Line up yer jokes ;) Options

[Darkwing]

President Bush visits all the grade schools in order to improve his electoral ratings. At one school, the teacher is holding a discussion regarding the meanings of certain words.  President Bush leads the class.


"Can anybody give me an example of the word 'disaster'?" he asks.


One little girl raises her hand and answers, "What if my friend Lucy, who lives on a farm, was run over by a tractor and killed.  That would be a disaster Mr.President."


"I'm sorry" says Bush, "But that would not be a disaster, that would be an accident. Does anybody else want to have a go?"


A little boy in the front raises his hand.  "What if a school bus full of children drove off a cliff and everyone inside died?"


"No" says Bush, "That would be a 'great loss'.  Can't anyone give me an example of the word 'disaster'?"


After a long silence, a boy in the back raises his hand and in a small voice he says, "What if an Air Force One jet carrying the president was shot down in friendly fire missile and everyone on board was killed?"


"Yes! That's right!" cries the President in triumph, "And can you tell me why that would be a disaster?"


"Well," says the boy, "It would have to be a disaster because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

[Cloaksheed]

well you could always join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them

If a man says something, but there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to work

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't

You laugh because I’m different I laugh because you're all the same

All the plants in my house are dead -- I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

All scientific discoveries are first recorded on napkins or tablecloths. Engineering advances are drawn inside matchbook covers. Keep supplies of them handy at all times.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day

An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her

I dislike blasphemy on purely rational grounds. If there is no God, blasphemy is stupid and unnecessary; if there is, then it's damned dangerous

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off

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What do you guys think?