Memoirs of a Madwoman, a novel... by Rebecca Watters Options

[Lady Syl]

Prologue
Undisclosed Location in
the Shivering Isles, the
Realm of Sheogorath
3E 433

Looking at my reflection in the mirror before me, clad in the robe of an Order Priest, I never thought that this was where I would end up. I have betrayed my Lord Sheogorath. I am now an enemy of the man I once worshipped as the Madgod. He had been everything to me, just as He is everything to all of His loyal subjects, Manic and Demented alike. But now He is a man I despise. Sheogorath went too far when He allowed that outsider to come into the Realm and usurp the throne of Mania. Now I want Him to pay for what He did to Thadon, and to me, and to all that I loved. He took from me every person, everything that ever brought me joy and love, replacing it instead with fear, pain, and sorrow. He couldn’t stand the fact that my heart might love another more than it loved Him, so He took from me anyone He saw as a threat to my devotion to Him. How I didn’t see it before is almost shameful. But then, He keeps the truth hidden from us beneath the heavy and binding layers of madness which He claims is a blessing. That is the truth of the Shivering Isles. All of us that live here have been “blessed” with madness.

But no longer am I bound by those chains. The blessing of Order has freed me from slavery to that prattling fool, and my mind is no longer bogged down with insanity. I have come to a place of clarity for the first time in my life. I can now see how my life might have been, if not for Sheogorath and His Realm of Madness. Had I been given the chance to steer my own course, I might have led a normal life of no consequence. I might even have been happy. Instead, I am filled with anguish, and I feel as if my heart has been torn into a million tiny pieces while it still beat in my chest. Death will come swiftly; I no longer fear it, and I will welcome it with open arms. Only in death can I hope to find peace for what I have done. But even then, I may find nothing more than punishment—who is to say?

Thadon believed that when we die, we would all go to a place of perfect bliss and live together for all of eternity, never to feel pain again. But then, Thadon lived much of his life in his own false sense of bliss, a world created in his own mind with the help of his precious drugs. What a fool he was. And yet, what a beautiful soul he had. Even with all of his faults, I loved him. I still do, I guess. Our people can’t understand how a relationship ever developed between us; if you look at it from the outside, it’s easy to be shocked and confused by such an unlikely pair as Thadon and I. But one has to look much deeper, and return to the very beginning to understand. There is more to the story than what has been told, and only my heart still holds the truth of our love. Our love, conflicted by our madness as it was, was beautiful and pure. No one can understand that without knowing how it all began, and there is only one other person alive now who knows how the story goes. I began recording my story before the truth of my insane state became clear to me, and I gave it to a trusted confidant because I believe she will keep my story safely hidden away until the time is right for it to be revealed. Perhaps it never will be. One can only hope.

There is more to my life than what is here and now. I’ve lived 37 years, all within this Realm, and for an elf, I’m still very young. But in 37 years, I’ve had enough misery to last me an entire elven lifetime, and I’m ready to move on—whether to punishment or eternal bliss—or, more frighteningly, to nothingness. Whatever awaits me, I will face it with courage. I have no choice. The time has come, and I must answer the call, even at the cost of life itself, if necessary. And I take with me the only remaining link to Thadon that I have. The rest I leave behind me, and I pray that my story will not be lost. There is so much to it that has yet to be told, and all of it is part of who I am and who I was before. The events in my life have shaped me, like formless clay is molded into a twisted and beautiful masterpiece by the hands of a Demented artist. Everything that has happened to me has brought me to where I stand now, and it was all beyond my control. But the things I have witnessed, and the suffering that I have endured will not go down in history. Those who survive will view me only as a traitor, and I will be reviled.

But perhaps the time will come when my story can be told, and maybe then I will not be so misunderstood by all who have heard the echo of my name, trembled at the sound of my voice, and looked upon my cold and hardened face. So many have feared me. So many have ridiculed and betrayed me. And so many have seen me only as an enemy without a heart. But that is not all that true; I am not so cold and heartless as I have appeared. Like with each person, man or mer, there is more to me than what is seen on the outside. There are layers of emotion, thought, and experience that compose the depths of who and what I am. There is a side to me that was broken, and hidden away for many years. To those who truly knew me, I was a loyal friend, a doting mother, and a passionate lover. However, most people do not see the world for what it is. They see everything around them with a narrow view, and do not look beyond what is plain to see. Though I am a woman with a broken soul and a beating heart, to most I am only the Lady of Darkness, or the Mistress of Death. To them I am simply Syl, Duchess of Dementia….

