Riftens Cyrodilic Journal, First Fan-Fiction, Don't go toooo harsh on me :) Options

[Riften]

Anyway, here's a small tid-bit on Riften: Riften is a kind adventurous Elf who was born in 3E 399 Valenwood, back then he was a religious Bosmer who went on many pilgrimages which gained him high standards with the Divines. Talos granted him Immortality and the Gift to change race and province at any time during his life, But he only does it every couple of years when he feels like his life during that time is uneventful or boring.

During his time travelling all of Tamriel he was Bosmer
During his time in Morrowind he was Dunmer
During his time in Cyrodill he was Manmer
During his time in Skyrim he was Altmer

Chapter 1:The Arrival

I awoke to find the shining sun blinding my eyes, as I stood up, something caught the corner of my eye, in the distance I could see beautiful, lush forests, Guards galloping on their elegant steeds. As I turned around, I was awestruck, a huge city, Ayleid architecture. I knew where I was, the glorious pride of the Empire, The Imperial City.

I was galloping to the entrance, something caught my eye that made me stop in my tracks, a foul smell crawled up my nose. There was a sewer with a deceased Dunmer laying there with nasty deep wounds. That reminded me, I didn't even know what race I was. I looked at my body, pale skin, short, I was a Breton! Thank Talos for that! As I looted the Dunmers badly wounded body, I noticed he was carrying a journal.

He went by the name "Valen Dreth" his journal was poorly written, barely readable, I squinted my eyes, it says that he was a prisoner in the City jail, poor fellow, he was only a week away from being free when a well dressed Imperial and a group of well armoured warriors, probably his bodyguards. The well dressed Imperial handed him an amulet, at least I think, after all it is barely readable. anyway, lets move on.



That's the end of Chapter 1 anyway, any feedback, tips, etc.... is welcome!

I'll be doing longer updates on Monday, Wednesday, Friday

This post has been edited by minque: Oct 28 2011, 03:39 PM

[SubRosa]

Hi Talos, welcome to Chorrol. There is no wavey emoticon, so a simple smile will have to do:

You have given us a nice, simple beginning. Yet at the same time dangled some interesting tidbits in front of our noses. Firstly Valen Dreth in a very different role from what we are used to seeing him in. The second being of course Riften's own unique existence, so simply conveyed from him looking down to see what race he is. Since he was a Manmer in Cyrodiil, does that mean at some future game/time Riften will be of the Womanmer race?

I won't go into picking at spelling or grammar nits (as I often do), as others have been there already. However, one thing I do feel obligated to caution you on is feeling the need to tell your readers everything there is to know about your protagonist right out of the gate. We really do not need to know things like their birthsign, skills, etc... immediately. Just a name, a race, and a vague description so we can picture the character in our heads is all a reader needs to start off. Then you can slowly reveal bits and pieces of their abilities - and their past - as the story progresses. That way it just naturally comes out as the character is doing things, talking to people, having memories/dreams/flashbacks, etc... hauteecolerider does an extraordinary job of this with her character Julian in Old Habits Die Hard.

[Riften]

Hi Talos, welcome to Chorrol. There is no wavey emoticon, so a simple smile will have to do:

You have given us a nice, simple beginning. Yet at the same time dangled some interesting tidbits in front of our noses. Firstly Valen Dreth in a very different role from what we are used to seeing him in. The second being of course Riften's own unique existence, so simply conveyed from him looking down to see what race he is. Since he was a Manmer in Cyrodiil, does that mean at some future game/time Riften will be of the Womanmer race?

I won't go into picking at spelling or grammar nits (as I often do), as others have been there already. However, one thing I do feel obligated to caution you on is feeling the need to tell your readers everything there is to know about your protagonist right out of the gate. We really do not need to know things like their birthsign, skills, etc... immediately. Just a name, a race, and a vague description so we can picture the character in our heads is all a reader needs to start off. Then you can slowly reveal bits and pieces of their abilities - and their past - as the story progresses. That way it just naturally comes out as the character is doing things, talking to people, having memories/dreams/flashbacks, etc... hauteecolerider does an extraordinary job of this with her character Julian in Old Habits Die Hard.

Thanks Rosa!

He will actually stay Breton for as long as I'm playing Oblivion, then If I get around to playing Skyrim, I'll be Altmeri, like I said in Chapter 1