The Talendor Chronicles, Part One Options

[TheOtherRick]

AUTHORS NOTE AND DISCLAIMER

This is my first attempt at fan fiction. I am not a writer, by profession or hobby. At least it wasn't a hobby until now. We'll see where that goes. So since I am not a writer, grammatical and spelling errors may slip past the spell-check from time to time. Please feel free to point them out so that I may make the proper edits.

I have read very little fan fiction, which is to say that I have not finished reading any story that I started reading...yet. But starting to read a few has put a flow in my creative juices. (Go Buffy!) Any similarity to any other fan fiction posted in this or any other forum is purely coincidental, with one exception. I have posted this story on another site. I am posting it here because I would like feedback, and I am not getting any at the other site. The readers here seem to post more feedback than readers at the other site. I'm not trying to be a glory hound, and I encourage constructive criticism.

The story is a gameplay narrative. It starts in the 3rd person for the prologue only, the rest will be in 1st person. It is not a walk-through of the Main Quest. However, as it is a gameplay narrative, so readers will have to plod through the tutorial section much as I had to plod through while writing it. The tutorial is essential for character development, as you will see. The posts will be relatively short so that the reader will not have to wade through miles of text per post. To keep them short, I am going to borrow Acadian's chapter numbering system (1.1, 1.2, etc.) so I don't end up with three digit chapter numbers.

I hope you will enjoy...The Talendor Chronicles

Post Script - I have already screwed up. Instead of putting "Authors Note and Disclaimer" in the subject line, it should read "Part One". Is there a way to change that?

Post Script #2 - The first four installments after the Prologue are way too long. This was a rookie mistake and has been rectified Beginning with Chapter 3. I apologize for the long posts, but I promise you'll be glad you slogged through them.

This post has been edited by TheOtherRick: Feb 5 2011, 02:00 AM

[haute ecole rider]

Great to see an in-depth lesson on magicka, especially for someone that hasn't grown up with it.

I'm liking Honditar more and more. True, he probably has ulterior motives, but then, who doesn't? The fact is, Honditar is giving Telandor tips that are essential for survival in the strange world we call Nirn.

I do notice a couple of things in this segment that bears commenting on specifically:

Talasma had Shepherd’s Pie on the menu, advertized on a slate perched on an easel outside the front door.

This is a common spelling error. It's advertised. There are other words spelled with s that are commonly misspelled with z instead. Since I'm deaf and can't hear the difference, I'm guessing it may be because they are pronounced with a 'z' sound rather than the 's'. It's the only way I can explain why this is such a common spelling error in so many words that end in '-ise'.

But items can be imbibed with additional Magicka as well. Such was the case with the staff. It was once just a piece of wood with its natural amount of Magicka. Someone, or something, imbibed the elemental power of lightning into the wood.

This had me confused for a moment there. Imbibe is what I consider an active action, something performed by the subject. The dictionary defines it as ingestion of alcoholic beverages, i.e. drinking. It would be used to refer to an action by the subject, like this: I imbibed freely of the amber Bock. I'm thinking the word you want instead is something somewhat similar: imbue. Imbue to me is more passive, it is something that is done to an object. The dictionary defines it as to inspire or permeate with a feeling or quality. The staff was imbued with magicka beyond its innate levels.

The third thing I noticed, which is more stylistic than anything else, so it's something you can disregard if you choose (and still be right!). It seems to me that Honditar is just a little accepting of the idea that Talendor is not of Nirn. For most people with no experience with outer space exploration, rocket science, and knowledge of planets other than our own, the idea of an extraterrestrial is incomprehensible. Beings considered otherworldly in the real sense are considered spirits, ghosts, angels, demons, even gods. As such the normal reaction to such beings would be fear or awe or both. If Honditar were to consider Talendor as extra-Nirn, which is the impression I'm getting from his conversation, especially

“And there you have it,” he said, “You will find that Magicka is going to be an essential tool for you during your stay here on Nirn.

, then he seems unusually matter-of-fact about it, as if it was a common everyday occurrence to see other-Nirn beings standing in front of you in need of your help. Judging from the reaction of all the NPC's to the idea of daedra roaming the surface of Nirn, Honditar's reactions seem even more jarring to me. It's as if he's read too many H.G. Wells.

But I'm enjoying this story so far, and I really like the characters a lot. The way they interact with each other is a joy to read.