tight to the precious bounty I had wrapped in cloth, ignoring the angry shouts behind me. I dipped into an empty side street and paused to look around before examining my prize, a large loaf of bread covered in melted cheese. Deeh would not believe that I had stolen some food without his help, I couldn't wait to get back to Leyawiin and tell him.

The bread was warm out of the oven and tasted delicious as I hungrily crammed it into my mouth. Before I could finish, I heard a rattle of armour and a wall of iron in the shape of a legionnaire crashed down the alley towards me. My hand found the hilt of my dagger but I decided against fighting this particular soldier. If only I had a bow.

“Stop right there pondscum!” his voice was like thunder and echoed about the grubby walls surrounding me. The only exit was behind me. I made a run for it but the soldier was too fast and grabbed my arm in a bone breaking grip.

“I assume you don’t have 5 septims?” This time his voice was lower but still sounded loud in the cramped alleyway.

I quickly swallowed the bread in my mouth, “I…no,” my mouth was dry and my voice croaked, if I was a man or mer my face would be bright red with embarrassment and fear.

“Come with me,” The soldier secured the irons tightly on my thin wrists, cutting off the circulation. Minutes later we arrived at the imperial prison, it’s walls were darker than those of the other city districts and corpses in various states of decay hung from atop it’s large spire.

Once inside I was lead down a short tunnel, light seemed to fear this place as it grew darker and darker the deeper we descended. One of the rusty cell doors was open, I assumed this was mine.

Sure enough on reaching the cell, an iron clad hand grabbed me by the neck and pulled me closer to the soldier.

“ I hope you rot, criminal scum,” His voice was a low growl with an edge of disgust which most people had when talking to me and the other beggars. The soldier threw me into the cell, my head colliding with something hard. Everything went dark.

This post has been edited by hazmick: Aug 17 2010, 03:56 PM

[Destri Melarg]

Chapter 1.1

I am in complete agreement with everything that Acadian, ‘Rosa, and trey said. Your descriptions were solid, and the dialogue flowed naturally. My only (miniscule) nit would be here:

“I serve Tamriel as her ruler, by the grace of the nine.”

Whenever you refer to the Nine as deities they should be capitalized. See . . . miniscule.

Chapter 1.2

Hmmm, marksman training from someone named S’Kasha. A Khajiit? Would it be too great a leap to infer that, before Haa-Rei was a beggar, he (or she, now that Acadian has brought it up, and I can’t get it out of my mind ) spent some form of his/her developing years in Leyawiin? Somehow the thought of an Argonian and a Khajiit being friends in a place where the two races are constantly at each other’s throats appeals to me.

I love the irony that Haa-Rei can no longer use a rusted iron bow and has to ‘make do’ with an Akaviri katana.