Syl in Order robes

This post has been edited by Lady Syl: Sep 2 2011, 03:58 AM

[Lady Syl]

SubRosa: Again, thank you for pointing out the errors. And thanks for enjoying this episode! This is one of my favorite scenes, so I took more care in making sure to develop the two characters we know so well, and to portray them as they should be. We can already see in them the personalities that define them in the game, but because of their youth and innocence, it is not quite as distinct.

mALX: I am glad you picked up on the transference in Syl's actions toward Thadon. And Thadon was just too naive and sweet to let it bother him. Plus, he couldn't help being intrigued by the little Demented girl who calls herself a fairy princess.

Acadian: Thank you. Yes, this was originally my first truly dynamic scene. I wanted the first meeting of theirs to really stand out, as it is perhaps one of the most important scenes in the whole story, because it sets the stage for what is to come.

To all: The innocence and naivete of children was important for me to portray in this scene--neither of them really understands the class-restraints and the differences of culture that separates them. Thadon, as we saw, couldn't care less about it, and Syl only does what she is told out of fear. But Thadon's charm manages to break through the layer of protective ice that Syl has already begun to construct around herself, and their friendship blossoms, despite the huge rift between their people. But can it withstand...?



Chapter 2.3--A Forbidden Friendship

The next afternoon, at two on the hour, I decided to sneak out to meet Thadon. I doubted that he would actually be waiting for me, until I saw him sitting on the rock where I’d been crying the day before. I noticed right away that his hair looked freshly cleaned and it shined in the sun; he also had it pulled back with a leather cord, and he looked very handsome. Was it because of what I said? Was he trying to impress me?

He jumped up the moment he saw me coming, and exclaimed, “Syl! You came!”

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

“Well, sort of—you said you would try. I’m glad that you made it.”

I looked behind me and around, to be sure that no one was watching us. Then I took his hand and began walking toward the door to Bliss, saying, “We must go quickly, so nobody sees us. I could get in a lot of trouble, you know.”

“I know,” he said, following me cheerfully. Somehow I doubted he really understood just how much trouble I would be in if we were caught. He obviously had never been caned before….

Once we passed through the doorway into Bliss, I relaxed a little more. Though I would stick out very obviously as a Demented girl, no one there was likely to recognize who I was, if they even cared, so I was out of trouble—at least for awhile.

Bliss was nothing like I had ever seen, and I was in awe right away. The streets were paved and clean, the stone buildings were glistening and white; nothing like the grey and weathered buildings that lined the mostly unpaved and muddy streets of Crucible. The air was fresh, and it smelled of a mixture of jasmine, aster blooms, and various spices—cinnamon was the most prominent, and it tickled my taste-buds, exciting my senses. The air in Crucible was nothing like it—more a mixture of must and decay, most unpleasing to the senses.

The water in Bliss, which was the same water that ran through the House of Mania’s throne room, was channeled into a sort of waterway that flowed in waterfalls and streams through the city. The water was clear and clean, unlike the water in Crucible, which was anything but clean once it left the House of Dementia and flowed into the streets of the city, making the mud even worse in some areas. There was no channel for the water in Crucible to flow through, so it was rather unsightly, and it caused problems with insects and contributed to the growth of mold on some of the buildings and statues.

Another difference between the two halves of the city was that everyone in Bliss seemed cheerful and vibrant, so full of life. Muurine always said that it was because they were all on drugs, but they just seemed happy to me. No one gave me any odd or unfriendly looks, though I very obviously didn’t belong in their part of the city. They all greeted me kindly, with a smile and a wave, or a nod of the head. Thadon greeted everyone we passed, and they all seemed to know who he was, and they liked him.

“I have to stop at the shop, first,” he said to me suddenly, bringing me out of my thoughts. “The Duke ordered a new pair of shoes, and they arrived from the cobbler in Highcross today.”

“All right,” I replied. “I’ll just wait here.”

“Why?” he asked, giving me a funny look. “Don’t you want to come in with me?”

“I don’t know if I should; won’t they ask me to leave?”

Thadon chuckled. “You’re very strange, you know that?”

“No, I’m not!”

