A Knight Without Fear or Blame mk. II, Yes, yes I'm trying again. Options

[TheBrume]

Well, here I go again, trying again with this story. I've completely rewritten it, it has only a few resemblances to the first incarnation (well, it actually has quite a lot, but none of you know that, because you didn't read those parts, because I didn't post them ).
I'll post the prologue now, and the first part tomorrow. From there, I'll try to stick to a schedule, with one update per week, but... I suppose it'll be ready when it's ready and the schedule will probably be out the window by Sunday so....
So, without further ado...

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Prologue

18th Morning Star - 3E 407

Captain Darius shivered as he watched over his men at work, it was incredibly cold, even for Morning Star, he would have liked nothing better than to return his men to Castle Wayrest. But he couldn't, he had to search this town for survivors.

They had received the message late last night.
"The town of Grimdale is under attack by an Orcish warband."
His generals had immediately dispatched Captain Darius' men to the town of course, but they were far too late.
Now, the town was a smoking ruin. Only a handful of the wooden buildings were still standing, even many of the stone ones had collapsed.
There weren't many survivors. A small group of them had been huddled in the chapel of Stendarr. It seems he didn't deign to show any of his mercy on the townsfolk.
They had dug out one or two other survivors from the collapsed buildings, but most of the people they found were dead.

Darius was just about ready to abandon the recovery of bodies and send a scouting party after the Orcs, when he heard some of the dogs barking.
He looked over towards the animals, a couple of Legionaries had started shifting rubble from a collapsed building.
One of them called over to him. "Captain Darius! We've found another survivor!"
Darius brought his horse around and headed towards the growing huddle of soldiers, all trying to clear rubble.
"What have you found?" Darius asked, putting on his best officer's voice.
"A survivor." One of his Bosmer archers said simply.
"A boy." A Nord added.
"Alright." Said Darius as he dismounted and inspected the scene. "It looks like he might be trapped underneath that beam." He thought for a moment. "You four." He pointed at a herd of four cold looking Nords. "Try to lift this beam. You two." He shot his glance at two other soldiers. "Get the boy out, everyone else back away."
The soldiers did as ordered, Darius moved a safe distance away.

He called encouragements as the Nords lifted the beam, grunting with effort, and the two other soldiers darted in and lifted the boy out.

"Excellent work men." Darius said, genuinely pleased at their ability to comprehend orders. "Get the boy to the chapel, put him in front of the fire and fetch the healer."

---

Some hours later, Darius returned to the town, his sword bloody. His scouts had found a band of Orcs at the lake not far from the village, he had taken his force down there and slaughtered them. He didn't like it and it wasn't easy, but justice had been done.

He decided to check in on the boy they had found earlier, so he made his way through the broken town and entered the chapel.
He bowed respectfully at Stendarr's altar before descending down into the priest's rooms which had been serving as a makeshift hospital.

He found the boy, lying in a bed near a crackling fire, a Dunmer woman sat nearby, crushing herbs with a mortar and pestle.
"Is he… awake?" He asked the woman.
As if in answer the boy rolled over and looked at Darius. His eyes were blue and sad, his light hair was a mess, matted and filthy. He had a large cut on his forehead, no doubt he had had a few broken bones too, though perhaps they had been healed.
"Hello." Darius tested.
"Hello." The boy said in response.
"Can you tell me your name?"
"Lucius." He licked his lips. "Lucius Andronicus."

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Queue musical intro...


This post has been edited by TheBrume: Oct 2 2012, 09:20 PM

[Acadian]

Welcome back to the Arena of fanfic! So nice to see Lucius again. Your prologue had a nice ‘beginning of an epic’ feel to it.

A wonderfully appropriate opening scene to Chapter 1 as we see Lucius years later being dubbed a Knight of the Oak and the assignment of his first mission. Nice touch to have Madali spend some time discussing Goldbrand as her hopeful weapon. It shows that the new knights are taking their quest quite seriously.

We learn some fun things about Lucius. For example, he controls his thought-induced cheek biting by not thinking too hard.

An interesting meeting with Sir Antus who helps fill in some childhood gaps now that Lucius is of age. And I suspect that will modify his quest.

Although it is only to a minor degree, I confess I that I find your font selection to be a tiny bit distracting and slightly harder to read than the forum’s well-chosen default font. Just a thought.

This post has been edited by Acadian: Sep 29 2012, 01:59 PM