Serene of Cyrodiil, Chapter 8, Love and Death Options

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So at last chapter 8 will be revealed after a very long time. But first I will present an Interlude... Enjoy!

Ald’ruhn, Very late evening of 11th of Sun’s Dusk 3E 451

20 Years after the Events at Red Mountain and the disappearance of the Blight

I shut the door silently behind me. My heart is pounding and I am panting heavily from having run as fast as I could from the Square, I wanted to get home as quick as possible, before anyone noticed I had been out.

This is strange behavior for the Archmaster of a Great House I know, but things happened today that affect me tremendously.

It started this morning at dusk when Kausha, my maid, told me that Athynae currently is in residence at Bal Isra, with Baria and Trey! And she had been there for at least two weeks...without even tell me! Kausha said she heard it from Cai, who she had met at the Mage’s Guild last night. Naturally I was upset; my daughter, being away for quite some time on some sort of mission, then she returned and did not even bother to tell me. That was unacceptable behavior and I was determined to let her answer to me for that. Athyn had been worried all the time and he still is, I know that.

But the real shock came tonight. I went out for a walk an hour ago and reaching the Plaza I overheard a conversation between the two most important men in my life; Athyn and Sethyas.

I now wish I had stayed in tonight, because what I heard is written in fiery letters inside my head; I need to write it down in my current journal, and I will, but not just now, I can’t!

Now I need to do something I should have done years ago really, but there has never been a good time to do it. I must give Athynae my first journal, the one I wrote 15 years ago but never gave to her because…well I don’t really know why, it just never felt right to do it.

But now is the time, so I take the old worn book from the bottom of my personal chest, wrap it in a red piece of cloth and put it in my backpack.

The road to Bal Isra is dark as usual; I know it’s not safe to walk that road during the night, but there is no turning back from this; it has to be done immediately, otherwise I again will find a reason not to give it to her…

I see the flickering lights from Bal Isra as I approach; Hetman Guls is as always guarding the gates.

“Why, archmaster! What brings you here at this unsacred time?”

I put my hand over his mouth “Shhh, please, I just need to leave something here,” I say hesitantly, feeling very awkward. Well trained guard that he is, Hetman just nods at me. What he is thinking I can only guess!

I open the door very slowly; my hands are trembling as I take the book out and silently place it on the small table beside the door and then shut the door behind me.

The way back is even darker; I can barely see my feet in front of me. Of course my sight is clouded by the tears that run down my face.

I close the doors of Sarethi Manor after me for the second time this evening and head straight for my bedroom. My head is empty and numb; I am no better that a scared child, sneaking in and just leaving the journal for Athynae to find! The right thing would of course have been to read it with her and be there to answer her questions…because there will be questions!

And Athynae does not know what I just found out! When I think of it I start tremble again and I just fling myself on the bed and fall into a deep, dark sleep…

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Ilmeni, lying on her back, a bolt sticking from her neck, her mouth in a wide O. Her blood surrounded her head, and her eyes looked at nothing at all, nothing at all.

Then I understood where that second bolt had hit, and cold remorse filled my soul when I realized that if I really had checked it out when I first noticed, this might not have happened; I could have saved her; Ilmeni would have been alive! I kneeled beside her; her blood soaked my white dress and my hands as I gently touched her face. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t speak, nor cry, I was totally numb; I just touched the bolt and looked at the engraving on it without really grasping what I saw.

Azura! Why?? It’s Ilmeni, my sister who’s lying here, dead because of what I didn’t do!

I didn’t expect the Goddess to answer, but she did, this time she did…

Serene! You are the strong one now, you are amongst the living and so is your brother, you must support him…you shall not dwell in the past, what is or isn’t done does not matter anymore.

"Where is Dren? Where's Ilmeni?" I heard Sethyas approach. He was running around frantically, shouting her name, over and over.

“No Seth, don’t come here, please don’t come here, I beg you!!”

He didn’t respond, he had shut down his mind, he was only focused on finding Ilmeni, but I couldn’t let him see her like this; it would break him. I rose and held out my hands to prevent him from coming nearer. The look on his face was terrible, and when he saw my bloodied hands he screamed like a wounded animal, tears welling from his eyes, and when he saw the sight I didn’t want him to see, he slowly sank to his knees, whining, a sound so full of pain, it cut right trough my soul, like a katana.