He shrugged and went on. “Tilse Areleth is really nice. She owns the shop. She won’t make you leave.” He lowered his voice a little, and said, “She’s the one who tips me with real money! Come on, you’ll see!”

He pulled me by the hand into the shop, which had a sign out front that read: Common Treasures. Once inside, we were greeted by a tall woman with flawless blue skin, red eyes, and copper colored hair—she was a Dunmer, or Dark Elf. All Dunmer had blue, green, or grayish skin, and red eyes. Some people were afraid of them, but I thought they were beautiful and exotic.

“Greetings, children,” the woman said. “Thadon, who is your friend?”

“Hello, Tilse!” Thadon beamed. “This is Syl. She’s a Demented faerie, but she’s actually very nice.”

Tilse Areleth smiled warmly, and her red eyes turned to me without a hint of unkindness. “It’s so good to meet you, Syl. My name is Tilse, and I own this shop. Feel free to browse, and buy anything you like. And because you are Thadon’s friend, I’ll even give you half off anything you buy.”

“Th-Thank you,” I stammered, shaking her hand and forcing a smile. I was always shy around people I didn’t know well, but it was especially so around Manics.

“Actually,” Thadon put in, “we’re here to pick up a package for Lord Antonius.”

“Ah, yes,” said the shopkeeper, going behind the counter to retrieve a package that was wrapped in brown paper. “Shoes, are they not?”

“That’s the one!” he chimed, taking the package in exchange for money. “Thanks, Tilse.”

“Of course,” she smiled. “I’m always happy to be of service to Antonius. Let him know I’ll be at his supper tonight; and also tell him that I get to have him first afterward. Last time he chose that floozy, Mathilde, and I don’t appreciate it after all I have done for him.”

“I’ll tell him,” said Thadon. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I figured I likely didn’t want to know, either.

“Thanks,” Tilse replied with another smile. Then she held out her hand. “And here, keep one of the coins, for your troubles.”

Thadon eagerly accepted the coin, though he had been expecting it. I was surprised then, when she pulled out another coin and offered it to me, saying, “And I can’t forget to tip your helper, too. Go ahead. Take it.”

I hesitated, as I had never been given money before. But Thadon looked at me in an urging manner, so I took the coin and thanked her for her generosity.

Before we left, Thadon ended up trading his coin back to her for a bag full of sweets; he asked me if I wanted anything, but I shook my head. I wasn’t about to blow my first drake on something so unnecessary; I was going to save it for something special, perhaps.

He shook his head with a chuckle, as if it were odd for me to save my coin. But then he took my hand and led me out of the shop with barely a goodbye to the shopkeeper.

“Where are we going next?” I asked, as he led me through the city.

“To take a break and enjoy our reward,” he replied. “That was my only errand for the day, and the Duke isn’t expecting me back for another hour.”

He took me to a beautiful area that was like a park of some sort, where waterfalls and fountains flowed beautifully around colorful plants and flowers. There were a couple of people walking together there, but they paid us little attention as he led me to one of the bridges that crossed over the stream. Flower petals that had fallen off some trees nearby were floating on the water, and it was enchanting.

Thadon perched up on the railing of the bridge and began eating his sweets, while I stood awkwardly nearby, watching him eat. Then, with a mouthful of chocolate, he offered some to me; but I declined, even backing away.

“Why not?” he asked, after swallowing his mouthful. “Don’t you like chocolate?”

“I…can’t,” I replied, backing up another step.

Thadon raised his brow and wrinkled his face in confusion. “Why…can’t you? That sounds awfully silly. It’s just chocolate—it’s not like it’s poison or something.”

“I’m…allergic.”

“Allergic? How can you be allergic to chocolate? That doesn’t sound natural. Who told you that?”

“My parents did, because I almost died from eating some when I was three.”

“That’s odd. I’ve never heard of someone being allergic to chocolate.”

“Well, now you have.”

He lied back on his elbow again and swung his leg as it dangled off the edge of the bridge. Then he popped another chocolate into his mouth, and said, “That’s very sad, you know. Chocolate is my favorite thing in the world! I would die if I was allergic. I would eat it anyway.”

“That would be foolish,” I replied. “Why would you kill yourself just to eat chocolate?”

“Because it tastes so good; I just couldn’t live without it!”

“You could—if you wanted to.”

