Maya, the memoirs of a Dunmer amnesiac Options

[Linara]

Just giving this writing thing a try, anybody who reads, tell me what you think!
Nell

Chapter One-Part One
In which a Dunmer girl awakes in a cell, and is very confused.

I awoke with a splitting headache. I was cold, lying on a hard bench, in a dank room. I did not stir, experience told me it was wiser to stay still. I lay, shivering now and then, for a while. Minutes passed, then a question floated by in my head. Who was I? I pondered this lazily, and then shock hit me. I had no idea. The questions now came hard and fast: What was I? Where was I? Was this a prison? Am I a criminal?

I shifted my head the slightest bit, and looked at my arm lying on the bench. It was a dark blue, pale as the skin went higher. My hand was small and limp, and an iron shackle encircled my wrist. I felt a bolt of fear, of vulnerability. I was defenseless, and alone. I was unnamed.

For hours I kept my eyes shut, not moving, numb to all but my headache and the pressing loneliness. Several times I drifted off into oblivion, only to hear some phantom noise and start awake. Finally I felt enough was enough. I sat up, wincing as the world spun around me, and waited until the dizziness and pain in my head quieted to a dull growl.

As I peered around my cell- for what else could it be? - I heard a crooning voice.

“I must surely be dead, and in the halls of Azura to look upon such a vision. You are so beautiful, my dear Dunmer maiden...”

I craned my head, trying to make out the voices carrier. The speaker seemed to be like me, a- what had the person said? A Dunmer…- with skin much darker and greyer then mine. The figure was unmistakably male.

The Dunmer continued speaking, and I shuddered as I heard his words.

“ One of the guards owes me a favor, you know. I could get us put in the same cell. Would you like that? You should have some fun before the end. “

What end was he speaking of? Would the authorities of this place kill me for a crime that I could not remember committing?

The Dunmer’s voice grew louder and shriller, echoing in my aching head.

“Yeah, you heard me. No matter what the law says. No matter what they told you. You're going to die in here! You're going to die!”

I shivered again, and pressed myself against the wall, trying to get out of the madman’s sight. I realized that no guard lingered below to keep the prisoners in their cells, that if this Dunmer wished to do so, he could croon these foul things at me all night. My horrible predicament just became worse.

In that moment, I heard a clang of metal, and creaking. Was someone coming? Torchlight flickered against the walls and shadows rose up. Shadows of men.

The Dunmer across from me cackled, muttering something about how I would die now. As the people came into view, four of them, one thrust his elbow into the Dunmer’s cell and hit him squarely in the face.

“Shut up Dreth,” he muttered. “This will be hard enough without your insanity.”

I moved in front of the door, hoping to plead my case, and perhaps they would let me go. Instead, all four stopped the door of my cell, and one man took out keys. I realized that one of the people was a woman, in armor and with a helm on her head when she shouted; “What is this prisoner doing here? This cell was supposed to be off limits!”

One of the men, also in armor, stammered, trying to explain to the woman; “the usual mix-up at the Watch, I-I-I,”

The woman sighed, and said wearily “Excuses Glenroy, more excuses”
She looked like she wanted to say more, but thought better of it.

“Prisoner, stand over by the window!” the guard who it seemed was named Glenroy barked.

The guards didn’t seem to notice that I was barely capable of standing, let alone attack them, but I backed away, and fell on the cold stone bench with a thump.

The man who had elbowed Dreth gave me a strange look, one made of pity and curiosity, but it only lasted for a moment, then he looked away. The woman unlocked the cell door, and stepped forward. It was then that I noticed the fourth person, an old man, wearing a fine robe and a strange red jewel around his neck.

As the guards moved towards the right wall of the cell, the old man peered at me, head cocked at an angle as if he couldn’t see very well.

“You…” he breathed, “I’ve seen you, in my dreams.”

I looked at him in simple surprise, then asked in a small voice, “Do you know who I am?”

[SubRosa]

Yay for Baurus! I loved the trip he used! One of the things often overlooked by writers and filmmakers both is the importance that wrestling played in sword-fighting, especially armored sword-fighting. Tripping or throwing an opponent to the ground is one of the surest ways to create an opportunity to strike at the points their armor doesn't protect.

scuttling towards the noise of the fight like cockroaches
Ewww! Which is to say, and excellent metaphor!

The strange light was interesting. I wonder what that was! Perhaps the doings of a strange Dunmer girl? Or is something else afoot? I sense the scaly claw of a time dragon...

nits:
his mask less face full of rage.
I think you wanted mask-less. Otherwise it reads like a mask minus a face.


He knew that there were probably ones past every corner
Ones sounds kind of odd. Perhaps a word like more would flow better?