“Sethyas, oh Sethyas; it was quick; she didn’t know what hit her; she didn’t suffer.”

He didn’t hear me, I was sure of it; he just slowly shook his head, then a spasm went through him, he threw up and fell heavily against me. I managed to take his head on my lap and hold him. Despite the absence of consciousness, his body trembled.

That was the night Sethyas got married and I got a sister, and it was also the night we both lost her.

My heart was cold, my mind empty. I was unable to understand why I was still alive. My breath was so shallow, so non-existent. I just sat with Sethyas’ head on my dress, drenched in Ilmeni’s heart’s blood. My fingers went through his damp disheveled hair, like they were not mine.

How could anyone survive this? How could I go on living when my ignorance deprived my brother of his beloved one?

Serene, you are both going to survive; your destinies are linked together; you will find out in due time.

“Sera Archmaster, let me help you. I can take him to a bed., Is…is Lady Ilmeni really dead?” Sanvyn Llethri stood beside me with a horrified expression in his face.

“Yes, she is, but no, Sanvyn, let me sit here with him for a while. Get Athyn to come, will you?”

I could talk, but my voice sounded like it came from a deep mist; I didn’t recognize it. The timeframe of all this was only minutes, but for me it felt like I’d been sitting beside Ilmeni’s body for hours. When Athyn came, he kneeled beside me, taking me in his arms and holding me tight. I looked at him wondering how he could embrace a murderess, because that was how I felt. I had murdered Ilmeni Velas, I could as well have been firing that bolt myself-- the result would have been the same.

Athyn and Sanvyn lifted Sethyas from the floor; and I sent a single phrase to Athyn, hoping he’d understand. I hadn’t the strength to explain to him;

Morag Tong

I tried to compose myself; I had to see to Ilmeni’s body. In the corner of my eye I noticed Vendrela and Rayne Alas. Did Sanvyn get them here, too? I could use any help I could get, for my hands were trembling and I still had difficulty breathing.

We took her body to the Temple in Vivec. Archcanon Saryoni had already heard the terrible news of her death and had therefore made some arrangements for preparing her for the forthcoming funeral. The ceremony had to be performed within two weeks, as Dunmerii traditions bade.

Her body was thoroughly cleansed; Archcanon Saryoni rubbed it with special herbs to preserve it for a longer time. The cut in her throat was stitched together and she was dressed in a white gown, a tribute to her innocence and kindness.

At dawn we were finished; Ilmeni Velas was lying on an altar in the main hall of the Temple of Vivec. She looked as if she was sleeping. I couldn’t take my eyes off her; my head was throbbing with a dull pain, my eyes were smarting with unshed tears; I wondered when they would finally come.

“You should take off that dress, Archmaster.” My shadow, Sanvyn Llethri gently took my hand and looked at me with utmost worry and love. I nodded; speaking was unthinkable, but he was right. So I did take it off and I knew I’d never ever wear it again. Sanvyn put his woolen robe around me; I wasn’t aware of my nakedness, my mind didn’t function anymore.

Athyn entered the Main Hall, looking pale and worried. He took me in his arms without a word and just held me tight, so tight.

“Will you come with me to the Morag Tong Guildhall?” he asked. “Sethyas is awake; I think he needs you.”

I shook my head; I didn’t know if I could bear to see him, knowing what I’d done, or not done, to be correct. Athyn did not take any notice of me; he just dragged me to my feet and walked me over to the Morag Tong Guildhall.
He was lying under a heap of blankets in a small room apparently used as a sort of study, considering the numerous bookshelves along the walls. His skin was pale and damp, and despite the blankets he was shivering from cold, a cold that came from inside. I felt his pain; it was my pain as well.

He opened his eyes, and merely looked at me. I trembled and pulled the robe tighter around me.

Come Renie, come to me, I’m so cold…

And I did. I didn’t even think about if it was appropriate, I didn’t think at all, I just lay down beside him holding him close…so close.