“Well, I wouldn’t.” He chuckled a little, and then he giggled.

“What’s so funny?”

He snickered, then replied, “I was just thinking, if I were allergic to chocolate, then they would have to put on my gravestone: ‘Thadon. Died a very happy boy, with a mouth full of chocolate!’”

He laid back his head and held his stomach as he shook with laughter, but I was not amused. I thought he was being entirely foolish, and I found little to laugh about having a deadly allergy. But then he suddenly lost his balance and fell into the water below. I gasped and ran to the side of the bridge, to look down at him. He was soaked to the bone but uninjured, and his chocolates floated away.

“My chocolate!” he cried in alarm, sitting up and watching it disappear down the stream. Then he let out a disappointed sigh and splashed his hand in the water. But when he heard me laughing, he looked up and smiled at me. He began laughing, too, as he pulled himself up.

“Perhaps it’s a sign from the Madgod that you shouldn’t be eating chocolates,” I suggested through my laughter.

“Only when I’m around you,” he replied. Then he bowed to me as if he had just put on a show. I laughed even more, and then ran down to the edge of the stream as he bent down to rinse his hands in the water.

“You look ridiculous,” I giggled, as he smiled up at me in his water-drenched state.

“Oh, really?” he asked. Then, out of nowhere, he grabbed the hem of my skirt and pulled me into the water with him.

I screamed as I splashed into the cold, knee-deep water, and at first I was furious. But when I saw him laughing again, I couldn’t help but join in, and after he helped me up, we stood in the stream together laughing like a couple of clowns and splashing at each other.

When we settled down, he climbed out and helped me to do the same. Then we tried to shake ourselves off while the warm air and sunshine began very slowly to dry us off. He stood there smiling at me for a moment, until I asked, “What?”

“You have a beautiful laugh,” he said with sincerity. “It’s like a melody on the breeze, and it’s pleasing to my ears.”

I became bashful again, and I looked down at my dripping black skirt as I cleared my throat. “I’m going to have a hard time explaining this to Muurine and my father….”

“Who’s Muurine?”

“My governess,” I replied. “She’s been with me for most of my life, and she takes care of me all the time since my mother died….”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It was Alanwen; I’m sure of it.”

“Alanwen…?”

“My father’s concubine…. He says she’s not guilty, but I know she killed my mother. She had to have done it; no one else could have possibly been responsible.”

“Why won’t he punish her then?”

“He loves her,” I replied with a sigh, leaning on the railing, as we were back on the bridge again. “But she doesn’t love him—not really. She just wants to have my father all to herself and be his wife. But my father isn’t going to marry her. He knows better than that.”

Thadon didn’t answer. He just let out a sigh and looked down into the water. It was not like him to be quiet—that much I had already figured out—so it intrigued me.

“What’s wrong?”

He shrugged and turned away, leaning on the railing more and sighing heavily. Then he said, “My parents died when I was six. I don’t remember them a whole lot, but I do still miss them.”

“How did they die?”

“On the road from Hale, where I was born; they were attacked by Grummites.”

“Where were you when it happened?”

“I was with them, but my mother hid me in some bushes when the attack began. Just as she got up and turned back to help my father and my older brother fight, her throat was slashed right in front of me….”

His voice broke then, and I saw that he was trembling as he began to cry. The experience had been traumatic for him, and he was still terrified. I put my arms around him, and he soon began to relax. When he looked back up at me, his green eyes were still filled with tears.

“Because the Duke was a friend of my mother, as my aunt was married to his brother at the time, he took me in and has raised me ever since. You were right, Syl; I’m only a peasant….”

Taking his hand, I smiled, and said, “No. I was wrong. You are a prince, to me, Thadon.”

He looked up at me and smiled, then threw his arms around me. We stood on the bridge there, dripping and cold, but locked in a warm embrace. After that, he grabbed his package for the Duke and began leading me back to the palace. We held each other’s hand very tightly as we walked, and I said, “I’m glad you are my friend, Thadon. I’m sorry I misjudged you, at first.”

“It’s okay,” he replied. “I’m glad that you’re my friend, too. We’ll be friends forever, won’t we, Syl?”

“Of course,” I answered, with a warm smile, as he opened the door to let me into the palace grounds. And so it was—we were friends.

This post has been edited by Lady Syl: Apr 13 2011, 07:17 PM